Thank God it’s Monday, am I right? You made it through another weekend and here we are again. I know the day is shaping up to be terrible, but just remember that you can probably find a plate of affordable cheese fries at lunch to make you feel better, and I’ve got a hot serving of OKC social media schadenfreude just waiting for you. Join me as we collectively gird our loins for the week ahead by laughing at the local tweeps. I’ve collected the best tweets from the past week (or at least the ones that caught my eye) and put them right here so you’ll have something to read and laugh at while you ignore the incoming stream of emails and meeting invitations in your Outlook inbox.
As always, they’re right here after the jump!
If you need any proof that there is a God, and that he’s a passive aggressive God with a cruel sense of humor, look no farther than Hinder frontman Austin Winkler.
In a godless Darwinian world, Austin would be changing tires at Freddie’s Discount Tire by day and singing Avenged Sevenfold at Henry Hudson’s karaoke by night. Instead, Austin is a famous, semi-retired, multi-platinum album selling rock star. He’s made millions touring the world singing awful music, doing awful drugs and banging lots of awfully beautiful women. And it’s all thanks to God… right? It has to be.
Of course, you could also say that Austin just made one really sly deal with the devil. I wouldn’t disagree with that argument. I’m sure the devil is a big fan of Hinder’s music. He probably plays Lips of Angel on constant repeat in Hell’s waiting rooms. Also, despite how obnoxious God may be, I don’t think he would rub it in like this. Then again, God apparently causes natural disasters and crime, so what do I know:
Yeah, that’s Austin’s wedding song for his hot ass wife Jami Miller-Winkler. I think it’s called “I can’t fucking believe this either, so let me sing an awful song about it.”
Jami is an L.A.-based model. Like most models, Jami has an Instagram page, and like most hot models, she’s obsessed with taking selfies that all kind of look the same. Check some of them out and praise God or the Devil after the jump, because Jami Miller-Winkler is our hot girl Friday:
Okay, that headline is extremely misleading. I’m just pretending I work for an Oklahoma City TV station and have no clue what a viral video is.
Yesterday, I stumbled across this story on KOCO Channel 5. They were claiming there’s a viral video of an Oklahoma baby laughing at a football.
VIRAL VIDEO: Oklahoma baby laughing over football
At least one Oklahoma baby is excited for the upcoming football season.
The baby, whose video has started to go viral on Youtube, is laughing at people in the background playing with a football.
Cameron Ball is from Shawnee. His parents were in the background throwing the football back and forth while he was laughing.
Ball was 8 months old when the video was made.
His parents said the video was featured on The Today Show.
First of all, I should admit that I have a major aversion to baby sounds. They’re like my own personal kryptonite. It doesn’t matter if the baby is crying, laughing or reciting the Canterbury Tales in Middle English, it all sounds the same to me. I’d rather listen to a Dave Matthews Live album than a bunch of babies being babies. That’s how much they scare me.
That being said, I’m also sucker for good viral videos that involve kids, and yes, I know how creepy that sounds. Remember when that kid got stoned at the dentist? Hysterical! Or what about the time that baby fell in the gorilla pit at the zoo? Charming. And who can’t laugh at the newest viral video star Apparently Kid? Did you know he’d never been on live television before?
But enough about that stuff, check out Channel 5′s viral video. When you do, keep in mind it has about 3,000 views and was posted on August 5th, 2013. Yes, 2013. It’s literally averaging about 10 views a day, which is about as viral as bacterial infection:
Hey everybody. I’m going to admit this right now. I am damn tired. I’ve written quite a bit recently and my brain, well, it may be done with.
To help get this train a moving, I decided on a complete whim to listen to Hall & Oates. After playing multiple hits by the duo, I’ve concluded that “Maneater” is the perfect song to wake you up and write words. Weird, huh?
Here’s your FNITBT:
Mary Fallin is on the move. Joe Dorman is on his way to the movies.
With only three months or so until the November election, Mary Fallin and Joe Dorman are starting to rev up their campaigns. I witnessed this first hand on Tuesday night when I spotted this monstrosity barreling down the highway:
I know you shouldn’t text or take photos and drive, but remember, it’s totally legal to do that in Oklahoma. Plus, there wasn’t a lot of traffic and I was already in the middle of attacking a village in Clash of Clans so I had my phone handy. Trust me, it was perfectly safe.
Anyway, that’s Mary Fallin’s new campaign bus. Apparently, it’s called “Mary on the Move,” which is what her bodyguards usually yell after the Governor’s had dinner at Ted’s. Seriously, was that the best name they could come up? It sounds like it would be a better fit for a Mary Fallin porn parody. We should have a contest to come up with a nickname for it. Off the top of my head, some suggestions are the Derpmobile, Moto Grotto or the Bean Feeder.
Speaking of contests, while Mary is crisscrossing the state attending bean feeds and distancing herself from groups that want to have some fellowship and talk about the Klu Klux Klan, her Democratic opponent Joe Dorman is hard at work campaigning, too. Last week, he called-in to an Oklahoma radio station in hopes of winning free movie tickets:
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