One major sign that you’re getting old, developing an adult brain and becoming very very boring is when you gradually stop watching MTV. For me, that transition occurred in the early aughts during my mid-20s.
I was obsessed with MTV during high school and college. It was channel 30 on Cox cable, and TRL, Real World, and even 120 Minutes were all required viewing, but watching the network gradually became more of a chore than a joy. This was before everyone had a TiVo or DVR, and there were only so many Oxy and Revlon commercials a guy could suffer through.
I’m telling you all this because I’m not too familiar with MTV shows that aired after 2001 or 2002 (excluding pop culture phenomenons like The Osbournes or Jersey Shore) and really don’t know a thing about Edmond native Sarah Greyson. She appeared on shows like Road Rules and The Challenge in the early aughts. I guess that’s cool.
Since her time on MTV, Sarah has appeared in fledgling independent films and commercials, like this one…
And this one…
And whatever this is…
Anyway, since Sarah is from Edmond, was on MTV, has been in national commercials, and kind of has a trendy girl next door Lizzy Caplan thing going on, she’s our Hot Girl Friday:
When you first read that headline you probably thought I was crazy. Why would you not want to invite Emily Sutton to your pool party? Not only would she probably bring kittens, lollipops, nice sun screen and have her handsome, totally better than you, fireman fiance be a lifeguard, but she could also probably use her burgeoning weather sorceress skills to shield your pool from the rain or move a lazy stray cloud in front of the sun when it gets too hot.
She’d be an awesome pool party guest, right? Not inviting her would be dumber than electing to re-punt the ball to Tyreek Hill in the 4th quarter of a close game as opposed to letting a team with a back-up Freshman quarterback attempt to drive 85 yards with no timeouts for a tying score. Basically, it would be Stoop-id.
But as Dean Blevins would say, don’t cum too handy tonight my #friend.
A few weeks back, Emily wrote a lengthy blog post about competing in an Ironman triathlon in Arizona. It was part of a fundraising effort for the Go Mitch Go Foundation. In her post, she shared this little nugget:
It’s the time of year where rush hour traffic is slower and darker, and the mall becomes two rather than one level of Hell. Also, the amount of audible complaints about other drivers sky rockets.
“Look at this dumbass trying to change lanes!”
“Learn how to drive!”
“I curse your Hummer!”
Nothing celebrates the birth of the savior like road rage. One thing I’ve noticed is the people who yell the most about other drivers are usually the worst drivers. The ones who quickly swerve into a space one inch larger than their vehicle, or pass you on the right side of the road without giving you the chance to change lanes. Just because throw your car around like an Indy car doesn’t make you a better driver, only an idiot.
Anyways, sorry to be your dad. I just find it interesting that the holidays brings out the jackassery of Americans. Only we use the purchasing of our toys as a chance to launch into a Gordon Ramsey-esqe tirade because “that damn Prius is going to slow.” With that jolly intro, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
She never saw it coming…
The cards were wrong…
She bought her crystal ball from Sears…
Those are all awful, Facebook comment-level one-liners that popped in my head when I first read this story about local psychic Sonia Marks (pictured above). She was arrested by the Oklahoma County Sheriff yesterday due to charges that she defrauded people out of millions of dollars.
Here’s the write-up from News 9. As a service to you, a loyal reader, I’m going to attempt to write the rest of this post without anymore bad jokes about psychic clichés.
Here we go:
A woman wanted in Ohio on a number of charges was arrested by deputies with the Oklahoma County Sheriff’s office.
Authorities from Hamilton County, Ohio notified the Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Office Warrant Team in mid-November that 50-year-old Sonia Marks, a self-confessed “Psychic”, was living in Oklahoma County.
Marks was wanted in Ohio for Grand Theft, Theft, and Engaging in a Pattern of Corrupt Activity. According to police officials in Ohio, those charges stem from a psychic scam Marks used to bilk victims out of nearly $1 million, dating back to 1994.
Apparently Marks couldn’t divine the tea leaves about her own impending arrest. After the investigation was launched, deputies soon learned Marks lived and worked as a palm reader in the 6600 block of S. Western Ave.
WTF? Divine the tea leaves? I don’t know if I should be embarrassed or proud about this, but I had no clue those were even a thing until I Googled it a few minutes ago. I just don’t get into astrology, palm reading, mystical B.S., extended warranties at Best Buy and other known frauds. In fact, the only thing I know about the psychic profession is what I learned from watching Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. The psychic in the movie was so dumb that she thought Pee Wee’s bicycle was in the basement in the Alamo?! What an idiot!
Actually, that would be a good way to vet a psychic. Simply ask Ms. Cleo or Dionne Warwick if the Alamo has a basement. If they say “Yes,” then ask if that cool breakfast machine from the beginning of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure will ever become a reality? If they say “Yes” to that, well then you might have a keeper. If you’re going to have a psychic, make sure they’re ambitious.
Anyway, Madame Marks has a long, storied history of making shit up to people in exchange for money. At least I think she does. I did a little Google research and stumbled across this L.A. Times article from 1994. I’m not sure if Sonia Marks is to psychics as Alexis is to strippers, but it could be the same person. Regardless, the story brings up a good point. How can you convict a psychic of fraud when police departments have hired Sylvia Browne to find missing people, or shows like Medium have existed? Just because you’re a bad psychic and wrong all the time and can make some shit up about someone’s future, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get paid.
I also stumbled across Sonia’s profile on a psychic for hire website. Here it is:
It’s probably not a surprise to the people who read this website that The Oklahoman is probably the most biased newspaper in America. Through reporting and unattributed editorials, they love nothing more than to advance their agenda, protect their friends and attack their enemies. It’s a big reason why the Columbia Journalism Review named The Oklahoman the “Worst Newspaper in America” in 1999, and why so many locals simply refer to it as The Jokelahoman or Daily Disappointment or That Thing Grandpa Reads While On The Toilet.
Things haven’t really changed that much at The Oklahoman since 1999. Although the paper is a little better than the Gaylord glory days – for example, they’ll now publish photos of minorities – they still like to do what they always do when it comes to politically biased, hatchet job reporting. If you need some recent proof, just give good old Ed Shadid a phone call and ask about his marijuana or porn addiction, or go read that story where they had to issue a retraction for exposing the shady dealings of local politicians.
If that seems like too much work, you can always check out The Oklahoman’s reporting of the New York Times report on Scott Pruitt and compare it to that of the Tulsa World. After a few paragraphs, it’s pretty easy to figure out which newspaper is owned by Philip Anschutz, the guy who made his fortune in the energy industry, and which one is owned by… uhm… uh… Biker Fox? Sorry, when I think of Tulsa, he’s always the first thing that comes to mind. That and women’s basketball. Great city, huh?
The Oklahoman followed their report of the Times story with an editorial on Wednesday that defended Scott Pruitt with the intensity of a pre-2003 Mike Stoops defense. It’s so fair and balanced that it reads like Devon Energy wrote it for Scott Pruitt, who then sent it to The Oklahoman for publication, who then actually published it because that’s what the paper does for their cronies and BFFs.
Like most Oklahoman editorials, it reeks of hypocrisy, contains fallacious arguments and jumps to insane conclusions. Just check out the first paragraph:
Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt and other Republican AGs are working together, and with private industry experts, to combat federal overreach in state affairs. Officials at The New York Times apparently think this is shocking, leading to an “expose” that’s a case study in media bias and unthinking analysis.
Yes, everyone, on December 10th, 2014, The Oklahoman referred to a detailed, thorough, meticulous, well-researched, informed, eye-opening New York Times expose on the partnership between powerful corporations and our state’s attorney general and called it a “case study in media bias and unthinking analysis.”
Thanks for that, Newspaper That Literally Could Be A Case Study In Media Bias And Unthinking Analysis. Could they be more hypocritical? This would be like Berry Tramel complaining about Jenni Carlson’s voice, or Mel Bracht telling Nolan Clay that he looks like a creeper.
The madness continues. Seriously, this editorial is insane.
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