Oklahoma City is a raw and dangerous zone of fast-moving, reckless automobiles. Cars are the only way to get around. Any late morning or early afternoon is sure to have roads and highways roaring with thousands of trucks, vans, wagons, and sedans stalled in traffic on their way to the menial and low-paying jobs that God provided to His/Her/Its chosen people.
The city was built onto a grid, which is perfect for designing public transportation around. There used to be streetcars to take workers downtown, or wherever in the metro they were going. They could pay a nominal fare and travel at rapid speeds across town. The city has been making half-hearted attempts to revamp its public transportation, but the effort is still limp with city buses that skip over major neighborhoods.
In theory, we live in the best place in the land for bicycling. The terrain is mostly flat, with little rain, snow, or other deterring precipitation. Unfortunately, there is usually a 30 MPH wind blowing in the direction you planned on riding into, plus no bike lanes, unforgiving drivers, and pitted roads that are made of jagged holes, spit, and garbage.
Because of these awful circumstances, and the fact that we’re gluttons for laziness, the car is king. Okies drive everywhere, leading urban planners to provide awful parking lots all over town. The Plaza District is about to build a brand new lot, which is great if you live in the core of the city, but are too lazy to ride your bike a few miles to get an artisanal sandwich at Ye Olde Moustache Shoppe.
Within a few years (or its first Plaza Walk), this lot will be one of the worst possible places to leave your car. This led me to ask the TLO crew what they thought the worst parking lots in the city were. There are several garbage spots around town, so be sure to comment with your (least) favorites:
The dude with a head bigger than a log in that pile of adorable is Forrest Bennett. He is running for House District 92. It’s the district that has been gerrymandered to include parts of Bricktown, Midtown and S. OKC.
Over the weekend, Forrest was knocking on doors in south Oklahoma City when his 1995 Avalon was stolen. Why would someone steal an old Avalon? Because Ole Log Head left his car running.
Forrest Bennett is a teacher’s assistant at OU during the week and an Oklahoma House of Representatives candidate on the weekend.
“They tell you to expect the unexpected on the campaign trail, but this was a little bit beyond the pale,” said Bennett, first time candidate for House District 92.
Bennett was busy Saturday morning campaigning for House District 92 in the area of S.E. 22nd and Stonewall.
When he was knocking door-to-door, he turned around and realized his car was gone.
“Our conversation couldn’t have been more than a minute long, and I was right on the porch. I didn’t go in at all. When I turned around to walk back to my car, it was gone,” Bennett said.
Bennett said he left his car running, thinking it would just be a 30-second stop.
“It took a while to process. I mean, I really can’t describe it. It’s never happened to me before,” he said.
His white 1995 Toyota Avalon wasn’t an expensive car, but it had a lot of meaning to Bennett.
He left his car running in Southeast OKC? Boy, he really knows his district. With that type of decision making, he’s going to make one hell of an Oklahoma legislator! He’s definitely the person we need to help lead us out of the state budget crisis.
Forrest’s sad story was picked up by the media. Here was his statement:
In all honesty, Forrest really should have known better that to leave his car running in South Oklahoma City. Just check out his campaign motto:
The Oklahoma Christian Home Educators’ Association (OCHEC) held its annual convention in Tulsa this past weekend. It’s one of the top homeschooling conventions in the country for parents who really really really want to make sure their children have hard-wired religious beliefs and a limited worldview. We know this thanks to the group’s mission statement, it’s convention workshop schedule, and a few pics of trade show exhibit booths that a Mole sent our way.
Yep, The Blackwoods Morning Show is going after the home school crowd. Can you imagine being a homeschooled kid and having to watch that show every morning? How could you focus on the patriotic music with that glorious Chia Pet of hair staring back at you? The only thing you’d learn is to be very careful when choosing a hair stylist.
Here are a few more exhibit photos after the jump.
Cool fact about my car: 40% of its components have been recalled. Even cooler fact about my car: The auxillary port in the stereo doesn’t work, and the CD player is broken. (I’m fully aware I need to get a new car, but I keep holding out hope that we will get a metro-wide public mass transit system that runs 24/7. I’m also fully aware this will never happen.)
Because of the state of my car stereo, I listen to the radio a lot. And while I do have two NPR stations programmed in my presets, I still find myself listening to some of the local music stations. (Or, more accurately, I find myself flipping through the stations for the duration of my trip on the off chance that I find a song I like.) I’ve also gotten to listen to a lot of DJs, and this has led me to think about them a lot.
The local station that has occupied a lot of my head space has been the Katt. What can I say? I spend a lot of time waiting for “Possum Kingdom” by The Toadies to come on, and I hate how 94.7 has that bullshit “man up” campaign, which means I stick with 100.5. So, I’ve gotten to know those DJs fairly well as of late. That’s why I’m bringing you this list of things that I assume have probably happened at Katt headquarters.
1. Greg Zoobeck is Matthew McConanaughey in Dazed and Confused
Every time he sees some band groupies, I just assume he marvels at how he keeps getting older, but they stay the same age.
2. Local vape shop owners bribe the DJs to come to their in-store events.
Before we begin, I’d like to welcome myself back from a four-day weekend trip to Denver. I should have my Berry Tramel-esque travel blog about the experience online later today or tomorrow. It depends on when the gummies I popped
on the plane at the airport last night begin to lose their effect.
It looks like nothing changed while I was gone. There was bad weather, our state is still dealing with a budget crisis, and The Oklahoman continued its award-winning coverage of the local strip club beat.
The owner of La Nude, an all-nude strip club, said she fired her entire staff after a “rogue incident” landed her and others in jail due to allegations of illegally selling alcohol and prostitution.
“I fired everyone from that night. I’m starting from scratch,” Colleen Hutto said. “Everyone that was affiliated with that mess has been terminated.”
Hutto, 73, pleaded no contest Wednesday in Valley Brook to seven municipal counts related to serving intoxicating beverages illegally. She was sentenced to six months of probation and ordered to pay $4,123 in fines and other costs.
Attention all recently-laid-off-energy company employees, furloughed government workers, and out-of-work college graduates who can’t find a decent job, have we got some great news for you! Lock down those social media accounts and polish those resumes because La Nude in Valley Brook is now hiring all positions! The ideal candidate should have reliable transportation, low self-esteem and be able to fail several drug tests. Apply today!
Here are some more details:
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