Police responded Sunday to Tulsa’s “˜first baby of the summer “accidentally” left in car’ at Super Target on 71st Street. While I expect this sort of accident to happen at Walmart, I’m shocked it happened at Target. That makes as much sense as Mickey Mantle’s Steakhouse having a dollar menu.
What type of people are they letting through the doors?
Target is where I go when I want to be among the clean and intelligent population. Walmart is where I shop when I need to raise my self-esteem. It’s not about the low prices; it’s about a feeling of superiority and understanding the white-trash culture.
The mother of child said she forgot the baby was with her. “I thought it was my husband’s turn to ignore the children.” I don’t buy the “I forgot” excuse. You don’t forget you have a baby, and I doubt the baby put itself in the car. The excuse didn’t work for me at the mall when I forgot my pants, and it doesn’t work for hurried parents.
Parents never buy the “I forgot” excuse, and according to COPS, neither do police. I’ve faithfully watched COPS for 20 years. They don’t buy the excuse. Why should we?
The truth is parents plan to run in for just a second, but forget that Walmart only has two lanes open; both filled with dozens of other housewives who also needed milk and a bra. Target’s lanes are usually short and it is possible to run in for a second. She didn’t forget, she probably spotted a clearance rack and the hours flew by.
We can’t afford to lose Target babies. They’re the future of our country. Walmart babies, not so much. Dollar General babies? You can’t lose them. Their skulls are like rubber balloons that expand as the car heats up. I know that doesn’t make sense. It might have something to do with Dollar General brand birth control.
Police didn’t arrest the woman. I think they forgot.
(P.S. “I forgot” to mention I’ve posted some great photos of Tulsa’s Neon Signs. If you enjoy shiny things, click here.)