The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Bobcats are taking over OKC

As you readers know, I’m a city girl. I hate when I’m not at least within 2 miles of the nearest Target, and I can’t live in a place that doesn’t have a Starbucks that I shun for a local alternative (I love you, Michelangelo’s on Main Street!). I’ve been to Sayre once, and even then, I spent the majority of my visit there leaving to go to Elk City. I’m fine with this, and if you ask me, a backyard is just enough wildlife to keep me happy. And if I want to get really “at one with the Earth”, then I’ll just go to OU’s campus and sit on a bench near a tree.

That’s why city kids like me are cowering in fear. Apparently, we’ve got bobcats running around the city, y’all. And let me just start out by saying that all I know about bobcats is that sometimes white trash people think they make good pets and then keep them and their trailers and hunter green sectional sofas get completely destroyed. Also, it’s like a little backhoe that you can rent, but I wouldn’t mind if those were loose in the city because then maybe somebody would be fixing up the roads.

According to Kfor.com, the bobcats are hanging around those apartment complexes where you used to party back in undergrad:

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This guy is the new Chief Meteorologist for KOCO Channel 5…

After being rejected by David Payne, Zach Daniel, and just about any other weatherperson with a clue, KOCO Channel 5′s three-month search to find a replacement for Rick Mitchell has ended. They have promoted Damon Lane, the station’s former morning weatherman, to Chief Meteorologist.

Via the Dallas-based website Uncle Barkey:

CBS11 reporter Melissa Newton, who joined the D-FW station in June 2009, will be leaving soon to join her husband, Damon Lane, in Oklahoma City. They were married earlier this year.

Lane, the early morning weatherman for KOCO-TV, has been promoted to chief meteorologist in place of Rick Mitchell, who left the station in August to join Fort Worth-based NBC5 as that station’s eventual chief meteorologist. He has been at KOCO since August 2009….

Newton, who has been working the early morning shift at CBS11, previously worked as an anchor-reporter at both KOCO and KOKH-TV in Oklahoma City. Sources say Newton is being wooed by two stations in that market to be a full-time anchor.

Lane, whose birth surname is Smuzynski, married Newton under that name on Sept. 22nd in McKinney.

Geeze, I don’t know which is sadder. Is it that KOCO just promoted Damon Lane to Chief Meteorologist, or is that we got scooped by a website called Uncle Barkey? I’ll go with Channel 5. Sure, the egg on our face is embarrassing, but at least we don’t have millions in advertising dollars vested in our mistake. I bet Mike Morgan and Gary England are still lighting cigars and toasting champagne as you read this.

In case you can’t tell, I don’t think this was a great move. Channel 5 needed to make a splash hire, and they promoted the offensive line coach. We’ll see how that works out for them. And it’s not that I don’t like Damon Lane. I’m sure he’s a good guy and everything, but he just has the looks, personality and feel of a morning weatherman. I can’t see him keeping viewers during severe weather season or cutting into Lord England’s or Magic Mike’s market share. I could maybe watch him during an ice storm, but when a tornado’s barreling up I-44, forget about it. For example, when he cut into the OU-Texas game during a commercial to let rabid Sooners fans know (gasp!) there were storms brewing near Altus, he genuinely seemed nervous and scared. You don’t want a scared weatherman. You don’t want one who plays with puppies in fields of wildflowers, either.

All that being said, there is one positive thing to report here. Damon’s wife is cute and according to Uncle Barkey, she’s being wooed by two stations in the market. Considering how she looks in the photos after the jump, I’d encourage a station to do exactly that. Here are some pics of the newlyweds:

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RIP: Oklahoma City Zombies

This past week, one of the Internet’s best and most influential sport writers – Bill Simmons — wrote an excellent article in Grantland about the James Harden contract fiasco. The beginning of his column included a very significant and important footnote. The Zombies are dead.

Important note for this season: I’m giving up my four-year vow to avoid typing the word “Thunder” in an NBA column after the Sonics were hijacked from Seattle with the implicit consent of the NBA’s commissioner, David Stern. It’s just too much of a pain in the ass to keep the “Zombies” thing going, and more important, Chris Hansen is definitely bringing the Sonics back to Seattle. That’s happening. Let’s start looking forward instead of backward.

Yeah, great excuse. I’m sure you’re being 100% honest, and you stopped writing “Zombies” when the word became a “pain in your ass” to include in mailbags, trade value rankings and an upcoming column that will compare 27 NBA players to your favorite characters from Boardwalk Empire. You know, because “Zombies” is so much more difficult to write than “Thunder.” I doubt it had anything to do with the Zombies schtick becoming tired and boring and old news. And lets look forward instead of backward or something like that.

Lame excuses aside, Simmons’ article about the Harden conundrum was spot-on. He outlines the entire situation perfectly. Here are his three likely outcomes:

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Hard to believe, but this guy stabbed a bouncer in Tulsa…

As I predicted, every trendy area of Dallas was a drunken and debaucherous madhouse last weekend. I watched a UT fan headbutt a mechanical bull, a girl in a sequins crop-top throw up in the bathroom sink, and a rotund gentleman barrel down the very, very steep stairs of some bar. And that was before I got roofied! Not even going to church Sunday night or the gallons of Quiktrip fountain Gatorade I consumed could spare me the agony and repercussions of this three-day marathon. Let the 72-hour hangover begin, you guys.

Anyway, semi-idiotic and embarrassing things are often an accepted (and sometimes encouraged) part of the whole concept of partying. What sucks is when alcohol drives one to do things that are destructive on levels that extend beyond the realm of that night…or okay, a day or two after that, like stabbing a bouncer while leaving a bar. From the Tulsa World:

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The Oklahoma State Election Board is on top of things…

Hey there, Gentle Readers. This is actually Patrick and not Marisa. You see, Marisa’s posts rarely contain typos, incorrect word usage or improper subject-verb agreements, so I decided to use her profile to point out this funny typo on the return envelope of our state’s voter registration forms. It makes me feel like less of hypocrite:

Well, at least they just misspelled our state’s name, and didn’t put something like “The Girl With The Biggest Tits” on the address line. Actually, that would have been pretty funny and cool. This typo is just sad and lame.

Anyway, maybe the State Election Board should hire Marisa to write their envelopes. Outside of that whole Okie Fan Fiction thing, she never makes a mistake. Plus, she has a Master’s Degree in Writing from OU, so she’s definitely qualified. I bet whoever wrote this thing graduated from UCO.