Spence Sez: Mixed Nuts!

Good Tuesday to you and yours. Hope you had a great weekend. Did you hear that the dude who played Spock in the most recent Star Trek movie is gay? The good ones always are…

The ABC article about it said, “Zachary Quinto Comes Out as Gay.” Clearly, I’m no wordsmith, but is that how a journalist should write a headline about a person’s sexuality? How about, “Jim Traber Comes Out as Chaz Bono’s Genital Donor.” I dunno, I guess neither makes sense, but they get the point across. What do I know, nothing. Let’s answer some questions!

Is the NBA lockout going to make it easier to have sex with out-of-work cheerleaders?@PleaseStopGreg

In NASCAR, a lockout could be solved by a coat-hanger. But that’s not the case in the NBA and it’s upsetting. I want my NBA like Dire Straits wants their MTV, only without the cheesy 1980s computer animation! But to answer your question: No, the lockout won’t make it any easier (or harder) for you to sleep with a pro cheerleader. They actually don’t get paid much for being a cheerleader, so I doubt not getting the $50 bucks a game or week or year is going to lead them to a life of desperation that would be needed for guys like us to have a shot with them. Sorry.

My best friend and I like the same guy at OU. She told me, but I never told her. It really bothers me when all she does is talk about him! I don’t know if he likes either of us, but my friendship with her is starting to fade away. What should do? -C

Thanks for the question. Since she got “dibs” on this dude first, you have to respect that. But here is my advice: Does she have a brother or a father? Try dating one of them! This is probably causing a lot of static inside your sorority. I’m sorry, but good luck.

Xmas gift 4bro is hooker who accepts layaway. She wants high down payment. I want no wgt gain/no STD clause. Fair right?@Brooks_Ryan

Wow! You’ve struck gold. Your clause is absolutely fair; it’s a sad day in America when something like this has to be brought up. It should be understood that the product you put in layaway will be the same product you get when you finish paying for it. But be careful, this guy is on the prowl out there.

Are you an OU fan or an OSU fan?Rob

Well, I enjoy both teams. I went to OSU for one semester of undergrad, but came back to OBU where I had scholarships. I then went to OU for one semester of grad school, but stopped when I got the job in Governor Henry’s office. So I often avoid this argument by telling people I love the University of Kentucky. My family is from Kentucky and my grandfather and I used to go to UK basketball games when I would visit. It’s kinda perfect, they suck at football (like OSU, historically), but are dominant in basketball (kinda like OU’s football team, historically). So I can cheer for a loser during football season and cheer for a winner during basketball season. It’s awesome!

What happened to miss cleo?@JeramyWestbrook

I just got off the phone with Psychic Friends Network, they tell me that Miss Cleo is actually Youree Dell Harris and she’s not from Jamaica at all! She was actually born in Los Angeles. Did you know Oklahoma was just one of the many states that sued the PFN? It’s true. My Ouija board is telling me she is living in Florida doing car commercials.

Hope you guys have a great day. If you have any questions for me, don’t hesitate to send them to me on Twitter: @SpencerLenox or email: Spencer.Hicks@gmail.com. Today’s post is dedicated to the dearly departed Meg Dubray. She left us far too early, but is in a better place now… Denver. Never forget. Kisses!