The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Breaking News: Street Outlaws is staged

street outlaws

The third season of the Oklahoma City-based reality show Street Outlaws premiered on the Discovery Channel a few weeks ago. It’s a pretty exciting time for us here at TLO. Thanks to our very popular critique of the first episode, we’re usually hit with a couple of thousand page views each Monday from racing fans searching for answers to questions like:

“Is Street Outlaws real?”

“Where is Street Outlaws made?”

“Will watching Street Outlaws make me gay?”

After finding the answers to their questions, confused boys and grown men who drink Bud Ice send me totally real emails where they either a) express their extreme displeasure in The Lost Ogle or b) think we’re part of the show. Here are a few we’ve received over the past week:

i like what your doing keep being outlaws fuck the haters but i have a buell 2007 tt lightening that id really want to trade for a 350 chevy engine that i can put in 81 silverado can you help not much cash but clean bike to trade

- Joey

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My girlfriend and I would love to ride out on vacation this year just to ser flipscar no disrespect he just reminded myself of me. Like all yall just really want a pic of the slut to hang on my wall with some autographs We dvr every episode. By the way when the Crow and the truck face off I prolly be jumpin up and down thank God for fast forward time. You guys be safe and take it easy. 

- Ray

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Fuck you.!! You don’t know ANYTHING about racing based on the really bad article loser! How do you have ajob. WOrst writer ever lol.

- Earl

You know how you’ll spell out a word in front of your kid or dog when you don’t want them to know what you’re talking about? Something like “Should we give princess a T-R-E-A-T?” Well, I’m pretty sure you can do the same for Street Outlaws fans. Knowing that, and since I don’t want to ruin the dreams of people like Joey, Ray and Earl, I’m going to tell you a little secret:

Street Outlaws is S-T-A-G-E-D.

If you read our first review, you’d know that. But don’t just take our word for it. News 9 recently reported that the Union City Police Department – the same people who the “rebels” on Street Outlaws are allegedly trying to avoid – helped shut down a highway so the gang could put on their lady helmets and race safely without any distractions:

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7 Worst Kinds of Neighbors

Film Title: Neighbors

I’m a new homeowner, and it took me less than a year to realize that well–the people who live around you are the absolute worst.

Growing up, I always heard my parents groan whenever they heard someone mention “neighborhood association,” but their level of hatred and contempt for the self-appointed residential street police is something that you have to experience to fully understand. And back then, neighborhood associations only consisted of a $50 yearly fee, a phone directory, and a meeting once every few months. Nowadays, we’ve got Facebook pages, email blasts, and Nextdoor app networks to wade through on a daily basis. I gave these people my contact info a month or so ago when a serial rapist was running around Tulsa. Now, I’ve opened Pandora’s box. The neighborhood nazis have got me trapped into their endless threads of pointless minutia for life.

In honor of this vicious slap in the face of the harsh reality of suburban living, I’ve decided to list out the top seven most annoying neighbors that I have, and that quite possibly you have too. Check them out after the jump.

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Bricktown is not getting a weird amusement park ride…

starflyer

Earlier this week, The Oklahoman’s Steve Lackmeyer climbed down from the Devon Tower to report that some goofy landman wanted to build a 220-ft-tall Star Flyer in Bricktown. Based on a Google image search, a Star Flyer is either a futuristic amusement park ride or a really big ship. Since I’m guessing a 220-foot-tall boat probably wouldn’t fit in the Bricktown Canal, I’ll assume it’s the ride.

Here’s the description from the Australian ride manufacturer Fun Time:

The StarFlyer is the newest sensation in the world of Tower rides. It is a unique attraction that appeals to both young and old, the adventurous and not so adventurous. While most tower attractions seem to fizzle out after time the StarFlyer keeps the excitement going.

No other family attraction combines safety and thrills like the StarFlyer.

The StarFlyer can operate in high winds unlike many other Tower rides as it has been TUV certified to operate in a wind speed of force 8 (74Km/h)1. We are also increasing the height of the SkyFlyer every year and a sales representative will be able advise you of our current maximum height.

To ride, guests are seated in a double seat next to their friend or partner, the seat is deep walled and fitted with double seat belts that include an ‘in between the leg harness’ that can only be unlocked by the operator.

The motion of the StarFlyer is similar to the ChairFlyer type of ride that has been around for decades, except with one difference – Altitude.

The StarFlyer spins like a normal Chainflyer but also races up to a top as it is spinning! Then the customers are treated to a series of ups and downs as they spin backwards and forwards. A truly exhilarating experience.

Exhilarating? How about fucking terrifying! I’ll ignore that eyesore and stick with catching a ride on the Bricktown Water Taxi or rolling around on a Segway.

What an awful idea. Let’s get people to visit Bricktown, eat a meal at Spaghetti Warehouse or Chelino’s, and then spin around in circles at 220-feet while feeling an occasional free fall. What could go wrong with that?

Fortunately, the Bricktown Urban Design Committee feels the same way, only they are much nicer about it. Via NewsOK.com:

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Grant Long needs some credit counseling…

grant long twitter avatar

Grant Long may want to start a Go Fund Me.

Last night, KOKH Channel 25 ran a sad investigative report into the finances of the Oklahoma City Thunder TV color analyst/ propagandist / creepy selfie taker. It centered around a high interest $5,000 loan that Grant never paid back to a local loan shark.

From KOKH Channel 25:

A local business owner says one of the television commentators for the Oklahoma City Thunder owes him thousands of dollars.

Larry Rowell is one of the owners of R&R Estate Jewelers in Northwest Oklahoma City. He deals in high-end jewelry and on occasion will provide small short-term loans.

“I do loans to help folks that need help,” Rowell said. He doesn’t usually ask why people need quick cash, but Rowell says he’s never had problems doing occasional loans. He said he usually only loans out a few hundred dollars at a time.

Rowell told Fox 25 that was his expectation when the Oklahoma City Thunder’s Grant Long walked into his store. Long is the color television analyst for Thunder games who Rowell says asked for a $5,000 loan.

“The premise was that he just needed some emergency money and he was going to take care of it next month,” Rowell said, “It felt logical and I went along with it.”

Yeah, I’m sure it seemed really logical that Grant Long, a guy who earned over $21,000,000 during his NBA playing career and likely brings in low six-figures stuttering his way through Thunder TV broadcasts, was in a jam and needed $5,000 in emergency money at 20% interest. It’s not like he has any wealthy friends or connections from the basketball world that could loan him the money.

Rowell said Long also promised to introduce his store to some of the Thunder players who might be interested in purchasing some of his higher-priced jewelry.

“I swallowed it hook, line and sinker,” Rowell told Fox 25.

The handwritten agreement called for Long to repay Rowell $6,000 in 45 days. Rowell said it was a much larger loan than he is used to providing and that it was Long’s idea to repay $6,000 for a $5,000 loan. Long left the title for his 2009 Cadillac Escalade as collateral for the loan.

Those 45 days were up last October.

“There is an agreement between Larry and I,” Grant Long told Fox 25 during a phone interview, “Without going into much detail, which I won’t do, I just say that his loan will be satisfied. It’s not like I’m running out of town on a deal that I left on the table.”

Long said he never promised Rowell he could bring in any Thunder business. “I don’t have any control over that so I couldn’t promise that because I couldn’t deliver that,” Long sad, “I’ve never made the promise that I would bring in any players or coaches or anybody.”

When I heard last night that Channel 25 was running this story, my initial thought was “Who cares? It’s not like he’s Jesse James or anything.” But then I searched Grant Long’s name on OSCN, and well, it looks like the Credit Jewelry Cowboy wouldn’t even give him loan.

Check out this screen shot from OSCN.net:

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MIO Movie Reviews: The Oklahoma City Dolls

the oklahoma city dolls

There are few things more judiciously trying in the workplace than being a healthy non-smoker who is forced to toil alongside with dirty, filthy smokers.

Forget the stench that always seems to envelop their being and instead dwell, quite bitterly, on the fact that they get more breaks than you—smokers get a good five-to-ten minute break every hour on the hour to puff on a nick-stick while you, the one who has treated their body as a temple, remain stuck behind the desk, bean-counting without any equivalent relief straight until lunch. It’s unfair, it’s uncouth and it’s understandable why every year there’s more and more workplace shootings.

But, really, what are you gonna do about? Outside of taking up smoking yourself, I’m willing to guess absolutely nothing. Too bad you don’t have an inspirational figure like Sally Jo Purkey working alongside you.

A wholly fictional account of the true story of a ladies’ football team based out of OKC in the late 70s, the 1981 made-for-TV film The Oklahoma City Dolls – it wasn’t technically filmed in OKC but who really cares – tells the triumphant tale of the tragically named Purkey, a feminist trailblazer who, after seeing the boys play football on the company dime, organized a women’s football team, teaching the immediate Metro a thing or two about the undeniable power of women who are roaring in numbers too big to ignore.

If only it had actually happened like that. But I digress…

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