The Lost Ogle

Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Soon to be ex-Congressman John Sullivan must have poor vision and a bad back

On Monday, I noticed a surge in Google ads all over the Internet for US Congressman John Sullivan. I thought the timing and sudden appearance of the ads was kind of odd, considering Sullivan was a 5-term incumbent seeking reelection in a safe Republican district.

Well, I guess there was a reason for all those advertisements. John Sullivan was upset in the Republican primary yesterday by political newcomer and teabagger Jim Bridenstine (pictured above). Apparently, Sullivan lost the election because he alienated all the optometrists and chiropractors in his district.

Wait…What? Via Fox News:

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Metta World Peace wants to party in OKC!

Apparently this Friday, Mr. Metta World Peace himself will be in Oklahoma, and he will be here to party. This furthers my theory that Oklahoma knows how to party way harder than LA, if only because I have never met an Oklahoman that wasn’t down to shotgun a beer at a moment’s notice.

But I think it’s important to note that this could potentially be more momentous than partying. I say it’s time that we all bury that Harden Hatchet. Sure, Metta World Peace elbowed the Sixth Man of the Year in the head and gave him a concussion, but I say it’s time we let bygones be bygones. It’s time for us to embrace one another as human brethren in the true spirit of Metta’s name—World Peace.

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Shear The Beard?

By all accounts, James Harden is a perfect fit for the Oklahoma City Thunder. Despite all-star caliber talent and a knack for marketing that makes him the second most popular player on the team, Harden voluntarily gives up the coveted role of starter. The reason? Him coming off the bench helps the team to win.

If he really wants to help the team, he may need to play for someone else.

To be clear, this probably won’t happen, I don’t want it to happen, but maybe it should. With the NBA draft less than 48 hours away, the Charlotte Bobcats would really like to acquire the bearded shooting guard who was pivotal in getting the Thunder to the NBA Finals (and then just as pivotal in helping them lose those Finals). In return, they offer the #2 pick in the draft. The Bobcats, who just came off a season in which they had the worst winning percentage in league history, have never had success in winning or selling tickets. Harden’s marketability is just as coveted by Charlotte as his playing ability.

In the short term, the offer makes zero sense for Oklahoma City. By making such a deal, the team that could have been an NBA champion if not for some free throw shooting brain farts will be banking on a rookie to keep the momentum going. Meanwhile, Harden has developed from a shy, streaky player with some face stubble to the premiere bench player in the league in possession of facial hair that resembles a 19th century gold miner.

Of course, as with most things, this becomes an issue of economics. After next season, Harden is in line for a massive raise. Kevin Durant just played his first season on a maximum level contract, and Russell Westbrook’s salary cap level will rise to the same next season. Now, Harden is in line to demand just as much as his agent negotiates a contract extension for him. At the same time, Serge Ibaka’s agent and Eric Maynor’s agent will be asking for big raises for their guys.

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This man doesn’t like turtles

The guy pictured above is Derrick Peace (not really, it’s Krang, but who cares). Derrick threw his hat into the ring for the title of “Oklahoma Asshole of the Month” by allegedly throwing an innocent box turtle into the street and killing it.


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10 other possibly made-up, illegal things that Aubrey McClendon has done

It seems job creator and Kate Upton Uncle, Aubrey McClendon, just can’t catch a break. Reuters, recently the bane of McClendon’s existence, has filed another story about some questionable activities going on in the land of McClendon. This time it has to do with Chesapeake and Encana Corp. allegedly joining forces to suppress land prices in Michigan.

From Reuters:

Under the direction of CEO Aubrey McClendon, Chesapeake Energy Corp. plotted with its top competitor to suppress land prices in one of America’s most promising oil and gas plays, a Reuters investigation has found.

In emails between Chesapeake and Encana Corp, Canada’s largest natural gas company, the rivals repeatedly discussed how to avoid bidding against each other in a public land auction in Michigan two years ago and in at least nine prospective deals with private land owners here.

Boy, the free market is awesome…especially when you can collaborate with the competition to screw state government and private land owners out of money!

Anyway, Aubrey has dealt with his fair share of negative press recently as a result of his shady business deals. It got me thinking, what’s next? Here are 10 probable (and intriguingly fake) scenarios:

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