I'm pretty sure that 87% of all writers and bloggers begin their year-end recaps with some statement like "It's hard to believe that 2011 is almost gone!" or "Can you believe 2012 is only two days way?!" That thought occurred to me because I almost started this post with the same damn thing, but then it occurred to me, it's really not that hard to believe that the year is ending. Is anyone really surprised by this event? Sure, the days go by faster than they did when we were in school or whatever, but New Year's Day consistently takes place once every 365 or 366 days. To act surprised by this would mean you're either dumb or don't comprehend time, which in all honesty, doesn't sound like that bad of a thing.
Anyway, we've decided to countdown the top Oklahoma news stories of 2011. Today we are going to feature 20 — 11. Tomorrow we will review the top 10.
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20. Mary Fallin inaugurated as state’s first female Governor
Mary Fallin's first year in office was kind of boring. Off the top of my head, I can't really think of anything than she's done other than vacation travel and deny healthcare to newborn infants. She needs to do something crazy and stupid like kill a whooping crane or screw another highway patrolman.
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19. Tall Paul accused of molesting Del Rancho Boy
Ever since the Penn State story broke, it seems like you can't go a day without some sick sex scandal regarding a figure of authority an innocent child. This is one of those examples.
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18. Tulsa man climbs a tower...and stays up there way too long
If I lived in Tulsa, I'd also probably climb a tower and cry for help. Thank God I live in a city that has a Whole Foods. Wait, Tulsa has a had a Whole Foods longer than Oklahoma City. Oh well...
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17. Kevin Sweat charged with murder of the Weleetka girls
I'm not a very big proponent of the death penalty. I think it's used way too often and should be limited to certain situations. Ridding this planet of Kevin Sweat is one of those situations.
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16. Sally Kern admits that God is probably a gay black man named Jerome
We've been pretty tough on Sally Kern and for good reason. However, let's give credit where credit is due. It took some pretty big balls for Sally to admit that God is probably a gay black man named Jerome. Also, it's good to finally know that Sally Kern does in fact have balls. That's something Clark Matthews' has alleged for years.
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15. Naked lady shows up at Woodward Golf Course
BOOBS!
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14. Phil Bacharach named Editor-in-Chief of the Oklahoma Gazette
I can't believe that I forgot to mention this in a previous post, but our friend Phil Bacharach was recently named the new Editor in Chief of the Oklahoma Gazette. This should be good news for Gazette fans, because Phil is Jewish, like shitty movies and draws large breasts while doodling.
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13. Tea Party nuts humbled in City elections
Last year, the Sooner Tea Party backed several Libertarian'ish candidates in local city elections. Fortunately for the residents of Oklahoma City, these candidates were soundly defeated and sent back to being your crazy uncle whose emails keep Snopes.com in business.
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12. Jerome Ersland found guilty of murder
This was, and still is, a controversial topic. It made us all ponder the question of whether or not a business owner should have the right to kill a defenseless person in cold blood if that person tried to rob them. The answer to that question is apparently "No."
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11. RIP: Austin Box, Clara Luper, Bob Barry Sr, Lee Roy Selmon and Ranger Roger
If this were an award show, we'd honor these fallen Oklahomans with a special video tribute. But it's not, so we'll just say the obvious: the people above will be missed and remembered. Rest in peace.
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Anyway, that's it for 20 - 11. Check us out tomorrow for 10 - 1.
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