Page 3: Why Your City Sucks: Enid

(Oklahoma is a wonderful, incredible state filled with charming small towns and awesome big cities. I love this state in every way possible. But even still, there are some features of specific places that are the opposite of awesome. Hopefully, this is where we can detail some of those issues.)

I’ve been to Enid one time. I played baseball in high school and Enid has a very, very nice high school baseball “stadium.” But Enid is kind of a weird place. It’s kind of a big town, but it seems like everyone always forgets about it. Honestly, how many times do you think about Enid throughout the day? That’s what I thought. Definitely not as much as you think about Bethany or Purcell, I can tell you that. What, you don’t think about Purcell? Anyway…

So from my experience, Enid only sucks because I don’t ever think about it. Otherwise, it seemed like an OK place. Someone actually sent me this story as a reason Enid sucks. “Car Sideswipes Elephant in Enid.” There are live circus animals running wild in Enid? That sounds like a reason Enid ROCKS.

I do remember when I went there, there was all sorts of road construction going on and it was absolute hell to get anywhere. But that’s probably cleared up by now. So let’s let some resident Enidites take this one away (consider everything sic‘d):

Craig: “Enid is the city of 45,000+ that lies 70 miles just to the northwest of Oklahoma City.  If you have ever watched Gary England in the springtime, you know Enid lies in Garfield county and we get the weather that is coming to OKC.  For that, you are welcome to “stay advised” when you hear Enid mentioned.

Unofficially, (but probably a fact) Enid has more bars than convenience stores.  One of these bars is owned by a bigot douchebag. Enid may also be referred to as conservativeville. Again, unofficially, there is a sign in small print under the WELCOME TO ENID sign that says “democrat don’t let the sun set on your ass in Enid”  These people are so tight that the high school doesn’t even have a basketball gym or a baseball field to call it’s own.  Pretty sad for a 6A school district.

The demographic information gathered through plenty of study with the help of budweiser is 65% old people, 30% out of town pilots that think they own the city, and 5% in betweeners.  Enid likes to think that it is as important as Oklahoma City.  There is a downtown ballpark, we had a moderately successful professional basketball team (The Storm), and even had an arena football team, The Crude. (which I affectionately referred to as “the crud” because their franchise record was like 2-70)  Former NBA players Mark and Brent Price both played their high school basketball at Enid High.

Enid may be the only town that is split down the middle into an older section of town “East Side” and the newer section “West Side.”  With the latter (west side) being the more affluent section of town.  There is a mall that I refer to as “the Pasture.” Where normally money-making business go to close.  There are plenty of places to eat in Enid that will send you to an early grave, but those are the best places anyway.  If you feel like paying $8.00 to see a movie and watch the film break during the credits and ten times throughout the feature, feel free to visit the theatre.

Enid does have a lot of faults, but a commute to anywhere in town only takes at the most 15 minutes and there is no rush hour.  It is my hometown and there are a lot worse places out there to live.  Thank you for the opportunity to share some of my thoughts.”

@stevelackmeyer: “I like Enid. They’ve got a cool downtown w/great restaurants, a kick-butt kids area and a mini-Bricktown ballpark.”

@thedigsy: There are five things to do in Enid. Drink, do drugs, have sex, cruise Van Buren or drink, do drugs and have sex while cruising VB. Oh! Other Enid things: may fete, stupid cow statue things at government springs park high school wasn’t fully air conditioned until 2001.

Kyle: “As an Enidite to school at University of Oklahoma for a Meteorology degree I have quite a few things to say.

E-Town: Seriously, is that how we refer to ourselves? It sounds so incredibly lame. I’d feel like such a tool if I ever said it and yet it’s the thing.

Bridges and Fire Department: Lookup what happened to the West Randolph bridge. It collapsed as a fire truck went over it (was probably over the posted weight limit). They didn’t even notice it collapsed, it had to be reported by a citzen and even then it was practically dark.

Here’s another problem already mentioned at TLO. (LOTS of people just sent in that story. -ed)

Vance and the high airspeed overhead planes: You know how you can hear the planes flying in and out of Max Weisthimer? Try having those planes going at over Mach 1 several times a day.

Oakwood Mall AKA THE (only) Mall: Here’s a big problem. Oakwood mall is the ONLY mall in Enid but I guess I can just attribute it to being a small town. Oakwood mall LOVES to charge a high rent rate to those business that are in the mall. We had a Big Lots in the mall. They closed because of the rent and now my hometown is without a Big Lots again. Numerous other business inside have also closed shop including a ToysRUs and Waldenbooks/Borders because of this. It does have an arcade.

Atwoods HQ: I don’t know if this means much by the Atwoods headquarters moved to Enid with a building behind the main store. I guess it helps solidfy north central and eastern northwestern OK as farm country.

SuperWalmart: Walmart decided that they wanted a SuperWalmart. So they purchased land across from Atwoods that was original slated to be a church (I guess they never raised enough funds or something) and now it’s everyone one-stop-shop. And yes the “People of Walmart” applies to this Walmart as well. Now the old Walmart not too far the new one is still sitting vacant for the past few years.

Nothing much to do: Like any other small town there’s not much to do most of the time.

John Wilks Booth Conspiracy: Yeah this was actually kind of cool to think that the guy had actually gotten away and eventually made his way to Enid and decided to kill himself at some point. Then Ghost Lab, the Discovery Channel knockoff of Syfy’s Ghost Hunters, decided to show up for their John Wilks Booth special. (The people on that show are DAMN idiotic; they make Ghost Hunters people look like geniuses.)

Willow Lake: more like Willow POND. But I guess that’s what counts for a lake in NW OK. And it’s also in the shape of an E.

On the bright side we do have Leonardo’s Warehouse, Leonardo’s Adventure Quest, and Da Vinci’s Coffee House. Wait, I’m noticing a theme…”

Next week: Edmond. Have something to say about it? Email me at dailythunder@gmail.com