If shady hotels, horse show attendees and elderly drivers trying to find the Cracker Barrel wasn’t a good enough excuse to avoid the I-40 and Meridian area, here’s a better one.
On Tuesday, a gauge containing radioactive material was stolen from a hotel parking lot.
The KFOR Social Media Bandit has all the details:
The Oklahoma Department of Environmental Quality is asking for help locating a gauge that was stolen from a parking lot in Oklahoma City.
Authorities say the gauge contains radioactive material and was stolen from the parking lot of an Oklahoma City hotel, located near I-40 and Meridian.
The gauge was inside a construction trailer, which was also stolen.
The trailer has Kentucky license plate “624-274.”
The Humboldt Scientific 5001 EZ is used to measure physical properties of materials.
Organizers say it is a low threat of exposure as long as the gauge is not unlocked.
If it is unlocked, it could pose a risk to human health.
The owner is offering a $500 reward for the gauge’s return.
Uhm, doesn’t this sound a little too much like the plot to a really awesome Oklahoma comic book movie? I know I’d watch it. Here’s how it would work…
Some toothless meth addict–we’ll name him Darryl–steals a trailer containing nuclear meters, and while trying to unlock one of the devices in the his mobile home outside Mustang, an EF3 debarker tornado touches down and gobbles everything up. While under the high pressure and violent wind speeds of the tornado, the meters explode and contaminate Darryl, giving him superhuman strength and the ability to turn into a tornado.
After spending time in Little Sahara mastering his tornado skills, Darryl works with Mike Morgan to kidnap all the city’s TV meteorologists and storm chasers (except for the ones at Channel 25. They don’t matter). They promptly hide them deep inside Robber’s Cave. With the weather defenders captured, Darryl then begins to follow through with his plans to turn into an EF4 grinder, destroy our major cities and rule our state as Lord Commander. For his help and cooperation, he promises to name Mike Morgan the chief meteorologist of all Oklahoma TV stations.
Fortunately, while locked inside the cave, Val Caster and Damon Lane build a rudimentary Gentner out of Lacey Swopes’ hunting gear and contact Gary England. Gary then frees the meteorologists and storm chasers, and flies to Downtown Oklahoma City where he and Darryl have an epic battle atop the Devon Tower.
As you may recall, the NewsOK.com Digital Desk released some clickbait a few weeks ago titled “5 Things Only Oklahomans Will Understand.” The first item the list was “Oklahoma Weather.” Here’s What Richard ViralNovaBuzzfeedHall to say:
All of you native Oklahomans are nodding your head right about now, aren’t you?
In one day, Oklahoma can experience blistering heat, bitter colds and blinding storms. We live in a state where seasons don’t mean a dang thing, but we’re OK with that.
When we threw together our own list of 5 Things Only Oklahomans Will Not Understand, I made fun of Richard ViralNovaBuzzfeedHall’s observation by including Vermont weather. Yes, Oklahoma weather suffers from a chronic case of ADHD and changes its mind about as often as an indecisive fat man at Cheesecake Factory, but just about every person in every midwestern or northeastern state thinks they have wild, unpredictable weather. Why would only Oklahomans understand it? Like most NewsOK.com clickbait, it didn’t make any sense.
Although I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, it looks like Richard ViralNovaBuzzfeedHall (that’s his new nickname, in case you didn’t notice) was onto something. Earlier today, hipster stat god Nate Silver released a study today that analyzes “Which City Has The Most Unpredictable Weather?”
Via Five Thirty Eight:
Most every American has some basis to complain about unpredictable weather. As a mid-latitude country with shining seas and majestic mountain ranges and fruited, wind-swept plains, we’re subject to pretty much every type of weather meteorologists have thought to identify. So perhaps you’ve heard the line: “If you don’t like the weather in Chicago, wait five minutes.” Or you’ve heard it applied to a city nearer to you: Denver or San Francisco or Atlanta or Boston.
But where in the country is the weather truly the most unpredictable?
We’re going to answer this question in a specific way, by comparing daily weather patterns against long-term averages. We’ll define the weather as being more unpredictable when it deviates more from these long-term trends.
Look at that! Nate Silver agrees with me! There’s a 94% chance that’s kind of cool.
At that point, Nate Silver did the long, boring, statistical “how we calculated this crap” preamble that drags down just about every Five Thirty Eight post. Let’s just cut to it. Here’s the Top 10 major cities in the US with the most unpredictable weather:
I think we know who Marla Morgan is going to hire the next time her husband needs a weather helper.
Over the weekend, Facebook weatherman Aaron Tuttle shared a Halloween costume pic on his Facebook page. It’s of him and his girlfriend(?) before they ruined someone’s costume party.
Fortunately, he wasn’t crying:
Yes, Aaron Tuttle and his girlfriend She-Ra went out as a couple of spray tan models for Halloween. I guess that’s cool, although Aaron is violating a couple of man rules, including…
1. Never dress up like a douche bag for Halloween. It’s a holiday for girls to dress slutty, not for you to get free admission to the COPA.
2. Never date a girl who can put you to sleep with a full nelson. Or beat you at Mercy.
In addition to posting the blatant “LOOK AT HOW AWESOME I LOOK!” photo, Aaron left the following rambling, self-congratulatory, promotional note:
And I thought mispronouncing the word “Grotto” on a national radio show was going to be the highlight of my weekend.
Yesterday afternoon, while you were watching football or enjoying the record-breaking October heat, Marla Morgan, the wife of KFOR Chief Meteorologist Mike Morgan, chugged a bottle of Relax and sent us another email.
Here’s what the former Miss Rodeo USA had to say:
I’m still basking in the afterglow of being your recent Hot Girl Friday (HGF)….I can’t tell you how many doors it has opened and closed for me. I’m about to start calling you “Hef!”
Since you really do need updated pic’s, I thought I would send you a few of me without makeup from this past weekend…..besides being GREEN, do you know what I am? Here is a hint: I like your picture of extra large….um….brains from Star Trek and I love the best James T. Kirk of all time, William Shatner….I would be his squeeze.
Happy Halloween, and you know, once you go green, you never go back!
Uhm, will you all please add “Mike Morgan’s Basement” to the list of places to look if I ever turn up missing? Seriously, I’m pretty fucking terrified that I’m going to be kidnapped and end up in there, and I’m even more terrified that I don’t know who’s going to be responsible for it. Will it be Mike, Marla or will they co-conspire and pay Reed Timmer to do it? The only thing that’s certain is that they’ll use Emily Sutton as a lure.
Anyway, let’s check out these pics that Marla emailed to us.
We’ve received a bunch of great emails since we started this website in 2007. Perhaps none of them have been better than this gem that Mike Morgan sent us back in June 2011 before he hated us:
Subject: Damn, it’s hot!
Hello LostOgle, as a token of appreciation for the Mike Morgan drinking game ( very clever ) , here is a picture of Marla Morgan, former runner up Miss rodeo USA from bristow, ok, cooling off during a recent hot OKC evening. We hope you approve, May u continue to be this lucky….
Since that first contact, we’ve had an up and down email friendship with Mike and his wife Marla. The highlights include Marla emailing us pics of phallic Roman road signs from the couple’s Mediterranean vacation, and this gem of Marla posing in a swimsuit in front of a muscle car while holding a Wile E. Coyote doll. The low point was when Mike angrily accused us of censorship and a failure to show balls, and threatened to use the evil powers he learned from the dark sith weatherlord Wayne Shattuck to attack Ogle Manor with a microburst.
Out of appreciation for all the good times and material the Morgan’s have provided us, I thought we should chronicle and post all the pics of Marla we’ve obtained over the years. She’s our Hot Girl Friday, and definitely something Mike Morgan doesn’t have to apologize for.
Thanks! Your message has been sent!