As Memorial Day weekend approaches, let’s be honest: you’re not gonna be eating in town. No, if you’re lucky enough to escape this wet, tornadic hellhole, if only for three days, chances are a new dining adventure awaits you someplace wonderful and dry.
But you gotta get gas and snacks before you leave town, right? And if the comments in the recent 7-11 piece are any indication, you’ll be doing all of your filling up at one of our wonderful local OnCues, correct?
Based out of Stillwater, the Metro’s answer to QuikTrip has ballooned to over 65 locations throughout the state, oftentimes featuring a larger selection of convenience foods and cleaner restrooms than 7-11, but your run-ins with angry homeless dudes, penis-flashing pervs and the occasional violent gang interaction may vary from store to store. (To be fair, however, if I am going to get stabbed while buying a Little Debbie Fudge Round and a Sugar-Free Rockstar, I do pray to God it’s on the cool, clean floors of an OnCue.)
When first walking into an OnCue, through those automated doors where a nice gust of air-condition greets you, it can be frustrating as where to start. I mean, you got frozen yogurt over here, roller grill items over there and soda fountains in-between. Let’s go ahead and break it down into sections so that, as you’re getting ready to head out on that holiday road known as I-35, you know what you’re getting into—and what’ll eventually be coming out of you.
ROLLER GRILL ITEMS!
In the insanely active merry-go-round that is late night talk show hosting duties, David Letterman signed off for the last time Wednesday night, packing in the “Late Show Top 10″ and picking up all the pens and pencils he tossed through the windows behind him. Along with Conan O’Brien, Letterman is the last of the great classic talk show hosts.
There are multiple measures we can take to demonstrate how funny Letterman is, but to keep it simple, name as many reoccurring segments from his show off the top of your head. Stupid Pet Tricks, Stupid Human Tricks, Top 10, Small Town News, Rupert Jee, Larry “Bud” Melman. Let’s try Leno. Headlines and Jaywalking. Well, if you count “safe jokes about how slow the DMV is” as a segment, then it’s three. Dave’s funnier and overall a better organism than Jay.
Letterman has reignited my confidence and I will reengage talks with Patrick about my late show idea, “Overnight Ogle,” with Marisa as host, me as band director, Spence as announcer and cue card guy Patrick. It’s either this or my cool ranch-flavored toothpaste idea, because I really need the income.
From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town…
WINTER IS COMING!
Okay, we are not being invaded by frozen zombies, but it’s close enough.
As you probably know, Oklahoma City is hosting the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. The two-day event will feature a gamut of speeches and fundraisers for 2016 GOP Presidential Candidates. Here’s a little blurb from NewsOK.com:
The road to the White House goes through downtown Oklahoma City this week as hopefuls in the crowded Republican field audition on a stage ideally suited for their messages about military power, religious liberty and energy independence.
Eleven Republicans with presidential aspirations — including some who have not officially declared their candidacy — will speak at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference, which begins at the Cox Convention Center on Thursday and ends Saturday with the release of a straw poll…
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, former Texas Gov. Rick Perry and former U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum are scheduled to speak on the first day.
On Friday, former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham, and New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie are on the program, with U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz scheduled to speak at a party fundraiser that night.
Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina and neurosurgeon Ben Carson wrap up Saturday.
Let’s be honest, a herd of powerful Republicans should feel right at home in a state that’s redder than Spencer’s baby’s diaper rash, but they’re still from out of town. They’ll be looking for something to kill some time. So to give them a “Big Friendly” Oklahoma City welcome, Marisa and I thought I would provide some things to do for our visitors while they are in town…
Tour the Hobby Lobby Distribution Center
Nothing displays the dominance of America internationally like a warehouse in the heartland full of Chinese-made goods. Couple that with all the Bible verses craftily painted on decorative wall hangings and the fact that Hobby Lobby is a company that seemingly beat Obamacare, you have yourself a haven for Republicans.
Stop by Sir John Michael’s School Bus
Just be sure to go when he’s not posing nude.
Don’t worry guys, we haven’t transported to District 13, and the lady pictured above is not President Coin from the Hunger Games. She is Deborah Gist. Starting this summer, she is Tulsa Public School’s new Superintendent. Gist is not licensed to teach in Oklahoma, but TPS board members DO NOT want anyone to worry about this.
From the Tulsa World:
Tulsa Public Schools will submit an application to the Oklahoma State Board of Education on Tuesday requesting an exemption from certification requirements for incoming Superintendent Deborah Gist.
The board voted 5-0 Monday evening to submit the application, which will request a one-year waiver — for the 2015-16 school year — from requirements contained in the Oklahoma Teacher Preparation Act. Board members Ruth Ann Fate and Shawna Keller were absent from the meeting.
The district signed a three-year contract valued at up to almost $1.2 million with Gist in April, and she will begin her role on July 1, after Superintendent Keith Ballard retires.
“I’m proud to move this item forward, and I have no doubt whatsoever that over the course of the next year our superintendent-elect will — as well as being imminently qualified — will be fully certified,” Ballard said at the meeting.
So wait…the lady they hired to run the second biggest school district in the state isn’t even qualified to teach? That would be like Queenie’s hiring a manager who doesn’t know how to cook eggs.
The article continues:
It’s not uncommon for me to pull a jacket or pair of jeans out of my closet that I haven’t worn in a while only to find a $5 bill in the pocket. That’s my threshold for losing money though. Anything more than $5 and I notice it. Maybe that makes me cheap, but I like to think it makes me fiscally responsible. Oh, and I also have a habit of quitting day jobs on a whim when I’m not 100% happy, so I’m totally always broke.
I’ve always wondered how easily money can be lost when it comes to a company that has a ton of money. Like Apple, Berkshire Hathaway and General Electric probably have millions just chilling in some metaphorical pockets in the back of the closet. But you know who for reals lost almost half a million dollars before even noticing? A parking lot in Downtown OKC.
According to KFOR.com:
Thanks! Your message has been sent!