The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Jessica Schambach is concerned about “Cheap Shit” wedding dresses…

If you’re getting tired of all the rain and severe weather, imagine how the folks in our local TV news media must feel. For the past few weeks, the news has turned into one giant severe weather mad lib:

“Good (time of day). Severe weather continues in (Oklahoma nickname). Let’s go live to (First Name) (Last Name) in (Oklahoma Town) with Fast Unit (TV Channel) with more details on the (Weather Event) that’s hit that area.”

You can tell the wall to wall weather coverage is taking a toll on the nerves, psyche and patience of our local weathermen. Yesterday afternoon, there were tornadoes in the Durant area and none of the news channels seemed to care. I switched it over to Channel 9 to see what was happening and David Payne just stood in front of a blank green screen with bloodshot eyes, a five o’clock shadow and rolled-up sleeves mumbling something about riding the trains in Mike Morgan’s basement. It was scary.

The weather doldrums have even warped the minds of the news folks, too. Last night, Channel 5 tried to end their 5pm newscast on a lighthearted note about a toilet paper wedding dress contest. I’m not sure if Jessica Schambach had a Freudian slip or was simply being honest, but this happened:

Hey, Jessica Schambach was right about one thing. Even if it’s made from expensive stuff like Charmin, a wedding dress made out of toilet paper is cheap shit.

After watching the clip, I poked a little a fun at Schambach on Twitter. This was her reply:

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It’s easy to escape from jail in Oklahoma…

escape

One of the greatest accomplishments in my life is that I’ve never gone to jail. Sure, it sounds easy enough, but if you go through your old yearbooks and count how many people you used to know that have gone to jail, it’s pretty stressful. How did we all turn out so normal, and those people we used to sit with in chemistry wind up in jail for credit card fraud? And if you think about the incarceration rate in the state, it’s even more remarkable.

Anyway, from what I’ve read lately, it’s not even like going to jail is a big deal. And it’s not like you even have to stay there, or that they do anything to keep you there. Seriously. According to KFOR.com:

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10 things you missed while it rained over the Memorial Day weekend…

rain totals

That was the worst Memorial Day weekend ever.

While rain, floods and suction spot tornadoes landed all over Oklahoma like they were being thrown at our state by a drunk man playing weather cricket, some other things actually happened over the drenched holiday weekend.

In an effort to get both me and you caught up, I thought we should take a look at 10 of them…

kevin durant

1. Kevin Durant was caught with medical marijuana…

It looks like Kevin Durant has another excuse to leave OKC during free agency. Apparently he likes to carry around marijuana and not have to worry about being sent to jail for it:

Kevin Durant moseyed out of a Hollywood club Friday night and a Rx of weed came tumbling out of his SUV.

The Oklahoma City Thunder star chilled at Hooray Henry’s, then limped out of the club with a boot covering his gimpy foot.  As the SUV door opened, what looks like a prescription bottle of weed careened out.

The real point here … who cares if someone has weed?  It looks like it’s what the doctor ordered, which would make it legal, and even if it isn’t, it’s not nearly as bad as texting while driving.

Hope it cures what ails ya.

If this doesn’t motivate our nutty politicians to legalize medical marijuana in Oklahoma, nothing will.

Also, the 17-year-old stoned kid who writes for TMZ asks an interesting question: “Who cares if someone has weed?” Uhm, hello. I do! I care very much if someone has weed…

ben carson

2. Ben Carson won the straw poll at the SRLC…

This wasn’t too surprising. If you listen to some of the things this guy says, you’d think he was a life-long Derplahoman.

Sadly, I don’t think the straw poll results mean too much. Look at the results from the 2011 SRLC:

2011 straw poll

Rick Perry finished 5th in this year’s straw poll with 5% of the vote. For the sake of comedy, let’s hope he wins the GOP nomination for 2016.

randy terrill mexican food

3. Randy Terrill is going to jail

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Monday Afternoon Tweets: Happy Memorial Day edition

Well, it’s Monday, and you probably aren’t at work today. If you are, I’m sorry. Tell your boss to eat a box of dicks and walk the hell out. Or maybe don’t. It’s up to you. But you should seriously think about whether or not it’s worth having a job that makes you work on a holiday. Then again, it’s not like anyone is going to a lake this weekend since pretty much every lake is overflowing and full of the weird crap the flood waters have stolen from the good ol’ terra firma. So, you know, it’s basically just us enjoying the mosquitoes and the 100% humidity.

Well, today may not be the best holiday ever, but at least you get to read a holiday edition of Monday Morning Tweets. As always, check it out after the jump.

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Hot Girl Friday: 2015 Miss Rocklahoma Finalists

erin rocklahoma

As Adam mentioned earlier, The Rocklahoma Music Festival takes places this weekend in Pryor. This is the 8th consecutive year for the methfest. This year’s theme is sex, drugs and HPV.

The event is scheduled to go on rain or shine. This concerns local environmentalists, who are worried that a dangerous mix of viruses, bacteria and used syringes may find their way into the Oklahoma river system, threatening this year’s paddlefish caviar harvest.

The headliners for Rocklahoma include Godsmack, Linkin Park, Breaking Benjamin, Tesla, Queensryche, Papa Roach and many other bands you’ll likely hear at a Henry Hudson’s during Happy Hour. I’m not going to lie, I liked some of these bands in the late 1990s and early aughts. Of course, I also had a bleached frosty top and wore mandals, so my musical taste during this period shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

For this week’s Hot Girl Friday, I thought we’d analyze the finalists for Miss Rocklahoma. We do this every couple of years or so. Unlike in 2009, when Erin (pictured) ran away with the crown like a man caught cooking meth in a Walmart bathroom, this year’s competition figures to be close. Here are the five finalists for Miss Rocklahoma 2015. They are our Hot Girl Friday.

First we have Amy

miss rocklahoma 3

I like Amy. She reminds me of one of those Mustang girls who literally thinks a tractor is sexy. She’s also auditioned to be Hotel.com’s newest spokesperson, Captain Not So Obvious:

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