A sure sign that Big Splash Water Park has opened is the increased traffic in the 21st and Yale intersection. Not traffic driving to Big Splash, but traffic from gawkers trying to catch someone in their bathing suit.
Drivers that won’t slow down in a school zone will cruise by Big Splash at 10 mph for the chance to see an 18-year-old in a bikini. You know the moment it happens. You can hear the necks of gawkers crack as they give themselves whiplash from their hypersonic 90-degree neck turn.
As a Midtown resident, I am tired of Big Splash gawkers. When I stop at Walmart Neighborhood Market to return my Redbox movie, I don’t want to wait in traffic because of someone driving a stick. You would think the pain from the zipper scratches would be a deterrent, but no.
The problem is that the kiddie pool and the giant slide, which pulls your bathing suit to you forehead, are on the 21st Street side of the park. If they switched the picnic area, full of large hairy-backed men and retired seniors, with the kiddie pool and giant slide, traffic would improve. There would be no one left gawk.
In addition to these people I don’t want to see outside the park, there are several things you never want to find inside the park, which I cover here.
We need to do this for the children. It’s for their safety. Stop these gawkers … unless it’s Amy McRee in a pink bikini. Then ignore everything I’ve said.