On Halloween night, I have one major rule: no one over the age of 12 gets candy from me. Unless they have an intellectual disability, of course.
Sure, call me a jerk, but Halloween, at least as we celebrate it in this country, is for children and I refuse to contribute to the arrested development of today’s youth by awarding them with treats for doing nothing more than sullenly holding out a pillowcase and whimpering “trick or treat” under their affected breaths. Get a job, you Bieber-haired punks!
No, Halloween is a time when the only costume an adult should wear is that of a patient homeowner, a well-worn mask of faux-interest covering the face every time a toddler dressed as a Ninja Turtle shows up at the door or a group of neighborhood kids in shoddy Avengers costumes come a knockin’. But just because you’re a responsible grown-up doesn’t mean you can’t have fun—instead of going to that lame costume party where you’ll invariably leave alone, sexually frustrated yet again, why not kick back with some state-pride and enjoy a few Made in Oklahoma horror flicks where the only thing scarier than the monsters are the production values.
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 (1986, 20th Century Fox)
Its OU/Texas weekend and malformed butcher Leatherface is saying “Meat-hook ‘em horns!” as he buzzes his way through purposely grating Oklahoma yuppies in the opening of this satirical sequel to the groundbreaking 1974 original.
A pair of drunk Sooners, bobbing and weaving on their way to Dallas, piss off the chainsaw-wielding maniac and his equally eccentric family of Texas football fans, and are, in turn, brutally dismembered and turned into chili—award-winning chili! And that’s just the first five minutes of a movie that is an over-the-top 101 minutes and even features a manic Dennis Hopper in a beautifully choreographed chainsaw duel that has to be seen to be believed. Doomer, Sooner!
Have you ever driven out to get a fast food breakfast on a Saturday morning while hungover and stumbled across a show on public radio where some quirky funnyman reviews current events, interviews important celebrity guests, and plays a trivia quiz with people from a live studio audience?
Well, guess what. That program was not “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.” It was actually a different nationally broadcast public radio show called Michael Feldman’s “Whad’Ya Know?” It will be broadcasting live this Saturday morning at the new OCCC Visual and Performing Arts Center Theater.
In case you’re a loser and not familiar with this insanely popular radio program, here’s a description:
Michael Feldman’s Whad’Ya Know? is live radio at its best. Host Michael Feldman entertains and amuses with his own brand of humor and comic asides as he enlightens with “All The News That Isn’t”, interviews guests, trades quips with members of the live studio audience and quizzes two lucky contestants vying for unique prizes during the Whad’Ya Know? Quiz, a general knowledge trivia quiz. The Whad’Ya Know? Jazz Combo featuring John Thulin on piano, Jeff Hamann on bass, and occasionally the legendary Clyde Stubblefield on drums delight with their cool jazz sound. Come on down and be a part of our live audience, talk to Michael on air and play the quiz – your fifteen minutes of fame are waiting for you!
Wow, that’s pretty damn cool. I guess OKC really is becoming a “Big League City.” Before you know it, This American Life will come to town to do a profile on the Hefner Canal Goats.
Anyway, when Whad’Ya Know? hits the road, they usually interview and feature A-list celebrities from the area. You know, handsome men with gray hair like George Clooney, Richard Gere or Taylor Hicks. Which locals did they book for the Oklahoma City show?
Here are the details via KGOU:
Image courtesy of William Bennett Berry.
As we found out last year, getting a major star injured on your team can actually be a rewarding experience. For the 27 game stretch that Russell Westbrook was absent last year, the Thunder went a strong 20-7 amidst a MVP performance from Kevin Durant. The goings may not be as easy during Durant’s expected 15-25 game absence this year, but we’ll definitely be able to learn a lot about who we have. With three regular rotation pieces from last year (Butler, Sefolosha, and Fisher) all now out-of-town and two more rotation players in the decline of their careers (Perkins and Collison), the Thunder figure to be working in a lot of new people.
Last year, the injury did a variety of things to the team. Most importantly, it solidified Reggie Jackson as somebody who was dynamic enough to earn a starting role based on talent alone. This is good for OKC in the short-term and certainly helped us against the Grizzlies (see: game 4), but will definitely hurt us when figuring out how to pay him after this year.
Anyway, let’s get down to brass tacks. Here’s 5 bold predictions on things we’re going to learn about the Thunder thanks to Kevin Durant’s injury. Get well soon, KD.
1. Russell Westbrook is an MVP-caliber player
I know that everyone has their doubts about Westbrook’s ability to carry this team on his own. But I couldn’t be less concerned. Sure, KD has barely missed any legitimate games over the course of his career, but in those rare instances where he has missed a legitimate game, Westbrook has shined.
For example, when KD missed seven games during the Thunder’s inaugural season, Westbrook managed to lead the Thunder to a 5-2 record on his own. I know that was five years ago, but it was the same season the Thunder started 3-28 and finished 23-59.
Furthermore, Westbrook’s supporting cast of Jeff Green and a bunch of role players wasn’t exactly as impressive as the roster is today. Need more evidence? Consider that Westbrook’s 2009 win against Dirk’s Mavericks also came without Jeff Green. Also consider that Russ was able to beat Garnett’s Celtics without Durant or Green back in 2010. Russell hasn’t exactly gotten worse since then, and that he was 3 rebounds and 2 assists away from averaging a TRIPLE DOUBLE during last year’s playoffs can’t be ignored.
Today, as many of you know, is my 29th birthday. It is a day where I shall party
like it’s 1999 like I’m 29, which is to say that I’ll go to work and come home and it will be an average day. I may get myself a little treat at lunch, but let’s not get too crazy. Ain’t nothing special about a birthday. Though, there was a time when birthdays were special days. It’s funny to think there was a time as children when birthdays meant everyone you knew brought you presents and it was all about you. Now, it totally means that you’re getting older and it becomes increasingly sadder when you are able to do a shot for every year you are old.
But think back to the time when birthdays were fun. Think back to the days when you’d fill out the party invitations you purchased in the stationery section of the local store, and pass them out at recess. Think back to the sweet presents all your classmates would bring. Now, realize that you can never have that again, because today I have for you, a list of 10 Oklahoma City places you can no longer have your birthday party. That’s right. I’m bringing you a list of all the places you used to go to celebrate, but are now closed forever.
It’s been a really weird news week for Oklahoma’s armpit.
First came this story where some lady attacked a couple of men with beer cans and silverware because they wouldn’t give her a free ride to a casino. I’ll tell you, it’s kind of sad what lengths people will go to just to lose money, drink free soda and smell like cigarettes and sadness. We should hook her up with that mad Uber driver.
That report was followed by this amazing gem that’s going national. Kristi Rines, pictured above, the wife of Jesus Christ, was arrested when she wasn’t able to pay her tab at the Lawton El Chico. Apparently, she and her husband were saving up money for some cosmetic dentistry. There are plenty of things Jesus can do on his own, but whitening teeth isn’t one of them.
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