Some of you may know that Patrick is currently out of town with a Level 4 TLO Groupie. For the first time since he started this site, he’s not staring at a computer screen all day. I’m not sure if he even remembers what the world is like when you aren’t spending all day on your couch procrastinating instead of writing blog posts. It’s like he’s climbing out of Plato’s cave for the first time.
And while the cat’s away, the mice will play, as the saying goes. Patrick left me in charge, and as I’ve done with everyone who has ever given me any sort of responsibility, I intend to make him regret it. That’s why I’m completely changing up the blog. We’ve written about Oklahoma in our obscure, local, social way for far too long.That’s why I’m bringing you the list of 10 ideas for a new blog. Let us know what you’d like to see in the comments. But be quick about it. Patrick is coming back soon.
1. Tony’s Oklahoman Corner
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Tony likes to haunt The Daily Oklahoman’s digital archives and then write about it. But what if we gave him free reign? You’d like to read about articles from 1994 about school board elections, wouldn’t you?
2. OKC fashion week
So, clearly we didn’t get invited to this, and yeah, we made fun of Oklahoma Fashion Week after the fact, but don’t you think this would be a great venue to discuss fashion? Seriously, who is more qualified to write about fashion than a grown-ass woman who wears Chuck Taylors and the same Hold Steady shirt nearly every single day? Okay, so maybe that doesn’t make me seem qualified. But know that I’ve seen every single season of Project Runway.
I love Oklahoma. I also love to hate Oklahoma. We are surrounded by people who claim no one has “common sense” and then order a Diet Coke to go with their quadruple quarter pounder with cheese and bacon. Sometimes these people get on Facebook and post stuff to our local news stations. I thought it would be fun to go through some of those posts and answer their questions on TLO, since they aren’t getting a response from the people who run the Facebook pages.
We have a lot of good ones, so let’s get to it! First up we have KFOR’s page:
Misty, rain is just water that falls from the sky. There is no need to cancel plans, you can just work around the rain. You can hunt for Easter eggs inside! Or perhaps you don’t know how weather forecasting works. Also, why the hell are you staying up for storms? If the winds blow something over, then what? You’d have to cancel your plans? Lord knows how big of a hassle that is. I would suggest that you stop being controlled by the weather and live your life. If you’re so damned good at predicting the weather, why are you watching professionals? I’m sorry if that was a bit harsh, but Misty also defended Mary Fallin’s decision to ban the minimum wage increase on a different post.
Playoff season is in full swing, so many of us are cashing in our tax refunds or life savings to catch a game or two live from the Thunderdome. Unfortunately, when you get tens of thousands of people together, you’re bound to come across some douches who threaten to ruin your good time.
I’ve compiled a list of some of these said douches that you might encounter. It’s important that you read this list, not just for a laugh, but to make sure that you yourself are not one of these people that everyone else hates.
Let’s get to it.
1. The Shrill Screamer
Chesapeake is known for its audience participation. We chant, we stand until the Thunder scores its first point, we boo when refs make terrible calls. I love how animated our fans are, it’s part of what makes the Thunder experience so awesome.
What I cannot get onboard with though is the chick with the unreasonably high-pitched voice who will stand directly behind you and scream at the top of her lungs throughout the entire game. At the playoff game I went to last weekend, the 12 year old girls behind me screeched at the top of their lungs over and over again, as if they had just seen a spider or the shadow of Ibaka’s junk. They weren’t ever shouting words, they were just screaming over and over again, as if they were just shrieking for the sake of being loud. As my eardrums rattled, I couldn’t help but try to figure out a way I could punch two children and make it look like an accident. Meanwhile, their parents didn’t do a damn thing and just let them be menacing terrors to the entire section. Actually, I should have figured out how to punch the parents.
2. The Selfie Seeker
This bozo is far more interested in letting all of his friends and acquaintances know that they’re at the game via Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/Snapchat than they are in watching the game.
Beware: they’ll probably ask you to take a picture of them and their friends right as something important is about to happen.
There are a lot of things you can put on a list titled “you know you grew up in Oklahoma if…” The thing that should top that list is “…you know you grew up in Oklahoma.” Seriously. You shouldn’t need a list to tell you these things.
But second is that all-important rite of passage. And no, I’m not talking about breaking into the haunted orphanage in Guthrie that is apparently now a wedding venue or jumping off the waterfall at Turner Falls, which apparently you can no longer do. I’m talking about that one glorious day in elementary school where you dress like Laura Ingalls Wilder and rig up your Radio Flyer so you can celebrate stealing land.
My memories of re-enacting the Oklahoma Land Rush of 1889 in the fourth grade at Edmond’s John Ross elementary included harrowing moments like being accused of being a sooner and having to share my wagon with the booger eater in the class. But the same type of reenactment in Mustang yesterday was a little more harrowing. According to KFOR.com:
Did you know since the 1970s it’s been illegal for Oklahoma utility companies to charge extra fees to customers who use solar or wind energy at their home or business? Yes, it’s true. Under Oklahoma law, you can literally install solar panels on your property, use the energy they create to power most of your home, and then sell the excess clean energy you don’t use back to the utility company during peak hours. And guess what, the utilities can’t charge you an additional dime for it. What a racket, huh? Those utility companies that have a bunch of Os and Gs in their names sure are screwed.
Well, until now.
Fortunately for all of us, one brave Oklahoma lawmaker noticed that totally outlandish, unfair law and decided to do something about it. Mike Turner, the trust fund baby who eats his own eye boogers and wants to ban marriage, recently sponsored SB 1456, which gives utilities the right to impose fees – or what Judge Roberts may consider a tax – on selfish, game-rigging assholes who generate their own clean solar energy. You know, because that’s a concern we all stay up late thinking about.
Turner’s legislation sailed through the House and Senate and was signed into law yesterday by Mary Fallin. Now, thanks to our Republican-controlled legislature and Governor, Oklahoma utility companies will finally be playing on a level playing field with the asshole who wants to put some panels on his roof.
Bill may raise utility fees
Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin signed a bill Monday that would allow regulated electric utilities to establish a new customer class for users of rooftop solar panels or small wind turbines.
In signing Senate Bill 1456, Fallin also took the rare step of issuing an executive order directing its implementation.
SB 1456 would allow electric utilities to apply to the Oklahoma Corporation Commission to establish a higher base customer charge for users of rooftop solar or small wind turbines. The higher fixed charge would be used to recover some of the infrastructure costs to safely send excess electricity back to the grid.
Of course, this extremely logical legislation that benefits the people (and natural gas companies) and discourages use of clean, pollution free, solar power has drawn the ire of the liberal, solar panel loving elitist national media. Blogs, message boards and even MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow have chimed in to criticize what I’m now calling the The Oklahoma Utility Equality Act:
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