Greetings, gentle travelers. Today I’m coming to you all the way from the Little Sahara. I thought about writing about the Myriad Gardens, but since there are no Thunder games for a while, I don’t think anyone is actually going to visit the downtown area. Besides, they totally kick you out for playing on the playground if you aren’t a kid. And I’m not talking about authority figures. I’m talking about the mommies of toddlers. They’re vicious. Seriously, go to the Little Sahara instead.
The Little Sahara is probably the only reason that people who aren’t from Waynoka go to Waynoka. I say this because as of the 2010 Census, Waynoka had a population of 927. More people attended my high school. Also, all the festivals in Waynoka seem to revolve around sand, making me think that Waynoka may be a little beyond Thunderdome, and not in a good way. Seriously, Master Blaster runs that Barter Town. In addition to busting a deal and facing the wheel, guests of the fabulous Waynoka/Little Sahara State Park area can enjoy RV hookups, picnic areas, and dune buggy rentals.
Honestly, there is all manner of sand up in my Chuck Taylors today, readers. I just don’t know how I feel about sand in a non-beachy context. Also, I’m not a fan of dune buggies because I get motion sickness from shaking my head no. It’s true. You can ask anyone who has seen me stop in the middle of a conversation to put my head between my knees because I had to answer a question with a negative response. And you know what tops it all off? I brought some droids with me and when I turned around for just a second, they were gone. Then a group of Jawas tried to sell them back to me about an hour later! Ridiculous.
So, basically, I guess I’m saying if you want to visit a small town and have your robots stolen, come on up to Waynoka. And just to warn you, at some point you’ll probably end up in some sort of power struggle and find that all the dune buggies actually run on sand.
Did you hear that the average adult swallows 8 spiders a year while they sleep? I just read that in the hilarious Spence Sez post! I guess learning can be fun. Anycrap, it’s that time of the month when you, the reader, get to vote for the Oklahoman of the month. It’s pretty simple really, we’ll give you a list of recent news makers from the Sooner State and you pick your favorite.
Also, the Oklahoman of the month for August (I forgot to do one for September… sorry) was Naked Woodward Golf Tournament Chick (pictured above). But keep reading, we have more naked women to come!
The nominees for October are:
• Bibi Jones (her second “Oklahoman of the Month” nomination!)
• Mike Gundy
• The OU Tramp Stamp Tattoo Girl
• This guy…
• Uncle Tom Coburn
Coming up with a list of people who have lost out because of the NBA lockout is easy. As of last night (when the Thunder were supposed to open the season versus the Los Angeles Lakers), the players are missing out on paychecks. The owners are losing out on revenues. Businesses surrounding the team arenas are missing the foot traffic brought about by home games. Fans are not getting the world class entertainment they crave. Most importantly, rank and file employees of the teams are losing their menial-wage jobs while the billionaires argue with their millionaire employees over how much money each side is entitled to receive.
Only one man has taken the debacle and thrived on the stalemate: Kevin Durant.
For a man whose life time earnings are probably going to be reduced by about 15% as a result of the Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA) that will come from this lockout, Durant has still managed to make the most of the situation. While the owners have fertilized the situation with financial statements bordering on fradulent and the Player’s Association pretended that a 20% cut in their pay was akin to slavery, the Thunder star has stayed above the fray.
Early in the Summer, he joined in a virtual nationwide street ball tour, dominating playground basketball leagues from L.A., to D.C., to NY. Then he started doing exhibition games with other NBA players–normally for charity–where he outplayed LeBron James. (And James’ effort generally has a reverse correlation to the stakes involved, so he was at his best.) All the goodwill generated from KD playing for free earned him enough favors to organize what will be the closest the 405 ever comes to hosting an All Star game.
Now basketball with nothing at stake is apparently starting to bore him. Monday night on Twitter, Durant made what everyone expected to be a joke about wanting to join a flag football league. Everyone either laughed at, or ignored, the plea except for a Sigma Nu member at OSU who jokingly offered the NBA superstar a roster spot at his team’s intramural game.
A few hours later, Durant pulled his minivan into the parking lot of the Snake House in Stillwater.
The rest can be seen in the embedded YouTube clip above, but in summary, it was only a step above a real version of this promotional photo he did for Nike:
With the boredom kicking in, we came up with a few other things Durant could do to occupy his time until the NBA powers-that-be come to their senses.
Go Door-to-Door in Oklahoma City and sign one thing at every house
I imagine this would turn into a pied piper sort of situation where the first kid shooting baskets on the driveway who sees him walk up to the door follows him to the next house. By the time KD gets a couple of streets down, he has enough children following him that it blocks off May Avenue. At minimum, the publicity stunt raises his Q-score. Also very likely, it makes a bunch of people who aren’t in the cockiest fraternity at OSU happy.
It’s time for another contest!
On Saturday, November 12th, the Oklahoma Chapter of the ACLU will host the 2011 Bill of Rights Celebration at Science Museum Oklahoma. At the event, liberal scoundrels will exercise their right to assembly and free speech and discuss how much they hate quartering soldiers and how much they love the right to a trial by jury. Did we mention a lot of people in attendance will be trial attorneys?
The featured speaker at the event will Baratunde Thurston. He’s the web editor of BlackPlanet.com. Wait, wrong website, he’s the director of digital for TheOnion.com. Here’s his bio for lazy people:
Baratunde Thurston is a politically-active, technology-loving comedian from the future. He co-founded the black political blog, Jack and Jill Politics and serves as Director of Digital for The Onion. He has written for Vanity Fair and the UK Independent, hosted Popular Science’s Future Of on Discovery Science and appears on cable news regularly to say smart things in funny ways. Then-candidate Barack Obama called him “someone I need to know.” Baratunde travels the world speaking and advising and performs standup regularly in NYC. He resides in Brooklyn, lives on Twitter and has over 30 years experience being black. His first book, How To Be Black, will be published in February 2012 by Harper Collins.
The Lost Ogle is proud to be a sponsor of this event. Because we are kind souls, we have decided to giveaway a pair of tickets to one lucky reader. Here’s what’s you get:
• Two tickets to a meet n’ great reception with Baratunde Thurston.
• Two seats at The Lost Ogle table with me, Kate Upton, Cardboard Jim Traber, Toby Keith’s Cowboy Boot, the Ghost of Will Rogers and the three remaining members of Color Me Badd.* Those seats included a fancy meal and grown-up drinks.
• FREE parking at Science Museum Oklahoma
To enter the contest**, simply leave a comment and tell us our favorite type of cheese and/or constitutional amendment. We’ll then select one comment at random at 11:59pm on Sunday, November 5th. The person who posted the comment will be declared the winner and get the tickets. Good luck to you!
p.s. – There are a limited amount of tables and student tickets available for this event. So if you don’t win the tickets and would still like to attend, you can get your tickets here.
State Senator Josh Brecheen (pictured above and to the left) is a right-wing tea bagger politician from Southeastern Oklahoma. Last year, the Durant Daily Democrat gave him a column where he could spout-off misinformed views on evils of evolution and public art and defend the owners of cruel puppy mills.
Well, Mr. Brecheen is back at it again. This time he’s tackling the subject of the Wall Street protests, and in a particular, how they remind him of the 1960′s American Gypsy counter-culture that destroyed the great work of liberal Republican president Dwight Eisenhower.
Wait a second. The “American Gypsy” counter culture of the 1960s? You didn’t hear about that one when you watched that VH1 pop culture documentary on the 1960s. Josh “I probably masturbate to pictures of Rick Perry in cowboy boots” Brecheen explains what the American Gypsy culture is, but before doing so, he has to spend 250 words writing a bigoted stereotypical history of the Eastern European Gypsy culture.
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