The buzzfeedification of NewsOK.com is not slowing down.
Over the weekend, the website published a list of “10 Famous Oklahomans, Then and Now.” Just like other recent clickbait attempts, such as the sappy “5 Things Only Oklahomans Would Understand” and incredibly boring “10 Facts About Oklahoma You Might Not Have Known,” the article has been plastered all over NewsOK.com and has received 40,000 views in the last 24 hours.
Since we also want to get a lot of page views, we decided to come up with a list of “10 Oklahoma Reporters, Now and Then.” It’s LOL adorable.
The post is part of our renewed commitment to ridicule and mock the The Oklahoman whenever possible. I think we’re going to do something like this as a response to all their awful clickbait, so next week when you see a post on here titled “10 Oklahoma Country Musicians Who Don’t Look Like Cats” or “You Won’t Believe What Happens When This Dog Reads a Jenni Carlson Column,” you’ll understand why.
Anyway, to the post. Here are 10 Oklahoman Reporters, Now and Then…
10. Boomer (Berry) Tramel
According to sources, Boomer Tramel didn’t smoke a lot of pot in college. He’s just one of those guys who permanently looks, acts, thinks, and speaks like he just rolled a joint in a gas station bathroom.
The Oklahoma rape culture is going strong.
This morning, Norman High School students are protesting the way school officials have dealt with a series of sexual assaults, including one on campus, which led to victims being bullied, ridiculed and mocked by their fellow classmates. Thumbs up to these students and their parents for supporting the victims, doing what’s right, and drawing attention to another sad example of the rape culture in this state.
Unfortunately, Norman High students aren’t the only ones letting their opinion be heard. The Derplahomans have thoughts on sexual assault victims, too.
Not sure if everyone has heard about this or not, but Bill Cosby has been in the news a little bit lately. What seems like half of the women in North America have accused him of drugging and raping them, and it’s becoming clearer and clearer that he is (allegedly) a monster and a serial rapist.
Apparently Cosby was supposed to perform at the Choctaw Casino Resort in Durant in January, and the casino, being run by people with a functioning brain, made the obvious decision to cancel the performance. Since this is the internet, and everyone on the internet loves lists, let me present to you a list.
The Top Two Signs Your Career Is In Trouble
2. You’re performing at an Indian Casino in Oklahoma
1. An Indian Casino in Oklahoma Cancels Your performance
Apparently whenever Channel 4 puts anything on their Facebook page, it’s like the Derplahoman equivalent of the Bat Signal, because when they posted the Cosby story, a tsunami of them showed up. I’ll go ahead and put a possible trigger warning here, and a definite prepare-for-needing-to-take-a-shower warning.
Why didn’t they say anything at the time? Uhm, I don’t know. Maybe they didn’t want to be bullied and mocked like the sexual assault victims at Norman High School?! Because there are hundreds of idiots like the people above that would have called them liars as soon as it happened???
Those are two good places to start. Here are some more.
10) Samaje Perine
Last week, Wisconsin running back Melvin Gordon broke LaDainian Tomlinson’s 15-year-old NCAA single game rushing record when he rushed for 408 yards against Nebraska.
On a rainy afternoon in Norman, a game where dozens of people cared… where alums stayed home (e.g. this guy)… where the game was delayed 90 minutes for “lightning”… where Cody Thomas couldn’t complete a forward pass… where the receiving corp was horrendous… where Keith Ford started the game…
Samaje Perine ran for an NCAA record 427 yards. 5 touchdowns. 12.6 yards a carry.
And he’s only 18.
Perine’s level of dominance was eclipsed only by the Sooners offensive line. After watching the Kansas linebackers and safeties explode through the Oklahoma line of scrimmage for a cool quarter or so, the O-line went straight medieval on that ass, hammering the second level of the Kansas defense, and allowing Perine to be part of history.
But let’s not give the line all the credit. Keith Ford – and his two fumbles – averaged 4.2 yards a carry. Alex Ross averaged less than a yard per carry. Thomas could not complete a pass. Perine was amazing. He broke tackles. He broke off long runs. He broke the will of Kansas.The same Jayhawk team that nearly upset TCU last week. No, Kansas isn’t going to be mistaken for the 1985 Bears (or 2000 Jenks), but 427 on the ground is amazing regardless who you play. Perine and his line were completely dominant and the record provides a level of solace for an otherwise craptastic season.
This marked the second time Oklahoma has rushed for 500+ yards this season, which makes you wonder how in the blue hell did that mongrel idiot in the press box called 30 plus passing plays in any game at any point this season. The Sooners called 13 pass plays to 55 run plays, an acceptable ratio when your quarterback has the accuracy of Rick Vaughn.
Happy Monday, everyone, and welcome to what is hopefully a short week for you. I know that I’m glad I only have to go to the office 3 days this week, and I’m really looking forward to shunning green bean casserole in favor of saving room for pie. If you’re wise, you’ll do the same. And to those of you who either work at a restaurant that is open on the holiday, or in retail, I feel for you. I hope your holiday doesn’t suck because people need to eat out on Thanksgiving or start their Black Friday shopping on Thursday.
But anyway, it’s time for the tweets. As always, I have gathered up the very best in Oklahoma Twitter for your entertainment. You can check out this week’s tweets after the jump!
I may blow up all the world’s contact forms.
Yesterday, I discovered that we’re once again having problems with the “Contact Us” page on the website. For some reason, it appears that about 5% – 10% of all submissions were not forwarded to the Ogle In-Box, and were just hanging around in the Gravity Forms entries log. Basically, they were stuck in email purgatory.
Because of this, we’re removing all contact forms from the site. Now if you want to tell us how much we suck or that you saw Hipster Boo Boo try to sneak a bottle of water into DEADCENTER, you’re going to have to send us a traditional email.
In all honesty, this isn’t the biggest deal in the world. Most of the emails we received via the form were sent by 12 year-old-boys thinking we are part of the Street Outlaws gang:
I was wondering if sometime i could come hang out
And meet everyone at your garage. I watch everyshow
And would love to meet everyone in person.
I also like the farm truck. Its a beast. Please get back with me
But… we did miss out on a few gems like this:
Subject: Friday hot girl potential
I do know at some point she was in Hustler
So, I did a little research and sure enough there is a model from Norman named Bentley Peirce. She kind of looks like she was built in the same plastic factory as Jesse Jane and BiBi Jones, but she’s definitely hot. Her modeling credits include Twisty’s, Playboy and Easy Rider magazine. Here are some SFW pics after the jump. She’s our Hot Girl Friday.
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