If you read this site frequently enough, you’re probably aware that Channel 4 news vixen Joleen Chaney likes watermelons. This is primarily because watermelons are sweet and delicious, and because Joleen hails from Rush Springs, Oklahoma, the self-proclaimed “Watermelon Capital of the World.”
If you need further proof of Joleen’s obsession with our state’s official vegetable (seriously), you can do what Clark Matthews does three times a day and stare at that picture above. I think it’s of JoJo and her BFF Bobbie Miller in some sort of watermelon heaven. It will either make you want to eat a watermelon, give birth to a watermelon or have a witch turn you into a bale of hay.
Or, if you’re tired of viewing that picture, you can always check out this one of Joleen Chaney and her 48-pound birthday melon. It’s kind of fun.
Here are the final two rounds of our first ever TLO Oklahoma Celebrity Fantasy Draft. Next week we’ll get everything sorted and organized and let you vote for your favorite team.
Before I get to the picks, I wanted to share a few things with you.
• These drafts take a while to complete. With all of our contributors dealing with different schedules and their real lives outside of TLO, we spent four days last week completing this draft. It would have gone by faster if Chelsea didn’t try to draft a dead guy and Spencer didn’t throw us off by creating a new email thread.
• We should have more specific fantasy drafts in the future. Overall, these are kind of fun. I think we should do more in the future, but make the categories more specific. “Celebrity” is just too broad of a term. Next time, we’ll narrow it down to musicians or actors or men that Chelsea would like to be trapped in an elevator with.
• We accidentally created a “The Lost Ogle Fantasy Draft Curse.” Since we finished the draft late last week, we have had one draftee re-injure his knee, another one get hit on the head with heavy lighting, and a third (spoiler alert!) suddenly and unexpectedly retire from the porn industry.
• Royce Young is harsh and mean. When I asked Royce to provide grades and instant analysis for our picks, I did so knowing that he had a snarky side, but even I was surprised by the overly-critical tone he displayed towards some of
my our picks. You would have thought we just told him that Nick Collison was adopted or something!
Here are rounds five and six.
Yesterday, we published the first two rounds of our first ever TLO Oklahoma Celebrity Fantasy Draft. Before we get to the rounds three and four, here’s how the teams are looking right now:
Justice League of Oklahoma: Kevin Durant (Rd 1), Brad Pitt (Rd 2)
The Nompton Stompers: James Harden (Rd 1), Mat Hoffman (Rd 2)
Wayne Payne Experience: Emily Sutton (Rd 1), Joleen Chaney (Rd 2)
Rick J. Steinkraus Fan Club: Aubrey McClendon (Rd 1), Chuck Norris (Rd 2)
Pillow Fighters: Russell Westbrook (Rd 1), Olivia Munn (Rd 2)
The Dirty Gingers: Gary England (Rd 1), Kristin Chenoweth (Rd 2)
Check out our picks for rounds three and four, along with Royce Young’s scathing instant analysis and draft grades after the jump:
Every once in a while, people living in Oklahoma create art that is neither country music nor something that would be great for the talent portion of a pageant. Some of these people write books. One of these people is a former professor of mine, who didn’t fail me when every essay I wrote during my freshman year at OU used some variation of “society is the real monster” as the thesis. Allow me to take a moment to apologize to any teacher or professor who read any of my essays I wrote between the ages of 15 and 21, because I used the same thesis for everything. I still maintain that society is the real monster, but I no longer put it in essays because if you want an A, you need to talk about sociological factors and how the media is mostly to blame for everything.
Lou Berney is a novelist and a screenwriter who currently teaches at Oklahoma City University. Whiplash River, which was released on July 10, is a sequel to his first book, Gutshot Straight. The novels follow the character Charles “Shake” Bouchon, a professional wheelman with a heart of gold, or as gold as the heart of a wheelman can be. In Whiplash River, we find Shake has left his life behind the wheel for the life of a restaurateur. But rest assured, things go awry as no one wants to read a book about a man who checks inventory on Tuesday and runs the salmon as a lunch special on Wednesdays.
The Summer of 1992 was a great Summer for a pre-adolescent boy. Kathy Ireland was on the cover of Sports Illustrated. The Minnesota Twins were the defending champions. And most importantly, the greatest basketball players in the history of the world were teaming up to destroy the rest of the world.
For me, the “Dream Team” was one of my favorite things to happen in sports, ever. Just telling me Larry Bird was going to be involved would have sold me, but adding David Robinson and John Stockton to the mix while giving me a reason to root for the uber talented players that normally broke my heart was more than I ever could have imagined. I begged my mom for triple cheeseburger meals from McDonalds because they came with the commemorative Dream Team soda cups. I collected Coca Cola cans so I could trade them in for the Olympic mix tape that included the Fresh Prince’s homage to the team. You might say I was a little obsessed.
So when Kobe Bryant, a person I loathe, recently said the newest incarnation of the USA Men’s National team could beat the team from 1992, I should have been irate. Instead, I agreed.
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