Happy Monday, everyone, and welcome to what is hopefully a short week for you. I know that I’m glad I only have to go to the office 3 days this week, and I’m really looking forward to shunning green bean casserole in favor of saving room for pie. If you’re wise, you’ll do the same. And to those of you who either work at a restaurant that is open on the holiday, or in retail, I feel for you. I hope your holiday doesn’t suck because people need to eat out on Thanksgiving or start their Black Friday shopping on Thursday.
But anyway, it’s time for the tweets. As always, I have gathered up the very best in Oklahoma Twitter for your entertainment. You can check out this week’s tweets after the jump!
I may blow up all the world’s contact forms.
Yesterday, I discovered that we’re once again having problems with the “Contact Us” page on the website. For some reason, it appears that about 5% – 10% of all submissions were not forwarded to the Ogle In-Box, and were just hanging around in the Gravity Forms entries log. Basically, they were stuck in email purgatory.
Because of this, we’re removing all contact forms from the site. Now if you want to tell us how much we suck or that you saw Hipster Boo Boo try to sneak a bottle of water into DEADCENTER, you’re going to have to send us a traditional email.
In all honesty, this isn’t the biggest deal in the world. Most of the emails we received via the form were sent by 12 year-old-boys thinking we are part of the Street Outlaws gang:
I was wondering if sometime i could come hang out
And meet everyone at your garage. I watch everyshow
And would love to meet everyone in person.
I also like the farm truck. Its a beast. Please get back with me
But… we did miss out on a few gems like this:
Subject: Friday hot girl potential
I do know at some point she was in Hustler
So, I did a little research and sure enough there is a model from Norman named Bentley Peirce. She kind of looks like she was built in the same plastic factory as Jesse Jane and BiBi Jones, but she’s definitely hot. Her modeling credits include Twisty’s, Playboy and Easy Rider magazine. Here are some SFW pics after the jump. She’s our Hot Girl Friday.
I was running some errands yesterday in NW OKC and spotted this on the back of a Mercury Villager minivan.
When I noticed the sticker, I thought “Yeah right… there’s no way someone is driving around town with a porn site ad on the back of their minivan. It’s probably just a weird goth band or something.” So I grabbed my phone, went to GirlsChoke.com, and, well, yes way, someone is totally driving around town with a porn site sticker on the back of their minivan.
That may seem a little weird, tacky and gross, but at least there were not any stick figures having an orgy on the bottom right corner of the window. Also, the ad does provide a public service. Apparently there are some people out there who are not aware there’s an ample supply of free pornography on the internet. And of course, these people live in Lawton.
We know this thanks to Anthony Mercier. He was recently busted trying to steal $1,200 worth of “porn” from a Lawton video store.
A Lawton man is behind bars after he stole nearly $1,200 in pornography from Family Video.
Okay, let’s just stop it right there and address some questions…
1. Oklahoma video stores can sell porn? Unless our legislature recently changed some laws at the Blue House, the answer is “No.” Oklahoma retail outlets are only able to sell 3.2% porn. You know, stuff like “Red Shoe Diaries” or “Rochelle! Rochelle!”
2. Family Video has an adult video section? That may be the greatest oxymoron of all time. Before you know it, Mardel will start selling biblical erotica and Family Leisure will let swingers have sex in the showroom hot tubs.
3. Why was the guy stealing from Family Video? Isn’t this the same place that lets you rent 10 movies for $1 without any late fees? That would be like jacking a pizza from Cici’s. It’s about as stupid as paying for porn.
Here’s the rest of the story. Like most things in Lawton, it involves cigarette lighters and the smell of burning plastic:
As you may have heard, there is a “big to-do” about Obama and immigration. Many are not happy about the President’s “executive orders.” They are also unhappy about Obama passing over the rusted, broken bike chain that is Congress and making a decision. This intro is not about that.
What it is about is Patrick.
His middle name is “executive order.” Here at the Ogle Complex, Patrick, or as well call him, “Okie Nero,” rules the roost. If Patrick wants a Sonic Blackberry Pineapple Splash at 2 a.m., you get him a Sonic Blackberry Pineapple Splash at 2 a.m. How does he relay this information to us? We have one of those Bluetooth ear clips on 24/7.
One time he demanded a new combination lock at 3:45 in the morning. After I finished crying from the fright of his piercing scream into my ear canal while I was sleeping, I drove to Wal-Mart, bought the lock and sped to HQ as fast as possible. Yes, Patrick lives at TLO HQ. I handed him the lock, he smiled and said “Thanks,” threw the lock in garbage and said “but no thanks.” I cried again and began writing all of his posts that I do not get credit for.
It’s a hard life here at the complex, but I make do. He pays us in change and usually half of it is Canadian quarters. One day all this hard work will land me to my dream…..my own TLO South Park avatar. That’s when you know you made it.
(Editor’s Note: That was weird.)
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Every now and then, we like to take a look at some recent OKC Missed Connections posted to Craigslist. We do this to:
A) Feel better about ourselves
B) Live life vicariously through the minds of stalkers
C) Double check that we’re not listed in any of them
Anyway, with all the local criminals, idiots, media personalities, politicians, and Hipster Boo Boo’s apparently taking time off this week for an early Thanksgiving, I thought this would be a good time to see what sad, lonely, missed connections are out there.
Let’s take a look…
I know we live in Oklahoma and anything is possible, but I question the legitimacy of this post. The only part I really believe is that the guy was drunk, peed in the flowers and called someone a derogatory racist name, as opposed to a complimentary one.
Also, instead of setting up DUI checkpoints on random roads and inconveniencing law-abiding citizens, shouldn’t the Oklahoma County Sheriff just set up outside a Taco Bell or Jack In The Box on a Saturday night? They’ll catch so many intoxicated drivers that they’ll run out of room in the jail.
Isn’t this woman a little too picky to be meeting people on Craigslist? I’m pretty sure that 90% of the people who respond to these ads have eyes that point in opposite directions. It makes the bottom of the barrel look like a clean, well-lit place.
Also, I like how this “scholar” wants to have her first lesbian encounter be with a total stranger from the Internet, but she’s the one who wants to make sure the other person is not a psycho.
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