David Payne wasn’t the only person who let things get weird last night.
KFOR Weather Chief Mike Morgan was also a bit off his game during yesterday’s bout of severe weather porn. When not trying to will a Gustnado to life, he seemed genuinely confused and somewhat disappointed that the devastating weather everyone predicted never really arrived. It was weird to watch. He was behaving like the fight he dropped $79 for on pay-per-view lasted only a few seconds, or that Marla got a sudden headache after a $200 anniversary dinner at Musashi’s.
As a result, we were presented with gems like this where Mike Morgan got all flustered and tried to go to Aaron Tuttle in Chickasha:
That’s funny. What’s even funnier is it happened again a few hours later:
Unless you were hospitalized with a panic attack thanks to the week-long fear mongering of our local weather media, it looks like we made it through yesterday’s severe weather event with only a few bruises, scratches and down power lines.
Yes, the deadly PDS Weather Event – Copyright © 2016 Mike Morgan – that had been hyped for a week never quite materialized, leaving our local media and weather forecasting community with some massive Jimmy’s Egg on their face.
David Payne accurately and accidentally summarized the event early on. Check this out:
In case you care, the “mouth” David Payne was referring to belongs to the local weather media. The one doing the “business” was Mother Nature.
Seriously, that’s amazing. Outside of “That storm is going down on Val,” I don’t think there is a more raunchy way to describe severe weather. How did the phrase even land in David Payne’s vernacular? Does he use “That Mouth Is Open For Business” often, or did he just pick it up from Dean Blevins.
Then again, maybe he was just really hungry and wanted some Cinnabon:
The interest in food in America has been surging in recent years. Popular culture has been inundated with rockstar chefs and food personalities such as cool guy Anthony Bourdain, fun and inspiring David Chang, and the animated bag of Cool Ranch Doritos that is Guy Fieri. People are obsessing about where their food comes from and how it’s prepared.
Oklahoma has been following that trend. New restaurant concepts are springing up all over OKC and Tulsa. Food trucks have been cool and exciting long enough to where they are almost passé. Phrases like “farm to table” and “nose to tail” are slowly becoming as common as ones like “hold the tomatoes” or “drown my salad in gravy.”
Despite the fascination with carefully sourced and prepared food, Okies still love their garbage food. Chicken fried steak, onion burgers, bacon, deep-fried everything- if it’s full of meat, salt, and grease, then Oklahomans probably love it. We don’t have one of the highest rates of heart disease in the country for nothing, you know.
So it comes as no surprise that Durant, Oklahoma is apparently #2 in the entire country for fast food restaurants, according to this list that KFOR posted. With a population of over 16,000 people, Durant has 10.9 fast food restaurants per 10,000 citizens. I don’t understand math and numbers at all, which is why I’m a writer and not an engineer or something that actually pays money, but that sounds like a shitload of junk food.
This got me wondering what the food scene in Durant is like. I took to Yelp, a website that lets anybody post their uninformed and reactionary reviews for any restaurant. If the residents there eat a lot of fast food, they must be true connoisseurs of the drive-thru scene. Here’s a list of some of the places to stay away from next time you’re going to visit the World’s Largest Peanut:
Clean the storm shelter, prep the weather tie, and get your Oklahoma Standard hashtag ready! We’re going to have some Severe Weather Porn tonight.
After a couple of weeks of hype and fear mongering, the Oklahoma Severe Weather season officially kicks into high gear today with today’s forecasted apocalyptic severe weather event. Here are the most up-to-date fear maps from our three local news channels. They’re accurate as of noon today:
Even though the odds of someone in the scary red areas above seeing a tornado tonight are very, very slim, the state is already in the process of shutting down. In preparation for storms that no one really knows where or when will hit with certainty, schools are closing early, events are being re-scheduled, and Aaron Tuttle cancelled his nightly spray tan sessions.
As always, you can blame for-profit TV news channels and their social media reach for helping spread the hype, but in all fairness, they are simply doing their job and reporting the news. It’s not their fault severe weather fear and paranoia sells so well in Oklahoma. We all know how deadly and tragic it can be. I just wish they would be a little more transparent and honest about it. They should use a disclaimer like this:
“Hey, we know this is going to flip everyone out, cause a general panic, shut down the local economy for a day, and generate a huge bump in TV ratings and web traffic that will help us sell more advertising and lucrative helicopter sponsorships, but there’s a chance for some tornadoes and hail this evening.”
Anyway, I digressed a bit. This post is actually about some new pics that Marla Morgan emailed to us. Check them out after the jump. Hopefully they’ll cheer you up and help calm your nerves before the tornadoes get you tonight. Good luck!
Back in the March, we conducted a highly scientific TLO reader poll to determine the best piece of surely-to-be-ruled-unconstitutional-and-waste-Oklahoma-taxpayers-dollars anti-abortion legislation floating around the Capitol.
Here were the results:
What\'s your favorite piece of Oklahoma anti-abortion legislation?
Total Voters: 336
Congratulations people who voted for the Heartbeat Informed Consent Act! Your choice won our poll, which means you’ll be entered into a drawing to win a one-way ticket out of Oklahoma where you can start life over in a more welcoming, less-archaic state. Good luck, and if you can, please take me with you.
In case you’re not aware, the Heartbeat Informed Consent Act is totally nuts. It includes an amendment that would charge anyone caught performing an abortion with first degree murder. When combined with the Revoke Medical Licenses of Doctors Who Perform Abortions Act, this would eliminate safe, totally legal abortions in Oklahoma. Well, unless you know some cavalier doctor who wants to go to jail and lose his medical license.
Naturally, this nutzo piece of legislation got the attention of the national media. The New York Times released an op-ed about the laws in yesterday’s paper:
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