Before we get to what you will be doing this cold weekend, I need to pull a Traber and “give it up” to someone.
Gov. Fallin, I can’t tell you how proud I am that you are the executive chief of the great state of Oklahoma. Day in and day out you are a ray of sunshine burning the retinas of your constituents in hopes you can lead the blind down the fork in the road that separates “Merica” and “America.” You obviously prefer the former.
Your recent decision to go DEF-Kern 5 and discontinue spousal benefits for all Oklahoma National Guard members just because you apparently hate gay people is reprehensible. It’s sad that you are allowing your childish thoughts about a lifestyle that makes you think “ewww” not only trample the civil rights of a group of people, but also the well-being of another group who have nothing to do with it.
Maybe you will find it in your cold heart to back track and give those who choose to protect our state and country the opportunity to provide benefits for loved ones. “Love,” you familiar with that term? If not you can Google it.
Here is this week’s Friday Night in the Big Town:
By now, you’ve probably seen the pic above of the innocent little puppy that was stuffed inside a freezer bag by a mother and son from New Mexico. You’ve seen the story because it involves idiots and animal cruelty, two subjects that I think account for 25% of all pageviews on the Internet. The other 75% go to porn.
KOKH Channel 25 got all aboard the pageview train. Here’s their story:
New Mexico woman and son arrested for putting puppy in plastic bag
If a picture is worth a thousand words, this one is worth a lot more money as an Albuquerque woman and her son allegedly post a disturbing photo of a puppy on Facebook.
Mary Snell and her son James Engel were arrested Saturday on a charge of animal cruelty after they posted the photo to Facebook.
Investigators say Snell wanted to show how small the 8-week old puppy is so she put it in the open Ziploc bag and took a picture. She then posted the picture to Engel’s Facebook page. When authorities got wind of it, they arrived at the home and arrested both.
Neighbors say they treat their animals well but the County Sheriff says that doesn’t matter, in this case.
“A young puppy doesn’t have the ability to move its head to a fresh supply of oxygen,” Sgt. Aaron Williamson with the Bernalillo County Sheriff’s Office said.
The puppy, named “Baby”, is okay but the two now face felony charges for the photo.
First of all, congrats to the KOKH Channel 25 headline writer for resisting the urge to go with “Nobody puts Baby in a bag” and ”Baby got bag!” in the headline. Those are way too easy and tacky.
Not to be left out of the pageview generator, KFOR Channel 4 tasked their third grade social media intern to write a story about the news and post it to Facebook. What could go wrong with that?
Check it out:
I guess it’s time for Christina Fallin’s straight friends to write an angry letter to Governor Mary Fallin, too.
If you remember correctly, our State’s Chief Executive Derplahoman announced back in September that the Oklahoma National Guard will no longer process benefit requests for same-sex couples. She made the decision because the will of the Oklahoma people is to apparently defy federal law and treat homosexual servicemen and women who are willing to serve and protect this country as second-class citizens.
Well, now she’s taking things to a whole new crazy and embarrassing Sally Kernesque level. Check out this Randy Krehbiel story that published a few weeks ago in The Tulsa World. Governor Mary has instructed state-owned National Guard facilities to stop processing benefit requests for everyone:
Oklahoma will stop processing all military spouse benefit applications at state-owned National Guard facilities rather than begin accepting the applications from same-sex spouses, Gov. Mary Fallin said Wednesday.
Instead, military spouse applications, including those of same-sex couples, will only be accepted at four federally owned National Guard bases: the Air National Guard bases in Tulsa and Oklahoma City, the Regional Training Institute in Oklahoma City and Camp Gruber.
The applications are already being processed at the state’s five U.S. military installations: Fort Sill, Tinker Air Force Base, Altus Air Force Base, Enid Air Force Base and the McAlester ammunition plant.
The Fallin administration’s decision appears to be in defiance of Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel’s directive to process the applications of all spouses, regardless of sex, although Fallin maintained her solution complies with all “federal rules or policies.”
Fallin said the decision was reached in consultation with Attorney General Scott Pruitt.
“Oklahoma law is clear,” Fallin said in a statement.
“The state of Oklahoma does not recognize same-sex marriages, nor does it confer marriage benefits to same-sex couples. The decision reached today allows the National Guard to obey Oklahoma law without violating federal rules or policies. It protects the integrity of our state constitution and sends a message to the federal government that they cannot simply ignore our laws or the will of the people.”
Although Oklahoma owns most of the state’s National Guard armories and training centers, the facilities were built almost entirely with federal funds.
The federal government provides about 90 percent of the budget for the Oklahoma Military Department, which includes the National Guard.
I don’t know how or why, but I totally missed this article when it was released a few weeks ago. I guess I just assumed it was a regurgitation of the original story, or maybe my body is building up an immunity to the words and policies of nutty Oklahoma politicians. We should get OMRF to research a Derplahoman vaccine or something.
Fortunately, the national media recently picked up on the news and has exposed the Governor for being a backwards thinking, illogical, misguided bigot. My favorite article/column was written by Mark Joseph Stern over at Slate.
Here’s a snippet:
Yesterday, everyone’s favorite Oklahoma City-based band, Hinder, announced that they were parting ways with their lead “singer,” Austin Winkler.
“I’m really proud of what we accomplished over the years,” says Hinder drummer (and songwriter/producer) Cody Hanson. “We hold no animosity towards Austin, and wish him the best. Although it was a difficult decision, it was the best thing for everyone involved and time for us to move on. “This summer/fall tour was a tough one. We want to thank the fans for all their overwhelming support. We couldn’t have made it through everything without you. We are very excited about the future of Hinder and can’t wait to share the next chapter with all of you!”
So Hinder is looking for a new singer. Who will fill the Austin Winkler-shaped void fronting the band? We thought it would be a good idea to come up with some suggestions.
If you haven’t noticed, I like to criticize The Oklahoman from time to time. Right now, my favorite thing is how they are turning NewsOK.com into a bad local parody of the Huffington Post and Buzz Feed. You can tell they’re desperate for pageviews and sent their copy editors to a Website Headline Writing Symposium. It seems like every headline on the site is misleading, asks a question, or secretly links to a Jenni Carlson column. Basically, they try to force clickable headlines on stories that are not very clickable.
Here are some random examples:
That “stars” name? Thabo Sefolosha.
This headline appeared today when OU suspended RB Damien Williams. The column has nothing to do with a “mystery tailback.” It simply chronicles the mismanaged and disappointing careers of Roy Finch and Brennan Clay.
Anyway, none of that really matters, because today I’m giving credit where credit is due. Yesterday, The Oklahoman published a great story about former Color Me Badd singer and Chaz Bobo impersonator Bryan Abrams. He arrived in court yesterday pushing a walker and dreaming of chicken friend cheesecake. The story was funny and the accompanying photo even funnier.
Thanks! Your message has been sent!