As the image above proves, it’s hard not to be a fan of cheerleaders with guns. Something about it is just cool. Granted, you could show me a pic of Honeybee Talor holding my own severed head and I’d think it’s cool too, but you get my point.
I bring this up because an Ogle Mole sent me a screenshot from the Tuttle Tiger Moms Facebook Group. They’re having a raffle for the Tuttle Little League Cheer and, well, check out the screenshot:
Before I went to college and learned about the great exercise in futility known as the Homecoming Float competition, I rather enjoyed parades. Who doesn’t watch the Macy’s Day parade every year, and who doesn’t have fond memories as a child catching candy thrown by an old guy wearing a fez in his little Shriner’s car? At its most pure form, parades are a beautiful show of community and family. Plus, it gives you a great excuse to sit in a lawn chair all afternoon and sip from a spiked Bubba Keg–something that I for one, would never complain about.
Which is why I was a little confused to see new stories in Tulsa about our happy little Christmas parade, shrouded in controversy over what to call it, where it should be located, and whether other parades should be allowed to compete with it. I mean, it’s a freakin’ holiday parade–how could so many things be a point of contention?
Here’s the scoop from Tulsa World:
I don’t know if I can think of a place that is sketchier than a gym. Sure, you can get fit and healthy while you’re there, but you’re also probably exposing yourself to all manner of infections and meningitis every time you touch a machine. Seriously, those little wipes they provide for you to sop up your sweat when you’re done? Not enough. And judging from the age and apparent level of dedication of the workers at my gym, those machines are never getting cleaned.
My gym also posts little reminders on the flat screens that you shouldn’t stare at people while they work out. You know, just in case you were home schooled and don’t know how to behave when you have to go out in public. It would seem that Flex Works gym in Lindsay could use similar reminders. According to KFOR.com:
It’s been a little over five years since Big Ed Thomas, the impresario behind Big Ed’s Hamburgers, shed this mortal coil and there’s not a conversation about burgers—and I have a lot of them—that goes by wherein someone says to me “Man, I sure do miss Big Ed’s!” as they woefully bite into a $25 artisan-crafted boutique-burger sided with a dollop of rosemary-tainted truffle-fries, swigging a piss-warm craft beer to wash/choke it down with.
There was a time in this great state when Big Ed’s burger joints were littered all across the land, a state-wide success story that included over 50 stores and statewide acclaim. Since his death, however, that number has dwindled down to one measly location at NW 122 and N. Penn in an obscure little shopping center that is as non-descript as it is empty. It’s the culinary equivalent of your once strong and virile abuelito reduced to dementia-infused tears as he wets himself in the game-room of a crooked old folks’ home.
One of the most heated races in today’s election is the Republican primary for the 5th Congressional District. It’s the seat that’s being vacated by “Ginger Fierce” James Lankford. With a crowded, diverse field, we’re likely going to have a runoff, but I thought we should still review the candidates and give our highly sought-after, meaningful endorsement.
First of all, let’s take a look at the people would don’t deserve your vote. The choices are:
Chamber of Commerce / Republican Party Establishment
Patrice is the candidate that oil companies, wealthy housewives from Edmond and really bad photographers want to see win the race. Her biggest accomplishments are being elected mayor of Edmond and having her friend, Mary Fallin, appoint her to the Corporation Commission.
Chamber of Commerce / Republican Party Establishment
The 5th Congressional District covers most of Edmond, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that we have two Chamber of Commerce Establishment Republicans from Edmond seeking this seat. Clark was one of the first, and only, Republican representatives to follow us on Twitter. He also apparently name dropped The Lost Ogle in a PowerPoint presentation about social media to state employees. Yep, he’s the Dan Gordon of Oklahoma politics.
Who Am I? Why am I here?
The Admiral James Stockdale of the race, Shane Jett ran for this seat in 2010, was soundly defeated, stepped away from politics for four years and is now ready to be soundly defeated again. His claim to fame is proposing that the state build a $100 million, 1,100 foot tall, stainless steel-ensconced oil derrick equipped with water cannons over the Oklahoma River. And no, as the video above shows, I’m not making that up.
Steve Russell is a decorated war veteran who led the battalion that captured Saddam Hussein. That’s pretty cool. He also claims Iraq was developing WMDs and masturbates daily to Gun World Magazine.
The Spoiled Rich Kid / Eye Booger Eater
If you vote for Mike Turner tomorrow, you’re either:
A) Really dumb.
B) Just trying to piss us off.
C) Anti solar energy.
D) Mike Turner’s parents.
Considering primaries generally have a low turnout, that means he’ll probably win.
There’s one candidate left to review, and he’s the one getting our endorsement for the Oklahoma 5th Congressional District. His name is:
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