The Lost Ogle

Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Monday Morning Tweets: Dumb Questions, The TSA, and Tape Delay

Hey everybody. It’s Monday, which means it’s time for Monday Morning Tweets!

Just a minute ago, for some reason I picked up a copy of Parade Magazine. This is probably the first time in ten years I have done this. Did you guys know that “Walter Scott’s Personality Parade” still exists? Like, the thing where people write in questions about celebrities. Here are the questions in this week’s edition:

– Who is the blind contestant on MasterChef?

– What’s the origin of the Arnold Palmer drink?

– What is the meaning of Adam Levine’s “222″ tattoo?

– How does the new Real World cast differ from the original cast in 1992?

OK, am I wrong or is the very next thing Congress needs to do is pass a rural broadband bill? Or at least an “Affordable Google For All” Act. What the hell. Can you believe there are people who still have to write in to Walter Scott to ask their celebrity questions, and then wait until Sunday for Parade Magazine so they can get an answer? This should be a national outrage! The good news is I think we found out who the people are that still call in requests to radio stations.

This week’s tweets are after the fold.

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Mailbag: Jewish Morgan Schambach Panhandler

Welcome to the Friday Mailbag!

I’m nervously typing this week’s edition from my now very delicate, 4-year-old notebook computer. Last week, I began receiving an error message when the computer would wake up informing me that I had the wrong type of power cord connected and the battery wouldn’t charge. I thought this message was odd, considering that I still had the original power cord and everything was working fine.

Well, now I’m getting the same warning, only the battery is not charging. For someone who accidentally disconnects the battery cord about every 10 minutes, this is very concerning. Other than the obvious “That’s what you get for having a PC” über douche comments some dud will probably write, do any Moles have a suggestions? Should I get a new power supply cord? Perhaps a new battery? Should I junk it and get a new PC. Please help!

Anyway, this week’s emails are after the jump. I’m not sure how good they are, but I do know that whoever sends us the best email wins a $25 gift card to Flint. That’s pretty good because Flint is pretty good. See what I did there?

To the emails!

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Friday night in the big town: Dance, reggae, and Thunder Girls

Happy weekend to you, readers! Can you believe July is almost over? I sure can’t. Allow me to extend my condolences to the children of the metro because August is upon us, and that means it’s time for you to go back to school. Life sucks for you kids, but it just gets worse because when you grow up, there is no summer break, and you don’t know strife until you put on business casual clothes in 100 degree heat. Seriously.

Anyway, here is your Friday Night in the Big Town.

July 27-28: 6th Annual Oklahoma Contemporary Dance Festival

If you’re like me, you’ve spent a considerable amount of time watching So You Think You Can Dance and dreaming of the day when your dreams come true and you finally get that gig as a professional dancer. Never mind the fact that you have never taken a dance class and you’re pretty sure your limbs don’t move in ways that the majority of dances require. Maybe if you keep taking yoga classes, you think to yourself, but you know it’s just a pipe dream.

Well, if you enjoy dance but are more suited for the role of spectator, you should attend the Oklahoma Contemporary Dance Festival. The festival will include 38 local dancers choreographed by local choreographers. Saturday will feature a concert with performances by various Oklahoma dance companies. Come out and show your support for Okie dancers. Patrick will be there, most likely ogling all the ballerinas.

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Here’s Miss Oklahoma sporting an “I TORNADO Gary England” shirt

See that picture above? That’s Miss Oklahoma Alicia Clifton posing in one of our “I TORNADO Gary England‘ t-shirts. No offense to the guys in the Sticky Stranglets, but she looks way better than you all do.

In case you’re not aware, we came up with the idea for the shirt a few years ago to honor our state’s all mighty and most powerful severe weather deity. We then pitched the idea (and this one) to Tree and Leaf Apparel. Because they are cool guys (and scared of hail), they designed, printed and started selling the shirt for us. Since then, we’ve probably sold a couple hundred of the rags. And now thanks to that photo, we’re probably going to sell a couple hundred more.

Last night at around 7pm, Gary England posted the pic to his Facebook Page. Then at around 11pm, News 9 did the same. Since then, the two pics have received about 500 likes and over 100 comments.

Overall, the Facebook comment threads are enjoyable. Most people get the humor and enjoy the shirt, but other people, well, let’s just say the whole concept may be over their heads. You know these folks. They see the world in black and white, are unable to form unique or abstract thoughts, and vote Republican in every election. They also leave comments on YouTube videos. Yucky, huh?

Anyway, now that the shirt is going mainstream, we better come up with some other t-shirt ideas. Not to sound like a hipster or anything, but the coolness of a t-shirt drops a couple of levels when the people who enjoy Mike and Molly, drive PT Cruisers, and fall or that damn Back to the Future hoax every couple of months start wearing it. Before you know it, we may have to start printing them on a Hanes Beefy Tee. When that happens, hopefully Gary England will shoot us down with lightning and put us out of our misery.

The one where a Dollar General manager hit a thief in the head with an aluminum baseball bat

The guy in the image above is named Horatio Coates. If Horatio looks a little dazed and confused, well, he has good reason to be. Earlier this week, he was repeatedly struck upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat while attempting to steal DVDs from a Dollar General. The blows to the head were delivered by the store’s manager, and fortunately for us, the whole ordeal was recorded during a 911 call.

You can listen to the audio in the News 9 clip below. It’s worth it:

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