Welcome to our annual ranking of the 20 Hottest Women in the Oklahoma City News Media. We originally wanted to post this list in May, but then the tornado happened, an Oklahoman reporter was arrested, another tornado happened, and some weatherman told people to flee the storm. I guess you can say it was a busy and terrible month.
Because 90% of the Internet is filled with perverted lonely men or judgemental bitter women, this is one of our most anticipated annual features. When we started the series in 2008, it was done more as a joke and to provide satirical commentary on that vanity and state of TV news. It’s still kind of works that way, but now people seem to care about the list and we have to take it semi-seriously. That means I had to spend four hours of my weekend on Facebook callously judging and scrutinizing the hottest reporters and anchors this town has to offer. And I did it all for you, the TLO reader.
Before we get to the 2013 rankings, let’s take a look at the ladies from 2012 who have either moved away or left the media. This year we went all out and made a creepy “In Memoriam” tribute video for them.
That was sweet.
Today we’re going to review 20 – 16. Overall, there some new names and faces on (and off) this year’s list. We didn’t even know a lot these ladies existed until this past weekend. That probably means we’re either slipping, growing up, or depended too much on an apparent stalker to deliver us updates on hot anchors and reporters. It has to be one of the three.
Here we go:
I would like to start my first MMT off by saying that on the inside, I’m the meanest girl in school. Sure, I’m a nerd and nobody wants to invite me to parties and I’m socially awkward and I’m always two inches from having the popular kids pour pigs blood on me at prom (metaphorically). But much like Carrie, I’ve learned how to get revenge. Unfortunately, my malicious telekinesis, much like my boobs, is underdeveloped at best. So, I like to make fun of popular kids. I know, it’s gross. I should just get over it. but I can’t. And I won’t. So, just so we’re clear: Henceforth, MMT will kind of be me making fun of people who are prettier, smarter, richer, and happier than me. I will not stop until I’m the Joan Rivers of Oklahoma.
Check out this week’s tweets after the jump!
Well, readers, like the pothead who signed your yearbook, I’d just like to say what a long, strange trip it’s been. We’ve had our highs and lows. I told you what to do each weekend for the past 3 years, as well as confided in you all the times I’ve gotten semi-naked in public. I’ve made lame jokes, I’ve made really good jokes, and you haven’t laughed at any of them. But I like to think I brought a certain level of gentleness to the table, the likes of which will never be duplicated on FNITBT. So it is with great pleasure that I relinquish this feature to a new, up and coming somebody. May it give you all the joy that it gave me. And remember, you can catch me on Monday for Monday Morning Tweets.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
You know what my super power is? I can fall asleep any time, anywhere, in any position. I don’t even have to be tired. This is pretty cool when I need to get some sleep before work. This, however, is pretty bad when I’m at work. I mean, I have some pretty cat-like reflexes and can snap right up when my boss comes in. But still, I’m not looking forward to the day when I get called into the supervisor’s office to explain why I was sleeping on the job.
OKC Improv probably didn’t have my super power in mind when they came up with this show. But at least someone is finally answering what super heroes do when they aren’t on the job. I mean, other than getting their tights dry cleaned. There are show times at 8 and 10 PM on both Friday and Saturday. And you can finally find out what Superman does alone on the couch when Lois Lane has gone off to bed.
I guess if you have dry mouth or eat a lot of salt, Oklahoma City is a good place to live.
According to the American Water Works Association, we are home to the country’s best-tasting tap water. It was described by judges as being “Plush, refined and impeccably structured; offering bold aromas of fluoride, metal and chromium with a hint of pear.”
Oklahoma City Water Utilities Trust’s tap water was recently crowned “Best of the Best” after beating out the competition at the 2013 American Water Works Association’s (AWWA) Annual Conference and Exposition (ACE) in Denver, CO. This is the ninth year AWWA has held the national competition.
Jeanne Bailey, Chair of AWWA’s Public Affairs Council, kicked off the final round of five tap waters to be tasted by recognizing the 23 section winners of water-tasting competitions that had taken place across North America. Then it was down to business as the judging panel began rating the finalists on their flavor characteristics.
Judges included Dr. Pinar Omur-Ozbek of Colorado State University and developer of the first international odor standard to be adopted and used for Flavor Profile Analysis of drinking water; Dr. Susan Mirlohi, a recent graduate of Virginia Tech and expert in water quality and treatment who has conducted research characterizing metallic off-flavors in drinking water; Ari Copeland, operational specialist for Black & Veatch; Kimberly Lord Stewart, director of content for Modern Healthcare Professional and contributing food editor for Denver Life magazine and CBS Denver; and Cathy Proctor, reporter for the Denver Business Journal.
I bet Russell Westbrook now feels a little silly for having his house stocked with all that Ozarka water.
Even though I view the taste of drinking water much like I do college football officiating or traffic – you only notice it when it’s bad or live in Norman – I guess this is cool news. Just check out the other cities we beat in the finals:
The Oklahoma Gazette is currently seeking nominations for their annual advertorial “The Best of OKC.” In the past, we’ve encouraged our readers to nominate TLO for categories like “Best Local Blog” or “People I Really Want To Sleep With.”
This year, we’re not diving down to those lowly depths of pathetic pandering. Instead, we would like to encourage you to nominate Sparkle Titsworth as our town’s “Best Community Leader.” Why are we asking you to do this? Because why the hell not.
In case you forget, Sparkle Titsworth is the Oklahoma City woman with an awesome name who won $1,000 in gas from 7-11 a few years ago. A camera phone photo of a poster that included her name went viral, and we’ve loved her ever since. Here’s a pic of Sparkle claiming her prize.
So, there you have it. Go to OklahomaGazette.com and nominate Sparkle Titsworth as OKC’s next great “Community Leader.” Then give yourself a pat on the back for doing something awesome.
But before you do, I have to warn you about one thing.
The Gazette apparently wants to make this process as complicated as possible, and you have to submit a nomination for 27 different categories for your ballot to count. Because of that, I’ve provided some suggestions for other categories, too. Just copy and paste them over when you fill out your ballot. If most of our nominees make the cut, this whole “Best Of OKC” sham will be a lot more fun.
Check them out:
Thanks! Your message has been sent!