A man used a machete to steal french fries from a Whataburger near the Promenade Mall.
Around 1 a.m. Thursday, Sling Blade walked into Whataburger and ordered some potaters.
He had no money. The clerk wouldn’t give him his food.
Naturally, he reacted the way most of us would: he pulled out a machete. Blade demanded money from the register, but the clerk offered the fries instead. He took the food and continued his crime spree by stabbing Ronald McDonald in the face. (I made up the second part.)
If someone wants fries that badly and they’re willing to use a weapon, I understand why they chose Whataburger. Their fries are not coated in grease. They’re crunchy, fresh and made-to-order.
Sonic’s fries leave an oily film in your mouth, McDonald’s fries haven’t been the same since they changed their oil, and Wendy’s are soft and undercooked.
The employee said Blade was a regular customer. I hope they offered ketchup.
Since he didn’t demand a milkshake, it’s not clear what the man was smoking.
(P.S. For more on ‘Tulsa’s Restaurants You’re Most Likely to Die In … but not from the Food’, click here.)