On Monday, The Oklahoman published this article by Jenni Carlson, about how tough it is to be Whitney Hand whenever her husband Landry Jones plays the sport of football terribly. In response, TLO sent our newest contributor — Fake Jenni Carlson — to TLO co-founder Tony’s house so she could report on what it was like to be Tony’s girlfriend when he reads a Jenni Carlson article. Fake Jenni Carlson’s dispatch follows.
Oklahoma City — The day started off completely normally. Tony Hanadarko, one of the three co-founders of the local blog The Lost Ogle, got up, brushed his teeth, poured a bowl of Cheerios, and opened up the paper.
“He just loves those Cheerios,” Tony’s girlfriend Samantha said. “Every day it’s the same. Cheerios, Cheerios, Cheerios. Hey, whatever makes him happy, right?”
After glancing at the front page, Tony turned to the sports section. Instantly, his eyes went straight to the byline: “Jenni Carlson.” He winced.
Samantha threw her hands over her eyes.
She’d already seen too much.
I love fall, but not for the typical reasons you’re used to hearing, like “football,” “changing leaves,” or “pumpkin spice lattes.” I really like fall because I’m one of those girls who starts shivering if a fan is on in a 75 degree room. Finally, I have an excuse to wear knee-length cardigans and boots without looking like a freak! That, and all of my favorite television shows are back on, which is a nice change of pace from my usual evening routine of playing on Pinterest and reading Cosmopolitan at the gym.
Oh, and also there’s Oktoberfest. Any event that makes drinking beer straight from the pitcher socially acceptable is a-okay by me. Apparently, last week some experts got together and decided that Tulsa’s own Oktoberfest is one of the best in the nation. Is it just me, or does Tulsa always seem to make the top ten of every single random list that Yahoo or NBC or the Department of Health release?
From all accounts, Johnny Depp is a pretty cool guy. He’s a big tipper, makes surprise visits to elementary schools and even turns hot lesbian actresses into straight lesbian actresses. But all of that is nothing when compared to his most recent random act of kindness. He visited Lawton, Oklahoma…voluntarily.
Johnny Depp is an honorary member of the Comanche Indian tribe, so it should come as no surprise he showed up at Comanche Nation Fair today in Oklahoma … except for the fact the tribe didn’t publicize his appearance at all.
The 21st Annual Comanche Nation Fair is being held this weekend in Lawton, OK … and none of the locals knew Depp would be there today. We’re told the tribe wanted to keep Depp’s appearance a secret so the parade (where he served as Grand Marshall) was not bombarded with people there just to see Johnny.
As you can see from the video, they succeeded admirably.
Depp was named an honorary member of the tribe back in May, partly due to the fact he is playing Tonto in the upcoming “Lone Ranger” movie.
Yeah, Johnny Depp is awesome. Not only did he make a trip to Lawton, but he sacrificed a Saturday to do it. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for that town since, well, I don’t think anyone’s ever done anything nice for Lawton. It’s the armpit of Oklahoma’s armpit. It’s more depressing than an old person taking a bath.
Here are some YouTube videos of the parade:
Maybe we’re getting immune to the crazy, but it seems like Jim Inhofe and Tom Coburn have been kind of quiet recently. Sure, Coburn recently made news for blocking 9/11 museum funds and the veteran’s job bill, and Jim Inhofe is still crazy old Uncle Inhofe, but other than that, they’ve been well-behaved.
Okay, so maybe we are getting a little too immune to the crazy, but can you blame us? For the past eight years, anytime the national media mentions a nutty Republican senator, there’s a good chance they’re talking about one of our guys. Their antics have become so routine that you just stop noticing. Hell, you sometimes even trick yourself into liking them.
In a way, our two Senators are like our state’s roads and bridges. You know they suck, but they’ve become such a part of your routine that you stop noticing. You even think things are getting better when you drive on a new highway and pass underneath a psychedelic bridge from the future. But then one day your car lands in a massive pothole or gets struck by falling debris from an overpass and you’re reminded about how bad things really are.
Well, Senator Coburn and Inhofe are having a massive pothole/falling debris moment. They are going to be honorary hosts of a fundraiser for Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin. From Politico:
OSU lost this past weekend. OU was off, but probably would have lost. Here’s the Week Five Power Poll:
10) Fumble? Touchdown?
Probably was a fumble. But the hell with it. Screw OSU and Texas. I hope you both catch the ass cancer.
9) J.W. Walsh is Gud
So I guess Wes Lunt isn’t that vital to the offense after all. “Backup” J.W. Walsh threw for 301 yards and a pair of touchdowns, and chipped in 57 yards of rushing against the best defense the Cowboys are likely to face this year. He had one bad interception, and yes, the running game helped relieve the pressure, but this is a highly recruited dual-threat quarterback who jumped into the starting role without a hiccup. Gee, I sure wish a certain program in Norman could have such a transition.
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