Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Archive for weather

Behold the Emily Sutton earthquake face…

Emily Sutton earthquake

I’ll admit, it’s difficult for me to write about Emily Sutton right now. And no, it’s not that I’m jealous about her engagement to Mr. Haha Imtotallybetterthanyou Fireman Dude. That’s old news. I’m totally over that just like I am the James Harden trade, which will probably go down in history as one of the worst NBA trades of all time.

The issue is that now when I think of Emily Sutton, I find myself thinking about fireman, and when I think of fireman, I think of heat, and when I think of heat, I think of Miami, and when I think of Miami, I think of beaches, and when I think of beaches, I think of breasts, and when I think of breasts, well, I find it difficult to focus on writing for this website.

I bring all that up because Emily Sutton and Oklahoma City Community College Hall-of-Famer Lacey Lett were on the air Tuesday morning when another totally natural, not-induced-by-fracking-injection-wells earthquake hit the Edmond area. Thanks to it, we now know how Emily reacts when she sees a tornado or Serge Ibaka at the gym.

As is standard operating procedure, KFOR made a big deal about Emily and Lacey’s reaction to the quake. It’s not as erotic as the threesome Lacey Lett, Tammy Payne and Stan Miller had the last time the ground shook, but for a split second it looks like Emily and Lacey may kiss.

Here’s the clip:

Tornado season just got more complicated…

day1otlk_1200

Earlier this week, the National Weather Service announced they are making changes to the tornado threat levels that Oklahomans have become all too accustomed to seeing each spring.

Apparently, the old system was too simple and didn’t do enough to make people live in a constant state of fear and panic. At least that’s what I assume based on this Silas “The Slammer” Allen article on NewsOK.com:

If you pay attention to weather forecasts, you might notice new terms making their way into storm predictions this fall.

The National Weather Service’s Storm Prediction Center is adding two new categories to its list of threat levels. Officials with the Norman-based agency say the new categories will help residents better understand how likely storms are and avoid being taken by surprise.

Under the old threat level system, National Weather Service forecasters predicted slight, moderate or high levels of risk of tornadoes, severe thunderstorms and other weather. Beginning Oct. 22, forecasters will be able to predict a “marginal” or “enhanced” risk.

Greg Carbin, the center’s warning coordination meteorologist, said the new system breaks the old “slight risk” category into three new categories: marginal risk, slight risk and enhanced risk. The “moderate risk” and “high risk” categories won’t be changed.

Okay, so we took a simple, three level classification system that seemed to work and replaced it with a more complex, harder to distinguish five-tiered system. I feel safer already!

Seriously, did they not consult a focus group of Oklahomans before doing this? We’re not exactly known as the brightest state in the nation. If you need proof, just take a look at the new threat levels placed in alphabetical order:

• Enhanced
• High
• Marginal
• Moderate
• Slight

Now without looking back at the NewsOK article, put the new threat levels in order from “Least Concern” to “Holy Shit, we’re all going to die!” Not so easy, is it? I tried and got “slight” and “marginal” mixed up. I also screwed up and interchanged “enhanced” with “moderate.” Granted, it’s 2:00pm and I’m already drunk, but who isn’t on a Thursday?

So, why exactly is the NWS making this change? Did they hire that goofball that slandered Aaron Tuttle to make some new policies? Here’s the reasoning:

2014 TLO Weather Dong Contest Finalists

KWTV9 Matt Mahler Weather Dong

Back in April, we announced the $200 TLO Weather Dong Contest. It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time – severe weather season was about to start, weather dongs are funny, and most of our readers have the deeply sick, perverted minds of school teachers and bingo players. Hell, we even had Patricia’s on board to sponsor the thing. We’ll just ask readers to send us weather dong pics and hilarity will ensue. We’ll even give a $100 Patricia’s Gift Card to the meteorologist victimized by the dong. What could go wrong???

Well, a couple of things:

1. We had a very mild severe storm season. This is the weather dong equivalent of thinking about football. Of all the times for Gary England to take it easy on us, he chose the one spring that we launch a damn weather dong contest. I don’t blame him. This was his first spring away from the Oklahoma weather scene since he flew around the earth in weather balloon in search of the Weatherford Lightning Monster in 1965. He probably just wanted to enjoy his first spring as a retired weather savior. Then again, the calm weather may have been retribution for us missing the 2013 Gary England Day Pilgrimage, or failing to sacrifice and old gentner at News 9′s Doppler Radar. Who knows.

2. We did a shitty job promoting the contest. I should have known better. I wrote a post about the thing and then kind of forgot about it. I’m bad about that. We should have at least created some house ads for the contest, or set up an alert to go out on Twitter and Facebook whenever there was rain in the forecast.

Because of those two factors, I wasn’t too impressed with the quality or volume of this year’s weather dong entries. It was about as disappointing as a dinner at Vast. I guess that’s okay. The same thing happened the first time we had a State Fair Photo Contest and look what it’s become. In fact, the first year of that thing the winning pic was staged. Now we wish and hope the winning pics are staged, but sadly they’re not.

Anyway, enough with excuses. Here are the finalists for the 2014 TLO Weather Dong Competition. We’ll try to do this again next year and hopefully it will be a whole lot better. Check them out and vote after the jump:

Reed Timmer is dating a Fox News Weather Babe…

reed timmer Maria Molina

It looks like Reed Timmer can finally delete his Tinder profile.

Thanks to the New York Post’s infamous Page 6, we’ve learned that Reed Timmer is dating Fox and Friends weather babe Maria Molina. Yes, Reed Timmer is dating a woman famous enough to be on Page 6. Roll your eyes like a Dominator just passed you in traffic.

Via The New York Post6:

Channel 25 is losing a weatherman, adding a newscast and should probably hire Gary England….

emily and gary

First of all, I want to be clear that I have not heard any rumors that Gary England is moving to KOKH Fox 25. What I’m doing here is simply throwing out the idea that Gary England should move to Channel 25. Let me explain why.

Yesterday, longtime Oklahoma TV weatherman and kid from Jerry McGuire impersonator, Jon Slater, announced he’s leaving the fourth place Oklahoma City news channel… for the future. According to the Ogle Mole Network, this is because his contract wasn’t renewed. He’ll be replaced by the station’s Chief Meteorologist, Jeff George, who is moving from the morning show to the evenings.

Here’s Jon Slater’s Vaguebook status about it: