The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

6 ways the State House of Representatives can stop same-sex marriages

Gaymarriage

Well, the ink on the same-sex marriage license that have been issued in the great state of Oklahoma aren’t even dry, but you can rest assured that there are those who are working hard to prevent any more from being issued. State Representatives Mike Ritzke and Sally Kern are “reaching out” to Governor Fallin and State Attorney General Scott Pruitt to do something to stop same-sex marriage. Basically, they’re whining like children who do not get their way.

Via The Tulsa World:

Two Oklahoma legislators, including one from Broken Arrow, urged Gov. Mary Fallin and Attorney General Scott Pruitt on Tuesday to do everything they can to get the U.S. Supreme Court to rule on same-sex marriage.

The Court last week said it would not hear any of the seven pending petitions on the issue, including one from Oklahoma.

“The Court is essentially shirking its responsibilities and leaving state lawmakers and court clerks with little guidance on what to do,” said Rep. Mike Ritze, R-Broken Arrow. “Our position on this issue is clear, and, frankly, the Court owes the nation a final decision so we can move forward.”

“The citizens of Oklahoma overwhelmingly voted to define marriage as a union between one man and one woman,” said Rep. Sally Kern, R- Oklahoma City. “I hope Gov. Fallin and Attorney General Pruitt will use the power of their offices to seek a review by the Court.”

It was not clear what, if anything, the governor and attorney general can do under the circumstances. Fallin and Pruitt have previously denounced the court for declining to hear the cases, and Pruitt filed a friend of the court brief defending Oklahoma’s 2004 state constitutional amendment that effectively banned same-sex marriage.

Here’s the thing with our state legislature. Even if something they’ve chosen to do is overturned or found unconstitutional, they’re going to find a way.

Now, since Kern and Ritzke aren’t people we would typically ask to join our team at Free Trivia Night, we went ahead and did some of the leg work for them. That’s right. We’ve come up with ways for them to prevent same-sex marriages!

Check them out after the jump!

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Don’t worry, this poster at Cooper Middle School doesn’t promote or endorse any religion…

faith in america

The painting above is called “Faith in America” by Donald Zolan. If you want, you can view a print in the main office of Cooper Middle School, or probably any Hobby Lobby or Mardel.

As you can clearly see, the painting subtly portrays two young atheist children sarcastically praying to a Christian god in front of the American flag to appease their mega-controlling Sunday School-teaching parents. It’s pretty obvious, right? Only a smartass would be that devout, cute, patriotic and adorable while praying. It has to be some sort of satirical statement against organized religion in America, doesn’t it?

The answer to those questions is a very obvious “Yes.”

Unfortunately, the irony and hidden meaning of “Faith in America” – which, of course, honors the religious freedoms of our people – is lost on the God-hating atheist organization the Freedom From Religion Foundation. For some reason, they say a print of the painting that hangs from the office walls of Cooper Middle School – conveniently next to a portrait of George Washington – promotes Christian prayer to impressionable students and are now demanding that it be removed.

Whatever, these stupid atheist activists and their mission to make things fair for everyone need to get a life.

Via KOCO.com:

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2014 Oklahoma Halloween Costume Ideas

Halloween is upon us, and unless you’re diabetic, it’s one of the funnest holidays of the year!

I used to enjoy having an excuse to check out girls in slutty outfits and drink and eat candy, but now that I have a kid I assume my Halloweens will be filled with making sure people aren’t putting razor blades in food. I also have to stay vigilant against all the pedophiles that are apparently dressed like Iron Man.

So for the people out there who are still free to go out and party, Patrick and I want to give you some ideas on what Oklahoma-themed costumes to wear. Wear them to your party, the Halloween Parade, or whatever you’ll be doing while I’m at home checking candy…

Christina Fallin

Vampire Native Hipster Boo Boo

The only thing better than shitting on the sanctity of marriage by being married and divorced multiple times in a year, is shitting on the culture of Native Americans. It’s a pretty easy costume, just paint your face as white as a vampire and put on a sacred headdress.

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wibtards

Oklahoma Islamaphobe

Go to Walmart and buy the best OU or OSU apparel you can find. Then go around telling everyone that you are a Christian while at the same time condemning all Muslims. You know, just like Jesus!

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Josh Cockroft’s plagiarized anti-marriage equality column was published in the newspaper…

josh cockroft 3

It looks like the world wide web isn’t the only place where Oklahoma State Rep Josh Cockroft likes to showcase his plagiarism skills.

Last Thursday, we told you that arts-hating, Batman suit-wearing, Derplahoman State Representative Josh Cockroft blatantly plagiarized excerpts of a 2013 Heritage Foundation article for an anti-gay marriage blog post that he wrote for his website.

Thanks to the Ogle Mole Network, we’ve now learned the same piece was also published in the print edition of the Tecumseh Countywide News, which is apparently Pottawatomie County’s leading source of plagiarized news and opinion.

Here’s a clip of the article:

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College Football Musings from the Train: Week 7

texas-tailgating-girls

10) OU/Texas

Total yards – 482 for Texas, 232 for Oklahoma.

First downs – 24 for Texas, 11 for Oklahoma.

Time of Possession – Texas won that battle by 16 minutes.

Third downs converted – Texas 7. Oklahoma 1.

For the better part of 60 minutes, the Sooners were whipped by a bad Texas team last Saturday. The Oklahoma offense was putrid. The defense was porous, especially when you consider how bad Texas’ offense was leading into the game.

And yet, Oklahoma won 31-26.

During the first half, the Sooners managed to run 11 plays and accumulate 29 total yards. They surrendered 278 yards to Texas. They got ONE first down.

And yet, Oklahoma led 17-13.

Nothing about this game made any damned sense. The Sooners were outplayed. They had 2 good drives, and one decent enough drive on this Texas defense. The secondary and particularly the safeties were torched by a bad version of Vince Young. There was no rhyme or reason why Oklahoma won the game. Except that they did.

Alex Ross has proven he is not the answer at running back. But that guy is a monster returning kicks. After Texas surprised 95,000 people by moving down the field with ease in kicking a field goal on their opening drive, Ross did what he does – take the ball in open space and run really effing fast. He took the ensuing kickoff 91 yards for a touchdown.

Zach Sanchez can’t tackle anyone these days. He plays 10 yards off the receiver. But that guy can intercept passes and make plays in the open field. And that is exactly what he did with 11 minutes left in the first half by taking a Tyrone Swoopes pass 43 yards the other way for 6.

Ross and Sanchez were the difference. In a game where the winning team was out gained by 250 yards, Oklahoma relied on huge non-offensive plays to become the first team in 2014 to win a game despite such a disparity in yards gained.

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wtf-reaction

9) The Offense

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