A huge congratulations goes out to State Representative Sally Kern for winning your vote for Oklahoman of the Month in April! Kern gracefully won over your hearts after the crafty words she said in regards to those damn women folk and minorities.
I invite you all to send her a personal congrats to her email which can be found here. Or hell just give her a call at her home: 405.942.3504. Here’s her office phone: 405.557.7348. I’m sure she would love to hear from you all.
Anyway, now let’s go over the nominees for Oklahoman of the Month for May 2011. Check them out and vote after the jump.
Well, we’re at number five. Maybe I have this song rated too high, but who cares, it’s my list and I can do whatever I want. It’s kind of cool to have this power.
Also, it’s Memorial Day weekend so I doubt anyone is even reading this. Holiday weekends are to Internet traffic as the Thunder’s late game execution is to winning basketball games.
Ah, Memorial Day weekend. You know, readers, I used to call it “Oreo Day” when I was little, and no one told me it was actually Memorial Day until I was about 10 because they thought it was cute. It’s for reasons like this that I’m so screwed up. But that is neither here nor there. Because this weekend isn’t about remembering the past in any way. It’s about grilling, cleaning out the pool and getting the first really bad sunburn of the year that will ultimately result in some form of cancer.
And with that, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Ever since that Bret Michaels “Rock of Love” show ended, there has been a huge hole in my heart (a white-trash, fake-boobed, bad decision making sized hole). I have to say my life is incomplete without Heather getting Bret’s name tattooed on the back of her neck, Kristy Jo telling Bret that she’s still married, or Daisy De La Hoya pouting and saying really dumb things all the time.
Lucky for me, readers, I live in the great state of Oklahoma. Each year Rocklahoma comes to Pryor, and each year, hundreds of illegitimate children are conceived and named things like Randy Ray and Crystal Love. I think if some producer at VH1 found out about this shindig, they’d be all over it to fill the hole in their reality show programming.
Now, just a thought for those of you who are actually thinking of attending: You may want to bring your iPod so you don’t have to listen to the music there. And regardless of how fun it may seem, DO NOT tell people their tattoos are misspelled. Just don’t. You may feel superior to them intellectually, but rest assured, folks with misspelled tattoos are like a Michael Vick-trained pit bull in human form.
There are a lot of shitty jobs in Oklahoma City – we profiled some of them here – but now it may be time to add David Payne’s photojournalist to the list. Watch this video to see why:
Jesus Christ! That’s some intense stuff. The only thing not in that video was Helen Hunt, a couple of flying cows, and some mean lady on bicycle flying by and turning into a witch.
Anyway, this kind of hurts to say, but I think David Payne has officially surpassed Val as Oklahoma’s best storm chaser. This is like the second time he’s defied death while covering a storm. Now if we can only figure out what happened here.
Also, KFOR totally dominated all the other local channels with their weather coverage and footage on Tuesday. Not only was David Payne out dodging telephone poles, but Chopper 4 provided some great footage of the tornado that hit the Noble area. Hell, they even invented new words like “Elephant Trunk,” “Grinder” and “Maxi Wedge Multi Vortex” to describe the tornadoes. Now if they can just do something about Mike Morgan’s doomsday prognostications and bedazzled Ed Hardy tie, they may be able to take the big leap and surpass Lord England’s crew.
On that note, the coverage on Channel 9 was a bit disappointing. Val couldn’t be found when the storms first hit, the little weatherman in the helicopter was annoying, plus they had some crazed English storm chaser pissing all over himself whenever he saw a tornado. But…they still have Gary England. That’s like having two aces up your sleeve and Micheal Jordan coming off the bench. It’s virtually unstoppable.
There are plenty of ways to die out there in the world. You can have a heart attack, be in a plane crash or drown in a river. You can also collide with a Donkey.
Oklahoma man dies after colliding with donkey
Yeah, that’s just the headline, but in all honesty, I think that’s the only thing you need to take away from this story. I guess we could mention that he was on a motorcycle when he hit the donkey, but that just makes the story more confusing and less sad.
Anyway, this whole thing reminded of a post we wrote a few years when we listed the “Top 10 Ways to Die in Oklahoma.” After looking at the list again, I think “Colliding with a farm animal” would make a revision, as would “Owning your own lucrative meth lab outside Meeker.”
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