At least once a day I am overcome with gratitude that I’m not a mom. Nothing against parents, but dang. It seems like a really tough job that is full of responsibilities and requires you to act in a non-selfish manner. It will surprise none of our long-time readers to know that I think this is completely beyond my grasp.
But another reason I’m glad I’m not a parent is because everything is so politicized and controversial–especially the basic elements of motherhood. From where you choose to give birth to whether or not you vaccinate your kids, every choice seems to be undergirded by a basic civil right that is somehow trampled upon when someone tells you a different way to do it. Every decision is an opportunity for a political discussion on Facebook that only ends when you’ve unfriended half the people you used to know. And while I don’t mind making controversy here, it just seems exhausting to have to use your child as a reason to start shit with people all the time.
And then, there are always the people who have no idea what they’re talking about. It looks like feeding babies is apparently a pretty controversial thing at the Glenpool Walmart. According to Consumerist.com:
Now that the smoke and mirrors of Madonna’s minotaur and Sia’s famous body double has dissipated, it’s finally time to discuss what really matters to us: which one of you has connections in the fashion world so I can steal Miley Cyrus’s sexy Alexandre Vauthier cutout dress that I saw on the runway and called she would wear last week.
Oh whoops. Sorry, I forgot this was a Lost Ogle post. Boobs girls Wayne Coyne sucks!
What I meant to say was, let’s discuss how Oklahomans fared at the 2015 Grammys.
We’ll start with Oklahoma’s favorite couple, Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert.
Come on people. I’ve said it before–Blake and Miranda are easily one of the most famous and most loved power couples in America. Why don’t they dress like it?
Blake, we get it. Like Doug Funny, you have your uniform and you apparently love it. That’s cool. You’d probably lose some dirt road cred if you started showing up to parties in velvet jackets and pointy shoes. So although Blake’s worn this outfit approx. 34294 times, I’d say he looks nice.
Miranda…girlfriend. Not that you don’t look beautiful–cause you do. Stunning as per usual. The make up, flawless. But I know how many plates full of fried chicken you’ve said no to in order to maintain that bangin’ body, and I know how many hours at the salon it takes to make your hair look that beautifully colored and artfully undone. Let’s be real, the dress is super boring. If it wasn’t for the pink embellishments, it could easily pass as a Dillard’s find. You can wear Dior, or Givenchy, or Chanel. The world is your oyster! Take advantage of this.
Also, I realize that showing up in matching outfits is so 90’s Brit and Justin, but it looks like Blake and Miranda came from two different places and just happened to bump into each other.
Miranda performed Sunday night and won Best Country Album. Here’s the video in case you missed it:
My favorite part of the performance was when she forgot she was on network TV and belted out a couple four letter words. It was the only time (at least that I noticed) the awkward silence of being censored. Kanye, you soft.
Next, our homegirl Carrie Underwood won Best Country Solo Performance with her song “Something in the Water.” She looked amazing as usual too:
Last week, KFOR Channel 4 reported that Quail Creek residents are salty that Northpark Mall is getting a Vegas style club. Yes, you read that correctly. The words “Vegas-style club” and “Northpark Mall” appeared in the same sentence. They go together like “fresh seafood” and “Shogun.”
We know about this thanks to a recent report by KFOR:
As plans for a Las Vegas-style club in Oklahoma City move forward, many residents are concerned about what will happen to the area once their new neighbors move next door.
“I will have definite concerns.” Quail Creek resident Mrs. Hutchings said.
A plan to put a Las Vegas-style club in North Park Mall was approved by the Oklahoma City Planning Commission on Thursday afternoon.
Question: doesn’t putting a Vegas-style club in Northpark Mall already constitute some form false advertising? I’d imagine the club probably deserves to be called Vegas-style just as much a Northpark deserves to be called a mall. Will Real World castmates work there or something? Are all the customers going to be young, drunk and easy?
According to design plans, the proposed club would have a DJ booth, a dance floor and alcohol.
However, not everyone is impressed with the high-end design.
Oh, well I apologize! They’re going to have a DJ booth, dance floor and alcohol. That is some very high-end, Vegas-style shit. Maybe they’ll also have a coat rack, aquarium and other Vegas-style things that we can only dream of.
So, what is it about Club Vegas that has all the Quail Creek residents upset? If you ask me, it seems harmless. I think it would be fun to have a high-end club in such close proximity to a dollar movie theatre.
A couple of months ago, I was hit up by our new friends at Oklahoma City’s Hustler Hollywood to see if I would like to interview Hustler Founder and Publisher Larry Flynt. As a fledgling, independent web publisher who’s been sued by squares who don’t appreciate irreverent satire and parody (and criticized by hypersensitive politically correct folks for being a misogynist), I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to talk with a hero and mentor.
Larry Flynt was born in Kentucky in 1942. At the age of…
You know what, do I really need to write the paragraph background for this guy? We’ve all seen The People Vs. Larry Flynt, right? We know his bio and life story.
Originally, this Q&A was supposed to coincide with a promotional visit by Mr. Flynt to The OKC Hustler Store, but he decided to come to town on the downlow instead. I guess you can’t blame him. If I lived out of state, I wouldn’t brag about or publicize a business trip to Oklahoma City either. Well, unless I worked for the New York Times. Then I would be all over it.
Since we missed his visit, I thought saving the Q&A for the week of Valentine’s would be timely and fun, so here it is. Unlike our most recent Q&A with Governor Fallin, it’s real…
Q: It’s good to hear you’re coming to Oklahoma! What made you open up a sex shop in the most Bibliest part of the Bible Belt?
A: The Bible Belt area of the country spends more money on sexual paraphernalia than all the rest of the country put together. There’s nothing better for sales in our stores than sexual repression. You guys do a great job of it in Oklahoma.
Happy Monday and welcome to this week’s edition of Monday Morning Tweets! I have to admit that I’ve completely run out of ways to open this weekly column. I mean, I usually talk about hangovers or any huge events that have happened over the past week, but I’ve got nothing. A whole lot of nothing. Is it a sign that I no longer have anything of value to bring to the table? I mean, probably. But if you think about it, did I ever really have anything of value to offer? The answer is no.
Anyway, as always, I’ve selected the very best in tweets from the past week and have them all loaded up and ready to go. All you gotta do is click, and they’ll be right there after the jump.
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