So yesterday we were sitting in the Lost Ogle’s luxurious headquarters discussing what the best nicknames are among Oklahoma high schools. Not knowing all of them, we asked one of our interns to do the research. Unfortunately, it turns out we don’t actually have interns, and the guy we asked to do the research was in fact the pizza delivery guy. Oops! No wonder he had such a strange look on his face when bringing Patrick the coffee from the kitchen that he had requested.
So we had to do the research ourselves. It was hours of painstaking, grueling work, but we powered through. And we can tell you this: if we never see another school nicknamed “Bulldogs” or “Tiger,” it will be too soon. There are actually 44 schools in the state named “Tigers” (45 if you count the Talihina Golden Tigers) and 36 schools in the state named “Bulldogs,” (first of which alphabetically is Altus, last of which alphabetically is Yale).
Seriously, where is the originality? We wanted to reward originality and general awesomeness in mascot-picking, so the three of us and two Friends Of The Lost Ogle submitted our Top 10 picks and tallied the results. Here they are; the Top 10 Best Oklahoma High School Nicknames:
10. The Cascia Hall Commandos
Somehow we doubt that the school named their athletic teams after the practice of not wearing any underwear, but we’re going to pretend that they did. It just makes the world seem like a little bit better place.
9. The Fox Foxes
All right, technically whoever named this Carter County school had perhaps less originality than the people who name schools Bulldogs or Tigers, but the sheer redundancy in this name is so rare that it ends up being pretty original.
8. The Lawton MacArthur Highlanders
If you ever wanted a connection between General Douglas MacArthur and the 1980s and ’90s movie/television series Highlander, you now have it. How amazing would it be having the football team enter the field to the song “Princes of the Universe?” Very amazing. We know amazing, and that is it.
7. The Paoli Pugs
The pug is perhaps the least intimidating of all dogs. To the best of our knowledge, it just sits around and looks wrinkly and ugly all day long. We’re not sure we’ve ever actually seen one move. But Paoli Pugs is a great name. It’s got a very high alliteration/unique quotient going for it.
6. The Miami Wardogs
If the Pug is the least intimidating dog, the Wardog is probably the most indimidating. After all, it’s a freaking dog trained for war.
5. The Okeene Whippets/The Varnan Whippets
We combined both Okeene and Varnan as one entry since they have the same strange nickname. At first, we weren’t sure what a whippet was. So we wondered if it had an entry on Wikipedia, and it does. Ho. Lee. Crap. That is perhaps the most hideous looking thing we have ever seen. Sorry to offend any whippet owners out there, but that is one ugly looking dog.
4. The Sallisaw Black Diamonds
If we ever meet Chris Callahan and he insults us and hurts our feelings, we’re going to say “Hey, at least when we were in high school we weren’t the Fighting Coal.” That’ll show him.
3. The Bray-Doyle Donkeys
They kick ass. Get it? Get it? Because they’re the Donkeys. Yeah, we agree, not too funny, and yet we can’t help ourselves. Little known fact: Their team MVP is the “Ass of the Year” and the all-time Bray-Doyle greats are inducted into the “Ass Hall of Fame.”
2. The Beaver Dusters
Wow. Not a lot of commentary that can possibly be added to this one, other than Patrick’s request that they make Dean Blevins their official mascot.
1. The Chickasha Fighting Chicks
At the Lost Ogle, we really love anagrams. You know, the things where you rearrange the letters in a word to get another word. For instance, if you rearrange the letters in “debit card” you get “bad credit.” Well, have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “Fighting Chicks” you get “Chicks Fighting?” Which is awesome. Especially if they do it in oil.
Others receiving votes: Claremore Zebras, Haskell Haymakers, Clinton Red Tornadoes, Yukon Millers, Crooked Oak Ruf-Nex, Boswell Scorpions, Davidson Sandies, Alva Goldbugs, Mill Creek Bullfrogs, Deer Creek Antlers, Elk City Elks, Waynoka Railroaders
Others receiving consideration, but no votes: Blackwell Maroons, Perry Maroons, Charles Page Sandites, Dewey Bulldoggers, Eufala Ironheads, Grove Ridgerunners, Muskogee Roughers, Newcastle Racers, Nowata Ironmen, Tulsa Rogers Ropers, Willburton Diggers