The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Mr. Poopy Pants did a terrible job robbing a “Gold For Cash” store…

gold robbers

The Bonnie and Clyde wannabes pictured above are Mr. and Ms. Poopy Pants. Earlier this week, they came up with an elaborate plan to rob an Oklahoma City “Gold For Cash” merchant. It involved silver spoons, ceiling tiles and shit everywhere.

From News 9:

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10 Thunder Playoff Observations Paired With Depressing Grunge Songs From The 1990s…

Thunder Grizzlies Basketball

Well, that sucked. You can’t say we didn’t see it coming. I know we all hoped the Thunder could advance in the playoffs without Westbrook, but that’s all it was; a hope. Deep down, we could see this team was in over its head. They didn’t have the depth, system, flexibility or composure to beat a upper-echelon team in a 7-game series.

Since everyone’s probably mopey, sad and gloomy this morning, I thought it would be fitting to match some Thunder playoff observations with depressing grunge-era songs from the 1990s. Not only is it great therapy, but maybe it will piss of Macklemore and all his fellow trolls from Seattle. I love being passive aggressive.

Here we go:

1. Hearing About Russell Westbrook’s Knee Injury

Song: “Fell on Black Days”

Band: Soundgarden

Pertinent Lyrics: “What’soever I’ve feared has come to life…”

I guess you can sign me up for the “I know it’s shitty that it took a freak injury to make realize this, but I now fully appreciate Russell Westbrook’s basketball ability and importance to the Oklahoma City Thunder” support group. I promise not to criticize him ever again…at least until he takes a 20-foot pull up jumper with 18-seconds left on the shot clock.

2. Serge Ibaka’s Cold Shooting

Song: Down In A Hole

Band: Alice in Chains

Pertinent Lyrics: Down in a hole, feelin’ so small. Down in a hole, losin’ control.”

After he missed that game tying lay-up in Houston, Serge’s confidence and jump shot fell into a deep dark cauldron of dispair and sadness. You could see it on his face. Hopefully he’ll be able to pull himself out of it by the start of next season.

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33 totally awesome story ideas for the NewsOK Digital Desk…

internet  nerd

Back in April, we published a post about the not-so-subtle changes taking place at NewsOK.com. Basically, how the site is transitioning from an average newspaper homepage to a below-average news aggregator super hub. One specific item we touched on was the launch of the “new and improved” “Digital Desk.”

This is what we had to say:

The site is also in the midst of posting sprightly little columns from something called the ”The Digital Desk.” They kind of remind me of the stories you’d see at BuzzFeed but probably not click on. That’s probably a good thing because the posts are kind of boring. Here are two recent examples. Make sure you drink some caffeine before trying to read them.

6 types of people you might have seen at Norman Music Festival: My favorite is Number 6. It shows a photograph of people taking cover from rain with the caption “People who would not let rain keep them from enjoying the festival.”

20 ways people responded to news of Russell Westbrook’s injury: I have no comment about this post. That’s how awful it is.

Now this is where things get creepy. When they’re not ripping off BuzzFeed, it looks like the Digital Desk is trying to stoop down to our level and write blog posts about Oklahoman weather and weathermen! This development has led to people asking me if we’re worried that OPUBCO is trying to force us to move to Enid or something.

Well, it looks like I can continue sending my Enid realtor to voicemail. Things have not improved at the NewsOK.com Digital Desk. In fact, you can its content has gotten worse. Check out some of newer posts. These are totally real:

5 things Oklahomans should remember about ‘The Biggest Loser’ before they audition this Saturday. That’s real. I swear I didn’t make it up. They really published the post, and somehow “Be Morbidly Obese and Jolly” wasn’t number one. They also didn’t make fun of Neil Harmer for falling off a treadmill. Basically, the the post was preachy, boring and something you’d never want to read.

4 reasons why ‘Iron Man 3′ was a horrible start to Marvel’s Phase 2. Word of advice to all web writers, editors and publishers. If you want to write a list and only have four items on it, either don’t write the list or come up with a fifth item. It’s not that hard.

Whatever it is that Rob Hibbard is doing. I’m pretty sure he writes all of his experimental posts while smoking bad weed and listening to Mars Volta. He’s either on some genius level that we don’t comprehend or just really really depressed.

Yeah, it’s quite obvious that the people behind the NewsOK Digital Desk really don’t know what they’re doing. They’re clueless, trying too hard, and I kind of feel sorry for them. They remind me of a 50-year-old wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt to a rock concert.

In effort to have a little fun, we came up with a list of 33 totally awesome story ideas that we wouldn’t be surprised to see on the NewsOK.com Digital Desk. Here they are:

heather_headshot

1. The 20 Hottest Women In The Oklahoma City Print Media

Waiting

2. 23 Best Places in OKC to Avoid Gay People

steve-lackmeyer

3. Steve Lackmeyer’s 11 favorite White Water slides 

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Top 20 Photographs in TLO History (20 – 16)

jim traber sleeping

This website has been around for six years now. In those six years a lot has happened to me personally. Let me get into that real quick (Editors Note: Joel wrote the single saddest, and longest story, I’ve ever read. No one wants to read that. Let me explain what we are doing. As part of our birthday celebrations, I thought it would be a good time to get nostalgic and countdown the most memorable photos we’ve posted over the years. For that task, I contacted Joel. And here we are). That’s when I got the text from Patrick asking if I wanted to write about photos, so I crawled off the top of the Bricktown Parking Garage and decided to write!

There’s a lot of reasons people like photographs. Well, non-blind folks anyway. Each day there are 4,895,032,345,912,453 pics added to the internet. While that number may seem like a lot, it is, because I just made it up. After a weekend at TLO headquarters we decided these are the best 20 that have appeared on this site in the last six years. Sure, none of them involve me, but that’s a good thing. For you.

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Some kids in Moore aren’t getting their letter jackets

Varsity_Letter

There are a lot of important milestones that I remember from high school. It’s a great time of your life where you’re meeting all sorts of goals and benchmarks, and skipping algebra class to smoke pot behind the dumpster at the Second Street Denny’s. You’re finally discovering who you were born to be, while also crying in a bathroom stall while people talk about you behind your back in the cafeteria.

Things like your driver’s test, going to prom, underage drinking, standardized tests, big football games, fingerbanging—all important parts of being a teenager in America. And for some, there’s also the letter jacket experience. That’s right, readers. I’m talking about being a jock. It’s that special condition that makes you better than everyone else because you are a player on the sportsball team….or band. But some kids in Moore won’t get to show off their sportiness.

According to KFOR.com:

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