The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

The “Oklahoma Seceding if Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos is Not Cancelled” story is total B.S.

secdee

Over the past few days, a bizarre news story claiming that Oklahoma citizens have threatened to ‘secdee’ from the United States if Cosmos isn’t removed from local television has gone viral.

It was first reported by the Topekas News on April 10th. I’m shocked that the KFOR Social Media Bandit and /or the NewsOK.com Digital Desk have failed to h/t it:

Oklahoma Protesters Threaten to “Secdee” From Union if Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos is not Cancelled.

Concerned Oklahomas gather to protest the airing of Cosmos, citing the show’s agenda is ‘clearly anti-Christian and biased against creationist values.’ Citizens have threatened to vote to ‘secdee’ [sic] from the United States during the 2014 gubernatorial and ballot issue election if Cosmos is not formally removed from all Oklahoma based television networks.

Saddlebridge Township, Oklahoma – Furious parents and citizens of Oklahoma took to the streets early Thursday, protesting against Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos. Protesters allege the show is blatantly promoting an anti-Creationist agenda and is ‘standing against the Judeo-Christian moors and values of the Saddleback Township community and others nationwide.”

The first protests against Cosmos in the community took place some two weeks ago, after a local paper claimed an airing of Cosmos in a school caused several children to experience ‘demonic possession’. Parents cite one kid became completely enamored with the show during a terrifyingly supernatural event linked with Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s narrative explaining the “God of the Gaps” theory.

Several weeks ago, citizens accused Tyson of using his Cosmos program to forward other agendas, not limited to a ‘homogay’ agenda, wizardry/haroldry, astrology and other vehemently anti-Christian teachings.

Concerned parents have accused Neil DeGrasse Tyson of ‘Ra’ worship and iconography, going as far as saying the titular narrator may be involved in a Wiccan Sun occult.

Delores Simmons, whose child was involved in the prior airing of Cosmos that precipitated the anti-science scare in Oklahoma, claims petitions are already going about to elect pro-Creation candidates for upcoming elections.

“If we allow this Tyson to keep publicly airing his beliefs, God just may strike us down with a cosmic meteor this summer. That would be ironic justice if you ask me, so we should just take this show off now before that happens.”

Other citizens in Oklahoma agree. The latest Rasmussen polls on the subject show that over 64% people in Oklahoma feel Cosmos is dangerous and carries a strong anti-theist and Creation message.

Pretty crazy, huh? It would be even crazier if the report was true. At last check, there’s no Saddlebridge Township, Oklahoma, no Rasmussen polls asking about how Oklahomans feel about Cosmos, and no petition to make us “secdee” from the US. The picture they used was taken in Texas in 2011.

If that joke seemed pretty obvious to you, congrats. You have common sense. If it fooled you, well, don’t feel alone. Thousands of other idiots shared the story on Facebook and Twitter thinking it was totally real. Here are some Twitter examples:

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Study: 25% of Oklahoma Biology I teachers think humans walked with dinosaurs

funny-evolution-man-trap

Oklahoma lawmakers are not the only ones who have difficulty understanding (and believing) the fundamentals of biology and evolution.

According to a recent study by researchers Tony Yates and Edmund Marek, a good chunk of Oklahoma Biology I teachers don’t know a lot about those subjects either. Considering we live in Oklahoma, where our TV channels “accidentally” block information about evolution, that’s so surprising.

Here’s a good breakdown of their incredibly depressing study from IAcknowledge.com:

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The Oklahoma Daily wrote an article about Suger’s…

sugers

There are three ways to know if someone has been to Suger’s on Campus Corner in Norman:

1. They know that it’s spelled Suger’s with an “E” and not an “A.”

2. They get bitter-beer face when you mention the place.

3. Their last name is Eschbach.

I’ve actually been to Suger’s twice. The last time was on Saturday, November 22nd, 2008. It was rainy and cold outside and my friends and I were desperately seeking a place to stay dry, warm and apparently smell other people’s body odor. We ventured into Suger’s, stayed for a few hours, and then this happened. Because of that, the nasty little strip club on Campus Corner has a special place in my heart.

And yes, I wrote all that with bitter-beer face.

I bring up that proud moment from my past because the Oklahoma Daily, the OU student newspaper, recently ran a big feature on the strip club where all sorts of dreams go to die. From a Steven Zoeller article:

Tucked in the alley between Sage’s Wellness Lounge and Fuzzy’s Taco Shop is a portal to another dimension.

Beyond its threshold, framed pictures of female anatomy adorn the walls of a lounge lit dimly by colorful bulbs. A woman in lingerie has the stage, her barely-concealed hindquarters aimed squarely at the audience as she dances. Over the noise of billiard balls colliding and beer glasses clinking, the men cheer and applaud.

The bar sits across the room from the stage, managed by a small woman in her mid-50s smoking a cigarette. Most wouldn’t even expect to see this severe-looking woman working here, and she doesn’t just do that — she also owns the place.

Karen Summers is a subversion, a wrinkle in the image most people have of strip clubs. The more she and the dancers talk about the story of Suger’s, the more wrinkled that image becomes.

First of all, Suger’s really is located next to Fuzzy’s Taco Shop. Someone should open a Saggy Boob Bakery across the alley to make this story even more ironic.

Second, this is what happens when you send an OU student who has obviously never been inside a strip club to write about a strip club. Seriously, was this assignment part of a 21st birthday present from his journalism professor? Not only did the kid describe the place with fancy, hyphen-dependant phrases like “Barley-concealed hindquarters” and “Severe-looking woman,” but he totally buried the lede. If he really wanted to describe Suger’s, he should have used this sentence from later on in the story:

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Finalists Announced for $1,500 League of Champions Title Match…

free team trivia brains

After some number crunching and Excel tutorials, we’ve determined the 14 teams that will compete in TLO Trivia Night “League of Champions” title match. The match will be held on Saturday, May 3rd at the 51st Speakeasy.

Here’s the prize pool:

First Place: $725
Second Place: $400
Third Place: $225
Fourth Place: $150

Yep, those are the cash prizes for the Champions Match. I guess it pays to go to restaurants and answer trivia questions. I’d like to thank all four of our trivia partners – The 51st Street Speakeasy, LOCAL, Yucatan Taco Stand and Buffalo Wild Wings on Expressway – for coming to together and making the League of Champions possible.

Before we get to the finalists, here are a few notes:

• Teams were awarded League of Champions points based upon A) how many trivia nights they attended B) where they placed at each trivia night.

• The League of Champions will be returning later this year. The dates and format – we may make a few changes – should be announced very soon.

• We’ll still be giving away nearly $400 each week in cash and prizes at our TLO Trivia Night venues. If you have never played TLO Trivia Night, you should. Unlike the other imitation trivia nights around town, our brand of trivia is pretty fun. In fact, 4 out of 5 OU dental students prefer TLO Trivia Night to other less-interesting trivia nights.

Here are the 14 teams that earned a spot in the big match. Congrats to them all.

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MMT: Gary England took Loretta to Coyote Ugly

It’s officially spring time in Oklahoma. The weather was stupid yesterday, and if you’re the type to plant a garden, it was completely destroyed. But take heart. Know that slackers like me get along just fine by never planting flowers or tomatoes, so you’ll be okay. What won’t be okay is this weather. It’s too stinking cold, and I’ve already packed up all my sweaters. But I guess I can’t complain. As far as spring weather goes, this is pretty nice.

Anyway, I’ve got some tweets for you. Don’t forget to follow @TLOMMT and maybe we’ll follow you. Who knows? Maybe your tweet will end up on an edition of MMT! Check out this week’s tweets after the jump.

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