As you probably heard, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the much-maligned 10 Commandments Monument atop the steps of our State Capitol is unconstitutional. Apparently, it violated Article 2, Section 5 of some document called the Oklahoma Constitution.
Via The Tulsa World:
The Oklahoma Supreme Court on Tuesday said the Ten Commandments monument at the state Capitol must be removed.
The plaintiffs said its placement at the Capitol constituted the use of public property for the benefit of a system of religion, which is banned by the Oklahoma Constitution.
The monument, a gift from Rep. Mike Ritze, R-Broken Arrow, and his family, was recently reinstalled after a man drove a vehicle into it.
Because the monument operates for the use, benefit or support of a sect or system of religion, it violates the Oklahoma Constitution, the five-page opinion said.
Oddly enough, I bet God was pretty damn happy with this ruling. It seems like he’s been trying to get the monument removed since it first went up three years ago. First he distracted the monument engraver and let loose a couple of typos. That didn’t seem to bother anyone, so then he tried to scare everyone with the Baphomet thing. That also failed, so he finally just commanded a mentally ill person to destroy the monument. That was successful… for a couple of weeks until they rebuilt it. I guess God eventually realized the only way to get things done nowadays is through the courts. Kind of sad, huh?
Obviously, the Supreme Court’s decision ignited the typical angry knee-jerk reaction from the Derplahoman crowd. People who have not written a complete sentence since they typed a letter asking for help with the church bake sale hopped on Facebook to share their frustration and outrage with the ruling, and in the process, remind us all why our state is consistently ranked near the bottom in categories like reading, writing and arithmetic.
Most of the people placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of tyrannical unelected activist judges who, as we know, are hell-bent on banning Christianity in all forms and destroying a nation that was founded on Biblical principles.
The Derplahomans on Facebook were not the only people upset with the Supreme Court’s ruling. Their leaders were, too.
Scott Pruitt, our Attorney General who I’m pretty sure has never won a court case, came up with the following statement. There’s no word if he had to run it by Larry Nichols at Devon:
Back in the summer of 2010, I was basically a professional bridesmaid. If you’ve never purchased and paid for alterations for three formal dresses that you plan to never wear again, count yourself lucky. That was basically the summer that I decided my wedding would not include a wedding party, and would pretty much just be an open bar and me signing a marriage license while my very traditional family shakes their head at my non-white dress. I look forward to this day. Weddings are great.
And as I’m sure you know, same-sex marriage is now legal throughout these United States. And, while it has been legal in Oklahoma for a while now, the Supreme Court has upheld it, so get ready to attend a lot more weddings this year. And who doesn’t love attending a wedding? Seriously, between the open bars and getting to watch friends and acquaintances make asses of themselves on the dance floor, there is no good reason to not attend a wedding.
But since a lot of same-sex couples are probably planning weddings now, we decided to make it easier. So, we’ve compiled a list of all the best businesses to cater your same-sex wedding!
1. Little Mike’s
Little Mike’s is one of those restaurants that really loves America in a way that makes you think they actually hate America because all they do is complain about the way America actually is. But I’m sure these folks can take a few hours away from the time they spend printing off weird email forwards and taping them to the walls in order to cater a wedding. That is, if you like sub-par burgers.
Over the past few months, we’ve told you about the damning, probably slanderous reporting by Energy Wire Magazine about Oklahoma’s beloved local philanthropist and corporate steward Harold Hamm, who as we all know, may be one of the nicest, handsomest and most generous Oklahomans ever born.
I know we have joked around about some his doings in a very satirical, not serious type of way, but Harold Hamm really is an Oklahoma badass. He makes Will Rogers look like Carrot Top. He bleeds crimson and cream, orange and black, and Thunder blue, orange, yellow, white and all the other colors they put in that silly logo.
He just loves this state and it’s people. It shows, too. He puts the interests of Oklahomans first in everything he does, whether it’s helping his neighbor look for a lost dog or buying toys for an orphanage or making sure that natural gas exploration is safe for people, safe for the environment, and safe for the numerous dangerous fault lines that crisscross our sleepy little flyover state.
Knowing all that, I can’t believe what awful things some punk of a local oilman loser had to say on Facebook about this glorious man we all affectionately called Uncle Hammy.
Here’s something enquiring minds may want to know about.
We have learned through the Ogle Mole Network that National Enquirer is suing an Oklahoma woman for breach of contract and fraud after she sold the tabloid the rights to a pic “Inside Miley Cyrus’ Drug Den” for $20,000.
The lawsuit, which was filed in Cleveland County District Court on June 17, alleges that Amanda Davis of Norman knowingly lied under contract and claimed ownership of the photo, when in fact, the copyright holder was Wayne Coyne’s nephew, Dennis Coyne.
In case you’re under the age of 60 and don’t read the Enquirer, here’s the photo in question:
We all have those little items that are special to us. I have a lucky pair of Converse shoes. The soles are worn thin, there are bleach spots on them from back in the day when I used to bar tend, and there are holes in the canvas. But I will never get rid of these shoes because I’m an incredibly superstitious person and to get rid of them would be akin to suicide in my book. Perhaps you have a pair of underwear, a keychain, or a blankie that is also imbued with similar power.
Kids have these things too, only their special things are dumb because they’re kids. And because they’re kids, they lose their stuff all the time. But that’s okay because some lady and Lance West don’t know that the children’s book, Corduroy, wasn’t real and that stuffed animals are maybe trying to escape instead of trying to get home. According to KFOR:
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