Anyone who has ever met me knows that I’m not a fan of the mall. Even if I don’t explicitly state it, it’s pretty obvious by how I dress that I don’t frequent the mall, or any sort of establishment wherein a person might procure clothing items that are both fashionable and appropriate for the occasion in which they are being worn. Call me old-fashioned, but I yearn for the days when it was totally okay for me to wear really baggy jeans, a hoodie, and skate shoes. But I digress.
The mall is the worst place ever—with Penn Square Mall being the very worst. Why? Have you ever tried to enter that parking lot? Have you ever tried to park in said lot? Have you ever tried to leave that very lot? I rest my case. Between that and the frustration of trying to find clothing items, weaving your way through the various youths who are mall ratting about the place, and just getting pissed off at consumerism in general, tensions are always way high at the mall.
And this past Saturday was no different. According to NewsOK.com:
Ronnetta Baker, 32, was arrested on a complaint of assault and battery after fighting with Estelle Duarte, 24, who also was cited for assault and battery, according to police.
Duarte told police she was shopping in the store when Baker approached her and asked whether she worked there. Duarte answered that she did not, and Baker got angry and began calling her names, Duarte told police.
A witness said Baker then hit Duarte with a closed fist, and the women began to fight in the middle of the store, police reported.
This is all 100% completely understandable. Have you ever gone to a store and needed to ask a question or needed help getting something off the top shelf only to find that the employees were nowhere to be found, or even worse, that they were too busy smacking their gum and chatting with their friends? Surely Ms. Baker thought this was the case with Ms. Duarte.
The Cersei Lannister of Oklahoma politics is back at it.
Last week, power-hungry Oklahoma State School Superintendent Janet Barresi released a negative campaign ad claiming that her Republican primary opponent, Joy Hofmeister, a parent of a special needs student, wants to take block individualized education programs from Oklahoma students.
In case you’re one of those fortunate people who doesn’t watch the local news or Wheel of Fortune, here’s the ad:
Pretty awful, huh? I looked into the claims made in the ad, and basically the Barresi campaign took a bunch of out of context comments from Hofmeister, twisted their meaning with semantics, and bam, had a negative campaign attack ad.
For those who follow politics, that’s not anything new. It happens all the time. Hofmeister did the same in her negative campaign ad against Barresi. What is new, though, is scuba diving down to the lowest of the lows and exploiting special needs students for political gain. Is nothing sacred anymore?
Distorting Hofmeister’s views on special education wasn’t the only sketchy part of the video. There was also this:
Steve Walker, a podiatrist in Edmond with the best possible name for a foot doctor, has come up with an invention to save the lives of Oklahoma school children. His invention is an orange bulletproof blanket that terrified kids will have to carry with them if they’re targets of a tornado or school shooting.
After last year’s tornadoes, he decided children without access to tornado shelters needed some kind of protection.
A orange bulletproof blanket could come between a child and tornadic debris or a 9 mm bullet, forging a better “opportunity to survive.”
The Bodyguard Blanket, made by ProTecht, is a bulletproof pad designed to protect students during disasters at school. The 5/16-inch thick rectangle features backpack-like straps that allow users to don it, and then duck and cover.
“We’re trying to stop that blunt-force trauma when that rubble is falling down on a child, for instance,” said Steve Walker, who developed the idea.
Tragedies are awful – especially when they hurt kids – but I don’t think “rubble” falling down killed anyone, unless this blanket can somehow magically withstand entire buildings falling on it without crushing what’s underneath.
Here’s a better idea:
Invention Idea #1 – A blanket that can withstand buildings falling on it. It will be made of concrete and bricks and be underground.
Here’s more on the super blanket from NewsOK.com:
Oklahoma City recently hosted one of the world’s most boring road trips when the 2014 Mutual of Omaha Aha Moment Tour rolled into town. For the 20-city tour that somehow makes us look big league, Mutual of Omaha filmed people talking about important “aha moments” that can be twisted into subtle promotions for insurance.
From the Aha Moment Tour Website:
It’s a moment of clarity, a defining moment where you gain real wisdom – wisdom you can use to change your life. Whether big or small, funny or sad, they can be surprising and inspiring. Each one is unique, deeply personal, and we think, worth sharing.
Mutual of Omaha celebrates and honors these moments and the people who act upon them. We’re proud to have the products and services that can help people insure their possibilities.
So it has nothing to do with being trapped inside a black and white comic book and having to save a blonde Norwegian girl from the futuristic thought police? That’s a shame, because it would have actually made this promotion somewhat interesting, and not the most boring thing to come out of Omaha since Tom Osborne.
Seriously, just check out this clip they put together recapping their Oklahoma City visit. Outside of a brief cameo by Marisa, who in all honesty thought she was auditioning to host Wild America, the only highlight is some guy learning the definition of eclectic.
Check it out:
Miss Enid, Alexandra Eppler, was crowned Real Miss Oklahoma on Saturday night. Yep, Miss Enid. I bet her talent was threshing wheat.
Alexandra Eppler, competing as Miss Enid, won the Miss Oklahoma title Saturday night at Oral Roberts University’s Mabee Center.
Eppler, of Enid, is a graduate of the University of Oklahoma with a bachelor of science degree.
For the talent competition, Eppler did an interpretive dance to “Wonderland.”
“I kind of feel like I’m floating right now,” she said. “I actually had two people just pinch me because I didn’t think this was real life — I’m elated.
So, I just had to google both interpretive dance and the song Wonderland. On a positive note, it’s not the John Mayer “Your Body Is A Wonderland.” On a negative note, guess which state’s not going to win Miss America this year.
Anyway, Alexandra’s platform for the pageant was over-the-top persistence. When I searched for pictures of Alexandra for the obligatory Miss Oklahoma after the jump photo dump, I learned she’s some sort of pageant Sellsword. She’s been Miss Something of Whatever since you were probably 20 pounds lighter. For example, here’s a pic of Alexandra as 2009 Miss Oak Cliff. I guess that’s some suburb of Dallas or something:
Apparently Alexandra wanted a change of scenery or easier competition, so she ended up in Oklahoma and was named Miss Oklahoma State Fair in 2010. Her bouquet was made of turkey legs and corn on the cob.
Here’s a pic:
Thanks! Your message has been sent!