The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Fake Joleen Chaney wants you to take the Guinness Pledge…

Remember the girl pictured above? She’s Fake Joleen Chaney. Someone sent us that picture claiming it was the real little bit of Jo-Jo, but it’s not. It turns out Fake Joleen Chaney is just some random hot girl from the interwebs.

Anyway, great news! We’ve heard via the Ogle Mole Network that Fake Joleen Chaney wants you to take the Guinness (the beer) pledge! By doing so, you’ll help Guinness set a Guinness (the book) world record for the world’s largest St. Patrick’s Day Celebration!  Here’s what you have to do:

- Go to Guinness.com, give them your birthday, and then click “count me in.”
- Next click “Enter Name and Zip.”
- Type in your first name, zip , country and use the word “OGLE” under the optional code and click “join now”
- After that you’re done. Go back to drinking Guinness or stalking your ex on Facebook.

Anyway, do Guinness, Fake Joleen Chaney and us a favor and take this pledge. As I’ve mentioned over the past few weeks, we win an awesome prize (think Leprechauns,  if we get enough sign-ups that use the code “Ogle”, so by doing this, you’re being a great Ogle Mole.

p.s. – Drink responsibly on St. Patrick’s Day

p.s.s. – Seriously, it takes one minute to take the pledge. Go do it now!!!

Okie fan fiction: Part 3

Okie fan fiction is what happens when Marisa is supposed to write a post, but wasn’t assigned a topic. She’s great at following directions, but when you leave her alone, she imagines that the world of Oklahoma media and politics is a world of intrigue, where only she can bring justice.

Read part two here!

Gary England’s house was a little like Mordor in that one simply did not walk into it. I knew from experience. You don’t grow up in the Oklahoma City metro area without trying to break into Gary England’s house, if only so you can see the altar where his true believers have sacrificed virgins. His house is more like a compound. The barbed wire, electric fence, and floodlights make it look more like the dwelling of a South American drug lord than that of a weatherman.

Other weathermen didn’t live under similar circumstances. Hell, if I’d had a dime for every time I broke into Mike Morgan’s property to ride his miniature trains, I’d be a millionaire. But maybe that was the difference between Mike Morgan and Gary England. Mike Morgan was a meteorologist of the people, him being a human himself. Gary England was a God, and therefore didn’t exist in the same realm as the rest of us.

I walked out of the building and into the dark construction zone that was the downtown street. I really had no idea where I was. I thought about calling someone and asking them where I was, but I didn’t want to seem like I didn’t know an area that I had lived around since birth. Though, to be fair, when I was a kid, downtown was far too dangerous to visit unless it was in the broad daylight of the arts festival or you had to go to the Civic Center for a wedding reception.

Read More

Top 10 OSU Post Players of the Clark Matthews Era

In the 1995 NCAA tournament, Big Country dispensed Malik Rose, Antonio McDyess, Tim Duncan, and Marcus Camby.

The legend of Big Roy took place when I was in school at Oklahoma State. During the reign of Eddie Sutton, many of his teams started three, sometimes four players who should be labeled as guards. Because basketball fans are predictable, the novelty of this was under appreciated. There was always the dream a seven footer was going to just show up on campus and make the basketball program a favorite to win the national title.

Making this fantasy lucid was history. There was one time a seemingly uncoordinated, doughy goliath from Gans, Oklahoma (population 218) arrived on campus and was the Big 8 Player-of-the-Year by his sophomore season. After that, every project was predicted to be a superstar. As a result lead-footed, actually uncoordinated giants were always welcomed on campus as saviors. Ben Baum. Frans Steyn. Alex Webber. Kenny Cooper. But most significantly, Big Roy Candley.

Big Roy was a monster of a man. The junior college transfer was 7’2″ tall (or was it 7’4″…by 2020 he will have been 8’0″). More significantly, he weighed in excess of 400 pounds when he stepped on campus. Considering that Desmond Mason, the ultra athletic shooting guard for the New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets, played power forward for the team at the time, Roy’s arrival was met by OSU fans with the same level of excitement that Hickory fans felt when Jimmy Chitwood decided to comeback.

While Joe Adkins fantasized about the screens Candley would set for him, and Mason dreamed about playing a more suitable small forward role, Candley had other things in mind. Mostly buffets. Coach Sutton set a rule that Big Roy would not suit up until he got down to a suitable 380 pounds. There were rumors that a team manager was assigned to follow him around and keep him from snacking.

Supposedly, this worked because news spread that Roy was allowed to attend practice. This was confirmed when during the Eddie Sutton Show, the coach told of a play where Candley set a pick and then the only way they knew Joe Adkins was still on the floor was because he drained a three pointer. Then, the story goes, they let Roy go visit his mother over the weekend and he came back twenty pounds heavier.

He was not on the team much longer, but the story of what he was expected to be live on more so than the actual accomplishments of many of the guys who actually manned the post over the past twenty-five years. Players like:

Montonati's growth spurt made him like a new baby deer fouling other does.

10. Brian Montonati

True story: when Montonati was recruited to come to OSU, he was a 6’4″ guard playing JUCO. His freshman year, he sprouted six inches and showed up on campus for a team with a dearth of guards. So, he was forced to become a post player despite his very thin frame and the coordination of someone who grew half a foot in one year.

He ended up having a decent career. In his three years at Oklahoma State, the team made the NCAA tournament each year, and in his senior season (when the team reached the Elite 8) he averaged 12.1 points and 7.2 rebounds. If he had ever spent any time on the floor where he wasn’t in foul trouble, he might have had an even better run.

Read More

Ogle Madness V: First Round, Southeast Region (Upper Bracket)

Happy Hump Day! Best midweek treat since LOST was a thing. So who’s up for the battle today?

(1) Gary England vs (16) Milk on Milk
(8) Oklahoma Earthquake vs. (9) Al Eschbach
(4) Blake Griffin vs. (13) OKC Chamber Commercial Singers
(5) Lauren Nelson vs. (12) Aubrey McClendon 

Remember, you’ve got 24 hours to vote. We’ll post the lower bracket at noon today. In case  you care, here’s the Ogle Madness bracket.

Let’s get Ogle Madnessing!

Read More

Ogle Madness V: First Round, Midwest Region (Lower Bracket)

Ahhh snap! It’s time for you to go to lunch. Or go ahead and vote in the latest round of Ogle Madness. Either way, you’re probably gonna end up gassy and sad.

Here’s the battle list for this round!

(6) OU Tramp Stamp Girl vs. (11) Tom Coburn
(3) Emily Sutton vs. (14) Ralph Shortey
(7) Bob Barry Jr. vs. (10) Jim Inhofe
(2) Olivia Munn vs. (15) Steve Lackmeyer

You’ve got 24 hours to vote. After that, you’ll just cry and cry because you didn’t vote.

Read More