The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Meet Oklahoma’s newest Islamophobic lawmaker…

Pat Ownbey Oklahoma islam

The guy pictured above is Pat Ownbey. He’s a state representative from Ardmore. Earlier this week, without any explanation or commentary, he shared an article on his Facebook page that was so Islamophobic that it made Senator James Lankford come across as a thoughtful, tolerant, compassionate person.

It’s titled “Radical Islam – The Final Solution,” and basically argues that Islam is not a religion “subject to First Amendment protections” and that to combat it, “We the People may ultimately be forced to take matters into our own hands.”

Here’s a snippet:

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OMG! Selena Gomez fell down in Tulsa!!!

selene gomez tulsa fall

Move over Sex Pistols! There’s a new “most infamous moment” in Tulsa’s rich music history!!!

Okay, not really. I’m just trying to over-sensationalize something for the hell of it.

On Sunday night, our favorite honorary Oklahoman actress, Selena Gomez, stopped by the BOK Center in Tulsa for her “Revival” tour. As she performed her smash hit “I can’t believe I fucked Justin Bieber, either,” she fell to her knees while attempting to navigate a couple of awkwardly placed steps.

OMG CRAZY!!!

Here’s a video report from one of those entertainment YouTube channels that have done amazing things for the “Right To Die” movement:

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TLO Travelogues: 2016 Tuttle Ice Cream Festival

TUTLOGO

Call me crazy, but shouldn’t an ice cream festival have, oh, I don’t know…ice cream? Like, lots of it? Like, damn-near Wonkan-levels of an excessive overabundance of the rich, creamy dessert, enough of it to justify an event in which people gather together, en masse, to celebrate?

Tuttle Ice Cream Festival, what’re you doin’ to me, pal?

Sorry, but one tent offering $3 cones in the middle of a makeshift food-truck court doesn’t really count as a festival. While there were a couple of other food-trucks, plenty of Scentsy booths, and at least one pig to pet, it was definitely a charming small-town get-together, possibly even a delightful old-fashioned block party, but to call the 2016 Tuttle Ice Cream Festival—in its 25th year—a “festival” is a grand misnomer of the creamiest kind, especially when sponsored by hometown heroes Braum’s.

The afternoon last Saturday began promisingly enough, as my starting point was the bright yellow tent where school-age children were competing in a good old-fashioned vanilla ice cream eating contest, the cherubic tykes shoveling in sweaty sample bowlfuls of Braum’s labeled treats down their developing gullets. “Wow, what a great ice cream festival!” I thought to myself as kids started grabbing their foreheads in pain and falling to the floor, ice cream headaches all around.

When it was announced they were needing volunteers for the adult contest, of course I was going to sign-up, all intent on bringing home the gold cold for TLO, as well as score as much free Braum’s ice cream as I can handle in 30 seconds. As the contenders lined up in front of our stacks, I sized up the competition; to the right of me, a corn-fed high school football player and on my left, a farm-gal who was also apparently a returning champion.

Here’s a photo:

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We need to talk about Fuze Buffet commercials…

We need to talk about Fuze Buffet. I’m sure you’ve seen the commercial by now and you’ve probably got that sassy saxophone version of “The Way You Make Me Feel” stuck in your head. What’s that? No? You don’t? Well, enjoy this. It’s the full commercial, plus the entire saxophone song. You’re welcome.

(If you’ve never been to Fuze, I think you need to know that they have a saxophone player chilling in the dining room to entertain you. No. I’m not kidding.)

“I know what you’re thinking.”

No, bartender lady, you don’t. Because I was really thinking that I want to wear a pair of yoga pants to this place, unhinge my jaw, and fill my belly like I’m about to go into hibernation. Seriously, even though it’s pretty much just one long tracking shot of a buffet layout, I’m from that sweet spot of America that knows the value of a buffet and I’m ready to do this.

And it’s worth noting that there is nothing in that commercial that would make me think it’s Las Vegas. Maybe Fuze is marketing directly to people who have never been to Vegas. That’s fine if they are. But I think they should know that the rest of us think it’s really just a dimly lit restaurant. That’s not to say that it’s bad. I mean, I have a Facebook invite awaiting an answer for a girl’s night at Fuze Buffet. You best believe I plan to attend.

Anyway, what I want to talk about is their approach to marketing. When I hear the word “buffet,” I tend to think of unwashed masses breathing on a communal trough full of beige-colored items that have been sitting at room temperature longer than they should have. So, how do they counter that? With a ridiculous amount of saxophone, yes. But also, with ad campaigns that might as well say “This is totally not Golden Corral, nope, not even close.”

Take this other commercial, for example:

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KFOR is doubling down on the snake fear mongering…

snake bite

A few weeks ago, KFOR released a news report about a lady who found and killed a dangerous, venomous copperhead snake in the front yard of her north Oklahoma City neighborhood. The only problem was that the snake wasn’t technically a copperhead, so KFOR removed the story from their website and pretended like it never happened.

Regardless, the report was very informative, and a friendly reminder to everyone in Oklahoma City to be unnecessarily scared, afraid and watchful of deadly critters anytime you walk out the front door. Apparently one person didn’t get the memo. Via Oklahoma’s leader in breaking snake news…

Days after a dangerous run in with a cold blooded reptile, a metro woman is back home, and back on her feet.

She’s now struggling through her first steps, but she’s lucky to be walking at all.

Her name’s Kristie Patton, but your daughter may know her as Ariel, Cinderella, or Elsa.

“I do princess parties, for little girl’s birthdays,” she explained.

These days though, her focus is off prince charming, and more on snake charming.

It all started last week outside her parent’s home…

“I literally took two steps out of the front door, then felt the most excruciating pain on my left foot,” she said. “Saw the snake (on the porch).”

Not just any snake, officials agree it appears she was bit by a copperhead snake.

Soon Katie was rushed from home, to the hospital, to ICU.

Doctors moved quickly, administering much needed anti-venom, as Katie blacked out.

“By the time I got to the hospital it went from being normal, to about 2-3 times the size of my foot,” she said. “I was automatically thinking the worst, of what could happen.”

Today she’s back home, back on her feet, and sounding the alarm on the danger that lay in the shadows, and quite possibly in Oklahoma City.

Yeah, you read that right. She’s pretends to be a Disney princess at kids birthday parties. I wonder what the ER doctors thought when they saw Elsa walking through the door.

Well, that’s terrifying. KFOR released pics of Kristie, her foot and the snake. Check it out:

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