Who the hell is Lee Symcox? No. He’s not an adult film star, he’s the CEO of First Fidelity Bank. Who the hell is First Fidelity Bank? They are the first official advertiser on The Lost Ogle. Why are we posting a Q & A with this bank’s CEO? Because we are filthy brownnosers looking to get filthy filthy rich.
Seriously, we can be bought. Easily. All you have to do is just advertise on our site and we’ll totally kiss your ass just like The Oklahoman, Sports Animal, and just about any other local media conglomerate does. We’ll even bring Cardboard Jim by and let you take a picture with him. We’ll also let you play checkers with Clark Matthews. Who could turn that down, right?
Anyway, on a relatively serious note, I would like to thank First Fidelity for being our first advertiser. We ran into a problem with our hosting provider because we are becoming too popular. Their sponsorship will not only help us solve that problem and improve site functionality, but it will hopefully give us some capital to have some fun contests, promotions and events like “watch Patrick get drunk at a bar and blow his cash buying shots for 21-year-old girls night.” It will also give us some money to payoff all the people looking to sue us.
Anyway, after the jump read Mr. Symcox’s answers to questions regarding cursing leprechauns, being in the pool with Mayor Cornett, and the existence of an Infidelity Bank.
Q: I’m not sure if you know this or not, but First Fidelity Bank just agreed to advertise on a website called The Lost Ogle. Who are you going to fire first?
A: That situation has already been handled and my HR Director has advised me not to disclose any names.
Q: Actually, we are very excited that you all are going to be our first advertiser. Tell me (and all of our readers) about First Fidelity Bank.
A: We’ve been around a long time, since 1921. FFB has seen Oklahoma through a lot of ups and a lot of downs, and like the lostogle.com, we do things a bit differently; we do things our own way.
Q: Now that we are filthy rich, we are probably going to need a checking account. If I drop your name, can I get some free checks?
A: So you’re those people”¦the last people on the planet still using checks.
Q: When I checked out the website, I noticed that FFB will pay any fees that you get charged from using another bank’s ATM. That’s cool and everything, but what would you do if Jeff Records or the grouchy dude from BOK raises their ATM fees to $5 out of spite?
A: What is this thing you call spite? I am unfamiliar with this term. But to answer your question, we will gladly cover any and all ATM fees our clients incur.
Q: Call me crazy, but I think a Lost Ogle themed debit card would be a pretty good idea.
A: You’re crazy.
Q: There is a YouTube video floating from a FFB employee event. The video features a cursing leprechaun. I know you all are one of the Best Places to Work in Oklahoma and everything, but do you all really employee leprechauns?
A: See my answer to question #1.
Q: Is there is a Second Fidelity Bank or even an Infidelity Bank our there?
A: In certain third world countries (Belize, Uruguay, The Republic of Ogleztan) we have established Third Fidelity Bank. Doesn’t that give new meaning to your three cents?
Q: When I think of a banker having fun, I picture Scrooge McDuck swimming around in a bunch of shiny gold coins. Question one: Have you ever swum in a pool of shiny gold coins? Question two: If so, do you clean them with some sort of chlorine or dioxide?
A: Is it too late to get my money back?
Q. How many First Fidelity Bank pens would you estimate are stolen by customers each year?
A: None. The pens are given to our clients.
Q: Clark Matthews told me that it is okay to grab two suckers when visiting the bank. Is this true?
A: Seriously. Is it too late to get my money back?
Q: Besides us, who is your favorite Ogle?
Q: In his Lost Ogle Q & A, Mayor Mick mentioned that he “once got in the pool with Jerry Park.” Have you ever been in the pool with Mayor Cornett?
A: I have been in a pool with Mayor Cornett. We usually are in the same NCAA Tournament pool every year.
Q: Just to show us how hip you are, tell us your favorite Flaming Lips song.
A: That’s a toughie. They’re all good, but I find myself more often than not going back to their early/mid 90’s stuff. This Lips era is very definitive of the band in that they have stepped away from their early experimental punk rock days and are now exploring a new sound they perhaps haven’t quite figured out yet, nor have they realized the impact this new sound will have on the music industry. They’re doing whatever they want to do. The sound is playful, yet hauntingly sincere and artistic in a way that reminds us of other rock pioneers, like the Velvet Underground, the Pixies, or the Talking Heads.
I’d have to go with Lightning Strikes the Postman from their album, Clouds Taste Metallic.
Q: Being a bank CEO, you’ve probably met some pretty powerful and famous people. Who’s at the top of that list?
A: Tito Ogle.
Q: How close are we to the bottom?
A: Let’s renegotiate this ad deal”¦
The Jim Traber pictured above is a cardboard cutout named Cardboard Jim. This iteration of Jim Traber in no way suggests that Real Jim Traber endorses First Fidelity Bank. In fact, we hear that Real Jim prefers the yardbirds over at Arvest or something like that, which is just one more good reason to bank at First Fidelity.