Last week, we found out that Abby Broyles’s sunroof exploded in New Mexico. Then, on Friday, we found out that KFOR photojournalist Travis Shutten had a cluster of daddy longlegs living on his porch. Luckily for KFOR, their staff’s lives are full of newsworthy stories so they don’t have to go very far to find something to report on.
Since our Patrick works for KFOR, I thought I’d come up with a list of things I want to know about KFOR staffers to make it a little easier on him at work. Sure, hearing about car malfunctions or masses of bugs is great, but here are the 10 other things I want to know about KFOR staffers.
Lance West’s pug raising tricks
If you follow Lance West on Instagram, then you know homeboy has a black pug. I think it’d be great for Lance to share his ideas on what’s the best way to get a pug to stop making that terrible “horf” sound they make when they breathe.
Kent Ogle’s AutoZone Recommendations
A fun fact about Kent Ogle is he’s the consummate dad, and by that I mean he’s the type of guy that enjoys a good trip to AutoZone. I’d like to see a weekly segment where Kent meets with some folks at AutoZone and just shoots the breeze about air filters and tire gauges. I really think this is what he was meant to do.
Scott Hines’s favorite self-tanner
When I am laying on my death-bed a few years from now, the spectral image of the Grim Reaper floating over me as the diabolic fugue of my death rattle begins to play, there are many things that I am going to tearfully have many regrets about. But failing to eat three large chicken fried steaks in an hour probably isn’t going to be one of them.
Ever since I started covering the chicken fried steak scene in Oklahoma, everyone in every comment section, direct message, personal email and brick through my window has told me that I absolutely need to go to Kendall’s Restaurant in Noble, Oklahoma, as it is apparently the end-all, be-all for the Oklahoma delicacy, that I won’t be able to even look at another chicken fried steak by the time I was ready to call for the check.
They were right. They were all right. For all intents and purposes, let’s subtitle this piece “The Last Temptation of Louis Fowler.”
If I had to pick one celebrity chef to cook me dinner, I’d probably go with the Food Network’s Giada De Laurentiis. Her meals always seem tasty and delightful, and what can I say, I’m a sucker for good Italian food cooked by women with heads that are too large for their bodies.
If Giada couldn’t make it, my next choice would be Gordon Ramsay. This may come as a surprise to you, but I’m a big fan of his signature blend of foul-mouthed sarcasm and irreverence. In fact, I’d say he’s probably my favorite celebrity chef. He really is great on TV. The British version of Kitchen Nightmares is decent and not nearly as formulaic and sappy as its American counterpart, and watching decade old re-runs of Hell’s Kitchen isn’t the worst way to spend a lazy Sunday if you have no life.
Anyway, Chef Ramsey
recently visited Oklahoma to noodle and cook some catfish for a bunch rednecks. Unlike most noodling videos, it was actually entertaining to watch. Check it out:
Last month, we told you about the heinous crimes of hardened criminal and Pump Bar employee, Colin Grizzle. This reprehensible reprobate was arrested for serious crimes against man and nature: being the manager on duty at a bar that performed the ungodly act of infusing vodka with bacon.
Word of this savage crime spread across the nation, even ending up on Vice’s Munchies network. Anytime Oklahoma is in the national news, it’s usually for something bad. But now the nation knows about our batshit liquor laws, which somehow stings worse. It’s like all that anyone knows about Oklahoma is tornadoes, cowboys, an NBA team that can’t retain their star players, and now, our crummy booze laws.
Even the Oklahoman was inspired to write one of their patented editorials about the case, but of course spinning it into how the government has too much regulation on businesses.
Now, after the ABLE Commission has convened in one of its monthly meetings where a group of vampires meet together and decide how to make life in Oklahoma less tolerable, they made a ruling on The Case Of The Boozy Bacon:
It’s been a rough couple of weeks for my KFOR friend and co-worker Abby Broyles.
As I explained a couple of weeks ago, Abby didn’t handle the news of Joleen Chaney’s KFOR return very well. In the days following her emotional outburst, she roamed the halls of our studios like a confused zombie, careful not to look anyone in the eye, and constantly referring to the people in the production room as “little spies.” She even refused to eat Scott Hines’ delicious banana nut bread. It was crazy.
As a result, our news director gave Abby a week off work to recover and get her mind off things. Abby then did what anyone who’s looking for a little rest and relaxation does and went on a Thelma and Louise style road trip in the New Mexico desert with former Harper County District Court Judge Megan Simpson. Fortunately, before they got to the Grand Canyon, the sunroof exploded on their car. This event snapped Abby out of her daze, and she quickly returned to Oklahoma to file this totally real report.
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