Wanted: The World’s Most Dangerous Criminals

Hide your kids.  Hide your wife.  Hide your wicker and “Live, Laugh, Love” wall ornaments.  There are some bandits on the prowl!  From NewsOK:

Police are asking for help in identifying two people seen in a surveillance video taken at Hobby Lobby, 3160 S Broadway.

The man and woman are considered persons of interest in the theft of $530 worth of furniture from the entryway to the store, said Glynda Chu, Edmond police spokeswoman.

The theft occurred between 1 and 1:15 p.m. April 12. Three pieces of furniture were stolen.

Boy, what a couple of daring criminals.  I think this immediately calls for armed security guards at every Build-A-Bear, Lady Footlocker and Pier One, because who knows where these hoodlums will strike next!

Seriously, this story was on the front of NewsOK for what seemed like a couple of days.  How is it worthy of such attention?  People who look like they smell like Chickasha steal stuff all the time, so what makes these two so special?  Oh, Hobby Lobby spends a lot of money with the Oklahoman.  Makes sense.

Also, where is this $530 price tag coming from?  Isn’t everything in Hobby Lobby “50% off” a couple of weeks a month.  Hell, I have a friend who knows things tell me that if you purchase something at Hobby Lobby for 50% that you shouldn’t feel good because you’re still getting ripped off.  Seriously, there’s a reason this family has enough money to buy the world’s ancient bibles and shitty universities.   It’s because they sell cheap, low quality products at higher than hell prices.  Except of course, for the Styrofoam balls.  The Hobby Lobby Styrofoam balls are of the highest quality and helped me win First Place in the Lee Elementary School Science Fair in 1988.  Eclipses rule!