Every once in a while, you have to go to Tulsa.
It’s not a bad place, per se. Cain’s is a great venue, and there are some neat things that happen there. I mean, it’s no Oklahoma City, but it’s not a bad place. The drive there, however, is the worst. I’m not sure why a drive that’s approximately 2 hours can seem so painful, but each and every time to make it, you swear off the northeast part of the state for good, only to return because, well, you have to.
But what if that drive didn’t suck so hard? What if those two lanes were less like torture, and more like a vacation? That’s why I bring to you a list of 9 things to improve the Turner Turnpike. Lord knows all the money we spend on the tolls should be going to something. Why not improvements?
8. High speed rail
This improvement involves getting rid of the turnpike all together. If I could hop in a train and take that to Tulsa instead of having to drive there, I would be one happy peach. I may even go to Tulsa more often if that were an option. I can almost guarantee that this train would do more business than the Heartland Flyer.
7. More vaginas
Speaking from experience, one is never enough.
So you’re saying there’s a chance.
On Friday, Rasmussen released shocking poll results that show the 2014 Oklahoma Gubernatorial race is lot closer than anyone actually thought. How close? Mary Fallin only leads Joe Dorman by a 45% – 40% margin.
Yes, that’s only 5%. I guess blocking affordable healthcare for poor people, giving tax cuts to the 1%, allowing horse slaughter, denying access to public records, coming out against tornado shelters in schools, traveling across the world on the state’s dime, flunking third graders, discriminating against homosexuals, and naming her dog Okie and not Trooper has taken its toll on Mary Fallin’s popularity.
Via Rasmussen Reports:
Oklahoma gets very few leading men in the pictures.
Sure, there’s Brad Pitt, but he pretends like his life here never happened, so really, who does that leave you with? Brian Bosworth? Danny Cooksey? Ted Shackelford? All great actors, mind you, but not leading men material.
That’s why James Garner was so revered by us. Born in Norman, Oklahoma, Garner was truly the last of his breed—an old-school charmer that could put up his dukes and outdraw any outlaw from here to Waco, or look positively dashing in a suit, sweeping sexy starlets like Kim Novak, Eva Marie Saint or Natalie Wood off their feet with equal aplomb.
Gaining notoriety in the late 50s for television westerns like Cheyenne and Maverick, his square-jawed good-looks and affable personality easily got him out of the cathode ghetto and onto the silver screen, becoming one of the biggest box-office draws of the 60s, becoming a quintessential jack of all trades right up until his death this past weekend, starring in hits like The Notebook and such.
Never forgetting his Okie roots, Garner could often be seen at OU games and even endowed the school’s drama department with a half a million bucks, ensuring that his legacy will at least try to live on, both personally and pop culturally. It might not be a bronze statue, but in tribute to his career and legacy, here’s five of his most seminal works that I consider to be his shining moments and a good time to load up that Netflix queue for a weekend marathon.
5. THE GREAT ESCAPE
The original Expendables! In what is truly one of the greatest casts ever committed to celluloid, Garner co-stars along with Steve McQueen, Sir Richard Attenborough, Charles Bronson, Donald Pleasence and James Coburn in a total man’s man World War II epic, based on a true story, natch, about P.O.W.s who plan a daring escape from a dastardly Nazi concentration camp. Rivaling McQueen for cool on-screen was tough, but, as the “Scrounger” of the group, it was task that Garner was adept at effortlessly.
As you may or may not know, I recently became the father of an actual human child. That’s right, on June 13, 2014 my wife gave birth to 6 lbs. 10 ounces of ginger… and they say gingers are going extinct.
I realize it’s only been one month, but I’ve learned a lot in that short time. I thought I’d share some of that with you:
1.) The only thing you need to leave the hospital with your baby is a car seat.
I found this quite strange. They were very concerned with our car seat. They didn’t give a shit about the actual car, or where we were taking this baby. I think you should have to take a test before taking a baby home. Nothing crazy, just a few true or false questions. Like: True or False – Did the Holocaust happen. True or False – are some races superior to others? If you can’t pass the test, the hospital can legally sell your baby to a family that won’t damage its brain.
2.) Having a child makes life a lot less stressful.
I mean, how worked up can you get if someone is being an asshole when you started the day by literally getting shit on.
Last week, Oklahoma City’s mainstream alternative weekly The Oklahoma Gazette released their ballot issue for the annual “Best of OKC” competition. This always reminds us that we need to:
1) Start planning for our 2014 “Worst of OKC
2) Tell you to go vote for us in “Best of OKC”
Yes, Gazette readers have once again nominated us for “Best Website” and “Best Person to Follow on Social Media.” This is kind of cool, because unlike just about any other business in Oklahoma City, we didn’t beg, pander, advertise in The Gazette, or pay our employees to stuff the ballot box to get nominated.
However, we are going to beg for votes in this round. We actually want to be named “Best Website” so we can go to businesses that advertise on OKGazette.com and say “Hey, how about advertising on the best website in Oklahoma City!” Actually, I’m just joking around. I don’t think The Gazette has any online advertisers.
Here are the nominees for best website. It includes a message board, Ed Shadid’s homepage, a non-profit and our old arch nemesis:
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