Today’s forecasted high is 105° F. Tomorrow’s is 106° F. With a heat index of 320° F, most of Oklahoma has been under a heat advisory for nearly a week.
During my weekly trip to Petsmart Sunday, I saw not one, but two cars with dogs left inside. Both drivers parked under a tree.
I assumed that people who shop at Petsmart are animal lovers. They take care of their pets, buy them quality chew toys and avoid Walmart’s “˜Ol Roy brand of dog food.
I assumed wrong. To those two shoppers:
I’m sorry that having a pet cuts into your sit-around-and-do-nothing time. That whole 5 minutes it takes each day to fill their food bowl must be strenuous, nearly as strenuous as cracking the car window to allow for some air flow.
On a 100-degree day, parking under a tree does little good. Just because you no longer feel the heat since your veins have collapsed from the large amounts of heroin you’ve shot into your body, doesn’t mean your dog can’t feel it.
Your pet’s come this far, who not complete the journey and take him indoors? You took the time to put your dog in the car; it shouldn’t be too difficult to remove him from the car. Actually, they do most of the work. Today’s breeds are capable of self-movement. They can roll as easy as your home.
Why the rush? Just ran in “real quick” to pick up a prescription?
Maybe I’m being overly sensitive. Maybe I came off like a prick when I walked up to you and said, “by the way, your dog’s dying.” It could be my fault. If I was more considerate, I would’ve offered to sit in your car and fan Fido. Is it me?
No, it’s not me. You’re an uncaring self-centered trog whore.
If police don’t start flogging these people who leave their dogs in cars on summer days … I will.
.(P.S. 10 Annoying Words & Expressions that Should Leave the English Language.)
Today marks the 100th consecutive Saturday morning that we’ve posted a music video. I’m not sure why we do this, but we do.
Anyway, this song is dedicated to all of my friends, supporters, Ogle Moles and enemies. As I like to say, “Hey Jealousy.”
How are things gentle readers? “˜Tis I, Marisa, everyone’s favorite party girl. As usual, I’m back with things I think you should do this weekend. And I think you need a party after these past elections. In fact, I think we should call up all the losing candidates and invite them out for a drink, especially Harry Johnson. I think that guy deserves to get drunk, especially after we made fun of his name and all. Though, it has been my experience that if Harry Johnson has too much to drink, he’s not going to be any good at all.
Anyhow, here is your Friday Night in the Big Town.
So, gentle readers, are you looking for a place to score some pot but you don’t want to go to all the way to Chad’s house? Well, then may I suggest Bricktown Reggae Fest! There will be some middle classtafarians as well as some of those artsy girls with dreadlocks and tube tops. And then, I think this is all about music so there will probably be some bands playing.
There will be beer and food vendors, but this is probably one of those situations where you want to smuggle your own stuff in because I bet it will be expensive. Also, if you want some special brownies, they’re probably not for sale. At least not from licensed vendors.
In addition to having a pathetic and contrived radio show show, Regular Jim Traber also has an incredibly boring website. At the this site you can see picture galleries of Regular Jim, including his family’s best attempt at making bad stock photography, his trading cards, and someone named “Card Board Jim Traber.” Seriously.
The site also includes other pointless things like an event calendar from 2009 and an “About Us” page that, get this, claims that Regular Jim was inducted into a mysterious “Baseball Hall of Fame in its first year of existence.” Regular Jim doesn’t clarify which Hall of Fame this is, but I can only speculate it’s either the Mendoza Line Hall of Fame or the International Bad Baseball Player Hall of Fame and Museum.
The “cash cow” of Regular Jim’s website is a message board where people with user-names like mingusX5, Patriot Girl and da_greek_poke bicker and have pointless discussions about sports. I’ll admit, I frequented the message board for a bit during the mid-Aughts. I think I was married at the time, so clearly I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Marriage is my excuse for nearly everything that happened in the mid-Aughts.
The reason I bring all this up is that a reader notified us yesterday that Regular Jim is now looking for new advertisers on the bustling website. Regular Jim’s website is pretty obscure, so I sent him the following email to see what his rates were:
Mr Traber -
We would be interested in purchasing advertising on your website. It would be similar to the one we have on your baseball stats page. Please send us a rate sheet.
Thank You -
For some reason, Regular Jim never got back with us. So I decided to do my own research and visit Alexa.com, which ranks all the websites in the world based on traffic. JimTraber.net, the actual host page for his forum, has a rank of 6,774, 124. That means there are over 6.5 million websites in the world with better web traffic than Jim Traber’s. To put that number in perspective, our traffic rank is 330,000, DailyThunder’s rank is 361,000, and OklahomaRock’s is 1.5 million.
Based on that information, I would estimate that an add on Jim Traber’s site should cost a pack of Iron City Brew, a dozen Johnsonville Brats and a cheesecloth. But since Regular Jim does have a identifiable name, I would estimate an add would cost $50 – $100 a month.
Anyway, since Regular Jim Traber will not respond to our email, I challenge our readers to get rates for his website. That way we’ll know if we can afford an ad on his site and if Jim Traber is possibly charging his advertisers too much money. You can email Jim by clicking here.
When you get a reply, either email it to use or post it in the comments. It should be fun. Maybe Jim will even meltdown on the radio. That would be cool.
Update: The un-ultimate replied “LOL” to our email. Not sure what that means.
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