If I were to write a book titled “101 Things That Worry, Annoy or Scare Patrick,” I’d probably include chapters on the following topics:
– Irrational, overzealous helicopter parents who live vicariously through their kids…
– Middle-aged men who coach softball…
– The Oklahoma City TV News Media…
Knowing all that, imagine how terrified I was to see this story on KFOR about a group of parents rallying to support a Piedmont High School softball coach who was recently forced to resign for… well… I’ll let KFOR’s Leslie Rangel attempt to explain.
Monday night, a groups of students, parents and supporters banded together to demand a coach get his job back.
The Piedmont softball coach says he was forced to resign by his superintendent.
Wow. That doesn’t sound good. I wonder what happened? Why was he forced to resign?
There were dozens of people rallying in support of Coach Scott.
After some digging into this story, some parents thinking there may be more to why he was asked to resign.
Uhm, after digging into what story? What is the story? You never told us why he resigned. What’s the deal?
“He went to state 10 times out of 14 years and that’s pretty good,” Nolan Banks, a freshman student, said.
“I honestly think it will fall apart because a lot of the girls don’t want to play for anyone but Coach Scott,”Jaymy Foister, another student, said.
Okay, I get it. Some people like Coach Scott and support him, but why did he resign?
No matter who you ask around here, everyone thinks the world of Coach Rick Scott.
“This guy has been like a second father to me,” Banks said.
Coach Scott supporters are asking the school board to reconsider his resignation.
Reconsider the resignation??? You never told us why he resigned! Is this some new experimental form of TV journalism where you keep the viewer guessing? If so, you’re doing a great job. Now, please, explain what the hell happened!
I’m not one to seek out the paranormal. Sure, I experience a ghostly encounter that one time at the Skirvin hotel, but for the most part, I’m pretty content to let the spirits of the dead chill by themselves. The closest I ever came to speaking with the dead was the time in high school when my Wiccan friend asked me to keep her Ouija board at my house until her Church of Christ family no longer suspected she was “at risk.” I believe that Ouija board and several spell books are still located in my old closet at my parents’ house.
Anyway, I bring all this up because it appears that long dead Oklahomans are reaching out to their currently living relatives. According to KFOR.com:
Congratulations to News 9’s David Payne!
He’s the winner of TLO’s first-ever Excellence in Winter Weather Fearmongering Award. It recognizes and honors the first TV meteorologist to forecast snow or ice for the upcoming winter weather season.
Payne obliterated the competition with this Facebook post from November 6th where he predicted winter weather for the week of Thanksgiving:
Yep, that’s real. David Payne is now forecasting snowfall three weeks in advance. Call me crazy, but I may wait a few weeks before running to Walmart to stock up on milk and ice melt. The media hasn’t exactly had the best track record over the last couple of years when it’s come to predicting winter weather in this state. They can barely figure out what’s going to happen in 24-hours, much less three weeks.
But, you know what, who cares? It’s sweeps month and Channel 9 is having a contest for readers to guess which day will receive the first snowfall. You can’t blame David Payne for being a company man and sacrificing a bit of integrity to help the station get viewers. Plus, he got some Facebook shares and likes out of the deal. Those are always nice.
Speaking of Facebook likes, someone asked Aaron Tuttle, the O.G. of Facebook weather fearmongering, what he thought about the forecast. Check out the response:
Ideally, our monetary system would be completely digital. Instead of dollars, we could just call the simplest monetary unit a “space credit.” I say space credit because I feel this is the inevitable currency of the future. Our great-grandchildren will spend their space credits on chewing gum and nutrient-rich vitamin pills that they have to take because they live on a space station while scientists work to terraform Mars. Perhaps they will play a game similar to what Ender played at Battle School. But probably not. This isn’t fiction we’re talking about.
Anyway, not everyone is on board with my space credit idea. In fact, some people are still using a very old-fashioned method to pay for goods and services. And no, I’m not talking about paper mill coins. According to KOCO.com:
Do you enjoy working long, stressful hours for shitty pay with little chance of a raise or promotion? Well, good news for you! Although your journalism degree is now worthless, you can still get a job as an Oklahoma City Public Schools teacher while you look for a better job.
The school district announced yesterday it is having a job fair later this month to round-up some unqualified teachers.
Oklahoma City Public Schools will hold a teacher job fair in mid-November, the school district announced Monday.
The district is holding the job fair from 4 to 7 p.m. Nov. 19 at John Marshall High School, 12201 N. Portland Ave., to try to fill more than 50 vacant positions. Along with certified teachers, Oklahoma City Public Schools will consider college graduates who are interested in earning an alternative certification.
Non-certified graduates will be given the opportunity to earn emergency certification through the school district.
Along with a competitive salary, Oklahoma City Public Schools offers benefits such as medical, dental and vision coverage, Oklahoma teacher’s retirement and paid sick leave. A full list of benefits can be found on the district’s website.
Heh. I know some salesmanship is part of the hiring process, but I’m pretty sure that’s the first time “competitive salary” has ever been used in the same sentence as “Oklahoma City Public Schools.” Seriously, who exactly is the school “competing” against? Taco Bell? Best Buy? The neighborhood babysitter?
It would probably be the babysitter. According to Care.com, $13.50 an hour is considered a fair wage for a babysitter. Entry levels teachers, on the other hand, make $31,600 a year. I’m not good a Craig Humphreys’ new math, but that equals $15.19-per-hour, which is more than a fair wage considering teachers are nothing more than lazy liberal freeloaders taking advantage of a broken system that gives them holidays and summers off to count the dollars in their retirement fund and…
Wait. My bad. I once again thought I was ghostwriting a Janet Barresi editorial for the Oklahoma Council of Public Affairs. I hate it when that happens.
Anyway, Oklahoma City Public Schools also made this fancy graphic to promote the job fair:
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