Eddie Fields is the State Representative for Oklahoma House District 36. This district covers thriving metropolises such as Barnsdall, Hominy, and everyone’s favorite tourist attraction, Pawhuska.
On April 23, Fields announced his candidacy for the Oklahoma State Senate (District 10). On his campaign website, he said that he wants to be a Senator so he can “stop the abuses of a runaway federal government” and to make Oklahoma “an example to the nation of how the private sector can grow the economy.”
However, a poll on that same website makes you wonder what his platform really is.
Yes, a man who was elected to help craft the laws that govern our state has a poll on his website asking his constituents if they are more concerned about stray squirrels, a lack of toilet paper or frog control. For what it’s worth, my dog and old neighbor with the pellet gun voted for stray squirrels.
Call me crazy, but I kind of hope that’s a legitimate poll. In fact, we need to go vote right now! Think of how great it would be if the state legislature spent their time passing laws to address the toilet paper shortage in Oklahoma instead of draconian legislation that limits the rights and freedoms of women. I would have gladly taken a frog control program over what they called “tort reform” (a.k.a. “corporate immunity”).
Also, I love how the poll’s two serious answers “” “We need more jobs” and “the economy” “” have to do with the same damn topic. That’s like something you’d see on the LSAT. Maybe to make things less confusing Fields should ask if the Thunder’s biggest weakness this past season was “we need more size in the post” or “rebounding.”
Anyway, once Fields threatens to fire his webmaster “” probably the guy with mullet “” I’m sure the poll answers will be changed to the typical clichÃ©d Republican mantras. You know what they are: less government, lower taxes, more guns, no sex and only approve of people who look like, act like and speak like you. And stray squirrels. Kill em’ all!
Update: After we broke this story, Eddie updated his poll to include more stereotypical answers. Expect the frog control groups to be pissed.
A 67-year-old man crashed his car through the 7th floor wall of parking garage in Downtown Tulsa Wednesday.
Around 2 p.m., Mr. Magoo started his Mercedes, shifted to reverse and drove backwards until passersby could see the tail end of the car sticking out from the wall.
The driver claimed his foot got stuck under the gas pedal, which would make sense if pulling the pedal up made cars accelerate. I tried that same excuse when I ran over my grandfather. No one bought it.
Good job Magoo. What a way to show that seniors are safe drivers.
This crash makes a good case that seniors need annual driving tests, but I disagree. I’m not concerned about senior drivers. I find the occasional wall-crash less irritating than the jackass who won’t let me on the highway. I want the world to be like Halo, a world that when I’m annoyed at a bad driver, I can shoot my rocket launcher and destroy them.
Fortunately, no one was hurt, although when this story aired on Live with Regis and Kelly, Magoo “died a little on the inside.”
(P.S. Mother’s Day is Sunday, and As Soon as My Mother Dies…)
Since we already know that Joleen Chaney is hot, here are some partially true fun facts about her:
“¢ Joleen hails from Rush Springs, Oklahoma, and holds the local record for most watermelons (3) ate eaten by a hot chick in one hour.
“¢ Joleen Chaney was the reason KFOR switched to HD.
“¢ State Rep Joe Dorman has attempted to pass legislation that requires all men who do not think Joleen Chaney is hot to get a vaginal ultrasound. The legislation didn’t make it out of committee.
“¢ Joleen Chaney is a big fan of Jesse Jane.
“¢ Joleen Chaney will not accept our Facebook friend request. Weird, huh?
No, the video does not have anything to do with gerbils, hamsters or lizards. It also has nothing to do with their salesmen stalking you as you test out recliners. No, this is just a two-year old commercial that does an amazing job at parodying the Mathis Brothers.
First of all, that commercial is funny. What made it great was how they captured the subtle weirdness of Mathis Brothers commercials ““ like the baby in the lap, the over-pronunciation of every word, and the creepy little jingle ““ while still being absurd (carrying around a large dog.)
You would think that the Mathis Brothers would have gotten a laugh out of this parody, but it looks like they didn’t. Apparently, the Mathis Brothers “threw a tantrum” and had the commercial removed from the air. Granted, my source for that information is a YouTube comment, but considering how I don’t remember this commercial at all, that kind of makes sense.
Anyway, we should also give credit where credit is due, and thank Tom Stalcup Chad Stevens for finally doing something funny. There was a reason that our readers voted him the second most annoying pitchman in Oklahoma. If he can make more commercials like this, he may even become a pitchman legend on the scale of Tall Paul or the Credit Jewelers Cowboy. I think that’s a good thing.
p.s. ““ I kind of wanted to insinuate that they got the idea for parody by reading this website, but that would be kind of arrogant. Since we’re actually very humble and modest, I decided against it. That’s why we are so great.
Lauren Stamile is a TV actress from Tulsa. She’s had bit parts in a bunch of different sitcoms and crime dramas over the past 10 years or so, but her most notable role was playing Nurse Rose in Grey’s Anatomy. I know this because I am a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy. In fact, I’m such a big fan that I watch it every week and I like to chat about the show while shopping for clothes and eating dark chocolate. For what it’s worth, I also like The Notebook, cleaning up after myself and whatever else makes you happy. It’s kind of tough being so perfect.
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