Yesterday, our state lawmakers introduced SB 1433 to the Senate Floor. The bill, now known as the Personhood Act, is part of the right-wing movement to give rights to fertilized human embryos, including the ones that still haven’t lost their gills or tails.
Here’s the bill:
The Oklahoma Legislature finds that:
1. The life of each human being begins at conception;
2. Unborn children have protectable interests in life, health, and well-being; and
3. The natural parents of unborn children have protectable interests in the life, health, and well-being of their unborn child.
C. The laws of this state shall be interpreted and construed to acknowledge on behalf of the unborn child at every stage of development all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state.
D. As used in this section, “unborn child” or “unborn children” shall include all unborn children or the offspring of human beings from the moment of conception until birth at every stage of biological development.
E. Nothing in this section shall be interpreted as creating a cause of action against a woman for indirectly harming her unborn child by failing to properly care for herself or by failing to follow any particular program of prenatal care.
According to the Ogle Mole network, the Senate was discussing the bill or something (I don’t know. I got a C in Political Science.) when Senator Constance Johnson filed an amendment to add the following wording. It’s something that would make any Beavis and Butthead or Rick and Brad fan laugh and cry.
Yep, that’s small. Here’s the text in case you had trouble reading it:
“However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.”
I guess we should mention that Senator Johnson wasn’t being serious. She filed the amendment in jest and even voted to table it later in the day. Apparently she just wanted to point out the absurdity of the Personhood movement and its sexist undertones. That’s good, too, because I firmly believe that sex should always begin and end in a girl’s mouth. The amendment would have totally ruined that.
Anyway, this legislative session is going to be so awesome. We’re not even a week into it and we’re getting good material. You know Sally Kern is watching all this from her tower in Isengard and just smiling. Who knows what goodies she has for us later this year.
Kate upton was just an accessory to a crime…
Bwahhjjaaahaaahhaaahhaaaa!!!
I needed that.
On an otherwise meaningless day, its sad to realize i live in a state in which aborted fetus seasoned salt is banned and where its considered punishing my child by ejaculating on an easy chicks chest… sad, sad day.
SING IT:
“Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.”
God bless Monty Python. And the Lost Ogle.
i’d like to see their strategy for tracking undeposited ejaculate. what a bunch of dumbasses.
You didn’t read the article did you? *Pats you on the head*
haha! i’m relieved it isn’t true. but scared that i believed it!
I like this bit: “D. As used in this section, “unborn child” or “unborn children” shall include all unborn children or the offspring of human beings from the moment of conception until birth at every stage of biological development.” (Until birth)??????? from conception until birth??? After they are born they are not people any more, they don’t need protection???
No, after birth they are just plain Children, not Unborn Children.
It’s hard to see skin color with an ultrasound, so to be safe, after birth you sort them by color. The darker they are, the less you have to care about them. In fact, if they’re dark enough, you can just put them in prison until they’re old enough to execute. It’s the American way.
You gave yourself an incredibly accurate username.
Eeeehh, Nimrod’s got a point. They don’t seem to care what happens to the embryos after gestation, but we definitely start caring about education once they’re in prison.
http://www.doc.state.ok.us/newsroom/publications/did_you_know.htm
Awesome. Just awesome.
Clearly someone in our legislature missed the scene in Legally Blonde regarding sperm finding a home…had they done their homework, they would have arrived at the same conclusion as a fictional, ditzy, blonde sorority girl “…all masturbatory emissions…where his sperm was clearly not seeking an egg…could be termed reckless abandonment.”
My thoughts exactly. It’s an old joke.
It’s sad that I fully believed someone would be dumb enough to seriously add such an admendment.
Even though it was in humor, the fact that I didn’t think of that possibility before reading shows how much I expect from my state’s lawmakers.
don’t feel bad, travis. i fully believed it too.
So, now you want to tax my MW3 video game AND make it a crime for me to rub out a “dishonorable discharge”? What’s left for me to do in mom’s basement?
so its now going to be illegal to masterbate? don’t we have enough prison over populating…. the really sad part, is people actually voted for this idiot…. we got some winners in the oklahoma state senate… omg…
we’ve got Oklahoma Public School Systems who are flat broke & don’t have enough books for the students to even take home & read or study… yet this guy is getting paid to be an oklahoma state senator & introduce this onto the floor…. I seriously need to move some other state…. or just hope for an extreme sex scandal between sally kern & constance johnson
Breathe. Calm down. Drink some water.
Now,.. finish reading the entire posting. Mainly the next to last paragraph.
Irony: a person spewing and spluttering about the lack of books for kids to ‘take home and read’, while he obviously must’ve faced a similar shortage. Travis, I’d have to say J obviously needs to take a drink of something, but apparently something a little stronger than water, and then ponder a run for the Oklahoma State Senate….
I’m sure glad that, for me, sex begins and ends with Patrick nowhere around.
The amendment is BRILLIANT. Great way to point out the ridiculousness of this whole backdoor attempt to ban abortion. The SCOTUS has spoken and the religious right needs to learn to accept this. They seem to still be in the denial stage.
Cannot believe that some think Senator Johnson’s amendment was serious.
She was simply pointing out the rediculousness of this whole bill.
I am so pleased others such as HK5 still value Monty Python.
Now, I feel compelled to spend some quality time with my wife.
We just have to get a few things in before this becomes law.