If you can’t beat them, join them. Unless you’re Channel 9. Then you buy them from Channel 4.
Yes, just one day after they signed Gary England to a new contract, we’re hearing rumbles through the Ogle Mole Network that KWTV News 9 has poached popular weatherman and stormchaser David Payne from the KFOR Channel 4 weather team.
News 9 is apparently making the move to combat stagnant ratings and help prepare for the day when Lord England retires to his Severe Weather Palace in Edmond. If this rumor is true, and we think it is, it will come just 14-months after KWTV signed longtime KFOR chopper pilot Jim Gardner to a lucrative contract.
According to one email we received, Payne informed his colleagues at Channel 4 of his decision to leave yesterday morning. Upon hearing the news, Mike Morgan’s severe weather tie burst into hot flames and he had to be doused with water. From the back of the room, Emily Sutton slowly stood and said “I’ll chase the storms now, Mr. Morgan. I’ll chase the storms.”
Payne will allegedly start at News 9 in January.
I first heard the news from a high-level Ogle Mole yesterday at around 4:00pm. Over the next couple of hours, emails began to trickle in from the Ogle Mole Network asking why I hadn’t written about the story. This is because everyone thinks I just sit around a computer all day waiting for severe weather gossip to report. That’s only half-true.
So far, neither News 9, KFOR, David Payne or Gary England have confirmed or denied the report. Gary England is the only one to address the rumor, stating on Twitter that “No retirement.. Just signed a new long-term contract with News 9. You all surprised? I’m really surprised!”
After the jump are a few of the emails I received, along with my thoughts on the situation:
Last week, we published a six-year-old audio clip of popular stand-up comedian Louis C.K. telling some jokes about Oklahoma City, and in particular, how someone should light a bomb in front of a federal building here and kill a bunch of people someday.
The post actually generated a little bit of controversy locally. Some people got really mad that a superstar comedian would try to make light of a senseless act of terrorism that killed 168 people and wrecked the lives of thousands. Others got mad at us for posting the clip because it was six years old, obscure and comedians have to universal right to say whatever they want, whenever they want, without any repercussions or consequences.
Anyway, somehow Louis C.K. was alerted to mini-controversy. He briefly discussed it on Monday in a weird YouTube interview with skateboarding legend Tony Hawk. Here’s the clip:
Yesterday, Gary England celebrated his 40-year anniversary at Channel 9. Think about that for a second. When Gary started keeping people advised and telling them to take tornado per’cautions, Richard Nixon was president, gasoline cost 55-cents a gallon and Oklahoma was ran by racist Democrats. Yeah, a lot has changed in 40-years.
Anyway, Channel 9 went all out to honor Lord England yesterday. They aired several tribute videos, a blooper reel and everyone ate cake in the break room. At the end of it all, Channel 9 announced that our Severe Weather Savior had signed a new contract. That probably explains why all the church bells rang and tornado sirens went off around 10:10pm.
After all the fan fair and pageantry, it was time for Gary to do what Zuess, God and the Griffin family had chosen him to do: Give the weather forecast. When he did, this happened:
In a way, the finals of our Oklahoma State Fair Photo Contest reminds me of NCAA Men’s Basketball Final 4. It’s kind of anti-climatic. Sure, it’s cool to see who wins and everything, but the real fun is that first week when we get to see the field, pick our favorites and watch a Cinderella or two emerge.
Here our the six finalists for the contest:
- Beauty and the Corn Dog
- Daisy Dukes and Cowboy Boots
- 8 Mile
- Mr. Snaky McMuttonchop
- Them’r my corn eatin’ gloves
- Sleeping Beauty
Before you review the pics and cast your vote, remember a few things:
- In the semi-finals, you could vote for three pics. This time, you can only choose one. Voting ends on Sunday night.
- Whoever submitted the winning photo will win a Limo Tour to the Wedge Pizzeria and Deep Fork Grill. When you go the Wedge, be sure to order an American Pie and add Pepperoni. When you’re done eating it, send me a thank you note. When you’re at Deep Fork, get whatever you want. It’s all amazing.
- I should have mentioned this in one of the earlier posts, but please don’t try to stuff the ballot box. Some person with the IP addresses 22.214.171.124 and 126.96.36.199 tried to do that, and let me tell you, it’s annoying. The votes are audited by the Clark Matthews accounting firm. You’re allowed one vote. Don’t try to rig things.
As you readers know, I’m a city girl. I hate when I’m not at least within 2 miles of the nearest Target, and I can’t live in a place that doesn’t have a Starbucks that I shun for a local alternative (I love you, Michelangelo’s on Main Street!). I’ve been to Sayre once, and even then, I spent the majority of my visit there leaving to go to Elk City. I’m fine with this, and if you ask me, a backyard is just enough wildlife to keep me happy. And if I want to get really “at one with the Earth”, then I’ll just go to OU’s campus and sit on a bench near a tree.
That’s why city kids like me are cowering in fear. Apparently, we’ve got bobcats running around the city, y’all. And let me just start out by saying that all I know about bobcats is that sometimes white trash people think they make good pets and then keep them and their trailers and hunter green sectional sofas get completely destroyed. Also, it’s like a little backhoe that you can rent, but I wouldn’t mind if those were loose in the city because then maybe somebody would be fixing up the roads.
According to Kfor.com, the bobcats are hanging around those apartment complexes where you used to party back in undergrad:
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