Wasting Time in a Good Way

jessica_alba

As people who rarely pay attention to what goes on at the Capitol, we have been shocked recently.  While we elect representatives and senators to tackle important issue, what they really seem to spend their time doing is making toothless resolutions condemning evolution theorists, or attempting to begin Civil War II:  This Time it Isn’t About Slavery, It’s Because We Elected a Black Man President.  When they do try to make laws it is legislation to italicize the state name.

So, we started thinking, if they are just going to screw around on our dime, they should at least do so in a way that improves our lives in some way.  This morning, we proposed the following resolution to the legislator we thought would be our most likely sponsor.  Click on the jump to see what we have in mind (trust us guys, we made it worth your while).

Oklahoma Declares Hotties.
STATE OF OKLAHOMA
1st Session of the 52nd Legislature (2009)
HOUSE JOINT RESOLUTION 6969

By: Shane Jett

AS INTRODUCED

A Joint Resolution claiming Jessica Alba as an honorary Oklahoman under Article XII-1D of the Constitution of the State of Oklahoma over certain powers; serving notice to all natural born Oklahomans that Jessica Alba is hotter than you.

WHEREAS, the Twelfth Article of the Constitution of the State of Oklahoma
Reads as follows:

“Nothing in the laws of the United States, or any treaties with the Indian Tribes in the State, shall deprive any Indian or other allottee of the benefit of the homestead and exemption laws of the State.”; and

WHEREAS, it is rumored that Jessica Alba is part Native American; and

WHEREAS, common law of Oklahoman agree that any celebrity who has any tie whatsoever to the state shall be claimed as a resident; and

WHEREAS, Jessica Alba will be filming “The Killer Inside Me” in Guthrie; and

WHEREAS, Guthrie is a city in Oklahoma; and

WHEREAS, Jessica Alba will be sleeping within state boundaries overnight during the filming of said movie; and

WHEREAS, Jessica Alba is hotttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED BY THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES AND THE
SENATE OF THE 1ST SESSION OF THE 52ND OKLAHOMA LEGISLATURE:

THAT the State of Oklahoma hereby claims Jessica Alba as an honorary Oklahoma

THAT May 1, 2009 shall be “Jessica Alba Day” for TheLostOgle.com’s “Hot Girl a Day in the Month of May”

THAT her husband Cash Warren shall not be allowed within state lines, particularly during the filming of “The Killer Inside Me”

THAT we also claim Megan Fox (because they sell Transformers in our state), Angelina Jolie (by marriage), and Kathy Ireland circa 1992 (just because) as Oklahomans.

megan-fox angelina-jolie kathy-ireland