The Lost Ogle

Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

10 real signs you learned to drink in Oklahoma

various type of alcoholic drinks isolated on white

Well, we are officially in summer now. And nothing says summer to me like swimming, snow cone stands and drinking on a patio somewhere while wearing ridiculously big sunglasses. Sure, it’s crazy hot and you can’t go outside without getting your blood sucked by no less than 50 mosquitoes, but that’s not going to stop anyone, is it?

Anyway, while wasting precious hours of my life on the internet yesterday, I stumbled across this post about 20 signs you learned to drink in Oklahoma. While some of them rang true, it didn’t really speak to me. What can I say? I grew up thinking Coors Light was fancy. I’ll straight up drink anything. And because of this, I’ve had, perhaps, a different experience with drinking in Oklahoma. And I have a feeling that a lot of you did too. So, without further ado, I give you 10 real signs you learned to drink in Oklahoma.


1. You don’t care what you’re drinking if it’s a game day.

That’s right. When you’re tailgating, you’re not picky. Let’s be honest, though. You aren’t really that picky anyway. The drinks that are generally the most accessible happen to be the worst. Because of this, on most game days you can be found standing near a grill while waiting on some brats, sipping on a tallboy of Natty. That, or someone is pouring shots of Everclear and they’ve convinced you to take one. It’s not like you can say no. It’s game day!

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The Moore Liquor Marquee dropped an N-word Obama joke…

Over the years, we’ve become fans of the Moore Liquor Marquee. It generally provides smart, witty and occasionally absurd commentary on politics, pop culture and the day’s events. Here are a few of my favs from when we counted down the Top 10 Moore Liquor Marque Signs from last year…

moore liquor tornado

moore liquor 8 moore liquor marquee ]

moore liquor 13

moore liquor 16

See what I mean? That’s some funny stuff for a marquee, especially when you consider most marquee signs are thought up by pastors, fast food employees, high school principals and people who confuse an upside-down ‘5’ for the letter ‘S.’

Unfortunately, I’m sad to report the person behind the Moore Marquee has been kidnapped or has one hell of hangover. At least that’s what I’m hoping after this racist Obama N-word joke popped up on the marquee a few days ago:

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Washington Post blogger suggests we add an exclamation point to our flag!!!

With the talk of the Confederate Flag dominating national news discussion, the Washington Post came up with a light-hearted look at things that are wrong with the flag of each state! Here’s what the paper’s snark blogger Alexandra Petri had to say about Oklahoma!

oklahoma flag

Yes, we get it! Oklahoma should put an exclamation point on our flag because of the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Oklahoma! Hysterical! Maybe we should also replace the shield with a man and a honey lamb watching hawks make lazy circles in the sky! Or better yet, have them doing it while building a meth lab! Who wouldn’t love that flag?!!!!!!!!!!

Obviously, the Washington Post wasn’t being serious! They suggested the change in a funny, ludicrous, satirical type of way! Unfortunately in Oklahoma, things that should remain funny and ludicrous sometimes become law! That’s nearly what happened with the exclamation point in 2009 when Oklahoma State Rep and US Congressional candidate Shane Jett tried to get the punctuation mark added to the Oklahoma flag.

From the vault…

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Check out the insensitive, crazy, borderline racist stuff this Oklahoma Sheriff puts on Facebook

Back in April, The Oklahoma Sheriff’s Association launched a new public awareness campaign called “Your Sheriff.” The campaign, which is an obvious attempt to restore the bad reputation of local sheriff departments, is essentially a series of YouTube videos where various sheriffs ramble about how awesome they are to the tune of royalty free Mumford and Sons ripoff music.

Here’s a video featuring Beckham County Sheriff Scott Jay:

Serious question, how do you find music that bad? Is that what they play in our county jails? If so, does it constitute cruel and unusual punishment?

One part of Sheriff’s Jay’s monologue that really stuck out was this…

“I think in the climate across our nation right now that law enforcement is getting a pretty bad rap. We’re the good guys. Not the bad guys. We wear the white hats. And it’s all about keeping the people safe and serving the people of the county which I just love doing…

“It is an honor for me to be able to serve the people of this county. It is an honor for me to be one of 77 sheriffs across this state. This position bears a lot of responsibility. It bears a lot of authority. I want to be involved in my community.”

That’s nice. I like that attitude. It’s good to see an officer of the peace having such high moral and ethical standards and doing what’s right to combat the negative stereotypes facing our men and women in law enforcement.

That being said, if he’s such a good white hat-wearing guy and aware that his job requires “a lot of responsibility,” then why’s he posting shit like this on his very public Facebook page?

00007backham count sheriff scott jay

00004backham count sheriff scott jay

Hehe. Isn’t that funny? Mexicans are lazy, talk weird and are scared of the cops because they are all probably criminals! They also wear sombreros and have thick mustaches. Hysterical! I seriously can’t stop laughing. Just like the emojis in Sheriff Jay’s post, I’m literally crying.

I wonder if the Latinos in Beckham county feel the same way? According to the Census, 13% of the county’s 23,691 residents are Hispanic or Latino. That’s over 3,000 people. I’m sure they get a laugh out of the racist jokes and cultural appropriation told by the same man who’s supposed to serve and protect them, just like how I’m sure all Beckham county whites and blacks get a laugh out of this post from June 12th…

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The KKK is sending out flyers in Pryor…

kkk flier

I’ve always thought that wearing a mask had two very disparate connotations. For example, a Mexican luchador with a mask is not only a cunning fighter, but a skilled acrobat. Those masks are awesome. It’s an honor and a privilege to wear those masks, and that’s why I attend the state fair–so I can purchase one along with a Baja pullover and candied pecans. However, there are other masks that just make a person look like a moron. Like, say, a KKK mask. Nothing says inbred, ignorant hillbilly who will lose all his teeth to meth quite like a grown ass man cavorting about town in a sheet.

Apparently, the Northeastern Oklahoma Klavern didn’t get the memo. According to the Pryor Times:

The Traditionalist American Knights of the Ku Klux Klan used recruitment flyers distributed on Father’s Day to urge the boycott of local businesses.

Many Pryor residents woke Sunday morning to find KKK literature had been left in their yard.

I don’t know what’s worse–that pamphlet, or the knowledge that the KKK was so close to your home. Oh, and it looks like they were just in time for the rest of the country to basically get rid of the Confederate flag. This group is nothing if not relevant.

The literature cites racial crime statistics before concluding by saying, “So, this Father’s Day weekend, be a man and take a stand for your God, family, race and country.”

Fifty Bible passages were cited in just one of two flyers included in the baggie.

The second flyer does not carry the name of the KKK, but states that “our community is being invaded” and that “God commands racial separation.”…

Unlike a flyer left by the same group on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, this one called specific businesses and agencies by name…

“Stop going to Maggie’s Mexican Kitchen…she thinks she can talk trash about white people in Spanish, thinking none of us will understand her anti-American, anti-white rhetoric,” it says. “Or, El Humilde Mexican Restaurant, which takes your money while employing illegals and sending our American currency back to their homeland.”

They just realized that employees at Mexican restaurants talk trash about people in Spanish? What else is new and why does it matter? Would you rather them speak English like the waiters at Chili’s. What would you do if someone baby in a highchair spilled chips, beans and fajita juice over the floor you just cleaned. At least they don’t print racist propaganda on their menu.

Look, I’m not ignorant. I know how prevalent the KKK has been in our state history. I know how much they controlled politics for a time. But it pisses me off that these guys are still around. And 50 Bible passages? That kind of seems excessive. It’s 2015, KKK. You gotta write clean, easy-to-read copy for your audience because they are used to BuzzFeed. Things like listicles.

On that note, here are five other organizations that I’d rather have leave flyers on my front porch, and I think the fine folks of Pryor might agree.


1.Street Outlaws

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