We have obtained this video through the Ogle Mole Network. It displays the wrath of Gary England:
Jump. Back. Loretta. That’s the coolest thing I’ve seen since Clark Matthews’ showed me his vintage collection of Vampire erotica.
Man, Gary looked pissed. Just imagine how that little staffer felt after being scolded by him. This would be my reaction:
1. Relief. He didn’t make you disintegrate on the spot. That’s nice.
2. Grief. I get all sad and disappointed when I upset my Grandma. I can’t imagine what it would be like to upset Gary. I would rank it somewhere between the time you stole gum from a grocery store and a late-term abortion.
3. Fear. Once you realize that you upset Gary England you will probably live your life in constant fear of rain, lightning and being crushed by a mountain of teacup sized hail.
Anyway, I wonder what Gary said to the person to make News 9 cut the audio. Rumor has it that Gary dropped a four letter word that rhymes with “Duck,” but I’m not sure if I buy that. It was probably something more like “I’ll keep you advised, bitch” or “Suck my doppler radar” instead.
• A bunch of right-wing wacko ladies named “Heels Packing Heat” posed for a gun-filled photo shoot inside the Lincoln county courthouse in Chandler. The police are now investigating the photo shoot because apparently it’s “illegal” to take guns into a courthouse. Fortunately for the ladies, the are white females. Therefore, I doubt any charges will be filed.
• Rocklahoma has announced the 2011 Ms. Rocklahoma Pageant Finalists. I was going to breakdown the entire field last week, but as an Ogle Mole told me, visiting the Rocklahoma.com website is one of the few ways you can catch Chlamydia through a computer screen. So if you like to look at scantily clad girls who like jager bombs, Papa Roach and have probably either been in a fight or had sex in a City Walk bathroom, view at your own risk.
Congratulations. Just by the simple fact that you are reading this, it means you survived the apocalyptic tornadoes last night. Sure, your house may have been distributed throughout neighboring counties, and in the fortunate case that it wasn’t, electricity and running water are things of the past for you. Be satisfied that you have your life, hopefully without long lingering injuries. Also, take satisfaction that your suffering will help congressional Republicans.
In a bid to become the poster child for lack of GOP empathy, the House majority leader Eric Cantor used the death and destruction of tornadoes in Joplin, Missouri to frame a new battle over the budget.
“If there is support for a supplemental (spending measure), it would be accompanied by support for having pay-fors to that supplemental,” said Cantor.
The sentiment is actually not one I disagree with. Balancing the budget should be a priority, one the Republican Party has certainly championed now that the person signing the bills is not one of their own. However, one would think only a movie villain would use a natural disaster that killed more than 100 people as a vehicle to illustrate that dedication…especially on the heels of holding unemployment benefits hostage (during the worst economic crisis since The Great Depression) to assure tax cuts remained in place for those who were suffering the least during the financial meltdown.
On the bright side, Congress did locate an offset to cover the spending on the suddenly homeless victims. Less on the bright side is that the Republicans did not target one of their own programs. The $1.2 billion in spending savings will come from a program to encourage the production of fuel efficient vehicles. You know, a program designed to reduce carbon emissions that contribute to climate change that increases the likelihood of catastrophic weather-related disasters.
Of course, this was all in response to tornadoes that occurred in Missouri last week. So, when Governor Fallin requests help for local governments like Piedmont whose infrastructure was annihilated, one can expect another similar battle with similar political posturing.
Happy Wednesday, gentle readers. Here are this week’s answers to your burning questions.
If the Oklahoma legislature doesn’t trust me to make decisions about my body, should I stop trusting myself?
Actually, gentle Brittany, I think this is precisely the goal of the Oklahoma legislature. As Sally Kern stated earlier this year, women don’t work as hard because they would rather take care of their families. This is kind of hard to believe because there are more Oklahoma women enrolling in colleges and graduate programs than there are men. Another fun fact: Oklahoma incarcerates more women than any other state. Some of these women are pregnant and give birth in prison. And instead of notifying the next of kin to take the baby, many of these children are simply placed in state custody for the majority of their childhood. And if you add to all this, the incredible amount of anti-abortion legislation that has been pushed through this year alone as well as the talk to defund Planned Parenthood, you kind of get the feeling that maybe the state legislature is attacking women.
But don’t worry too much about it. I’ve been told it’s for our own good. I mean, who knows why Oklahoma is consistently rated one of the worst states for women? The legislature does all the thinking for us! It’s a great system.
So what does all this mean? Well, gentle Brittany, it means that if we are to follow what Oklahoma state legislature wants, then we ladies should all accept our roles as incubators for sperm. Then, we should spend the rest of our adult lives wearing mom jeans and pretending we really love staying at home all the time with hordes of children. Job shmob! Careers and dreams are for men anyway. Basically, you should completely stop trusting yourself. Because the Oklahoma legislature doesn’t trust you and never will. Even the sister haters like Sally Kern don’t trust you. (It’s my humble opinion that she should have her vagina repossessed because she’s deadweight for the gender.)
If you look over to the right side of the site, there’s a good chance you may see an advertisement for something called The Housewives of the 405. This is a comic strip put together by Brian Winkeler of Robot House Creative and Dr. Harvey Jenkins at BodyTrends Electrospa. The strip appears each week in the Oklahoma Gazette.
A while back, we were approached with an offer to add The Lost Ogle and an Ogle Mole to the storyline. Since our only dabble in the comic strip stardom was, uhm, this, we totally jumped on it. Plus, it kind of feels good to sell out. Now we have more money to spend on whiskey and we can buy a new Etch-A-Sketch for Scott Brooks so he can continue to draw up all those fabulous final possession plays for the Thunder.
Anyway, you can check out the current (and previous) runs of the strip here. If you want us to appear in your comic strip or you want to name a pizza after us or something, email us at The Lost Ogle at gmail dot com.
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