Earlier today, I thought about live blogging the ridiculous overabundance of winter weather coverage on all the news channels, but then I started playing Wii and decided I’d rather not. But then this happened:
Other than turning into a burning bush and talking to us, I don’t think Gary England could have been anymore direct. The live blog begins after the jump:
2:07pm: For most of the day, I’ve been watching Channel 9. If I had to rate the weather coverage on the local news channels, it would go like this:
1. Channel 9 (when God speaks you listen)
2. Channel 4 (for some reason, they seem to have the clearest and most simple radar maps)
3. Channel 5 (for some reason, there weather maps looks like they were bought in the 1980s and run off DOS)
4. Channel 25 (I’ll be honest with you, I rarely watch the Channel 25 weather. Especially now that there weather dude looks like the annoying kid from Jerry Maguire.
5. Channel 52 (Last. They will always be last.)
2:11: Jaqueline Sit is reporting from Will Rogers Airport using Skype. Hot chicks should never use Skype, it makes them look like a Jedi ghost.
2:15: Just jumped over to Channel 5. Paul Folger and Jessica Schambach are scolding someone named Carla for driving to fast.
2:18: Channel 5 just displayed a graphic that had tips to drive on ice. One of them said “Steer in Direction You Want to Go.” Call me crazy, but isn’t that more of a general driving instruction?
2:21: Channel 4 isn’t providing live coverage, they are showing soaps instead. This is unfortunate, because I wanted to see Jonathan Conder save a guy wearing flippy flops or gardening clogs.
2:23: Channel 25 isn’t showing live coverage either. Of course they never show live coverage. The Diffee kids could mutate into killer clowns and attack downtown Oklahoma City and they wouldn’t break away from their syndicated judge TV shows.
2:26: Channel 5 has a graphic on the screen that reads “Roads Getting Slick.” I think they should replace the graphic with “We really hope roads are getting slick.”
2:28: Mark Opergrande (sp?) just said “ice pellets” about 10 times during a live shoot. I’m not a meteorologist, but I’ve never heard a weatherman say “It’s raining ice pellets.”
2:30: Rick Mitchell looks sad. It’s like he knows everyone is watching Channel 9. I’m going to join them.
2:32: So I hit the back button and it took me back to Channel 25. Can you believe it? They are doing a live weather cut-in, and it’s weather girl. She’s wearing dog chains! I may stay here awhile.
2:34: That was short. They are now showing Judge Alex. Knock on wood here, but I’m glad I have real job and don’t have to watch this stuff everyday. Back to Channel 9.
2:37: Amanda Taylor is on Channel 9. She came in kind of low on our rankings of the 20 Hottest Women in the OKC Media. Here is what someone emailed us about that:
Way off on Amanda Taylor! Have you ever seen her up close and in person? She’s so hot, she’ll buckle your knees…
2:40: LOL. Gan Matthews is reporting about tree trimming companies, and then all of a sudden the sound of busy signal plays over his voice. You could hear Gan get flustered. Oddly enough, it’s an enjoyable sound.
2:42: Charles Bassett is reporting live about a mile from my house. If Cardboard Jim wasn’t scared of water, I’d bring him down for the live shot.
2:44: Alex Cameron is wearing the same type of hat that my grandpa wears. That’s probably not a good thing for Alex Cameron.
2:46: For fun, I went to OETA to see if Ross Dixon was drawing weather patterns on an old green chalk board. He’s not. It’s a talking train.
2:48: Channel 5 claims they have 550 people in their live blog. I’m going to go over there and say “hi!”
2:51: Dear God, it’s too easy! Here’s the link: http://livewire.koco.com/Event/Oklahoma_Winter_Storm_Updates. I say everyone go over there and ask Paul Folger about his favorite type cheese.
2:54: Maybe someone should go over to the Channel 5 website and pose as Maggie Carlo and pretend you want your old job back.
2:55: We have a Rusty McCranie sighting! How much do you want to bet in high school he just went by McCranie. Or Bubba.
2:58: Want to piss off Rusty McCrainie? Turn off your headlights.
2:59: I’ve been banned from leaving any comments at the Channel 5 Live Blog!
3:03: Back to Channel 9
3:04: Lets go chat at News9.com. The people at Channel 9 are so much nicer than the people at Channel 5. Of course, when you work with God, it must make life pretty easy.
3:07: Just left the following comment at News 9: “Sunny and 60 degrees here in Nichols Hills. It’s good to be rich.” But they have a moderator, that’s no fun.
3:09: Leave it to the commenters at News9.com and Channel 5’s website to make me think the people who leave comments at YouTube are intelligent.
3:10: Gary England just called Kelly Ogle, “Baby.”
3:11: Power is out in Purcell. Let’s hope everything is okay at The Oklahoma Horseshoeing School South Campus.
3:13: According to Rusty Surette, the roads at Nw 39th and Penn are fine.
3:14: Amy McRee just got all flustered when she tried to explain a story about a man who was selling black market generators in a parking lot.
3:16: Jumping back to Channel 5.
3:18: Wait…Iron Mike Morgan is on Channel 4. This should be fun.
3:19: Scott Hines is doing an “investigative report” on ice accumulation by setting an old chair in a field and rubbing his boot on the chair surface. This is too sophisticated for me.
3:20: Scott Hines just forget what a gutter was. He stalled for a few seconds and then called it “piping,” and then noted that “” literally “” “liquid water” was flowing out of it. Yes, “liquid water,” as opposed to “solid water” or “gaseous water.”
3:25: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Mike Morgan would make an amazing Dracula. Before he does that, though, he should get a meteorology degree.
3:26: Mike Morgan is saying 3-5 inches of snow for Oklahoma City. If I were betting man, I would bet it will be less.
3:28: We have an Emily Sutton sighting. She came in at Number 20 in our rankings of the 20 Hottest Women in the OKC Media. She edged out Ali Meyer.
3:29: Mike Morgan just told Emily to “Stay safe out in Canadian County.” Whoa, Canadian County!?! They sent her all the way out there??? Wow!!!! <sarcasm>
3:31: Just went to KSBI to see if they are doing live coverage, and they are showing the Cosby Show.
3:33: Speaking of The Cosby Show. How come they could get away with changing their intro every couple of years. Pretty much every other sitcom had the same intro for their entire run. Anyway, just a random thought…
3:36: It’s fun watching Amy McRee try to say something articulate during unscripted live coverage. It’s kind of like watching a cute puppy learn how to <insert your own generic puppy reference.>
3:40: I must admit, that I’m kind of embarrassed that I left work at 11:00am today. The way the media covers….wait…Jessica Schambach. Mmmmnn. Jessica Schambach.
3:42: I’m seriously think about watching some Cosby Show reruns. The news channels seem to be losing there steam.
3:44: Back to Alex Cameron on Channel 9. He literally just invented the Alex Cameron Miserability Scale. He says he is currently at a 7. His hat from 1994 is currently at an 8.
3:46: Charles Bassett just said verbatim: “As people try to take off through the intersection, we are seeing some tires, uh, start to spin.” Uhm, tires are supposed to spin.
3:48: This is sad, Channel 9 is reporting a fatality accident on the Kilpatrick at MacArthur. Know what’s sadder, every media outlet is converging on the Kilpatrick Turnpike and MacArthur.
3:51: Know what else is sad? I’m scared of the Kilpatrick Turnpike.
3:53: I think I may be losing steam. Maybe Channel 4 will cut to a shot of Jonathan Conder saving people.
3:57: Falling asleep.
4:00: Got to take a break. May be back.