Over the weekend, a bunch of ads for Oklahoma Fidelity Bank appeared on NewsOK.com. Since they are the bank that currently owns my mortgage, I decided to take a look at what they were selling. This is what I saw:
My first question is when is the spaceship going to destroy downtown. My second question is if Jeff Goldblum is working on a computer virus to stop the spaceship. My third question is if the person who had the broken down car at the 4-second mark is okay.
That commercial is a little too intense….and dark…and depressing. I couldn’t tell if I was watching a bank commercial or a trailer for a shitty new J.J. Abrams film. I bet if they zoomed in a little closer you could probably see Steve Lackmeyer standing atop the Devon Tower wearing a red cape and blue tights. And yeah, I know that’s the second Steve Lackmeyer reference that’s appeared on this site this morning, but the guy really does like Downtown…and Midtown…and Bricktown. And he likes them all more than Wayne Coyne likes vaginas and bubbles.
Anyway, to make this commercial and campaign even dumber, check out the ad copy that accompanies the video on the Oklahoma Fidelity website:
Hey there again, internet! It’s another Monday morning, which means it’s time for another edition of Monday Morning Tweets.
This has nothing to do with Twitter but I was poking around on News OK yesterday and I found this thing. Apparently The Oklahoman’s editorial board picks a “letter of the month” out of all the letters to the editor that are received and gives them recognition, like the Best Attendance Award at a middle-school assembly. I’ve never seen this before, but I’m not sure if it’s a new thing or not since I generally do everything I can to avoid The Oklahoman’s op/ed page. I wonder what the prize is. A gold star from Mel Bracht, I’d bet.
I think we should all try and enter to win. Here is the entry I sent in:
Dear Oklahoman Editorial Board,
Can you imagine if scientists invented a pancake that turned different colors while you were eating it? Like it was brown and then all the sudden it was blue and then neon green? And maybe sometimes it would be different colors at once like with polka dots or stripes. But it would still taste just like a pancake no matter what. Think how crazy that would be. Pretty crazy, probably.
I’m reasonably certain that is better than about 80% of the letters to the editor The Oklahoman publishes, so I think I have a pretty good shot to win. This week’s tweets are after the fold.
Good afternoon, Moles.
In case you were unaware, today is July 13th. That means in just two months we’re going to be on the edge of autumn and football season will be in full swing. I’m very sorry if I just gave you an erection.
Anyway, in this week’s mailbag we’ll discuss a variety of issues like astronomy, mathematics and Greek philosophy. Just kidding, we’re going to talk about the typical stuff like politics, boobs and the media.
Also, please remember that this week’s mailbag is brought to you by our friends at Flint. It’s the new downtown restaurant at the bottom of the Colcord, which just happens to be next to that really big shiny building that you can see from Norman. As always, the person who sent us the best email this week will win a gift certificate to Flint. If you win, remember to look out for Clark Matthews. He usually has supper at Flint every Wednesday. Clark Mathews calls it “Crab Dip Wednesdays.” No lie, the guy will eat three bowls of crap dip for supper. What a weirdo.
To this week’s emails:
What’s up, readers? It’s everyone’s favorite time of year, which is to say that it’s Friday. If you’re like me, that means you’re going to start drinking right around lunch time and keep going until you pass out. But then again, if you’re like me, then you’re not really a functional human being. Anyway, I have made a list of things for you to do this weekend if you don’t plan to be wasted the whole time.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town!
I have to say that the majority of my knowledge of classic rock comes from playing Rock Band. Maybe I’m not so cultured, but if videogames can’t teach us things, then I don’t know what can teach us. Plus, I’m really good at singing “More Than a Feeling” on expert. I’m practically a member of the band.
If you too, are great at singing Boston songs on expert, then you probably need to head to the Lucky Star Casino. They probably won’t let you sing on stage, but you can totally be loudest singer in the crowd. And since Boston has been active as a band for almost forty years, you know that this is truly going to be a party.
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