The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Update: Bacon-infused vodka is now legal!

colin grizzle

Last month, we told you about the heinous crimes of hardened criminal and Pump Bar employee, Colin Grizzle. This reprehensible reprobate was arrested for serious crimes against man and nature: being the manager on duty at a bar that performed the ungodly act of infusing vodka with bacon.

Word of this savage crime spread across the nation, even ending up on Vice’s Munchies network. Anytime Oklahoma is in the national news, it’s usually for something bad. But now the nation knows about our batshit liquor laws, which somehow stings worse. It’s like all that anyone knows about Oklahoma is tornadoes, cowboys, an NBA team that can’t retain their star players, and now, our crummy booze laws.

Even the Oklahoman was inspired to write one of their patented editorials about the case, but of course spinning it into how the government has too much regulation on businesses.

Now, after the ABLE Commission has convened in one of its monthly meetings where a group of vampires meet together and decide how to make life in Oklahoma less tolerable, they made a ruling on The Case Of The Boozy Bacon:

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Report: Abby Broyles’ sunroof exploded on a deserted New Mexico highway

It’s been a rough couple of weeks for my KFOR friend and co-worker Abby Broyles.

As I explained a couple of weeks ago, Abby didn’t handle the news of Joleen Chaney’s KFOR return very well. In the days following her emotional outburst, she roamed the halls of our studios like a confused zombie, careful not to look anyone in the eye, and constantly referring to the people in the production room as “little spies.” She even refused to eat Scott Hines’ delicious banana nut bread. It was crazy.

As a result, our news director gave Abby a week off work to recover and get her mind off things. Abby then did what anyone who’s looking for a little rest and relaxation does and went on a Thelma and Louise style road trip in the New Mexico desert with former Harper County District Court Judge Megan Simpson. Fortunately, before they got to the Grand Canyon, the sunroof exploded on their car. This event snapped Abby out of her daze, and she quickly returned to Oklahoma to file this totally real report.

Via KFOR:

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Friday Night in the Big Town: Recovery Comedy, Art Beyond the Glass and Oklamania

From time to time, I find myself at odds with the opinions of fellow TLO contributors. I stood up for my local 7-Eleven at the corner of May Ave. and NW 10th St. when it was ranked second worst in the metro, and expressed my disapproval of Marisa’s declaration that Oklahoma is humid. Now I have another bone to pick.

Earlier this week, Marisa published an open letter to Oklahomans who keep asking to have the AC temperature turned up. In the note, she chastises those who may at times feel the air conditioner is running a bit too hard, referring to them as terrible people.

From the letter:

Each morning, I get out of bed and listen to Lacey Swope and Jed Castles talk about how it’s going to be another scorcher. They make idle small talk about how we should drink plenty of water and try to stay cool. Then they remind us to check on elderly neighbors who may actually die in the heat.

And there you are, asking people to turn down the AC. Are you really complaining when two trusted weather forecasters are telling me that old people might die because they don’t have air conditioning?

First, if someone is complaining that it is too cold, the AC is likely turned down into the 60s. People tend to describe the perfect temperature as somewhere in the mid to low 70s. Set the AC to 72-75 degrees and this should take care of everyone.

Elderly people are not going to die from heat at that temperature. They won’t pass away from temperatures in the 80s either, so don’t try to push some guilt trip on us. By the way, do you check on your elderly neighbors on hot days?

Step 2: Ask yourself if you’re more important than everyone else.

Once you’ve asked this question, you have undoubtedly answered “no.” (Unless you’re a sociopath. Then you have other issues to deal with that are far beyond the scope of this letter.) But once you’ve answered that question, then you can undoubtedly ascertain that your comfort is not more important than the comfort of everyone else who is not complaining about the temperature.

Respect is a two-way street. So Marisa, are you more important than everyone else? How do you know everyone else isn’t also cold? Most importantly, are you a sociopath?

Step 3: Bring a damn cardigan.

Simple enough, really.

I’m not bringing a cardigan for two reasons. For one, I don’t have one. Also, if I did, where am I going to put it when I’m not wearing it? I’m not carrying it around and I don’t wear a backpack like a third grader. How about we just set the AC at a civilized temperature. Not everyone enjoys life in negative Celsius.

Here’s Your Friday Night in the Big Town….

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Gary Busey is delivering ice cream for Uber in Oklahoma City today…

busey-460_1014998a

I try everything in my power to avoid covering PR clickbait, but sometimes the headlines are just too irresistible.

In a sad reminder of just how cruel life can be, Hollywood actor / punchline Gary Busey will delivering ice cream for Uber today in Oklahoma City. There’s no word on if he’ll be delivering it in an automobile or on horseback.

If you want to see The Buse, open up your Uber app between 11am – 3pm and request ICE CREAM. He, or some other lucky Uber driver who isn’t Gary Busey, will deliver four ice cream bars to your location for $20. Yeah, that’s right. Four ice cream bars for $20. At that rate, you’d think Uber could afford to send Nic Cage or Charlie Sheen

Because we live in a sad, desperate civilization on the brink of a total collapse where washed-up celebrities now deliver ice cream to your door, the paparazzi actually caught Busey at LAX yesterday preparing to embark on his trip to the 405. Here’s the video:

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Yukon PD is going after those pesky Pokémon Go players…

Well, I guess it’s time for our obligatory trending online media article about Pokémon Go.

I made the plunge and downloaded the app a couple of days ago. Outside of giving the publishers access to everything in your Gmail account, and the fact that you look like one of the world’s biggest tools while playing it, the game is a decent waste of time, and from a cultural perspective, much more tolerable than the Harlem Shake.

Here’s my avatar:

pokemon go

I make for one good-looking, blue-haired, cartoon lesbian, don’t I?

The game has been a big smash here at the KFOR offices. Everyone plays it, but it’s almost become a deadly distraction. For example, ever since it’s been named a Pokéstop, Emily Sutton’s she-shed has received quite an array of unusual visitors. And just yesterday, two Social Media Bandits nearly drowned in the pond while trying to catch a Polliwag for Linda Cavanaugh. Fortunately, KOCO’s Abigail Ogle was close by, and after capturing the creature with one toss of her Pokéball, brought the bandits to shore and resuscitated them. Say what you want about the media rivalries in this city, we all go out of our way to help each other.

Broadway Extension and N. Britton Rd. isn’t the only place in town where Pokémon Go has gone from a fun little game to a dangerous pastime. Apparently, it’s causing civil unrest in Yukon.

Via News 9.com:

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