If you live in the year 2019 and are reading this post because you just googled some girl named “Amber Ellis” that you met a bar in Tulsa, put away your phone and run… run real fast.
In February 2015, Amber was arrested for attempting to bite off her boyfriend’s penis and then smacking him in the head with a laptop. She did this because her boyfriend said she was “needy.” I guess she showed him.
Happy Monday and welcome to another installment of everyone’s favorite column, Monday Morning Tweets. I spent all last week stalking you guys and collected the best tweets. And by best I really mean the tweets that you probably will be embarrassed by. I’m kind of sad that none of you have ever had a Twitter meltdown or accidentally sent a sext via Twitter instead of text. I live for that day. Just know that I will screen shot all of that. I can’t wait.
Anyway, since that hasn’t happened yet, I’ve got some pretty run-of-the-mill tweets for you. As always, they’re after the jump!
In case you missed it, yours and my Oklahoma City Thunder traded Reggie Jackson and Kendrick Perkins yesterday. I don’t really know the finer points of sports things. And I imagine you’ve already heard about all the implications of the trade from more informed sources. However, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no one cares about Vanity Perkins leaving Oklahoma City as much as I do.
Vanity is the first lady of the Thunder. But now, she must step down and follow her husband to a strange and new world that has weirder alcohol laws than we do. Let’s all pause for a moment and imagine the Divine Miz P outside a Mormon Temple.
If you followed her on Instagram, you know that she had the face of an 18-year-old with the fashion budget of Harold Hamm’s ex. She seemed to have a new outfit (and a bathroom selfie to document it) for every Thunder game.
It’s hard to say what I’ll miss most about her. The Thunder’s off the court image seems to be so strictly controlled, to the point where the players don’t seem like actual people. But Vanity didn’t let that get her down. She always had something to say, regardless of how the Thunder Ministry of Propaganda felt about it. There was the time she called out the city of Edmond, the time she interviewed Mary Fallin about fashion, the time she got into a fight with Jim Traber, and the time she got in a fight at a nail salon.
Yes, it’s safe to say we’re going to miss Vanity Perkins around these parts. Here are some pics. She’s our Hot Girl Friday…
Once again, smart kids get all the breaks.
After receiving backlash from the local media, national media, angry parents, puzzled students, just about anyone with an IQ over 100, and even Mary Fallin regarding his bill that would essentially do away with AP history classes, State Representative Derpie Dan Fisher basically came out and admitted this week that he has no clue what he’s doing and shouldn’t be involved in state government, much less helping develop curriculum for history classes.
I’ve never been snow skiing. And I’ve only attempted to water ski once. It didn’t end well.
Knowing all that, if you asked me which one is a better experience or what they are like, I probably wouldn’t be able to offer any valuable insight. I’d probably say something like “I don’t know. I’ve never been snow skiing, and water skiing was one of the least enjoyable moments of my life, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask.” The last thing I would do is pull an answer from my ass and comment on two things I know nothing about.
Oklahoma Congressman Markwayne Mullin, who I really want to call Waynepayne Mullin, would laugh at such honesty.
Last night, he was at a town hall thing in Nowata and some constituent asked him about marijuana. Specifically, the constituent wanted to know why cigarettes (480,000 deaths each year) and alcohol (88,000 deaths each year) are legal, but marijuana (any deaths each year?) is illegal.
Being a loyal GOP foot soldier who claims he’s never used pot, he used the question to spread misinformation about the green leafy substance.
Via The Tulsa World:
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