So, we all know about the current budget cuts to the public education system in our state as well as the teacher shortage, but apparently there are way worse things happening to our state’s educators. That’s right. When teachers aren’t spending their own money on school supplies, going without raises, or having their jobs straight up cut, their students are being a real bunch of assholes.
So, what’s going on? Well, in Deer Creek, high schoolers released a ton of ladybugs in their school.
Deer Creek High School officials are investigating a senior prank in which thousands of ladybugs were released into the school.
Officials said a lengthy cleanup was in order after 3,000 to 7,000 ladybugs were on school grounds.
The ladybugs were disposed of in the cleanup.
The Oklahoma County Health Department was called to the school to ensure lunch could be served.
Ladybugs? I guess that’s not so bad. I mean, overall they’re pretty cute, and I think they’re good luck. And they’ll keep your tomato plants aphid-free. And retrospectively, they could’ve released a slew of black widow spiders in the school. This is relatively harmless.
But in Oklahoma City, some middle school students catfished a teacher into giving them some nude photos via social media.
A few days ago, the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists released a batch of documents dubbed Offshore Leaks. Like the Panama Papers, they help expose the shady yet legal underground world of offshore tax havens, complex trusts, LLCs, public shells, and many other fancy terms you’d hear while inside the Oklahoma City Golf and Country Club locker room.
Here’s a description of the project via the ICIJ website:
The database contains information on almost 320,000 offshore entities that are part of the Panama Papers and the Offshore Leaks investigations. The data covers nearly 40 years – from 1977 through 2015 – and links to people and companies in more than 200 countries and territories.
The real value of the database is that it strips away the secrecy that cloaks companies and trusts incorporated in tax havens and exposes the people behind them. This includes, when available, the names of the real owners of those opaque structures. In all, the interactive application reveals more than 360,000 names of people and companies behind secret offshore structures. They come from leaked records and not a standardized corporate registry, so there may be duplicates. In some cases, companies are listed as shareholders for another company or a trust, arrangement that often helps obscure the flesh-and-blood people behind offshore entities.
ICIJ is publishing the information in the public interest. While many of the activities carried out through offshore entities are perfectly legal, extensive reporting by ICIJ and its media partners for more than four years has shown that the anonymity granted by the offshore economy facilitates money laundering, tax evasion, fraud and other crimes. Even when it’s legal, transparency advocates argue that the use of an alternative, parallel economy undermines democracy because it benefits a few at the expense of the majority.
I’m not going to lie to you, this stuff is way over my head. I prefer my investigative reports to focus around lawmakers hoarding tickets to American Ninja Warrior, hot lesbian Kiss Cam girls, or whether or not Lucas Ross has an odd fascination Milky Way bars. However, thanks to a Twitter tip, we searched the database for Oklahoma. It pulled up the following 14 records:
Eating well is the most important part of life to me. Food is not only what nourishes your body and keeps you healthy, but out of all of the sensory experiences, it’s the best. I’ll take a delicious, thoughtfully prepared meal over money or sex or all the other things that make life fun. Especially seafood, which seems so rare and precious in our landlocked cattle country.
But I’ve never understood the allure of caviar. Maybe I’ve never had the really, REALLY good stuff, like malossol Ossetra black caviar from Russia that sells for $100 an ounce. Sure, the caviar I’ve tried has been tasty, but for the money, I can find a lot of other ways to entertain myself. The amount you’d spend on the fleeting enjoyment of some briny sturgeon roe would afford a nice dinner at Ludivine, or even a VIP experience at Suger’s.
It has always seemed like more of a status symbol- a way to project your wealth and privilege by eating thousands of creepy unborn fish.
So it must be surprising for most Oklahoman’s to know that their Great Plains state is home to not only a growing source for caviar, but an illicit black market as well.
Back in February, word came out that American Ninja Warrior would be filming an episode at the Hell hole known as the Oklahoma State Capitol. Some of the Oklahoma Capitol-themed obstacles included on the course are the…
1. Guardian Climb – Contestants must climb a rope to the Guardian statue, pull a feather from its headdress, and then slide down the dome into a pool of raw sewage fresh from the Capitol’s broken plumbing system and put the feather in an empty disposal well.
2. The Lime Stone Drop – A dangerous and daring obstacle where aspiring ninjas must run up the capitol’s south entrance into the main building while dodging chunks of limestone falling from the Capitol’s cornices and architraves.
People who enjoy contrived, formulaic, reality TV are very excited about the event. This includes Mary Fallin. She gave the following quote to KFOR:
“It’s exciting that Oklahoma, and especially our state Capitol, will be showcased on ‘American Ninja Warrior,” said Gov. Mary Fallin. “This will allow viewers to get a glimpse of all the impressive things that are going on in Oklahoma City.”
Yeah. Those viewers from all over the country sure are going to be impressed with our decrypt capitol that’s falling to the ground. Who thought that was a good idea? Instead of American Ninja Warrior, they should have brought in one of those HGTV fixer upper shows where they rescue and flip damaged, unkept property.
State lawmakers are also pumped for the Ninja battle. I don’t blame them. According to an email we received via the Ogle Mole Network, they are being offered private tours of the obstacle course and free VIP On Camera tickets, because you know, if anyone deserves VIP treatment in this state right now, it’s the people who work in the Oklahoma State Capitol.
Check out this email that Oklahoma Speaker of House Jeff Hickman sent to all of his colleagues late last week:
The woman pictured above with a very large, fancy ring on her finger is Jennifer Saba. The dude pictured with her is G. Edward Evans. He’s an uber wealthy executive who owns Oak Tree Country Club, is a former co-owner of the Oklahoma City Thunder, and really really really wants to get that ring back.
Who gets to keep the ring when love turns bad and an engagement is called off?
In one story involving an Oklahoma City couple, the fate of a $46,000 diamond engagement ring may be decided in court.
G. Edward Evans, who purchased Oak Tree Golf Club in 2008 and was an original owner of the Oklahoma City Thunder, filed a lawsuit Thursday in Oklahoma County District Court against his ex-fiancee.
Evans, 55, says he and Jennifer Saba, 50, agreed that if their engagement ended she would return the ring. The lawsuit states the ring was purchased for $46,000 but is estimated to be valued at $75,000. He says he is the ring’s “rightful owner,” according to the lawsuit.
Boy, I wish I could have seen that marriage proposal at the Ironwood Bar and Grill:
“Jennifer, I love you. Will you marry me?”
“Oh my goodness. Yes, Edward. Yes, I will marry you. I love you so much.”
“Great, now if you can just sign this contract that stipulates you will return this $75,000 ring to me if our engagement is called off, we’ll be good to go.”
Seriously, that’s insane. Find me a woman who would agree to something like that and I’ll propose to her immediately. Well, if she’s rich or hot.
The Oklahoman’s Kyle Schwab pulled a TMZ and caught up with the ex-fiance. Here’s what she had to say:
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