I guess you can say yesterday’s weather forecast lived up to its billing…
After a few days of hype, the 2015 Severe Weather season rolled into Oklahoma yesterday evening, packing with it a powerful punch of strong winds, large hail, and tornadoes. Here’s a pic of a Tulsa-area twister that took one life near Sand Springs.
— World News Tonight (@WNTonight) March 26, 2015
In the metro, Moore was the target of Mother Nature’s fury… again. Following a similar path to the deadly May 20th tornadoes, they caused damage, a few serious injuries and made us all ask “Why is Moore always in the path of these damn storms?!”
That’s actually a legit question. It’s one I first asked when a 2003 Moore tornado missed my house by only about six blocks. What the hell is going on there? Is there some sort of atmospheric condition above Pickle’s that spawns tornadoes? Are the weather gods also annoyed by Toby Keith’s music? Can some meteorologist who doesn’t dabble as a spray tanned bodybuilder answer these questions in the comments?
Anyway, yesterday also marked the beginning the 2015 Severe Weather Coverage Season. We previewed it yesterday. Some of our questions were answered (it appears Mike has officially retired the bedazzled tie), while others are still mysteries (what is Channel 9 going to do with the new girl).
Overall, the coverage didn’t disappoint. After knocking off some winter weather rust, the local severe weather teams were in mid-spring form. Chief Meteorologists were declaring their own tornado warnings, storm chasers were inventing new words to describe tornados, and social media bandits clogged your timelines with boring pic of hail after boring of hail. It was a spring treat.
Like every Oklahoman, I flipped through the channels and scrolled through social media looking for the best radar updates, live shots and RTs. Since this is what my obviously sad, depressing life has come to, I thought I would give some off-the-cuff, highly unscientific grades:
KWTV News 9: C
You could tell David Payne was a bit slow with his clicker. He was visibly irritated by the positioning of some of his stormchasers and he lacked chemistry with whoever controlled his radar. And when the tornado was about to touch down in Moore, he seemed more concerned with high winds near the Fairgrounds. He was also victimized by a couple of amazing weather dongs:
According to the local weather gods, the 2015 severe weather season kicks off today in Oklahoma. As the map of doom below clearly shows, we may be in for some large hail, damaging winds and a 4-hour scream therapy session with David Payne
In all honesty, that’s pretty tame compared to the maps we usually see in April or May. Wake me up when that map turns all red and purple like Emily Sutton in a triathlon.
Anyway, with a new severe weather season coming down upon us like a wall cloud, I thought it would be fun to preview the Severe Weather Coverage season by taking a look at some storylines to follow.
Before we do, lets review some basic weather safety procedures:
• Difference between a tornado watch and a tornado warning. A Tornado Watch simple means there’s a good chance there’s going to be a state map on the bottom left of your TV screen for a good part of the day. Be cautious and aware. A Tornado Warning means the Chief Meteorologist is going to cut into live programming to likely show you helicopter footage of a slow-moving wall cloud located 30-miles north of Woodward… or a funnel cloud approaching your neighborhood. One of the two.
• Tornado Safety Precautions. If you hear sirens or see Bob Moore Chopper 4 from your backyard, either get underground, hide beneath a pile of pillows and blankets in a hall closet or bathroom, or head south and try to outrun the storm. It’s your call.
• Clean out your shelter. Also, consider how you’re going to address that awkward moment when your neighbor frantically knocks on the shelter door, pleading for you to unlock it and save his life, but you don’t have extra room because you brought your dogs.
With that out-of-the-way, here are 11 storylines to follow for the 2015 season…
If you’ve been reading this site over the years, you’re probably aware that we like to write about and parody diabolical Facebook weatherman Aaron Tuttle (pictured above with a bunch of drag queens). The guy makes it pretty easy for us. He’s like the Regular Jim Traber of weathermen. He’s moody, narcissistic, egotistical, right-wing, and best of all, a public figure who likes to post pics like this on Facebook:
Question? Can someone with mad web skills add that photo to the Wikipedia entry on douche bags? I can’t think of a better pic.
In addition to the endearing traits we listed above, Aaron – or as he calls himself when masturbating in front of a mirror, “AT” – lacks a sense of humor and basic knowledge of copyright laws. We know this because last week he filed a DMCA takedown request to our hosting provider. He claimed we were infringing on his copyrights by posting photos like the one above. You know, the ones where he dressed up like a spray tan model for Halloween, posted crying selfies, and auditioned to be a short-shorts model.
Here’s a snippet of his complaint that was copied and pasted from a generic legal website, which ironically enough, can probably be considered some sort of copyright violation:
There’s finally some good news to report from the OU campus.
President David Boren announced earlier this week that he’s named severe weather savior Gary England as the university’s new Consulting Meteorologist-in-Residence. I have no clue what that means, but let’s hope one of his first job duties is to destroy the SAE house with lightning, hail and isolated mini-grinders.
Currently collaborating with the University of Oklahoma on an upcoming educational opportunity, Oklahoma’s own Gary England has been named OU’s Consulting Meteorologist-in-Residence. The appointment was announced by OU President David L. Boren at the March meeting of the OU Board of Regents. England’s appointment is effective February 1.
That’s just the coolest thing ever. Gary is kind of like the pizza, cocaine and cowbell of weather deities; you always want more.
So, what does a “Consulting Meteorologist-in-Residence” actually do?
Earlier this week, some architecture firm in Tulsa released some cool renderings for a 30-story “Tornado Tower” to be built near downtown Tulsa. It’s part of the city’s plans to make sure Tulsa is prominently featured in a 28th century episode of Ancient Aliens.
Here are a couple of pics:
A use for the building has yet to be determined, but possible options include a weather museum, tornado shelter or future tomb for Gary England. Of course, that’s only if the tower ever gets built, which it won’t.
Here are the details via KFOR:
Thanks! Your message has been sent!