First of all, we apologize for not posting Hot Girl Friday over the past few weeks. The absence had nothing to do with the fun haters who complain about the series. We actually had some pretty good excuses:
Friday, March 6th: The power cable on my Mac broke at about 11am.
Friday, March 13th: I was recovering from a cold.
Friday, March 20th: I was day drinking and watching the NCAA Tournament.
See what I mean? Damn good excuses. Also, I’m not going to lie. I’m a little burned out on the series. We’ve written 33 of these homages / profiles / mockeries since last June and it’s lost a bit of its fun. I feel like I’m the sailor from Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, only instead of having an Albatross hung about my neck, there’s a flash drive necklace with a gig of hot girl photos on it weighing me down. It’s such a burden. Sucks to be me, huh?
By the way, intellectuals, how many other misogynistic hot girl posts on the Internet have Coleridge references? Did Doc Hoc write this thing? Actually, maybe to keep HGF fun I should toss in a few early 19th century English romantic poetry easter eggs each week. Milton really should be living in this hour!
Anyway, this week’s hot girl is an Oklahoma City woman who goes by the alias “The Vintage Doll.” I honestly don’t know her real name. She’s cute and into that whole 1940s and 50s pin-up modeling stuff that your grandpa enjoys. You’ve probably seen her at some burlesque show or getting her oil changed at Beck’s garage.
I’ve scoured some pics of The Vintage Doll and posted them after the jump. As a stately pleasure-dome would decree, she’s our Hot Girl Friday:
Soon we will crown the year’s most important Oklahoman for the eighth time, using the state’s official method of selection, Ogle Madness. The winner will have their bust carved using red clay and a butter knife, and will be displayed along with the other winners in the TLO Complex’s bathrooms. They are set at eye-level above urinals and toilets so you can gaze into the eyes of those superior, while you, you know. If I remember correctly, this includes Kevin Durant, Emily Sutton, Lacey Swope and, ummm, Zero? I can’t remember.
But no method is perfect. A few greats have fallen through the cracks. For one, I nominate for championship recognition former Sooner and current Lebanese Pro basketball player Austin Johnson. No one rocked a goatee like Johnson, or hair for that matter. He confused opponents by looking confused, then broke their ankles without a second thought. I also enjoy this picture because I’m not sure how a defender ends up in this position.
How about the tortured soul seen walking behind Sweet Brown? The man was obviously was in pain and not intentionally trying to step into a camera shot. To this day I cannot separate Brown’s description of that infamous fire and her bronchitis from the image of a man whose hands cover his face, wondering why the world has wronged him, then “unintentionally” mugging for the camera. Crown this man.
There are plenty more, including me, who have been slighted by this tournament. Though magnificent, it is not perfect, and Johnson, me and that other guy will sit here waiting.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
We’re onto the Elite Eight in Ogle Madness, having gone through the Round of 32 and the Sweet 16 earlier this week. The bracket has held largely to form, with all the one-seeds and two of the two-seeds still alive, but there have been some upsets, too. Who can forget the Red Dog Cafe Chef beating Blake Shelton in the first round? I heard Adam Levine is buying drinks for all the dancers at the Red Dog this week in celebration.
We’ll have the Elite Eight on Monday and Tuesday of next week, with the Final Four games on Wednesday and Thursday. The Ogle Madness finals will be next Monday, April 4th.
Here’s a recap of this week’s games and brief preview of the Elite Eight matchups.
I guess you can say yesterday’s weather forecast lived up to its billing…
After a few days of hype, the 2015 Severe Weather season rolled into Oklahoma yesterday evening, packing with it a powerful punch of strong winds, large hail, and tornadoes. Here’s a pic of a Tulsa-area twister that took one life near Sand Springs.
— World News Tonight (@WNTonight) March 26, 2015
In the metro, Moore was the target of Mother Nature’s fury… again. Following a similar path to the deadly May 20th tornadoes, they caused damage, a few serious injuries and made us all ask “Why is Moore always in the path of these damn storms?!”
That’s actually a legit question. It’s one I first asked when a 2003 Moore tornado missed my house by only about six blocks. What the hell is going on there? Is there some sort of atmospheric condition above Pickle’s that spawns tornadoes? Are the weather gods also annoyed by Toby Keith’s music? Can some meteorologist who doesn’t dabble as a spray tanned bodybuilder answer these questions in the comments?
With all that, we also marked the beginning the 2015 Severe Weather Coverage Season. We previewed it yesterday. Some of our questions were answered (it appears Mike has officially retired the bedazzled tie), while others are still mysteries (what is Channel 9 going to do with the new girl).
Overall, the coverage didn’t disappoint. After knocking off some winter weather rust, the local severe weather teams were in mid-spring form. Chief Meteorologists were declaring their own tornado warnings, storm chasers were inventing new words to describe tornados, and social media bandits clogged your timelines with boring pic of hail after boring pic of hail. It was a spring treat.
Like every Oklahoman, I flipped through the channels and scrolled through social media looking for the best radar updates, live shots and RTs. Since this is what my obviously sad, depressing life has come to, I thought I would give some off-the-cuff, highly unscientific grades:
KWTV News 9: C
You could tell David Payne was a bit slow with his clicker. He was visibly irritated by the positioning of some of his stormchasers and he lacked chemistry with whoever controlled his radar. And when the tornado was about to touch down in Moore, he seemed more concerned with high winds near the Fairgrounds. He was also victimized by a couple of amazing weather dongs:
If there’s one thing Oklahomans have proven over the past few weeks, it’s that we just can’t let Black people have their own thing, ranging from the exclusive use of the n-word to simple basics like common human dignity. And as bad as all that is, now it seems like Elk City Commissioner and Mayoral candidate Bill Helton is trying to steal beloved African-American cinematic icon Madea as well.
To quote the Tyler Perry-created character, “Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength I may just beat someone to death!”
From RawStory.com via KFOR:
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