I’m back, snitches!
Clark Matthews, I’m back.
I helped found this site. Clark Matthews? Trust me, I used to be a big deal.
Also, I’m not really back. Patrick just asked me to write the college football recap for this week because Gravy was busy, which is kind of weird because I barely watch football unless someone on fantasy team is in action. I think it might be because I’m the only OSU fan who still talks to him despite, well, every tweet he’s ever posted. And since the Mighty Lady Beaters of the University of Oklahoma had the weekend off, he knows no Sooner fans are actually going to read this.
So let’s get to this College Football Musings thing…
Good morning and happy Monday everyone. I hope this last Monday of September proves to be a good one for you. For me, it was pretty hard to get out of bed. But that could be because I spent all Sunday celebrating birthdays and family time. Can I just say that all Sundays are the busiest days ever? But don’t let that deter you if you want to write MMT. I mean, you can probably manage your Sunday fun days better than me. If you’re interested in writing MMT, don’t forget to email TheLostOgle@gmail.com. And if you already contacted us, sit tight. We’ll be getting back to you soon!
Anyway, as always, I’ve gathered up all the tweets from last week and put them all in one place. Check them out after the jump!
This week’s Hot Girl Friday is Molly Martin. She was a semi-finalist in the 2014 Maxim Hometown Hottie Competition.
Here’s a video that proves it:
For the most part, I try to avoid listing Maxim girls in this feature. It just brings back bad memories. You see, back when I was 21 some cute drifter pot head girl sold me a subscription to the magazine in the Best Buy parking lot on North May. Her Mercedes had broken down and she was using panty hose as a belt on a… wait… wrong story.
Actually, I wasn’t scammed at all. After a couple of months, the magazine arrived in the mail. I started reading it, and honestly I haven’t been the same since. Sometimes I have nightmares about how to build the perfect bachelor pad or make 37 cocktails that are guaranteed to get a girl a drunk. It’s traumatic and awful.
Anyway, I talked to my therapist about this and she suggested I post pics of Molly as some sort of immersion therapy. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. She’s our Hot Girl Friday.
Today’s the big day!
Donald Trump will be making a campaign stop at the Oklahoma State Fair today at 5:30. Admission is free with a State Fair ticket or confederate flag.
I’m actually really excited about this. I’d never vote for him and think he’s nuts, but I get a kick out of Donald Trump the political entertainer. He cracks me up. He’s the president every dystopian future comic book has warned us about. It’s like watching a performance artist, professional wrestler and angry six-year-old all rolled into one. He’s putting on one hell of a show. I can’t wait to see him ride around in a rascal, call a carnie a loser, and yell at everyone “High And Dry! High and Dry! HAHAHAHAHAH!” He will definitely make the state fair great again.
Other people are not so excited. For example, the local band “Uncanny Violet Unicorn” is pissed that Trump’s appearance bumped them from the State Fair stage.
In less than 24 hours, Donald trump is scheduled to speak at the state fair….
Some local artists said Trump was inconsiderate with his timing.
Musicians like their band, the Uncanny Violet Unicorn.
“Matthew and I spent about a six-month period specifically working on our set list, just for this show,” Elektra Autrey said about her band-mate.
And, now, they’ve gone from the big stage to a smaller set at the beer and wine garden.
“It can be a little frustrating when an outside force comes and pushes you off stage to talk about other things,” Autrey said.
“He’s probably used to having his way, because he is a multi-millionaire, a famous person,” Autrey said. “Sometimes, you can forget that the little people just trying to make ends meet, we work really hard too.”
I don’t know about you, but I feel sorry for the Uncanny Violet Unicorn. Not only did they get Trumped, but they may have the weirdest band name of all time! Seriously, Uncanny Violet Unicorn? That’s definitely uncanny. They should have gone with Lisa Frank Vomit.
I did a quick Google search for some Uncanny Violet Unicorn videos on YouTube. The first thing I found was this video titled Violent Diarrhea Unicorn:
I’m up very late writing this, which in no way is unusual, but tonight’s blame goes to the mobile game Fallout Shelter. The game is part of a series about post-apocalyptic, nuclear-bombed America where people live in underground vaults to stay safe from radiation. In Fallout Shelter, you are the “overseer,” allowing you to run a vault, deciding the responsibilities of the vault dwellers, even when they copulate and have children. You know, Obama’s America.
This got me thinking, who would I allow in my underground vault? This is when I realized I would be a lonely overseer because I don’t know too many people. I guess my wife, maybe.* Patrick would be invited so I could write “Friday Night in the Big Vault.” Chelsea would be there because she can smile through anything, and we will need some positive vibes. Joe Exotic would have his own wing, allowing the rest of us to know that even in a nuked world, there are still worse places to be.
Should I allow you to be in my vault? Convince me in a tweet. You will be accepted or rejected as soon as possible.
*This statement was made in jest. I promise.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town…
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