It’s been a weird couple of weeks for Oklahoma country music superstars.
First, Oklahoma-hatin’ Garth Brooks fell on stage like a friend in low places while trying to jump around like an acrobat, and now Toby Keith is being criticized for being slobberknockered drunk at a concert. Maybe next week Carrie Underwood will have a wardrobe malfunction or something. That would be cool.
Here are the details of Drunky Keith’s debacle from something called Saving Country Music:
Some people enjoy stealing… especially when they want something and they don’t wanna pay for it. This is especially true in Oklahoma. In fact, this past weekend a comic friend of mine had his car stolen while he was at an open mic in Bricktown. How shitty is that? And yes, I’m referring to the car and not an open mic in Bricktown.
I’m not sure why people steal. I assume it depends on the person and their situation. Some steal for the rush, some steal because they are in need, some steal to afford an addiction, and some steal because their neighbor doesn’t have a Wi-Fi password. Hey, if you’re not going to protect it, I’m going to use it. I guess that’s not really stealing, is it?
Anyway, here’s a very scientific and comprehensive list of seven things Oklahomans love to steal:
1.) Basketball teams
Get over it Sonic fans, a group of rich dudes bought the team from another rich dude. You can be upset at the rich dudes for screwing you out of a basketball team, but stop being upset at the fans who love them now. I get it though, it’s like getting a divorce and then having to watch your ex become super successful, while you sit at home in your underwear, eating frosting from the can, sob-yelling at the TV, “We drafted KD!”
In case you missed it, the Boston Globe featured a travel article about Oklahoma City on Sunday. The guest piece was written by Dan McGinn, who is also a senior editor for the Harvard Business Review. Dan and his family were apparently in town for an equestrian event, and I guess he thought a quick article about the visit would be a good excuse to write off the trip.
Despite spending most of his time trapped at the State Fairgrounds, Bricktown and 1-40 and Meridian hotel corridor, McGinn seemed to enjoy his visit to OKC. In fact, he wrote:
“Even if Oklahoma City is not a top-of-mind destination, many of us came home convinced it deserves a place on most bucket lists.”
I’m a homer. As I like to say to girls in Bricktown, I was born in this city, raised in this city, and am probably going to die in this city. I like it when The Boston Globe, Meet The Press, New York Times and happy old Seamus come to town and are impressed with what they see and experience, but if “Visit Oklahoma City” is on your travel bucket list, it either means:
A. You need a better bucket list.
B. You’re an East Coast Elitist who writes for the Harvard Business Review and has already visited many of the world’s finest cities and places.
Seriously, feel free to say nice things about us, National Travel Writers, but please make it believable. Although we’re pretty sure they are already paying people to write nice things about Oklahoma City, we don’t want people to think the Chamber is paying people to write nice things about Oklahoma City. Tone it down a little, or the next time you’re in town we’ll take you to Lyrewood Lane.
Actually, you can tell the local Chamber of Commerce had nothing to do with this article. That’s because it doesn’t used any of the buzzwords commonly found in any article about Oklahoma City. You know what I’m talking about – those dozen or so words that you would think are part of some Oklahoma City Travel Article Generator. Noticeably absent were stalwarts such as:
• Devon Tower
• The Flaming Lips
• Tornado* (Okay, there was one reference, but it’s just a one-time only reference to Tornado Alley)
So, how was a writer able to pen something about The OKC without using those words? Easy. He went old school. Outside of a few mentions of Bricktown, this was like reading a magazine article about Oklahoma City from 1994. It focused on Oklahoma City’s western heritage, western culture and the western stereotype image the city’s been trying so hard to distance itself from over the years. Hell, the damn thing is even called “Cowboy Up.”
For example, the highlight of his “family trip” was riding the mechanical bull at the Sooner Corral:
I’d like to nominate William Johnson (pictured above) for the Journal Record’s 2015 “Innovator of the Year.” Hopefully he’ll be allowed to accept the award while in jail.
On Friday night, Johnson’s Suburban was stolen from a Tulsa gas station. He then did what any smart person would do when their car is jacked and they want to find it. He called police, reported the crime, and, oh, kind of lied about a five-year-old kid being in the backseat, triggering a statewide Amber Alert and sending 60+ Tulsa police officers in search of the stolen vehicle.
What could go wrong with that?
Via News 9:
10) SEC < Big XII
In a strong effort to duplicate the first two weeks of the season, Oklahoma played near flawless football for a little over one half, then let off the pedal on both sides of the ball, cruising to a 34-10 win against Tennessee on Saturday night. The Sooners ran out to a 20-7 halftime lead, increased said lead to 27-7 three minutes into the second quarter, then stopped playing football for the most part the remainder of the contest. In fact, if not for two endzone turnovers, one of which was run back by Julian Wilson for a touchdown, the game takes on quite a different tenor late in the fourth quarter.
Trevor Knight continues to play solid if not spectacular football. Knight was 20 of 33 for two touchdowns (one rushing) and had a couple of timely quarterback draws/read option keepers sprinkled throughout the game. He appears to become more comfortable each game. Though his deep passes aren’t perfect, and he seems at times hellbent on not running the football, this is the guy most rational Sooner fans were hoping for after the Sugar Bowl. He isn’t going to have an Alabama game every week. But he also isn’t going to have a ULM or West Virginia or Landry Jones game either. As the coaches continue to force feed a passing game, he and Sterling Shepard, and emerging Durron Neal and Blake Bell, will be on the same page as the schedule increases in difficulty.
As for the defense, they get their own section of the article.
I said before the game that this Oklahoma team just seems different. Very businesslike. Efficient. Yes, they made a few mistakes Saturday night. And yes, the offense went in a damn shell the last 25 minutes of the game. And yes, the defense game up a few big yardage plays. But this is not the same team that pussy footed through a bad West Virginia in 2013, or got boat raced by Aggie in 2012, or got embarrassed by Oklahoma State in 2011. They may not be superior at any one position (save one really big exception), but they are good at every position.
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