Rumors are awful most of the time. Except for the rumors about how cool I am and how much game I have. Those are totally cool. But not the rumors that two blonde girls from middle school started about me. Do you hear me, Sequoyah Middle School football players circa 1998? I did not do lesbian porn, regardless of what Kasey and Carissa said.
Now, in middle school, I didn’t do anything about the rumors. It was easier to lay low. But not everyone can do that. Some people get mad and have a confrontation. And that’s what happened when a metro woman found out her neighbor spread a rumor that she had sex with her cat. From NewsOK.com:
Yesterday was a bad day for men with long gray beards.
First, OSBI announced that they arrested Wiley Gene Davis Jr. He’s a coed baseball coach, Santa Claus impersonator and apparently has never watched “To Catch A Predator.”
A Warr Acres man often paid by local schools to play Santa Claus has been arrested after attempting to meet a teen girl for sex, authorities said Monday.
Wiley Gene Davis Jr., 49, was arrested on complaints of lewd proposals to a child under 16, violation of the Oklahoma Computer Crimes Act and possession of a firearm while in the commission of a felony.
A spokeswoman for the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation said Davis responded to a Craigslist ad he believed was posted by a 15-year-old girl, making numerous sexual and lewd proposals and referring to himself as “Santa.”
He arrived about 7:30 p.m. Thursday at a convenience store near Coltrane and Waterloo to meet the girl and was instead greeted by OSBI agents and Guthrie police.
Davis was carrying a loaded pistol and a private investigator badge when he was arrested, authorities said.
OSBI agents said in addition to playing Santa at area schools, Davis coached coed baseball for children 6 years old and younger in the Oklahoma City area.
Shocking, huh? I can’t believe that a grown man who dresses up in a costume and promises gifts and toys to small children sitting in his lap would ever be accused of wanting to bang a 15-year-old girl, or would actually believe that a 15-year-old wanted to sleep with him. I could see that happening to the dude who plays the Easter Bunny or the neighborhood Tooth Fairy, but not Santa. Speaking of that, what ever happened to the old neighborhood Tooth Fairy? Remember him? When I was a kid, he’d prance around my neighborhood selling pixi sticks to kids as we played in the sprinkler in the front lawn, then one day he suddenly disappeared. He was an odd fellow.
Pedo Claus wasn’t the only gray beard to have a bad weekend. Meet Raymond Hulsley. He was caught trying to break into his neighbor’s house while naked and armed only with a piece of wood and a sex toy.
The FBI is asking for help in identifying the hipster wannabe bank robber above. He hit the Bank of Oklahoma branch on N. May Ave. yesterday morning before it was cool. He was last seen eating grilled cheese sandwiches at the Mule in the Plaza District.
FBI hunts OKC bearded bank bandit
FBI officials are looking for a man who was wearing a strange disguise while robbing a bank in Oklahoma City on Monday morning.
Authorities are looking for a man who robbed the Bank of Oklahoma branch, along N. May Ave., around 9 a.m.
The suspect is described as a black man, in his late 20s to mid-30s.
He stands about 6-feet tall and has a heavy build.
The man was last seen carrying a black backpack and wearing a fake beard, straw hat and sunglasses.
The suspect also showed the teller a semi-automatic pistol prior to leaving the bank.
He was spotted leaving the bank on foot, heading east through the bank’s parking lot.
Fortunately, no one was injured.
The Oklahoma Banker’s Association is offering a $2,000 reward for information leading to an arrest.
Say what you want about KFOR’s news reporting, at least their stories are semi-colorful. My only concern is that they seem to rely a little too much on the word “bandit.” It’s their version of my “seriously” or “anyway.” In addition to the bearded bank bandit, we’ve had:
As you all know, I enjoy browsing mugshots online and while I wait in line at Walgreens. It’s like looking at a who’s who of popular kids in high school. Well, maybe not “popular,” but the cool kids whose parents let them do whatever they wanted… which means they were negligent. In the past, I’ve made fun of the people arrested in a prostitution sting and Fox 25’s published mugshots, and each time some PC liberal has criticized me for being immature and picking on the vulnerable, sick and weak. That means it’s now time for me to check out the talent that KOCO has put online!
Just to clarify, these people are in no way connected. The only thing they have in common is that they probably enjoy narcotics and their pictures are displayed on KOCO’s website. And just like on Cops, they are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Check them out:
James Eric Eidson
Alias: Stank Eye
Charged With: One complaint of assault and battery, and one complaint of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.
Favorite Pick-up Line: “Hey baby, why don’t you come have a seat on Uncle Pa’s lap bone.” Also, he’s watching you right now.
Milton Stanley Moore
Alias: Short Round
Charged With: complaints of trafficking a controlled dangerous substance, assault and battery on a police officer, resisting arrest and destruction of evidence.
Fun Fact: His head is so perfectly round that scientist’s use it to calibrate their instruments. The charges of him impersonating a bowling ball were dropped.
It’s not secret that I was insanely excited when I found out that the Tulsa Shock drafted Skylar Diggins. Until a few months ago, to Tulsans, the Shock was barely a blip in the radar. I’m pretty sure that last year, Victory Christian’s JV football team had more of a following than the Shock did. Skylar Diggins seemed like the answer to the Shock’s management’s prayers. This girl was a talented college basketball star. She’s gorgeous and friends with a bunch of celebrities. Pundits on ESPN thought Skylar alone had the momentum to re-engergize the entire league. She has almost 400,000 Twitter followers, surely some of them will want to see Skylar play at home! “This is a huge opportunity,” they thought. “She’ll make this team into something big,” they said.
Instead of immediately becoming a local celebrity and generating some public interest for the Tulsa Shock like I assumed would happen, Skylar’s been–well–kind of well-behaved and boring. I had high hopes and expectations for her and the local gossip scene. I pictured her walking into the Dust Bowl with an entourage, then promptly leaving because they no longer play any good music. I wanted her to be banned from 66ers games for causing too much of a distraction. I wanted her to dance on the bar at the Max while the bartenders blew fire like a circus act. I wanted her to name drop bars I frequent with me on this blog. It was going to be great.
From a business standpoint, someone’s got to tell Gary Kloppenburg and Steve Swetoha that they’ve got a huge opportunity on their hands. Skylar is arguably the most interesting WNBA player in the league right now, and instead of being excited about her on the team, everyone’s forgotten about it. I’ve written up a few PR stunts that could help get our girl Skylar in the spotlight, and create some excitement for her and our great state’s WNBA team. A little bit of scandal always prompts the market price of entertainment, and at this point, the Shock needs all the help it can get. Check them out after the jump.
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