Thanks to Governor Fallin’s open records and a general feeling of laziness caused by this week’s monsoon, I kind of forgot about this Damon Lane weather dong that an Ogle Mole sent us.
Check it out:
I have a fun game for you to play this weekend, readers. It’s a bit of a springtime bingo of sorts. That rain has finally stopped (I know we needed it, but dang it was cold) and now it’s time for us to resume our springtime follies. So, every time you spot one of the following this weekend, you get to take a drink. When you see a girl in a sundress and cowboy boots, a girl in Nike running shorts and Ugg boots, or a tanning bed sunburn on some legs wearing either of the previous two combinations, take a drink. Additionally, if you see a dude in a pastel polo that his wife/girlfriend clearly bought him for springtime, take a drink. Otherwise, you know, just keep drinking. It’s the weekend.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Growing up I watched a lot of reruns of Little House on the Prairie with my great grandma, right before Highway to Heaven came on. We also watched The Young and the Restless and The Price is Right. But my favorite character on Little House was Nelly Oleson. Homegirl was a bitch. I respect that. Also, if her character ever uttered the phrase “It’s hot in here,” it didn’t end with a song.
There are other Nellies in this world, readers. And one of them inspired America to take off all their clothes just because he couldn’t find the switch for the ceiling fan. I hope Nelly finds the weather satisfactory while he’s here. I’d hate to think that unsuspecting fans would get arrested for indecent exposure simply because a rapper encouraged them to take their clothes off.
A few weeks back, Christina Fallin celebrated her birthday with a little get-together at the Governor’s Mansion. We know this because an Ogle Mole recently sent us pics from the event on Instagram.
Out of all the photos, this was my favorite. Not only does it show Wayne Coyne and his homewrecking girlfriend (she’s the one with the green bracelet thing to Wayne’s left), but it aptly summarizes Christina’s personality:
Yes, Christina Fallin is such a self-absorbed narcissist that she made all of her friends dye their hair pink for her birthday party. Imagine how demeaning that must have been. I have shiny gray hair (Hey ladies!), and if I asked my friends to color their mullets gray for my birthday, I really hope one of them would punch me in the face. That’s what we did to Spencer when he handed us those “Ginger for a Day” packets last Monday at Juniors.
Of course, there’s always a possibility that her friends are brown-nosing ass-kissers and dyed their hair as some sort of tribute. That wouldn’t be a surprise. There’s also an off-chance that Wayne Coyne brought the pink hair dye so that he could be the center of attention for a few minutes. He loves attention more than sex, drugs, weird music, robots, big hands, blood, hamster balls, dead birds, vaginas and Santa Claus combined.
Anyway, Tulsa Urban weekly recently profiled Christina in their March 27th issue. Instead of exposing her as an entitled attention-crazed wannabe hipster , Tulsa Urban Weekly reporter Nicci Atchley painted her as some sort of anti-rebellious, carefree, renaissance woman hero.
From Tulsa Urban Weekly:
I guess there’s a new aspiring viral video star from the OKC metro. Meet Abbie Kritz. She’s a student at Oklahoma Christian and had her wisdom teeth removed a few weeks ago. This was the aftermath:
You know how they say youth is wasted on the young? Well, I guess you can say the same thing about powerful sedatives. Seriously, as long as he’s not trying to give me HIV, I need to schedule an appointment with that girl’s oral surgeon immediately. I’d give anything to be able to go to a magical place where the only thing that matters are my dead teeth.
That being said, this video kind of sucks when compared to other Oklahoma viral video stars. She’s not Sweet Brown, Mike Gundy or Greyson Chance. Hell, she’s not even the best crying college girl form Oklahoma to make it big on YouTube. That would belong to the Make It Snow Girl. Also, based on her Twitter feed, it looks like Abbie has been trying a little too hard to get her video noticed. I guess there’s nothing wrong with a little self promotion, but viral videos lose a bit of their charm when they’re overly promoted. The best ones just spread on their own.
Anyway, Abbie and her boyfriend were interviewed on Kimmel a few nights ago. Here’s the clip if you want to check it out:
A lot’s changed since Emily Sutton beat Kevin Durant s in the Ogle Madness V Championship Game. The OKC Thunder had yet to play in the NBA Finals, David Payne still wore Chinese made KFOR windbreakers, and I had a job. Now look! Everything’s different except for this Ogle Madness rematch! It’s like Rocky II only Emily Sutton is way better looking than Stallone and Carl Weathers isn’t involved. God, I love Carl Weathers.
It’ll be interesting to see if the star of Thunderstruck can get revenge on the star of sunshiny mornings and clouds in the sky. Emily Sutton has won every Ogle Madness battle she’s been in, by a lot. Can she repeat the defeat dolled out last year? Will Kevin Durant be the Thunderstruck of Ogle Madness contenders? Only you can decide! Well, you and whomever else votes while sitting outside an IHOP using free wi-fi from their car. So from the looks of it, you, me and about six other people.
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