Back in June, we endorsed Christian theocrat Harvey Sparks as the Republican candidate for the Oklahoma 5th Congressional District. We did this because I played on his church basketball league my sophomore year of high school. That worked out about as well as a pack of wet matches. He finished last.
Hopefully we’ll have better luck this time around. We’re endorsing Steve Russell over Patrice Douglas in today’s Republican runoff for the 5th Congressional seat. This was a difficult decision. They’re both awful choices, but since men are generally taller and have higher IQs than women, he’s the logical choice.
Okay, I’m just kidding angry lady who’s about to leave a comment on our Facebook page. There are actually some compelling reasons in addition to height and IQ that led us to endorse this certified gun nut over the certified chamber robot.
Here are three of them:
I guess college is back in session. This is good news for people who enjoy college football, drunk sorority girls and feeling really old and depressed.
To help get us in the “back to school” spirit, OU released an over-the-top video today welcoming their first student from the graduating class of… 2019. Yep, that’s not a patented TLO typo. OU is already hyping next year’s enrollment. Isn’t that a bit premature? At least wait until 25% of this year’s freshmen drop out and accrue student loan debt before going after the next batch.
You can watch the video after the jump. In it, the university brings the Sooner Schooner, cheerleaders, marching band and who knows what else to some random high school girl’s house in Edmond to deliver the first acceptance letter of the year. Basically, it’s a social media bandit’s viral wet dream. The only thing it’s missing is a football player holding a ballerina, David Boren talking about national merit scholars and the crying sorority girl.
Check it out:
And there was much rejoicing.
After a dramatic 10-week run, the qualifying period for the League of Champions 2.0 has concluded. The following 8 teams have qualified for the $1,000 Champions Match to be held on Saturday, Sept 6th at The 51st Street Speakeasy at 7:00pm:
1st: Mandy Ritchell & The Richtones – 69 points
2nd: Tread Lightly & Have an A1 Day – 63 points
3rd: Johnny Glasses – 52 points
4th: Magic Johnson’s Immune System – 47 points
5th: Quality Meat – 36 points
6th: Prestige Worldwide – 36 points
7th: Bergin Hunt and Fish Club – 32 points
8th: Insert Dick Joke <here> – 31 points
The following 13 teams finish in the 9th – 20th place. They’re invited to complete in Wild Card Round that takes place this week at all TLO Trivia Night venues. Six of them will be invited out to the Champions Match:
Have you ever had the chicken at Pad Thai in Norman? If you’re reading this, I’ll assume you have not because you’re still alive.
Recently, the Campus Corner eatery came under some extra spicy fire after pics of raw chicken being left in the sun behind the restaurant circulated on Instagram and Twitter. Drew Braum immediately praised the restaurant for their innovative food preparation techniques.
Via the Norman Transcript:
A photo is worth a thousand words. For one local restaurant, a little clarification may be worth a lot more in both dollars and patrons’ peace of mind.
Two complaints were filed with the Cleveland County Health Department last week after a photo circulating on Facebook and Instagram arose suspicion. The photo in question shows pounds of raw uncovered chicken strewn across plastic crates behind Pad Thai restaurant, 104 W. Boyd St., covered in flies and sitting in the sun.
The picture garnered responses from revulsion to rancor, with some calling for extreme measures and others vowing to avoid the restaurant for fear of food-borne illness.
On a positive note, at least it wasn’t dog!
Here’s one of the photos of the carnage:
While he may deny global warming, there’s no denial of the warming in many a loins that occur everytime someone accidentally catches a flash of those orange-tinted abs in the weight room of any 24 Hour Fitness that beloved meteorologist (weatherman) Aaron Tuttle might frequent, shirt lifted up ever so slightly as he snaps one of his notoriously hunky Instagrams that leave fans in Instapuddles of their own sweaty lust.
Whether clean and jerkin’, bench pressin’ or snappin’ towels with the weather bros in the locker room, Aaron loves to play hard just as much as he loves to work hard, most notably as the inventor/designer/creator of the ATS Weather App. I bought one for my cellular telephone and now I feel meteorologically secure knowing that Aaron is in my pants at all times, ready to alert me with a slight attention-grabbing buzz in case of a little drizzle or, even better, flash flood of hot wet precipitation that threatens to soak every inch of me.
Recently single and, if social media is to be believed, frighteningly vulnerable about it, there’s no word on if romantically weather wildcat Aaron is on the prowl, but who among us hasn’t laid awake at night, ATS Weather App on the pillow next to our heart, hoping that a freak twister will strike and, just as it looks like death is certain, he kicks down the bedroom door, muscles glistening with debris, effortlessly picking us up and carrying us to safety just like he would a lost puppy in the clutches of the ALS Association, all the while cradled gently in his rock-hard, hairless bosom like that of an adult-man-baby who is craving just a sweet spectre of taste from his imagined mother’s milk?
Gasp and swoon, I think I caught the vapors.
I know I’m not the only one who dreams of such rescues. The Johnny Depp of fake Facebook weathermen has a thing for Mr. Tuttle, as does Joe Cooper. Here are some chiseled pics of Aaron Tuttle from over the years to give you a little inspiration for, perhaps, a little workout sesh of your own. He’s our Hot Dude Monday…
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