Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the day when we give thanks for all the blessings we have in life before we jam piles of genetically altered, tryptophan dripping, bird chunks, biscuits from a tube and cranberry sauce shaped like a can, into our collective pie holes. Thanksgiving is a glorious orgy of mid afternoon gluttony, football and fantastic naps. However, as with all good things, there’s a really good chance some sort of wrench gets thrown into the works of what should be a perfect day.
“Well lemme tell you the REAL truth about Barack HUSSEIN Obama!” Oh no. “I was watchin’ the news and Glenn Beck, a TRUE patriot, was sayin’ somethin’ bout how NOBAMA was destroyin’ this country.” Sweet Jesus. “The 1% controls ALL the wealth in America!” Well, okay. There’s a really good chance no matter what side of the political border you’ve set up camp, you’re smart enough to know any “conversation” your weird uncle Milton begins after his third glass of Beaujolais Nouveau is not gonna end well. Sometimes one little political conversation will hover like a cloud over Thanksgiving festivities. “I don’t know if all that’s true Uncle Milton.” Then your mom tells you to be nice to your uncle you only see twice a year and then your dad tells you to just do what your mom says and Uncle Milton doesn’t stop and before you know it you’re reminded why you only hang out with your family on occasions involving massive amounts of free food and or gifts.
We here at The Lost Ogle understand this struggle and we’re here to help. As you know, we host Free Team Trivia at four places around town. To promote our trivia nights, we have a Twitter account @TLOTriviaNight. Starting tomorrow morning at 8am @joeldavidd (That’s me) will post fun facts every half hour. This will help your Thanksgiving gathering by providing you with non-political, non-divisive fun facts and trivia questions you can throw into the Thanksgiving conversation to keep everyone from arguing. It’s our way of giving thanks to you, the people who make this site the success it is.
So go ahead and follow us @TLOTriviaNight and get ready for the best Thanksgiving ever. Uncle Milton will thank you.
Hollywood doesn’t give the same kind of love to Thanksgiving as it does Christmas, or even Halloween. In fact, when it comes to the silver screen, Thanksgiving’s representation is comparable to that of St. Patrick’s Day, or the Fourth of July, which is odd considering that the only thing anyone wants to do in the hours leading up to Thanksgiving dinner is watch copious amounts of television.
I wanted to put together a list of Thanksgiving movies, but then I realized that there’d probably only be two movies on said list. Instead, I’ve fashioned a countdown that includes a bunch of movies that mention Thanksgiving in some form, no matter how insignificantly it contributes to the plot.
1. Planes Trains and Automobiles
When someone mentions “Thanksgiving movies,” this is pretty much the only film that comes to mind. It is the Citizen Kane of Thanksgiving movies. If we were all playing King’s Cup and someone designated “Thanksgiving flicks” as the category, everyone but the first person who took a turn would have to take a drink.
It’s that time of year when we all get a little bit more thankful in a super disingenuous and only on Facebook sort of way. It’s totally cool. I get it. An integral part of stuffing your face with four helpings of mashed potatoes is showing what a good person you are by being grateful for things and people that you passive-aggressively complain about the rest of the year.
Regardless of how you feel about them, family is something that it’s appropriate to be thankful for at this time of year. Family, and especially grandparents are a blessing. Even if they get your 4-year old stoned right before pre-K. According to NewsOK.com:
EDMOND — An Edmond 4-year-old’s grandmother and great aunt are accused of smoking marijuana in front of the child, police said.
Sandra Martinez, 53, and Peggy Pierman, 52, were arrested Friday on complaints of possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia, Edmond police spokeswoman Jennifer Monroe said.
An Edmond officer was called to Cross Timbers Elementary School, 4800 N Kelly Ave., to check on a prekindergarten student who was acting lethargic. The officer said the 4-year-old’s clothes smelled of marijuana and his eyes did not look normal, Monroe said.
Officers talked to Martinez, the grandmother, and Pierman, the great-aunt, after they drove to school to pick up the boy. The women told officers the boy spent the night at Martinez’s house, Monroe said.
The boy was put in his mother’s custody. His mother was not involved in the incident.
Martinez and Pierman were taken to the Edmond jail.
Earlier this week, The Video Vigilante took a break from eating BBQ and published an expose on a Chickasha “happiness consultant” who posed for nude pics and allegedly had sex inside a UPS truck in Oklahoma City (pic above):
A Oklahoma prostitute apparently had a ‘date’ with a United Parcel Service (UPS) driver and just couldn’t wait to post the resulting photographs online.
We’ve all heard the marketing slogan, “What can brown do for you?” – well, apparently they can have sex in a truck full of your holiday gift giving…..
Yesterday morning a woman, who identifies herself as ‘Mary Ann,’ posted a bear-chested selfie in a UPS shirt in the back of a UPS delivery truck with the following caption…
Because here at JohnTV our sources, snitches, moles and R&D are on alert 24/7 we can, with a reasonable amount of certainty, say we have identified ‘Mary Ann’ as a previously charged (and still on probation) prostitute named Tiffany Fay(e) Hawkins, 38, of Chickasha.
Wait a second. The Video Vigilante described his informants as “moles?” I know we didn’t invent the term, but haven’t we earned a local trademark on it by now? The Video Vigilante needs to get his own word for the hookers, street pimps, attorneys, hustlers and enemies of Wes Lane that feed him with inside information. I’d suggest “Junior Vigilantes,” “Bate’s Boys” or “Campfields.”
For some reason, Mr. Vigilante’s expose got the attention of News 9. They “investigated” the news like it mattered:
A UPS spokesperson said the company is outraged after a photo surfaced revealing one of its metro drivers had a sexual encounter in the back of a delivery truck.
A woman posted the racy picture online.
News 9 spoke with Susan Rosenberg, a spokesperson at the UPS corporate office, who said this is grounds for termination and the company wants to track down the driver immediately.
The picture showed a bare-chested woman in a UPS shirt and it was posted last week on a personal website by an Oklahoma City area woman who calls herself Mary Ann, a happiness consultant.
The caption says, “Look at my naughty time from yesterday.”
“What really shocked me is that a driver would put himself in this position, no pun intended, and then allow the pictures to be posted publicly,” said Brian Bates, founder of JohnTV.com.
Bates got a hold of the pictures and wrote about them on his website, which exposes prostitution in OKC.
The picture had already been removed from the website at the time of this article.
First of all, who cares if a UPS driver had sex with a “happiness consultant” in the back of his truck. If News 9 really wanted to serve their viewers, they’d investigate why UPS drivers are such assholes. Just because you drive an ugly brown truck doesn’t mean you own the road and can double park anywhere you want. Also, what’s up with ringing my doorbell and then running away as quickly as possible? Are you so busy that you can’t wait 5-seconds for me to open the door and say “Hey, my Zappos shoes have arrived! Thanks!”
Know what else is kind of irritating? We post pictures of scantily clad girls all the time and Channel 9 never gives us an ounce of credit. Then the Video Vigilante finds a picture of a topless prostitute in a UPS uniform and they send the entire newsroom out on the trail. Hello! We’re here, too. Just look at all these other pictures we found of hot UPS girls in uniform:
Black Friday represents everything that is wrong with our society. Throngs of a-holes stampeding their way through a Best Buy to save a few bucks on some piece of crap their child doesn’t need. Buying Christmas gifts brings out the worst in people, so it doesn’t break my heart when I hear news stories about how a few people were trampled at Wal-Mart or beaten up over a bra at Victoria’s Secret. That guy should have known better. My hands were on it first.
Since I don’t want any of our readers getting hurt, I have compiled a list of survival tips for Black Friday:
First things first, you’re gonna want to take up two, even three parking spaces if you have a truck or Hummer. If you have a small car, pull all the way into the spot so when others are driving by they’ll think it’s an open spot and then cuss at your Prius when they find out the space is occupied. Or you can do what others do at Penn Square and park on the grass. If anyone give you any guff for doing that, just say, “You’d better Redneck-a-nize,” like Honey Boo Boo. If that doesn’t work, make a Duck Dynasty reference.
2.) Carry a gun
Oklahoma is an open carry state, so use this loophole to get a great place in line. If the store doesn’t allow guns, have one of your kids take your weapon back to the car after you intimidate your way to the front.
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