There’s traces of a nip in the air around Oklahoma, which (I don’t know about you) but certainly puts me in the mood for a little lovin’ and affection. To kick off find-a-date-so-you-can-carve-pumpkins-and-eat-pie-and-see-Christmas-lights-and-get-a-New-Years-kiss season, I’ve rounded up a few of the most cringe-worthy dates around Tulsa I could think of.
Note: because the following activities are tacky and easy to make fun of, it probably means that your new girlfriend will absolutely love them. So no shame in swiping these this weekend. Tell her Chelsea sent you, and ignore the creeped-out look she’ll give you when you tell her Chelsea’s just a close internet friend.
Note 2: Be sure to leave a comment and share some of your cheesy date ideas. My usual weekend repertoire has gotten kinda stale.
1. Eat at the Melting Pot, then go bowling/laser tagging/go-karting at Andy B’s
Cheesy both figuratively and literally, just don’t fill up too much on chocolate fondue or you’ll be too sluggish to bowl. Bonus point if you thump some kids at laser tag.
2. Watch a free movie at Guthrie Green while eating food truck treats.
This sounds like the greatest date ever, until you realize that cuddling and pigging out are two things that are only fun when no one else is in sight (i.e., from the comfort of your own couch).
This whole trend where people bathe in public fountains and splash pads has to stop. Well, unless you’re a Thunder Girl shooting an urban swimsuit calendar. If that’s the case, please continue.
I bring this up because, once again, Oklahoma City police have arrested a man for bathing near downtown. This time the culprit is Jorge Arturo Perez. He was caught taking a dip in that Bricktown fountain near Harkins theatre. He was also trying to wash his hair… with mayonnaise.
Yep, mayonnaise. Obviously, he’s not from around here or he would have just used Hidden Valley Ranch like the rest of us.
Here are the details via KOKH Fox 25:
We always try to do our best to keep you informed about the coolest and weirdest events taking place in the Oklahoma City area. This is especially true when they involve frat parties at the Governor’s mansion, swinger get-togethers in the church basement, and / or bean feeds to talk fellowship and the KKK.
Well, we let you down on this one. Yesterday, an Ogle Mole sent me a video recap for something called the Mystic Sanctuary Festival. The event took place a few weekends ago at the Downtown Airpark.
The name of the event is misleading. When I think of a Mystic Sanctuary, I imagine good witches and centaurs dancing around a maypole during harvest singing old songs, catching cartoon fairies and talking about opening up a vape shop. Outside of the vape shop conversations, this “Mystic Sanctuary” was nothing like that awesome vision. It was basically the world’s largest audition for Monster energy drink commercial.
Here’s the video. Watch for the brief cameo by Wes Welker at about the 38-second mark:
Yeah, that thing was way too cool for me. Seriously, I’m glad I didn’t go. I would have been the old guy in the back asking when the Prodigy or Chemical Brothers come on.
After watching the clip, I hopped on Facebook to look for pics of Hipster Boo Boo. I didn’t find any. Considering she rarely ventures south of the Plaza District, I should have known this. However, I did stumble across some pics of her friends wearing beautiful things:
Last year, Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife Hulk Hogan made a much publicized visit to the Oklahoma State Capitol to pitch new laws and regulations designed to protect Oklahomans from poorly trained, thrill-seeking, only-in-it-for-the-attention bounty hunters like Dog the Bounty Hunter. Nothing ironic with that. Maybe next session we can bring out the Duck Dynasty gang to talk about hunting safety, racism or the hazards of beard ticks.
Dog was a popular man during his trip and felt right at home being surrounded by his target demographic of low IQ irrational simpletons. Just about every lawmaker, staffer and 10 Commandments Monument installer lined up to get their picture made with the celeb. My favorite was the one above where Dog appears to give State Senator David Holt, leader of the Senate Goober Caucus, a move called “The Tickler.”
If you missed your chance to meet Dog, don’t cry you like you’ve been cuffed and sprayed in the face with pepper spray. You’ll have another chance to make your friends from Meeker and Chickasha jealous.
Yesterday, it was announced that Dog and his wife will headline a fundraiser for State Senator Ralph Shortey on October 2. You may remember Ralph. He’s the mouth breather who introduced totally serious legislation in 2012 that would have prevented aborted fetuses from being sold as food in Oklahoma grocery stores. He also once killed a mad turkey… with a club.
Here’s a pic of Ralph from an Oklahoman article to help refresh your memory. I’ve also included a few more a details about the fundraiser:
Okay, so it’s Friday night, after work happy hour or you just want to come to the bar to watch some football with friends. Pop quiz hotshot: what do you drink???
The answer is not a “Red Bull and Vodka.” It’s not a cosmo. It’s not shots. The answer is beer, okay? BEER. But sometimes, as ladies, we’ve been socialized to drink flirtinis and accept the purple hooter shots from the creeper down at the other end of the bar. The world of beer can be intimidating and it’s tough to find something you like when the only beer you’ve really had access to has been Natty Light out of cooler at the lake. But that’s where the fine folks at TapWerks have you covered.
Yes, TapWerks. One of the OG’s of Bricktown and an Oklahoma City staple. They have tons of draft and bottle beers and their selection is always rotating. Well, have no fear! I’ve made a list of TapWerks beers guaranteed to appeal to the fairer sex so the next time you find yourself in Bricktown, you can place your order with confidence!
Check them out:
Black Mesa ESB
ESB stands for “extra special bitter” and it is tasty. Black Mesa is another great Oklahoma brewery, named after everyone’s favorite part of the panhandle that isn’t Beaver County. Usually ESBs are pretty malty, and not really sour, despite the name. Black Mesa throws some hops into theirs, making it a very American-style ESB. Also, it’s crazy delicious.
Editor’s Note: Hey there, it’s me! Did you really think I’d let someone write a post about beer on this site and not totally pull a Russell Westbrook and try to take it over? Yeah right. Anyway, this is Marisa’s list, but I accompanied her to TapWerks to try out some of the beers and take pics with my phone, which made this a tax deductible visit. Thanks Republicans!
Coop Horny Toad
Who doesn’t love a good Mexican beer? And what if you could take that beer and all it’s salt and lime accessories, but make it in Oklahoma? Coop did it.
Editor’ Note: I’ve probably had this beer a few hundred times at various hipster house parties and honestly never noticed it was a Mexican-style beer. That shows how non racist I am. Of course, that’s probably because I once got a private tour of the Coop brewery with Emily Sutton and we felt hops and malt and now whenever I think of Coop I see cumulonimbus clouds, gum drops and long for the good old days.
Thanks! Your message has been sent!