Oklahoma is going through a drought. It’s so bad it can only be compared to the one I experienced from birth until my senior year of college. In fact, the last 365-days have been the 4th driest since rainfall records have been kept. But not to worry, there are some God-loving groups in our state that are taking the pressure away from Mother Nature and asking the Father, Son and Holy Spirit to take control.
I love May.
It’s that special time of year when live music is played exclusively on patios, potato salad sounds like a delicious idea, and you find yourself randomly purchasing a bocce ball set. It’s also the month when everyone and their grandma, baby, and puppy will spend every spare evening on Riverside.
Yes, River Parks and Trail along Riverside is teeming with all kinds of people, from the serious athletes to families strolling in their Sunday best. Being a bit of a Riverside enthusiast myself, I’ve developed a sort of field guide for any of you Oklahomans that might find yourself on Tulsa’s finest public amenity in the near future. Check out my unofficial, unauthorized and only slightly offensive anthropological report after the jump.
(Editor’s Note: If you insert random references to rollerblading, kiteboarding and/or those weird guys who fly model airplanes, this could double for Lake Hefner.)
When I first bought my house, there was a retired man living behind me that would shoot squirrels with a BB gun. He was relentless. He’s shoot at them as they played in the trees, climbed power lines, and crossed the fencing between our backyards. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought a squirrel killed his family and he was the ex-cop looking for revenge, which by the way, would make an excellent show on FX.
His obsession with dead furry creatures created some drama with me and other neighbors. For one, every time he’d hit a squirrel the thing would live just long enough to make it to my yard and die. Know what’s not fun? Having your dog bring a dead squirrel carcass into the house. Two, the guy had terrible aim. He hit two windows in my backyard and damaged my siding. He also broke out a window in the house next door to me. Instead of doing what I did and asking the guy to pay for the damages (which he did), the lady who owned the house called the cops on him. I’m not sure if it was related, but the old man moved out about a year later.
Anyway, I guess there was a reason for my ex-neighbor’s madness. Despite being cute and indecisive about crossing roads, squirrels are pests. They can damage your home, property and even start dangerous grass fires.
From the Channel 5 website:
(Editor’s Note: Back in March, Oklahoma Fats taught you how to make an El Reno-style onion burger in your own kitchen. This time around he instructs you on how to make the main entrée of our state meal. Seriously, chicken fried steak is part of our state meal. No wonder we’re all so fat.)
Time again for me to teach you how to eat like a real Oklahoman. Pretty simple, really: pretend that corn, potatoes and ketchup are the only vegetables the human body can safely consume.
Ugh, fine. You want to actually cook something? Then let’s get fat. Let’s make chicken fried steaks.
When I meet someone who says he hasn’t ever had a chicken fried steak, I assume he’s a vegetarian or a liar or from California. Or maybe all three. Regardless, chicken fried steak might as well be Oklahoma’s Official State Flower. If anything, most people have seen more of these than they have Rosa Oklahoma, and I think they’re just as beautiful.
Here’s what you need to make your own:
Hey everyone, it’s Monday again! Tonight, the Thunder completes the sweep of the Houston Rockets. We should all be giddy in anticipation, but instead it feels like we’re all just biding our time until we inevitably lose in the next round. I guess this is like in 2013 After Westbrook. Pretty depressing.
After the jump are some tweets that are not very depressing:
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