Apparently some people don’t consider Serge Ibaka to be an Oklahoman.
Earlier this week, a website named Condomania.com ranked the US states by average penis size. Oklahoma was ranked a fresh out of the swimming pool 38th.
The rankings were determined by measuring the ratio of men in each state who drive heavy-duty pickup trucks and multiplying it by the average shoe size of each state legislature. Just kidding. That would have put us at number 50.
The real rankings were even less scientific than that. From PR News Wire:
If you are a regular reader of TLO, you probably know that local rapper Zero and I have some beef. “Beef” is the term I use for people I’ve never met, who I write about, and then worry that they’ll shoot me. The “Beef” stems from the time we made fun of one of his music videos:
Dear Mr. Zero. I don’t want to make fun of you. I like your music and wish you a long and successful career rapping and killing Crips, so please don’t shoot me with your great great grandfather’s Civil War era revolver. Seriously, that’s a sweet musket. When you commit a drive-by with that thing, do you have to drive around the block six times? Did you steal Senator Cockroft’s Civil War themed sidearm? Considering how attune you are to clothing and style, I would imagine that you wouldn’t go with mismatched revolvers. You seem more like a Glock man to me. Also, why did you get 405 tattooed on your stomach? That’s like the easiest part of a telephone number to remember. Before your next tattoo, make sure the artist checks to ensure that all the numbers or letters are the same size font.
Since I published that post, Zero and I have kind of made up. He offered me life, and I offered to write nice things about his other videos. It’s amazing what can be accomplished in a basement at gunpoint.
Anyway, Zero and his posse, the “Okie Boy Goon Young Guns” (OBGYNs), have dropped two new videos. They are called “Ten Toe Swag” and “Thank You Lord.” Check them out:
I’m about a decade too old to be into boy bands, but I can’t help but kinda like One Direction. I like their accents, I like that they call Simon Cowell “Uncle Simon,” and I like how the heavily tattooed one conspicuously dumped Taylor Swift the same week that her single about getting dumped by bad boys was released. But mostly, I appreciate that although they have silly haircuts and sing songs that get stuck in your head, they haven’t nearly approached the level of awful that is Justin Bieber.
However, this band of merry Brits might want to consider getting a new publicist / wardrobe designer / photographer / whoever happened to be on set when they staged this promo image:
Sometimes I think about having a child. It doesn’t get much further than dressing them up in tiny baby tuxedos or ewok costumes, because I can’t fathom any other reason to spawn. Luckily for me, I’ve never been to the cabbage patch. Because that’s where babies come from, right? I mean, I’m not 100% sure. I went to an Oklahoma public school, and beyond having teachers constantly remind you that all boys are predatory and want one thing, my education regarding the birds and the bees was sorely lacking. Thankfully, my family had an internet connection and I could access enough porn to know what a normal adult relationship looked like, right?
I’m not the only one who thinks that we could be doing a little better to educate our children when it comes to sex. According to NewsOK.com:
The number of teen births and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) has prompted concern among administrators with state and local health departments.
Statewide, 21,307 cases of sexually transmitted diseases, including 20 cases of HIV, were reported among those ages 15 to 19 in 2012, according to the state Health Department.
“Based on the STD rate that we’re seeing in adolescents, it’s obvious that there’s an educational need regarding sexual health,” said Kristen Eberly, who manages the Health Department’s HIV and STD programs.
“When we talk to newly diagnosed individuals, oftentimes they tell us they didn’t know they’re putting themselves at risk for HIV because they were never taught how to protect themselves.”
Although teen birthrates across the country continue to decline, Oklahoma still has one of the highest teen birthrates in the country, said Thad Burk, who studies disease and analyzes trends for the Health Department.
Statewide, there were 47.8 births per 1,000 females ages 15 to 19 in 2011, the fifth-highest rate in the country, Burk said. In Oklahoma County the birthrate was 56.2.
Oklahoma is one of the only states that does not mandate school districts to provide comprehensive health education, which includes sex education.
“I think if you look at simply the birthrates, you can say that yes, there is a need for more comprehensive sexuality education,” said Linsey Garlington, teen pregnancy prevention program supervisor for the Oklahoma City-County Health Department. “We believe that parents are the first and most important educators of their children. We hope that they’re getting information from a trusted adult.”
Earlier this week, Twitter was attacked by a strange hashtag called #OklahomaFolllowTrain. According to this website, the phrase was tweeted about 70,000 times on Sunday and Monday. That number will continue to climb as the hashtag was still trending worldwide as of this morning. If none of that makes any sense, here’s an unrelated and random WTF tweet from Channel 5 to keep you entertained:
Celebrities who are gay http://t.co/KZpVm0BELS
— KOCO-5 Oklahoma City (@koconews) December 2, 2013
The purpose and origin of the #OklahomaFolllowTrain is about as clear as a Jenni Carlson column. More than likely, it was spawned by bored Oklahoma teenagers, college students and /or Abigail Ogle as a way to get new Twitter followers without spending any cash. It could also have been created by Oklahoma State School Superintendent Janet Barresi. That would explain the three Ls in “Folllow.”
Since we’re allegedly the best “person” to follow on social media in Oklahoma City, I decided to get to the “botttom” of this train (heh). So far, I’ve failed miserably. I have no clue what it is or why it’s trending. This is probably because I’m a grown up. After going through awful tweet after awful tweet, this was the only interesting thing I could find:
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