Growing up, my feelings toward dogs were pretty neutral. I mean sure they were cute and all, but my mom had an army of chihuahuas who didn’t do anything but shake in fear, shed like crazy, and hide in piles of laundry whenever we had company over. Seemed kinda pointless. Plus, I went away to college and came home allergic to dogs, so getting one didn’t sound like a good option.
Of course, my whole mindset took a 180 degree turn when my boyfriend brought home a Cavapoopoo puppy named Scout. Within like, a week, I switched from the person who never stopped to scratch an animal’s head to one of those freaks who shows pictures of their pup to strangers. Every dang thing that mutt does cracks me up, from the way he stares at me while I sleep to the way he destroys my expensive shoes. Sure, I now have to use my rescue inhaler and take Claritin on a daily basis, but the puffy eyes and occasional hives are totally worth it. I’ve drank the Kool-Aid you guys, I’m officially a dog person. And like all other dog people I know, I want to bring my Scout out and about with me every single opportunity I get.
So I’m sure all you fellow dog enthusiasts share my agony at the announcement that dogs are no longer welcome to romp the Cherry Street Farmer’s Market. Wait, WHAT?!! Farmer’s Markets and like, the one sacred outing that dogs are ALWAYS welcome at! The horror, the horror!!
It’s no secret that Kevin Durant is pretty much the best person to ever walk the planet. For one, he’s fantastic at basketball. And two, he’s a crazy good dude. When he’s not giving new Nikes to underprivileged children, he’s donating money to rebuild Moore and getting leaves out of the gutter for his middle-aged Asian wife. Or maybe that was a commercial. Regardless, I’m sure his mom makes him get stuff off the top shelf and he obliges. My mom makes me get stuff off the top shelf for her, and I grumble the whole time, but that’s because I’m not a salt of the earth sort of person like Mr. Durant.
All of this leads me to wonder what happens in his home. Sure, it’s not any of my business, but how does the golden boy of basketball spend his time off the court? Well, his house is currently on the market. I know. You’re sad that we never got an episode of Cribs with Kevin Durant. But that’s where you’re wrong. We have an exclusive look at the home where Mr. Durant lays his head. And after you take a look, maybe, you can put in an offer. They’re only asking $1.95 million.
Last week, Oklahoma Fashion Week came and went. If you missed it, consider yourself lucky. The event was promoted and organized by Oklahoma’s finest celebutante Hipster Boo Boo (a.k.a. Christina Fallin).
We know this because:
A) Hipster Boo Boo being involved in something like “Oklahoma Fashion Week” makes total sense.
B) Photos like this:
Yes, that’s Mary and Christina Fallin at the Oklahoma Fashion Week media kick off. She, along with (retired) Major General Rita Aragon (this lady!), the Oklahoma Secretary of Military and Veteran Affairs, were the keynote speakers. Who would invite a crazy conservative Governor who wears open-toed shoes with hose (and a general who likes Glamour Shots) to kick off a fashion event? Oh, I know! Maybe some girl whose only source of credibility comes from her mom’s last name. Makes sense.
Seriously, Christina, get out of your mom’s shadow! Do something on your own! And by do something on your own, I don’t mean change your name to just “Christina” or run off and do awful projects with Wayne Coyne or Desmond Mason. That just makes you look even more desperate.
Anyway, if having Governor Fallin and General Big Collar didn’t convince you that Christina Fallin is the no-longer-pink-haired mastermind behind Oklahoma Fashion Week, check out these photos we grabbed of the kick off from some obscure local fashion website called “A Cuppa Fashion.” It doesn’t show any models wearing Native American headdresses, but it’s still good for a laugh:
If you have a smartphone, you have a bunch of sweet apps that make your life easier. Unless, of course, you have a Blackberry. That’s what I have, so my life is pretty difficult, especially when the camera on my phone is out of film.
I hear stories of people making a lot of money by creating apps and then selling them. I want to get rich, so I came up with some ideas to help get me there.
1. The Mike Morgan Weather Fear App
What it does: When severe weather strikes, this app will tell you to get in your car with your loved ones and tell you which direction to drive to get in the most danger. It will alert you 30 minutes before the severe weather which will give you plenty of time to get on a major interstate, which has because of this advice, been turned into a parking lot.
Over the past few days, a bizarre news story claiming that Oklahoma citizens have threatened to ‘secdee’ from the United States if Cosmos isn’t removed from local television has gone viral.
It was first reported by the Topekas News on April 10th. I’m shocked that the KFOR Social Media Bandit and /or the NewsOK.com Digital Desk have failed to h/t it:
Oklahoma Protesters Threaten to “Secdee” From Union if Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos is not Cancelled.
Concerned Oklahomas gather to protest the airing of Cosmos, citing the show’s agenda is ‘clearly anti-Christian and biased against creationist values.’ Citizens have threatened to vote to ‘secdee’ [sic] from the United States during the 2014 gubernatorial and ballot issue election if Cosmos is not formally removed from all Oklahoma based television networks.
Saddlebridge Township, Oklahoma – Furious parents and citizens of Oklahoma took to the streets early Thursday, protesting against Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos. Protesters allege the show is blatantly promoting an anti-Creationist agenda and is ‘standing against the Judeo-Christian moors and values of the Saddleback Township community and others nationwide.”
The first protests against Cosmos in the community took place some two weeks ago, after a local paper claimed an airing of Cosmos in a school caused several children to experience ‘demonic possession’. Parents cite one kid became completely enamored with the show during a terrifyingly supernatural event linked with Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s narrative explaining the “God of the Gaps” theory.
Several weeks ago, citizens accused Tyson of using his Cosmos program to forward other agendas, not limited to a ‘homogay’ agenda, wizardry/haroldry, astrology and other vehemently anti-Christian teachings.
Concerned parents have accused Neil DeGrasse Tyson of ‘Ra’ worship and iconography, going as far as saying the titular narrator may be involved in a Wiccan Sun occult.
Delores Simmons, whose child was involved in the prior airing of Cosmos that precipitated the anti-science scare in Oklahoma, claims petitions are already going about to elect pro-Creation candidates for upcoming elections.
“If we allow this Tyson to keep publicly airing his beliefs, God just may strike us down with a cosmic meteor this summer. That would be ironic justice if you ask me, so we should just take this show off now before that happens.”
Other citizens in Oklahoma agree. The latest Rasmussen polls on the subject show that over 64% people in Oklahoma feel Cosmos is dangerous and carries a strong anti-theist and Creation message.
Pretty crazy, huh? It would be even crazier if the report was true. At last check, there’s no Saddlebridge Township, Oklahoma, no Rasmussen polls asking about how Oklahomans feel about Cosmos, and no petition to make us “secdee” from the US. The picture they used was taken in Texas in 2011.
If that joke seemed pretty obvious to you, congrats. You have common sense. If it fooled you, well, don’t feel alone. Thousands of other idiots shared the story on Facebook and Twitter thinking it was totally real. Here are some Twitter examples:
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