As anyone who has been to utterly overstuffed local events like H&8, Eats on 8, Live on the Plaza, Uptown 23rd Wig Fest, the 2016 Li’l Wee Ones Pre-K graduation, and Louis’s Most Recent Depressive Shame-Binge will tell you, Oklahoma City is truly in a renaissance age when it comes to food trucks.
Once relegated to the poorer areas of OKC, the food truck seems to have infested every aspect of life in the Big Town, with practically every event, big or small, catered by at least one of these meals on wheels monstrosities, offering a wide variety of culinary treats from all over the world, delivering on wide levels of quality, value and, most tellingly, personality.
Over the past year, I’ve sampled about 50 to 60 trucks at various events and have to say that not all trucks are created equal. Honestly, some of them shouldn’t have been created at all. Whittling my list down to the absolute pits, here are what I consider to be the five worst food trucks in Oklahoma City.
Lonely Dan’s Microwaved Hot Dogs
This may surprise some of you who’ve been reading this site over the years, but every now and then I like to escape the minimum-security prison known as Oklahoma and go on tax-deductible business trips to other cities. My accountant advised that I do this so I can learn about new places and how they differ from Oklahoma, and then share my experiences with you on this site.
As a result, I’m writing this blog posting from a very green, super huge tree-lined suburb just west of Philadelphia. I feel like I’m in a totally different country. Everything is clean, the roads are curvy, and I think I’ve counted a grand total of three pickup trucks since my plane landed on Friday. No lie, I’m pretty sure there are more pickups in the Twin Peaks parking lot on I-40 than the entire Philly metro area combined. Also, they have these stores called Wawa on every other corner. They’re kind of like one of those weird 7-Elevens that doesn’t sell gas combined with a sad mall food court. When I first heard someone say “I need to go to Wawa,” I literally thought they had to go to the bathroom.
Anyway, I guess the big news in Oklahoma this weekend is that Mary Fallin tried to sabotage OKC’s chance at re-signing Kevin Durant by offering him a position in her cabinet.
Via the worldwide leader:
Oklahoma’s efforts to keep Kevin Durant with the Thunder is going all the way to the top job in the state.
In answering a question during the Oklahoma Press Association’s annual convention Saturday, Gov. Mary Fallin said she would be willing to give Durant a government post if the seven-time All-Star stays with Oklahoma City.
“If Kevin Durant thinks about leaving, which I hope he doesn’t — Oklahoma loves Kevin Durant, and Kevin Durant loves Oklahoma. But if he’ll stay, I’ll make him a Cabinet person for health and fitness on my Cabinet,” Fallin said, according to the Tulsa World…
Fallin acknowledged that her offer might not hold much sway in Durant’s decision, saying the Cabinet position “might not be as attractive as a couple of million dollars.”
When I first saw this, I figured “Great. Here we go. As if running our state and economy into the ground wasn’t enough, now she’s getting into the NBA Free Agent recruitment game. See you later, KD. I don’t blame you for leaving now.”
But then I thought back to the infamous Kiss Cam moment and realized “You know what, Mary Fallin is a Thunder fan. Granted, she probably thinks a pick and roll is something they teach at the Highway Patrol Academy, but that doesn’t matter. As our state’s most powerful elected official, she’s simply doing her part to keep Kevin Durant in OKC.”
Seriously, offering KD a spot in her cabinet in return for signing with OKC is actually a sweet gesture. Well, if it wasn’t bribery.
Via something called “Oklahoma Statutes.”
It looks like smoking cigarettes does pay off for some people.
Yesterday, The Oklahoman let us know that TSET – The Tobacco Settlement Endowment Trust – is hiring a new chief executive officer. The lucky former Oklahoma politician who gets the job will earn $250,000 a year, which in case you didn’t know, is enough cash to buy 625,000 pieces of Nicorette.
A state agency that manages tobacco settlement money has created a $250,000-a-year job and offered it to someone whose name was not disclosed.
By comparison, the governor of Oklahoma makes $147,000 per year.
Some have questioned the high salary for the Tobacco Settlement Endowment Trust’s new chief executive officer, a position created at a time when many state departments are facing severe budget cuts.
That’s pretty cool. Somebody in our state needs to earn money that will trickle down to the rest of us. Ideally the job would be in the private sector, but if it’s going to be a government gig, it might as will be with the state agency that’s sitting around on $1-billion, off-limits trust while the rest of the state faces a budget crisis.
That being said, the Tobacco Settlement Endowment Trust only has 22 employees. Plus, they already have an executive director who makes $120,000 a year. Do we really need to pay another person $250,000 just to approve the Shape Your Future ads you see on billboards, at Thunder games, and no longer on The Lost Ogle because we’re not afraid to criticize the Governor of our state, speak truth to power, and post pictures of hot girls, which apparently means the health and wellness of our perverse, overweight, chimney-smoking readers doesn’t matter all that much to TSET?
Sorry, I’m still sore about that. Here are some more details.
David Blatt, a spokesman for the Oklahoma Policy Institute, said it’s unusual to create a $250,000 position for an agency with so few employees, while other, much larger parts of state government, affecting millions of Oklahomans, are run by executives earning much less.
The trust has more than $1 billion in its endowment, funded by settlement money from big tobacco companies. Interest from the settlement is spent by the trust to discourage smoking and boost public health.
“Certainly by the standards of state government a salary this big is almost unprecedented,” Blatt said. “It seems hard to know why they would be willing to double the salary of the existing director and why the name hasn’t been revealed.”
The trust’s board of directors offered the job to the candidate Tuesday. Until and unless that person agrees to take the job, the name will not be released publicly, said Julie Bisbee, a spokeswoman for the agency.
Yeah, don’t dust the smoke off your resume quite yet, it looks like they’ve already offered the $250,000 per year job to someone, and that someone is for some reason taking their time to think about the offer. Maybe they’re waiting for the solution they bought at Ziggy’s to kick in.
Anyway, I asked around the Ogle Mole Network to see who’s getting the job. These are the five names I’m hearing:
We’ve all become so detached from the origins of our food. It’s strange to think about a time in our history where our species were hunter-gatherers, when we had to spend 90% of our time attempting to cleverly kill giant, dangerous animals, and search for other wild edibles for sustenance. These days, we view people who forage as either hipster chefs or feral hobos, and hunters are often seen as redneck gun-freaks who kill for sport.
Earlier this week, Patrick and I had the following text conversation:
Patrick: Do you watch The Bachelorette
Me: No, but I used to know that Chad dude
Patrick: Is the guy everyone is talking about? Want to write about him?
And here we are.
In case you’re like me and Patrick and don’t watch The Bachelorette, Chad is a real estate agent from Tulsa who made this year’s show. He quickly became the fan favorite villain. Sadly, he was voted off in this week’s episode, which I guess is why Patrick wanted me to write about him.
Here are five things you need to know about The Chad:
1. He’s a bona fide douche.
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