If you’re like me, readers, then you have the holiday blues so bad that you don’t care what you get for Christmas. It’s not that I’m against Christmas, I’m just tired of being bombarded by the seasonal décor and ambience. It’s like if every summer you had to listen to Bryan Adams sing “Summer of ‘69” on a loop while you were force fed popsicles and cherry Coke while floating in a pool. It’s just plain overkill. And what makes it the worst is that, even though I could pretty much avoid the Christmas music up until this point, I can’t now. It’s everywhere.
So, to commemorate the week that feels a lot like that scene from A Clockwork Orange where Alex is forced to watch violence while Beethoven plays (except I’m forced to watch A Christmas Story while holiday music is piped in) I’ve made a list of the five worst Christmas songs of all time to hopefully get you into the grinching mood.
As newspapers lay dying, they continue to maintain their superiority complex when it comes to the topic of the internet. Just mention the world wide web in the presence of a print journalist and you can count on a soapbox rant about how the anonymity afforded by the medium is ruining public discourse and how the ease of publication is watering down the collective intellectual capital of society.
It is a good thing that this state’s largest print publication is around to set an example.
Patrick pointed out on Monday that The Oklahoman published their endorsement for President of the United States about eleven months prior to the election. They did it with an article that clearly communicated that it was the opinion of…well, every single person in the made up utopia of “Heartland.” But at least we know that it was written by…nope, they didn’t even give the author an anonymous handle like “Reaganisgod40.” Personally, I have J. E. McReynolds in The Lost Ogle’s office pool about the identity of the writer, but even if it seems obvious, no one associates their name with the loosely supported opinions.
This means the anti-Obama, slightly pro-Romney, diatribe can best be described as the prevailing wisdom of the entire brain trust of the most influential news organization in the 405. It was printed in the most heavily circulated edition of the organization’s weekly distribution. So, one would expect that it would not read like an ill-informed message board posting.
After the jump, we test that theory.
If I were a Mommy Blogger counting down my top 10 guilty pleasures, it’s highly likely that my love for French fries dipped or smothered in Heinz ketchup would make the list. It would probably land somewhere in the middle of the countdown, surrounded by things like Newcastle Brown Ale, large breasts and the summertime reality show Big Brother, which in all honesty, is only tolerable because of the large breasts.
Because my love for deep-fried carbs is so strong, I must admit that I have a tiny tiny tiny bit of empathy for Dale Golden. He’s that guy in South Oklahoma City who choked his wife after arguing with her over some frozen French fries. From the official news source of the Heartland:
A man accused of choking his wife inside an Oklahoma City convenience store during an argument over frozen french fries was arrested and was being held in jail Monday…
Dale Deon Golden, 37, of Wewoka, was arrested Thursday on complaints of domestic abuse by strangulation, drug possession and attempting to escape from police custody.
Officers said they were called to the store on SE 59 about 7:30 p.m. Thursday in reference to a domestic abuse incident. When they arrived, police noticed a woman with red marks on her neck, according to the police report.
The woman told officers she was arguing over frozen french fries with her husband when he grabbed her from behind and put his arm around her neck, choking her.
Police frisked the him and found a baggie of marijuana in his waistband and a 9 mm bullet in his possession, according to a police report.
Well, that’s weird. I love French fries, but this guy took things too far. In my book, the only time you should ever forcefully lay your hands on a woman is when you’re either mud wrestling or have a safe word. Even then it’s kind of awkward.
Anyway, here are three quick thoughts on this story:
Last week my buddy and fellow TLO contributor, Tony, pointed me to this story. A story about a young black girl who wasn’t allowed to go swimming in her duplex because the owner posted a “Whites Only” sign. Guys, it was amazing the comments that spewed from the internet trolls, but when I sat down to write this post The Oklahoman had deleted all the amazing musing of Oklahoma’s finest.
A little heartbroken I read other stories on NewsOK.com and stumbled upon this one. It is about an Oklahoma man who became Vegan and lost 40 pounds! Hey NewsOK, you could keep covering the fact that President Obama finally ended the war in Iraq. Or instead of that, you could endorse Mitt Romney. Wait – you already did that? Alright, I guess there really isn’t anything left but the story of a man who no longer eats anything made from animals (read: tasty).
So after the jump, I’m going to dissect the best comments from NewsOK.com’s story about Vegans! Also, read the intro to the story. It’s one of the most forced, “trying to be funny to get the reader interested” openings I’ve ever seen (aside from everything I’ve ever done).
Well, this is awkward.
Used car salesmen have always had a bit of a sketchy reputation, but their transgressions are typically limited to trafficking rickety pieces of shit complete with a complimentary “dead body” aroma. When a business’s shady doings are escalated to bankrolling bombs and guerrilla attacks, well, it’s natural to feel another wave of guilt about that 1996 junker you so generously purchased for your high schooler.
From News 9:
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