Adult Babies 1, Tom Coburn 0

The man pictured above is Stanley Thornton. He's a 30-year-old man who lives his life as an “adult baby,” which means he wears diapers, drinks from a bottle and annoys people at restaurants and movies.

Stanley made news last spring when he was featured on The National Geographic Channel’s “Taboo.” On the show, we learned that in addition to wearing onesies and having his roommate change his diapers, that Stanley built his own furniture and collects $860 a month in disability benefits.

Those last two facts did not please our esteemed Senator Dr. Tom Coburn. He asked for the Social Security Administration to investigate Stanley, and in particular, how people who live their lives role-playing as “adult babies” are able to get taxpayer-funded disability payments.

Well, the investigation has been completed and the big baby has been cleared of any wrongdoing. Now he wants Senator Coburn to apologize:

Stanley Thornton, Jr. has a medical condition known as paraphilic infantilism that leads him to pretend to be a small child as a way to cope with the physical and sexual abuse he suffered, according to Good Morning America....

(Coburn) accused Thornton, in his 30s, of possible fraud, because he was on the dole yet was filmed constructing a high-chair and managing his personal website. Coburn argued that he should have been earning a living instead of playing make-believe...

The Social Security Administration quietly cleared Thornton of any wrongdoing in August, according to The Washington Times.

Now, Thornton demands a mea culpa from Coburn. He says the senator's attack created a stressful environment not just for him, but also for his roommate who played a maternal role. Sandra Diaz fed him and helped him dress in oversized baby clothes. She died at the height of the scandal in July, The Times reports.

Coburn's spokesman instead said that "this case highlights the need for comprehensive reform in order better define who is eligible to receive disability benefits. We need to hold accountable not only adult babies but the politicians and bureaucrats who coddle them."

The odds of Tom Coburn apologizing to a grown man who sucks on pacifiers and pees in diapers and are about as high Senator Jim Inhoffe apologizing to 98% of the world's scientist who believe in that silly myth called the Old Testament global warming. That being said, I think our Junior Senator should suck it up and apologize to man.

For one, Coburn should apologize for being wrong. He basically accused Thornton of disability fraud. This led to a costly investigation by three agencies which ultimately cleared Thornton of any wrong doing. If I was a cleared of a crime I didn't commit, I'd probably expect an apology. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Two, Coburn should apologize for making an example out of Stanley Thornton. Yes, there needs to be reform to our social security system and the way disability claims are handled and determined, and yes, Thornton did open himself up to scrutiny when he appeared on "Taboo," but it doesn't take a doctor or scientist to know that Thornton is off his rocker. Are we really supposed to believe that he "chose" his lifestyle? That's like saying homosexuals over the centuries chose to be gay and voluntarily go against the grain of nature and subject themselves to the hate, ridicule and discrimination of a close-minded society. What Coburn did was wrong. It's that simple. And he should apologize for it.

Also, instead of focusing on the sensationalism of a sad man with a sick problem, he should go after the real assholes who defraud the government. For example, I'm sure a couple of well-trained PI's could find plenty of people who are milking the system and collecting improper government benefits. If that doesn't work, maybe go after the bankers and financial wizards who helped put our economy on the brink of collapse and are now profiting from it. Something tells me they've made more than $800 a month off our government. Then again, they don't dress up like babies and sleep in cribs, so they must be fine.