In Sunday’s Oklahoman, the state’s most trusted newspaper published a sloppy and misinformed expose about how much time state employees spend surfing the internet while at work. The semi-promotional article seemed more like an advertorial paid for by a small government conservative group than an objective and informed news piece written by a respected news organization. Basically, it was typical Oklahoman filler.
State employees really, really like Facebook.
They like Twitter and YouTube, too.
We know because little brother is watching.
Oklahoma’s Cyber Command Security Operations Center’s main job is to protect the state’s computer system from cyber attacks, but security personnel track website visits by employees on the state computer network, as well.
Real quick, can someone inform The Oklahoman that almost every large employer tracks employee web traffic? It’s not a new technology or anything.
Anyway, I already get where this is going. State employees spend too much time on the internet, are generally lazy, waste taxpayers dollars, blah blah blah. That would be news if was just limited to state workers. At last check, employees at every company spend too many unproductive hours on the internet. Hell, you’re probably reading this at work right now instead of answering emails or updating spreadsheets. I guess that’s okay if you work in the private sector.
So, which websites are these lazy state employees visiting? I’m sure it mirrors the Alexa top 10. Google, YouTube, Facebook, Wikipedia, etc:
If I had to rank my favorite things in this world, there’s a good chance that lesbians, marijuana and nunchucks would all make the top 100. That means I have a lot in common with both you and Lisa Arlene Ward (pictured above). Lisa was sent to jail after she attacked her girlfriend’s “friend” with nunchucks.
An Oklahoma City woman was being held in the Oklahoma County jail Monday after being accused of attacking another woman with nunchucks, police reported.
Lisa Arlene Ward, 47, was arrested Sunday on complaints of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. She was also arrested on a Cleveland County warrant of failure to appear.
So, how did all this happen? Did the other woman use a Bo staff as self-defense? Were Chinese stars involved? Did they hug it out and eat some pizza with a gigantic mutant rat afterwards?
Here are the details:
Maggie Stokes, the cheery face of the KOCO Channel 5 morning show and 9th hottest woman in the Oklahoma City news media, worked her last day on Friday. She is moving to Florida to swim with dolphins, eat oranges and post annoying Facebook statuses about nice weather. She’s also marrying some dude. Good luck to her.
Maggie’s departure means we’ve now lost four ladies from our 2013 list of the 20 Hottest Women in the Oklahoma City News Media. That thing is crumbling apart worse than our state capitol. At this rate, Van Shea Iven may make our 2014 list, and this time around, it will be for real.
Anyway, I thought I’d use Maggie’s departure as an excuse to take a look back at the 2013 rankings. Here we go:
Happy first Monday in December! As you well know, a lot happened this weekend. First, we gorged ourselves on some lame bird and pie, and then pretty much all the mommies in your Facebook feed went shopping immediately after. If I see another damn picture of a leftovers casserole as well as a pile of presents with the caption “finished all my shopping for the holiday!!!” I’m gonna delete my Facebook. Thank goodness for Twitter though. I found all the tweets of people unapologetically gorging themselves and then knocking out a complete stranger for bargains. Check them out after the jump!
Hello everyone. It’s Adam. In honor of my 15th “Friday Night in the Big Town,” I’m taking a look back at my W-list celebrity status and writing about what I have learned and noticed these five months.
First, what you, the readers, have told me. I have learned I am an “asshat.” What I didn’t learn is “why.” It was apparently a fact that needed no supporting information. I am debating adding it to my business card.
“Adam Holt – Asshat.”
Second, don’t make fun of B.B. King. This is apparently a touchy subject for some. I’m sure many of you are reading this and are thinking “duh Adam, how could you?” but I honestly did not know.
For you who don’t know, stay away from jokes involving B.B. King’s divorces, his small army of kids and grandkids, and mentioning he’s only married to his guitar “Lucille” because it won’t ask for child support. Just don’t go there.
Finally, I’m not rich. I thought by my 15th FNITBT, I’d be writing for “The Lost Adam.” As of this column, I still have a mortgage. I didn’t see that one coming.
Hey, what’s that behind you? It’s Friday! You always fall for that.
Black Friday on the Plaza, 9:30 am- 8 pm
Usually I wouldn’t push shopping on the day after Thanksgiving. The whole concept has gotten fairly disgusting, especially now that some stores are having a “Black Thanksgiving” and making people work on the holiday.
I’ve been on the employee side of plenty of Black Fridays and now that I’m out I never want to go back. For you who do have to work these events, good luck and hang in there.
However, things on the Plaza are different. First, they are cool local businesses selling cool stuff. Second, the sales are going on all day. Also, you don’t have to get in line at 4:15 am just to get a chance to rip open a pallet of Furbies with the possibility of being shivved by a soccer mom. Are Furbies still a thing?
Anyways, wake up when you want, buy yourself a sausage biscuit and have a nice time at a nice place. This shopping experience will continue throughout the weekend.
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