We haven’t talked much about Bartlesville on TLO. Sure, the Pioneer Woman is from there, which is noteworthy if butter, Photoshopping and meeting rich cowboys are among your hobbies, but unless you work for ConocoPhillips, it’s a forgettable town.
But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad place. My friends who live there (and all work for ConocoPhillips) seem to like it. Bartlesville’s Main Street feels like a moderately upgraded version of every other Main Street in Oklahoma–well, you know, besides OKC, Norman, and Tulsa. It also has the Mozart thing, that historic ugly skyscraper, and teenage bicycle bank robbers. It’s a great town.
From News on 6:
Today is the day when you finally get to cast your ballot. Exciting, huh? You’ve probably done your research about who you want to be the next Commander-in-Chief, but I doubt you know a thing about the judges who you’ll be asked to retain or dismiss. Because of that, Patrick and I are here to provide you with a few details about the justices, along with our personal endorsements.
Supreme Court District 3: Noma D. Gurich
SPENCER — Vote Yes: Norma Gurich deserves your vote. She’s smart and only the third woman to be appointed to the Oklahoma Supreme Court. We need MORE women on the Supreme Court, because you don’t have to pay them as much as a man.
PATRICK — Vote No: I don’t know about this lady. I want my judge to look like a judge and not a retired cast member of Cirque Du Soleil. I’m pretty sure she swallows swords and rides unicycles on the weekend.
Supreme Court District 4: Yvonne Kauger
SPENCER — Vote Yes: I like Justice Kauger. She’s fair, balanced and impartial. Basically, she’s the opposite of Fox News. Plus, her colorful doilies are made by the same blind refugee that makes Mike Morgan’s bedazzled ties.
PATRICK — Vote No: I’m basing this decision entirely on Kauger’s taste in art. She likes strange African and Native American masks made by white men from Ada. One time I went to an art show at her mansion near the capitol and ended up coming home with something called a beaver stick. And I’m being serious.
In honor of Election Day and our country being one of the few places in the world where you’re allowed to vote, we’re going to take the day off at The Lost Ogle. In fact, the entire TLO team will be volunteering at various voter precincts, so if you see one of us out and about, be sure to say “Hi!”
Okay, most of that was a lie. We’re going to have some posts up later and I’m not sure if anyone’s volunteering. Also, I’m aware people can vote in other countries. It’s Election Day and I guess I’m feeling a little patriotic or something.
When you get a chance, come back and read our other posts. Also, please don’t forget to vote. That’s a pretty stupid thing to do. Although “forgetting” to vote is not as bad as “choosing” not to vote. Please don’t be that person. Yes, I know it sucks to live in a state where your presidential vote doesn’t seem to matter, but don’t use it as an excuse. Wait in line, fill in the arrows, and then get your “I Voted” sticker. You’ll be happier than Wayne Coyne with a 20-year-old when you do.
Anyway, for those of you who made it this far, here’s an election treat for you. I hope you enjoy it:
I hate pumpkins.
Okay, that’s kind of a strong statement. Who can really hate a pumpkin? They make nice lawn decorations, remind me of my favorite season, and 1979 is one of the greatest songs from the 1990s. But eating a pumpkin? Yeah, that’s a different story. Everything about pumpkin as a food source is a bad idea. The taste, the texture, the fact that it looks like something you’d find in Ronnie Kaye’s diaper. They’re just disgusting. Worst of all, pumpkin is everywhere this time of year. You have pumpkin coffee, pumpkin donuts, pumpkin beers, pumpkin bread, and one of the worst things in the world, pumpkin pie. I love my grandma, but I hate the brownish orange disgusting thing she serves as a desert for Thanksgiving.
Anyway, now that my anti-pumpkin soap box is finished, let’s get to the breaking news story for the day. Last week, someone stole $4,000 worth of pumpkin and hay in Edmond while being attacked by bobcats with machetes.
No matter who you are or what you do, there are some days on the calendar that are guaranteed to suck. They happen every year at around the same time and everyone hates them. Here are the five worst:
1. Tuesday following Memorial Day
2. Tuesday following Labor Day
3. Monday after Daylight Savings Time begins
4. Monday after Thanksgiving break
5. Monday after Daylight Savings Time ends
Yeah, so today is the fifth worst regularly scheduled day of the year. I say “regularly scheduled” because you never know when the Thunder are going to make a bad trade or when you’re going to wake up after drinking six lunch boxes.
In an effort to cheer you up, I’m posting some pics of an amazing Ninja Turtle costume that Derick Winsett from Shawnee made from scratch for Halloween. Is it a week old? Yeah. Has it made the Internet rounds? Yes. Do I care? No, because today is the fifth suckiest day of the year and you need to forget that it will dark at 5:30.
Here’s are a couple of pics and video of the finished product:
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