The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

10 things Tulsa kids can’t do anymore

Last week, Marisa wrote a perfectly nostalgic piece detailing fun things to do in OKC that kiddos nowadays can no longer experience. Of course, this got me thinking about my own hoodrat days, and all of the crazy/fun/awkward/dangerous things I once loved that no longer exist.

Now, I hate those people who are always whining about the “good ol’ days.” I’m not going to bitch about how kids no longer read or go outside, and I’m not going wig out like a church elder about Snapchat and Instagram. But I am going to aggressively, belligerently, and irrevocably assert that the kids of today are DEFINITELY not having as much fun because these ten things no longer exist in the 918. Check them out.

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1. Go to a birthday party at Harmon Science Center

Once upon a time, Tulsa had its very own hands-on children’s science museum. Attractions included an electricity ball that literally made your hair stand on end, a shadow room, a gigantic bubble wand, a laser light show, and a 50 meter dash track so you could see how fast you ran compared to a bumble bee and a cheetah. There was also a creepy tunnel you could crawl through to see the insides of a caterpillar, and check out how underground Tulsa supposedly looked. I loved this place, and even had two birthday parties in a row here.

Why? Well, let’s be real: children’s science museums are never about the science. I can’t tell you how many times I pulled my body weight up a tall shaft using a pulley, and still to this day don’t trust rock climbing with just one person on belaying duty. When my parents cut me loose at Harmon Science Center (or the Omniplex for that matter), I manically ran from exhibit to exhibit, trying to touch or pull or crawl or paint or hit or throw or run through as many stations as humanly possible, not pausing for a moment to read any signs or listen to any instructors.

I heard that the Harmon Science Center is now somehow a part of Bishop Kelley. I’m not for sure how the huge bubble maker or caterpillar tunnel fits into their curriculum. But, judging from the people I know who graduated from there, I have a feeling that they all might have really, REALLY enjoyed the laser light experience.

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2. Race Go-Carts at Celebration Station

When it came to arcade prizes, bumper boats, and go carts, there was no bigger game in town than Celebration Station. It kind of reminded be of the place where Danny LaRusso brought Ali in Karate Kid, so naturally I pictured my first date with Jonathan Taylor Thomas at this very location.

To my dismay, my first date instead occurred when I saw Fast and Furious at a dollar theater with a guy named Tomahawk.

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Retirees are officially taking over Edmond

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Sometimes I get drunk and tell people that I’m clairvoyant. Then, those people generally tell me to shut up and that I’m not and oh god, Marisa, can you just maintain, there are cops over there?! But seriously, I am clairvoyant.

Back in November of 2012, I said we should make Edmond the official retirement community of Oklahoma. It’s well suited to the task, especially since it’s just about as hopping as the American Legion Hall on bingo night. Well, I guess some housing developers really took my idea to heart. According to NewsOK.com:

EDMOND — Edmond has been on CNNMoney’s list of Best Places to Live, and that’s one of the things that attracted retirees Ron and Doris Schnuelle of Virginia Beach, Va., to the Parkview neighborhood at Touchmark at Coffee Creek.

“I did some research, and we were impressed with that,” she said.

Touchmark is benefiting from Edmond’s reputation for excellent schools and the city’s recognition for livability, said Melissa Mahaffey, executive director of the Touchmark community.

The Schnuelles are among buyers contributing to the retirement community’s expansion, she said. Ground for five more houses will be broken this summer, she said.

Parkview is a gated community of single-family homes for adults 55 and older just north of the main Touchmark campus, on the north side of Covell Road, east of Kelly Avenue. Parkview’s 32 complete homes were all constructed by Red Rock Builders of Edmond.

I freakin’ called it, you guys. This is just the first step toward a complete takeover. Next thing you know, we’ll have a Sunday afternoon TLO Trivia Night at the Delta Café and the notorious Edmond cops will be pulling over whippersnappers on scooters.

Now, this won’t mean much from the outside. Edmond is boring and will forever be. So, to non-Edmondites, the slow influx of geriatrics won’t make much of a difference. But to those within the city, just get ready for changes. What kind of changes? I’ll tell you.

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The Oklahoman sent Nolan Clay to write about a strip club…

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Back in April, we gave OU student Steven Zoeller a hard time for the overly romantic and descriptive feature article he wrote about Suger’s strip club on Campus Corner. It was pretty obvious he had never been to a strip club and/or seen barely concealed hindquarters before:

Tucked in the alley between Sage’s Wellness Lounge and Fuzzy’s Taco Shop is a portal to another dimension.

Beyond its threshold, framed pictures of female anatomy adorn the walls of a lounge lit dimly by colorful bulbs. A woman in lingerie has the stage, her barely-concealed hindquarters aimed squarely at the audience as she dances. Over the noise of billiard balls colliding and beer glasses clinking, the men cheer and applaud.

The bar sits across the room from the stage, managed by a small woman in her mid-50s smoking a cigarette. Most wouldn’t even expect to see this severe-looking woman working here, and she doesn’t just do that — she also owns the place.

Karen Summers is a subversion, a wrinkle in the image most people have of strip clubs. The more she and the dancers talk about the story of Suger’s, the more wrinkled that image becomes.

That still cracks me up. Not only did he call a strip club a portal to “another dimension” – apparently other dimensions have a bunch of black lights and girls asking to donate to music finds – but he also found a “severe-looking” woman. What does that even mean? Did the lady’s hair mushroom up like a wall cloud or something?

On the topic of severe-looking people, OPUBCO sent company man and former hair club member Nolan Clay (that’s him in the dated pic above) to creepily investigate a strip club off I-35 that may be shut down for violating city zoning laws.

Via NewsOK.com:

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MIO Movie Reviews: Surviving – A Family in Crisis

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Editor’s Note: Back when she was in Congress, Mary Fallin admitted in an interview that she once appeared as in extra in a Molly Ringwald film. After some help from the TLO iTeam, we determined the movie was most likely the 1985 ABC family drama “Surviving: A Family In Crisis.” The star-studded (at the time) TV movie was filmed in and around Oklahoma City (Channel 5 even added a “Made in Oklahoma” graphic to screen during the local airing) and focused on the always happy topic of teen suicide. We pegged Louis Fowler to review the movie, and hunt for Mary, in this edition of “Made in Oklahoma” movie reviews.

I’ve always admired teens that are so immeasurably deep in love they make suicide pacts. I mostly say that because when I attempted teenage suicide, it was me, alone, huddled in a dark corner of the room, razor to my wrist, desperately hoping that someone would care enough to come and stop me, let alone join me.

But, such are the heart-wrenching proto-emo infused pangs of loneliness and pain that an unattractive and overweight teen with only one way out of his numerous, insurmountable problems faced once upon a time, I suppose.

Overweight and unattractive, however, are definitely two things that Molly Ringwald and Zach Galligan are unequivocally not in the fantastically maudlin Surviving: A Family in Crisis, also known as Tragedy on VHS and Nichols Hills Kids with Imaginary Problems by me, recently.

Shot mostly in the affluent whites-only community of Nichols Hills, this ABC-TV drama starts off in a backyard BBQ welcoming home Lonnie (a lackadaisical Molly Ringwald), fresh from her stay at possibly Griffin Memorial in Norman. She’s a suicidal hottie that I would have desperately crushed on in high school, using our various scars as a great conversation starter.

Her parents are typical Nichols Hills-types played by Marsha Mason and Paul Sorvino, concerned only with keeping up appearances and their apparently multi-million dollar t-shirt company that specializes in primarily blank hot pink Hanes Beefy-Ts.

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Taco Bell is test marketing a new barfy menu item in OKC…

Breakfast-Quesarito

Oklahoma City is the test market for some processed cheese-infested monstrosity called the the Breakfast Quesarito. It’s the little brother of the regular Quesarito, which has been test marketed in OKC since January. According to sources, it’s the type of item you order only when you’ve smoked pot and been day drinking and want to have nightmares.

From Time:

A couple months after rolling out its first ever breakfast menu, Taco Bell is testing a brand new addition to its morning offerings.

The Breakfast Quesarito is an egg-and-cheese breakfast burrito wrapped inside a grilled cheese quesadilla, instead of a regular tortilla. Customers can add sausage or bacon for $1.99 and steak for $2.79.

The Breakfast Quesarito is currently only available at Taco Bell restaurants in Oklahoma City.

If you can stomach it, take a look at a non-photoshopped pic of the real thing via Grub Grade:

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