When I saw that Jessica Alba was in Tulsa Monday filming her new direct-to-DVD movie, The Killer Inside Me, my first thought was, “oh, porn,” followed by “I hope she doesn’t vandalize us.” Then I remembered that unlike Oklahoma City, Tulsa has sharks. We have the Oklahoma Aquarium, a possible Alba target.
Vandalism doesn’t worry me; it’s liberated sharks and Tulsa’s effect on movies. Movies filmed in Tulsa are never good. Check out UHF.
Alba’s a bigger threat to Tulsa than many realize. Since the only precaution to her visit is extra police on the movie set, I felt I should take action.
I called the Oklahoma Aquarium and asked if they added extra security. They declined to answer as in they hung up on me. I don’t think they took the threat seriously.
What they don’t realize is Alba is a good swimmer and can possibly turn invisible. You thought the special effects in Fantastic 4 were computer graphics? Me too, but I don’t want to risk the trauma of seeing sharks float through the air as an invisible Jessica Alba carries them to the Arkansas River.
If you see sharks flopping around in the three-inch deep water of the Arkansas River, I warned you.
If you want to see The Killer Inside Me, it’s coming to a Redbox near you.
(P.S. Now for baseball news: Solutions for Drillers Stadium.)