Greetings, avid readers! September is here and I think we all know what that means. Yep, it’s college football season. For me, as a resident of the city of Norman, it’s pretty much always football season, though now there is actually a game going on this weekend.
We’ve been making ready for the game by sacrificing a virgin from each sorority on the OU campus. Which was really hard to find, by the way. And, yeah, some of them weren’t really virgins, but they had the least amount of sexual partners out of all their sorority sisters, so that totally counts, right?
Anyway, here is your Friday Night in the Big Town.
You know, sometimes the only thing I want to do is sex you up. Color Me Badd pretty much sang songs that conveyed exactly how I felt in 1991 even though I was only six years old in 1991.
Bryan Abrams of Color Me Badd will be playing in Norman tonight. Drop by to hear all your favorites like “I Wanna Sex You Up” and “All 4 Love.” Also, since it is in Norman, that means a bunch of little hipster kids will be there listening to him ironically. Either way, there will be a ton of beer there. It’s a win-win.
Here’s a fun fact for you. The original title of the Ewok-infested “Return of the Jedi” was actually “Revenge of the Jedi,” but just a few weeks before the movie was to be released, George Lucas changed the name. The reason? He didn’t feel revenge was a Jedi concept.
Well, apparently Jedi OKC member Ryan McKinley is either a really bad Jedi Knight or the club’s equivalent of Chancellor Palpatine, because revenge is what he seeks. Check out the real email he sent to our loyal advertisers in response to our Jedi OKC Meeting Minutes post:
My name is Ryan, and I live in Edmond. In Oct. 2009, one of your advertising outlets, “The Lost Ogle”, posted a cruel article about a local community service group. The group, JediOKC, uses Star Wars to reach out to the community, raise money for Integris Childrens Hospital and the MDA. When our members attempted to clarify our club’s purpose in letter form Patrick from The Lost Ogle put up a new article on Aug. 31, 2010, further speaking meanly and profanely about our organization and its members. I could only guess as to his motives, so I will not speculate.
However, the posts by “The Lost Ogle” blog seems to be establishing a practice of using their public forum to vent personal vendettas, and they are using your money to do so. I know that the blog is meant to be a satire/humor site, but with the cruelty of their recent posts, I felt you should be made aware of this fact as you spend precious profits supporting this blog. I know that you are not personally responsible for the content of the site, but I feel that you have a decision to make about what sort of venues <TLO Advertiser> wishes to fund.
Wow. I’d like to thank our advertisers for sharing their “precious profits” with us and standing by us during this “controversy.” Because of your support, we at The Lost Ogle are filthy rich. In fact, Clark Matthews just bought a lake house on Endor and I purchased the Mos Eisley Cantina. We appreciate your support.
Since that’s out of the way, and to make it so that no one else has to guess or speculate about my sinister motives, let’s now address that email.
Being an Oklahoma State football fan is a lot like rooting for the Chicago Cubs. Every year, most fans convince themselves that this just might be the year. I hear it every year: “If the (offense/defense) picks up (insert new coordinators name)’s scheme, and (insert name of stud recruit) can give us half of what (insert name of departing NFL player/guy who got kicked off the team) did last season, it will come down to the Bedlam game for the Big XII south title! I totally see it happening.” Then, it doesn’t happen and everyone who bleeds orange feels like they’ve been kicked in the nuts.
This year is no different. My friends over at CowboysRideforFree, a website that was once called WastedOptimism because of the way OSU fan optimism is–for lack of a better word–wasted, is pumping sunshine. When I get finished reading one of their columns, I am convinced the Cowboys will annihilate Washington State in the opener and finish with eight wins.
Then, twenty minutes later, I realize it isn’t going to happen. This is a team that has a brand new offensive line, a new offensive scheme, nine new defensive starters, and only one impact player (a guy who plays a position where the role is minimized by the new scheme) returning. I see national previews projecting the Cowboys to finish fifth in the South and think, “Thank God for Baylor.”
So, as you can tell, there’s some divergence between myself and most of the Orange Nation. Because of this, I will preview position-by-position taking into account both perspectives.
Greetings, gentle readers! No, it’s not Friday. In fact, it’s actually Wednesday. So why am I posting today? Well, I would like to share an email that I received recently.
Why do you always say “gentle readers?” It’s really not funny. In fact, it’s kind of annoying and I think if I were to ever meet you in real life, I would probably hate you. So will you please cut out that stupid “gentle readers” crap?
Okay. I get it. You guys don’t like “gentle readers.” So, henceforth, I will no longer use “gentle readers” in a FNITBT post. There. Are you happy? You win.
You see, this email gave me an idea. Maybe other readers would like to write in and ask questions. Hopefully, all questions won’t be ones where you guys ask me to stop doing things that I do. Maybe you could ask me for some advice, you know, like Dear Abby, only with issues that concern our gentle readership.
Examples of questions include:
So no more “gentle readers” on Fridays. Fridays are reserved for me making fun of the silly things people do on weekends. On Wednesdays, it’s all about the gentle readers.
So, if you have any important questions that need answering, I’m here for you. Just drop me a line at GentleMarisa@gmail.com.
I hate The Phantom of the Opera as much as anyone, but when I read the headline, I felt The Oklahoman was going too far in calling it a “Satanic group.” Then, I actually read the article to learn that an actual group that worships the arch-angel had rented a room at OKC Civic Center.
The group, led by James Hale, a man who shares a name with a guy I once considered to be Satan, is holding an event that is parodizing (if that’s a word) the Catholic tradition of demon exorcism. In essence, their goal is to unleash the devil onto the world. It’s probably just me, but I assumed this happens in Oklahoma on the eve of every college football season when Sooner fans offer to sell their souls for another mythical national championship. The fact that this one is being organized by someone who can be confused with the Burger King-swindling OU recruiting guru only reinforces that belief.
The real issue at hand, though, isn’t that a group of atheists are trying to get a rise out of Christians. What will really be interesting is how the Christians handle it. While introducing the story in last night’s broadcast KOCO’s Paul Folger told us, “tonight some Christians are outraged.” In the piece that followed, I could hear the seething as they interviewed one Christian–a pastor at Trinity Baptist. Baptists, Satanists–that sounded like a recipe for some great overreaction. Here’s what Jeremy Stowe had to say:
Their desire to get their message out, it doesn’t surprise me…[We need] to show the community how to engage people who are different than us. Not in protest, or crazy rallies, but in shining the light of Christ and loving them just as Christ loves us.
That’s the most subdued outrage I have ever heard, and it makes me think Eye Witness News 5 was a bit lazy in their reporting. First of all, it should not have been difficult to locate a loony Christian to flip out and pretend these Satanic jokesters were an actual threat to society. Folger obviously figured his reporters had done the grunt work to find one of those people. Instead they found a reasonable, eloquent guy–from an uber conservative denomination, no less–who had a message all Oklahomans should heed.
It will be interesting to see if this issue blows over, or blows up. As someone who has witnessed Edmond Public Schools remove Harry Potter books from their libraries because of an urban legend that claims a witch coven meets in the rural part of their city, I suspect the latter.
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