Yesterday, our state’s second-most trusted news released a detailed report on all the travel expenses Mary Fallin has accrued during her first 18 months in office. It’s an amusing piece. Here are some of the highlights:
Hello friends, I’m going to try something new today. First, I’m going to show you a picture of Kate Upton with a virgin. Second, I’m going to take news stories from NewsOK.com and make quick jokes out of them. If it works, then it will be funny and you should watch me perform stand-up. If it doesn’t work, it will be what you come to expect from your friend Spencer and you should still watch me perform stand-ups. Regardless, it will still be better than anything you’d see on Leno.
The Oklahoma County Sheriffs office can’t afford anymore sobriety checkpoints this year. According to reports, they spent all their money investigating the lewd acts at Little Darlings Gentlemans Club.
Speaking of lewdness, I read in Playboy magazine that for every Hollywood film, nearly 28 porn films are produced. See, I DO read the articles!
Once upon a time, some people in Tulsa decided that they were sick of traveling halfway across the country for a somewhat decent outdoor music festival. Promoters sought to create a mid-sized aural jubilee in dear old Tulsey Town, and as a teen, I was excited and hopeful when I first got to attend this said event. This took place late July of 2005 I believe. Early Dfests took place in the five or six bar cluster on 18th and Boston known as well, the Boston District. At the blooming age of 16, I was a bit frustrated to find out that even though I had purchased the $10 wristband, it did not magically override my birthdate, thus did not grant me access to any indoor alcohol-serving venues. This restricted me to watching shows on the single shabby outdoor stage, where I caught my favorite high school band Xanadu, and some band I had never heard of before called Colourmusic.
Well, later that night I was grounded for the rest of summer vacation because, despite not being allowed into 80% of the “festival,” I still very much so enjoyed myself like a typical person at an outdoor concert would. The strong marriage between concerts and libations make it paramount that I include this disclaimer: any specific event or night I reference in this post is subject to the creative reconstruction of my somewhat hazy memory. This post might be 70% factual.
Fast forward to 2007. It’s still called Dfest, it’s still in Tulsa, and it still takes place during the last week of July. But this time, it’s moved to downtown Tulsa’s Blue Dome district, before all of those kitschy themed bars popped up. And this time, there are three or more massive outdoor stages. And this time, Wayne Coyne brought his spaceship, hamster ball, giant hands, confetti cannons, and alien/Santa groupies.
Here’s the deal. I’ve written about 20 different intros to this post but none of them really worked. This could be due to me having more important things to worry about, or it could be that the two topics of this post — Hello Kitty cartoons and child beauty pageants — really freak me the Hell out.
On July 12th, we listed 10 reasons why medical marijuana should be legal in Oklahoma. The list was solid and comprehensive, but it was also admittedly one-sided. We heaped lots of praise on the positive aspects of medical marijuana use — like how it can make the Omniplex fun again — but didn’t really focus on any of the negative side effects of recreational abuse.
For example, Clark Matthews claims that smoking marijuana can lead to an increased appetite and/or drowsiness. Those side effects may be a godsend for someone battling cancer, insomnia or horrific nightmares about the Braum’s drive-thru, but for the recreational user they can lead to obesity, laziness and 10pm visits to the Braum’s drive-thru. They can also lead to apartment fires.
From News 9:
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