In 20 years, when Tony is the Governor of Oklahoma, Clark Matthews is the worlds top professional doubles checkers player, and I am Baptist Hospital waiting for a liver transplant, this post will be answer to the following trivia question:
Q: Who was the first person to ever be interviewed by The Lost Ogle?
Yeah, so it’s not Jesse Jane or Amy McRee or Wayne Coyne, but you have to start somewhere, right? I seriously doubt Mike Wallace’s first interview was with Gandhi, he probably started our by interviewing Tim Kurkjin or something.
Anyway, if you don’t know who Chris Callahan is, he is/was the weekend/back-up sports anchor on KOCO Channel 5. We have learned that today is his last day as a KOCO employee, as he has apparently decided to pulled a tuttlesuiterslohmanjones and leave the live, local, late breaking news leader. However, unlike those former KOCO’ers, Chris was kind enough to grant The Lost Ogle an exclusive totally real exit interview.
Check it out after the jump…
Q: For the sake of most of our readers, who exactly is Chris Callahan?
A: I’m the guy they call Norm at the Cock ‘O the Walk.
Q: Is there any truth to the rumors that you are leaving KOCO to host The Locker Room? If not, why are you leaving and where are you going?
A: There was a lucrative contract on the table minutes after Traber’s colon attacked him. Thank goodness Jim got better because, frankly, the live audience scares me. After looking at the ratings it seems most people watch the show in person.
I have applied for a job as Adarius Bowman’s horticulturist. If that doesn’t work out I’ll go back to my first love, pet food tasting.
Q: How does Mark Rodgers like his coffee? And can you ask Mark Rodgers how Dean Blevins likes his coffee?
A: Mark doesn’t drink coffee, only juice boxes. He says Dean takes his coffee “with tits.” Not sure what that means, but I’m pretty sure you can’t print it.
Q: Now that he’s gone, who got Tyler Suiter’s old pager?
A: Tyler’s pager is at the bottom of Lake Hensley on the sprawling KOCO campus. There may or may not be a cot at the bottom of the lake, too. I may or may not know how they both got there.
Q: Who has the more irritating husband? Jessica Schambach or Maggie Carlo?
A: They are both irritating, but if you had to deal with those two prima donnas all day everyday, you would likely be irritating too.
Q: For some reason, Clark Matthews thinks that Schambach and Carlo both have a secret crush on him? Can you find out if this is true? If so, will you tell them that he is married and that Tony and Patrick are single?
A: I’m sorry to report neither of the ladies has a crush on any of you, although they do admire your work. However, I did discover that both of them have a crush on me. This just in… “Callahan signs a multiyear deal to remain at KOCO.”
Q: When things are slow at Channel 5, do you ever pop in tapes of old Dino Lali movie reviews, drink a good glass of red wine and just relax?
A: Only once, Dino and red wine are a bad combo. Trust me. I do enjoy watching old tapes of Mayor Mick when Mayor Mick was merely a sportscaster. Also, when I’m feeling lowdown I pop in the tape of a college-aged Jim Traber singing while his OSU teammate plays the piano. It’s a classic and always makes me feel better. I can’t remember the song though…I think it was Lavender Blue.
Q: How hard is it to provide equal coverage for OSU, since most people really don’t care about OSU.
A: Not hard at all. One day after practice I stopped by Mike Gundy’s office. He was upset because OU received more coverage on Sunday Sports Xtra one week. He told me it was brought to his attention by a “mother of children” because he doesn’t watch that “garbage.” He raised his voice, reminded me he was 40 and then stormed out of the room with a sudden urge to vomit. I followed him down the hall and calmed him down. We ended up at Eskimo’s Joe’s sharing a chicken dinner and discussing our fondness for hair gel. Since that day, OSU has received the exact amount of coverage, to the second, as OU.
Q: Is Andy Wallace a robot?
A: I’m not sure if Andy is a robot but I do know Rusty McCrainie oils him up every morning.
Q: What are the odds the Brent Skarky becomes your replacement?
A: I would say slim. Although, I did talk to Ron Terrell this week and he told me Skarky is mounting a secretive email campaign to get his old job back.
Well, that’s it. I guess we should thank Chris for taking the time to answer our tough questions. I think he did a pretty good job. Who knows what he is doing next, but lets just hope it has nothing to do with serving Dean Blevins coffee.