College football season is upon us. Almost. Almost time for hours and hours and hours of shitty sports radio and pregame shows, cases of Sam Adams Oktoberfest, thousands of drunk drivers filling Oklahoma highways, and nights where I don’t remember the second half. Sounds like a fine way to end 2012!
Anyway, here’s my college football preview for Oklahoma State and Oklahoma. I know Patrick, an expert panel and Carey Murdock’s keyboard covered the topic on Tuesday, but mine is much more readable (a.k.a. shorter).
Coming off the historic 12-1 Fiesta Bowl winning season, the Cowboys are expected to take a step back this season, losing Justin Blackmon, Brandon Weeden, Josh Cooper, three starting offensive lineman, and three of their best defensive players. With a relatively small crop of returning starters, one must assume a conference championship is out of reach.
But is it really? And if the Cowboys do drop off an 11-2, will the Sooner Nation finally admit the Cowboys have arrived as a program?
If you ever find yourself in a jam or great peril and need to get the immediate attention of a News 9 reporter, try shouting one of the following three phrases. They work every time:
• Hey look, that tree trimmer just scammed an elderly couple out of money!!!
• Hey look, a white girl has been reported as missing!!!
• Hey look, a f*cking tornado!!!
The only problem with saying those things is that the News 9 reporter will totally ignore you and run off to cover the story. If you want to get their true undivided attention, try saying this instead:
• Hey look, I’m making a movie in Oklahoma!!!
That will work every time! And not only will the reporter stop everything they are doing and help you out, they’ll kiss your ass and produce a couple of stories about your movie. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve never made a legitimate film before. You’re making a movie and people need to know about it!!!!!!!!!
From News 9:
Thunder Success Brings Hollywood Lights to OKC
The Thunder’s success last season is paying off in a unique way for Oklahoma City.
Movie Director Furqaan Clover lives part-time in Miami, and came to OKC for the NBA Finals. He says he was so impressed by the city that he convinced his Hollywood bosses to change the filming location of his next movie from Miami to Oklahoma City.
Furqaan says filming begins August 20 and will run for 10 days. The title of the movie is “How To Commit Fraud.” It’s about the personal lives of eight young identity thieves.
Furqaan was in Bricktown Thursday auditioning local actors for bit parts in the movie. He says he hopes the movie is released sometime next Spring.
“It’s a thriller and a drama. Once I saw this place, I realized that people in my industry have a skewed view of this city. As a filmmaker, you always want the new fresh discovery,” Furqaan said.
Some scenes in the movie will be shot at Club One 15 in Bricktown.
Yeah, who cares that the filmmaker has no proven track record and that this story smells like the Long John Silver’s kitchen where Wayne Coyne use to cook. SOMEONE IS MAKING A MOVIE IN OKLAHOMA CITY AND HOLY FUCK THAT’S AWESOME!!! PLEASE TELL ME THEY ARE FLYING IN ACTORS FOR THE PRODUCTION!!!
Actors from all over the country are in Oklahoma City filming a movie called “How to Commit Fraud.”
The film is about the personal lives of a group of female scam artists. The movie was originally supposed to be filmed in Miami, but director Furqaan Clover became intrigued with Oklahoma City when she was in town for the NBA Finals.
Once again, I can’t contain my excitement. REAL ACTORS WERE IN BRICKTOWN MAKING A MOVIE!!! WHO CARES THAT THEY’RE NOBODIES AND PROBABLY HAD TO PAY THEIR OWN WAY TO GET HERE. THEY’RE IN A MOVIE AND THAT’S AWESOME!
Anyway, if you’re Jenni Carlson and you can’t figure out if I’m being sarcastic or not, I am. According to Sean Eaton, the co-founder of the Professional Filmmakers of Oklahoma, the title of the film — “How to Commit Fraud” — may have a slight double-meaning. Via Facebook:
Did you hear that the OKCPD, FBI and Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics did something the Video Vigilante couldn’t? They arrested 44 people in a prostitution sting instead of just videotaping them like some pervert.
A three-day prostitution sting resulted in 44 arrests in Oklahoma City, police reported Monday.
The sting was a joint effort between Oklahoma City police, the FBI and the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drug Control’s human trafficking unit.
Arrests were made Thursday, Friday and Saturday in an area of S Robinson Avenue known for prostitution and through Internet investigations, Sgt. Jennifer Wardlow said.
Much like the creepy Video Vigilante, NewsOK decided to post mug shots of all the culprits. Since I’m not one to be outshone by a pervert with a video camera or Oklahoma’s most conservative rag, I have decided to post some of their pictures on here, too. The only difference is I’m going to rank the 1o hottest prostitutes. The ladies are already being judged, so we might as well do it in style.
Anyway, here’s my Top 10 list. And please think of me when I’m being beaten to death by an angry street pimp later this week!
“Why haven’t you included my outlying residential area of OKC as being the worst of anything?”, said no one ever. Well, here’s your chance, no one! Now you can vote on which wannabe OKC is the worst. Sorry, Harrah. You’ll have to take solace as being the place most likely to provide a backdrop for an alternate universe version of Breaking Bad where you don’t care about anyone who uses or sells meth. So just like Harrah.
Vote on, good people of the suburbs!
If you know me readers, you know that I live in a constant state of terror. I’m always at least half an inch from a panic attack, and at any given moment, I could just pass out from fear. Perhaps this is why I drink. Or maybe this why caffeine has some pretty terrible effects on me. Either way, suffice it say that I’ve got white knuckles that are constantly holding on for dear life.
Perhaps I’m one of the few people who truly has a freakout when I hear a sensationalized news story. Right now, Louisiana might be blown off the map by Isaac, everyone in the state has West Nile and is probably going to die a slow and painful death, and Lindsey Lohan is the greatest jewel thief in the world. So imagine my horror when I heard that Oklahoma has reported an increase in black widow spider bites this summer. That’s right, y’all. Arachnophobia is happening and Jeff Daniels isn’t hear to shoot that big ol’ slimy spider with a nail gun.
While the reports may try to downplay the severity of what is actually going on, I think you too should fear the worst. According to the report on NewsOK.com:
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