Well, readers, it’s Friday, and as you might of guessed, last night I got proper Thursday night drunk. And you know that means margaritas. It was fun at the time, but a hangover that also includes heartburn from all that lime juice is pretty brutal. So, bear with me.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Alright readers, here’s some important information. I have a list of favorite berries. It’s not long. After the fourth berry, I stopped counting because I felt that having more than four favorite berries was silly. So here they are in order: 1. Raspberries. 2. Blackberries. 3. Snozberries. 4. Strawberries. Any questions? No? Good.
Apparently, at one point in time, blackberries were an important part of McLoud’s economy. That’s probably one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard. It makes me imagine a city full of munchkins that harvest berries and sing songs in the fields all day. And then at night, it’s like all those scenes from The Lord of the Rings where the hobbits are drinking in their hobbit pubs. But watch out, McLoud! Gargamel is coming for you with his cat. He’s going to destroy your city of mushroom houses. Oh no! I guess that’s what happened and why McLoud is now populated by humans that commemorate the memory of the blackberry picking munchkins with a little festival once a year.
• The two guys above tried to pull a beer run at 7-11, but when they attempted to leave the store, the door was locked. They then pulled a gun on the clerk and asked him to unlock the door. The clerk told them to go out the unlocked door, which they did. The robbers are considered armed, drunk and very stupid.
P.s.- Maybe it’s about time 7-11 updated their surveillance equipment. There’s 1980′s amateur porn with better video quality than that.
• Now that Michelle Bachmann has announced she wants to be the President of our great nation, more people are taking a closer look at where she she attended law school. And when they do, they uncover unintentionally funny and totally real magazine covers like the one below.
Last June, I came up with a list of ten things I’d like to see happen over the summer of 2010. I wrote the list because we were going through a slow news period and was looking for some things to write about. Oddly, and somewhat shockingly, a couple of the things actually came true.
Here is last year’s list. The two things I actually predicted are in bold.
1. Joleen Chaney and four friends decided to spend a day at the lake.
2. Someone put the “Don’t Lay that Trash on Oklahoma” commercial on YouTube.
3. VZDs hires a heterosexual waitress who isn’t on a roller derby team.
4. Oklahoma Magazine finally lets me write about midgets.
5. Megan Fox plasters posters of cuddly pandas all across Downtown Oklahoma City.
6. Megan Fox drunk dials an obscure local social blogger after plastering posters of cuddly pandas all across Downtown Oklahoma City.
7. The Taco Bueno on 63rd and May gets a drive-thru.
8. Steve Lackmeyer kidnaps Tom Ward and hides out in the India Temple Building.
9. Brain Maughan creates a Plenty of Fish profile.
10. A Republican state senator leaves his wife of 40+ years for a young married lobbyist who may be pregnant with his child.
I’m still I little bit weirded out by the Taco Bueno thing. I’ll admit that I knew about the the Republican Senator having the affair with the lobbyist, but I had no clue that the Taco Bueno on 63rd and May was going to be transformed into the USS Enterprise of Taco Buenos. It kind of makes me wonder if someone from Taco Bueno reads the site and said, “We have a location without a drive thru??? This must be fixed!” Or maybe the roofied one of my muchacos and after I passed out that put a mind reading microchip inside my brain. I bet it was one of the two.
Anyway, since we are always looking for new topics to write about, I decided to come up with another list of 10 things I’d like to see happen this summer. Check it out below:
I miss college. And not because I would have had any chance to see any of the above naked without paying a cover charge. But because I would not have been arrested for the guaranteed creepy ogling that would occur should I see such tail in real life.
The heat must be getting to James Hale and Myron Patton. And by heat, I mean actual heat. I don’t mean like the authorities are getting closer to them like in that movie Heat. Because it wouldn’t make any sense to talk about the police or the feds and James Hale or Myron Patton.
This week, Mary Fallin’s BFF Michele Bachmann kicked off her attempt to become President of the United States in Waterloo, IA, a place known for successful campaigns.
The Representative from Minnesota normally would be off limits as subject matter for this blog, except it turns out she has ties to this state. In 1979, Oral Roberts University, in Tulsa, began an experiment of having a law program. Among the members of the inaugural class was a Michele Bachmann. Seven years later, ORU decided that it needed to refocus its energy toward evangelical education (also, the founder of the school was in danger of God calling him home around this time) and closed the law school. The final class of graduates included Michele Bachmann.
What is more Oklahoma than that? She went to a school founded by a televangelist, and took seven years to complete a two year degree program. It’s amazing she returned to Minnesota instead of dominating this state’s political landscape. Of course, had she stayed, she probably would have fallen into the background while competing with Jim Inhofe and Tom Coburn for wacky sound bites. As a Minnesotan, she was invited onto Hardball with Chris Matthews (no relation) where she made her splash on the national scene with this exchange:
Matthews: How many people in the Congress of the United States do you think are anti-American? You’ve already suspected Barack Obama, is he alone or are there others?
Bachmann: What I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look…I wish they would…I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out are they pro-America, or anti-America. I think people would love to see an expose like that.
To her credit, she did stop short of calling for McCarthy Trials of her colleagues–instead outsourcing it to the media–but this was only one of the many things that will make her a fascinating candidate. Read More
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