The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

12 pick up lines that Chelsea should have used when she met Nick Collison

Earlier this week, our very own Chelsea wrote about a chance encounter she had with her dream boy Nick Collison. Knowing Chelsea like we know her, the whole ordeal was funny, yet depressing:

Loyal TLO readers: Last Friday morning, it finally happened. After years of (not so quietly) professing my love via various media outlets, I finally came face to face with the greatest unrequited love of my life, THE Nick Collison.

It happened on an elevator. I tossed out a casual “hey.” He returned with an amused “hey.” In attempt to keep the conversation going, I asked him how he liked playing at the Spirit Center. Okay, not one of my better pick-up lines. Obviously if I had time to prepare, I would have asked him what his favorite book is, or found out the greatest concert he’s ever been to, or asked if he’d ever read the Kama Sutra. But, the fact is I was caught off-guard and was wearing scrubby yoga pants and black framed faux-hipster glasses (note: I wear faux-hipster prescription glasses, not hipster faux-prescription glasses–as if one were better than the other). After countless tweets and hours spent Photoshopping Nick into pictures with me, all I got in return was a paltry “it was ‘aight.” Nick Collison then stepped off the elevator and disappeared into the third floor of the historic Mayo Hotel. Rejection is a dish served…unaccompanied.

Outside of meeting that Australian cowboy, this is definitely one of the most exciting things that’s happened to me all year. Sad, huh? I was going to come up with a clever metaphor to liken my predictable life to the dull and mundane week I’m assuming that the Tulsa Police had, but as you can tell, literary devices were never really my forte.

Chelsea’s nice, fun and enjoys reminding us that Tulsa has QuikTrips. For those reasons alone, we all like her at the TLO Home Office. Well, except for Spencer. He doesn’t like sharing Tuesday’s with her. That’s fine, though, because Chad likes her way too much. I guess that evens things out.

Anyway, because Chelsea totally blew her chance to hook up with The Freckle King, we thought it would be fun to visit the Jerk Store and come up with 11 pick up lines or advances she should have told the Thunder role player. If she could go back in time, step on an elevator, and use one of these, she could have fulfilled her dream and been the one-night stand of a professional athlete.

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And the winner to our 2012 Oklahoma State Fair Photo Contest is…

Two weeks ago, we announced the 20 semi-finalists for our 2012 Oklahoma State Fair Photo Contest. Now, after two exciting rounds and over 10,000 total votes, we’ve determined a champion. Securing 445 votes (25%) in the finals, the champion of our contest is:

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Dear God, some 50-year-old lady got a Rumble tattoo on her arm

I was spending some time on the Oklahoma Gazette’s website earlier this morning (don’t judge) and stumbled across this story about a lady who got a tattoo of Rumble on her arm. After shaking my head, rolling my eyes, and saying “Dear God, Really,” I then read the article:

Rumble ink
October 17th, 2012

Oklahoma City loves Rumble, that affable and acrobatic bison who serves as mascot for the Thunder. But it’s not just any old fan who makes the commitment to eat, bathe and sleep with the big guy … forever.

Cindy Evans is no fair-weather fan. The Ratliff City resident recently took the additional step of committing Rumble to a tattoo on her left arm.

“I love him to pieces!” Evans said of Rumble. “He is the best, most loving, most fun and most exciting mascot. He loves his fans, young and old alike. He tries to accommodate his fans, if at all possible. I have had him walk across the back of the stadium seats to get to where I am just to greet me with a hug. The draw for me to him is that he is so loving and he doesn’t hesitate to show that love to all his fans.”

We’d say Evans is equally effusive. She plans to get another tattoo, the Thunder logo, later this month.

Yikes. If I woke up and found that thing on my arm I would call the police and report a crime. The second thing I’d do is call a tattoo artist and have him (or her) put a bar code over it. The third thing I’d do is cry uncontrollably.

Seriously, what type of person would agree to have that inked on their body for life? Well, here’s your answer. This lady:

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TLO Band (or Musician) of the Month: Chelsey Cope

The first time I ever really hung out with Chelsey Cope, we were at a small venue in Norman for a show she was playing. She greeted me with a ladylike charm, and within five minutes had challenged me to a non-ladylike beer chugging contest in the parking lot. Not only did this girl apparently travel with a bunch of beer in her car in case such an opportunity arises, but she was willing to share it with someone who was basically a stranger in a very public parking lot where there were definitely small children around.

This beer was warm. And not like “just bought from the liquor store” warm, but more like “been sitting in 100 degree heat for a week” warm. We both described the taste as being “hot saliva-ish,” and although I technically won the contest, we were both losers at that point. A few things stood out about her, to me, in this moment:

1. She hadn’t yet played her set for the night. She was slamming multiple beers in the parking lot and still had to go stand on stage with an acoustic guitar and sing at people within the hour. I still can’t decide if this was badass or stupid.

2. She isn’t a tomboy as much as she’s just a laid-back self-aware girl who can fit in perfectly with the guy crowd.

3. She was genuinely upbeat, funny, and happy. This threw me for a loop because all the songs I had heard from her sounded like they could have been written by a post-Zooey version of Ben Gibbard.

When I finally sat down with her months later, I had the chance to ask her about where the balance is between her lyrics and her personality, and which Oklahoma Celebrity she’s sleep with if a gun was pointed to her head. Typical stuff:

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“This American Life” profiled Oklahoma’s educational system…and it was kind of positive

Whenever a national media organization reports on our state’s educational system, they usually focus on embarrassing issues like inadequate funding, poor test scores or the wackos at capitol who want to do things teach intelligent design in the science classroom. Occasionally they even go beyond that and profile valedictorians who were denied diplomas or annoying kids who cheer for Michigan.

Because of all that, I found this story in last week’s “This American Life” to be very surprising. They didn’t talk about Oklahoma high school dropouts or the controversy in the state superintendent’s office. They told the story about how Oklahoma was an innovative leader in publicly funded pre-school education, even though we were kind of tricked into funding it by some folksy rogue legislator.

From the This America Life website. Audio begins at 35:00 minute mark:

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