Good morning, Moles. Welcome to the first apocalyptic weather event of the season. I’m sure right now you’re either cuddled on your couch drinking cocoa and watching Gary England or you’re stranded on the I-235 bridge wondering if Jonathan Conder can fly in from Ft. Wayne and stop the out-of-control jackass in the Jeep from hitting you. Or you could be at work. That would suck.
Anyway, in an effort to fit in with all the other media outlets in town, we’re going to start a thread where you can list any weather related closings in your area. It’s pretty simple. If you want to report a closing, just leave a comment. If we like it, we’ll add it to our official list below.
Here are 15 to get us started:
15. Steve Lackmeyer Tall Building Circle Jerk at the Myriad Gardens is rescheduled for next Monday.
14. Platt College’s fetal food-cooking will start two hours late.
13. Oklahoma Insurance Department wet t-shirt contest is postponed indefinitely.
12. The INTEGRIS Health Colleen Brooks Center for Genital Herpes Research will be closed.
11. City Councilman Skip Kelly to serve Yellow Snow Margaritas outside City Hall starting at 11am.
10. The Jedi OKC Skype Conference to discuss the general feeling of apathy the group has shown towards the 3D-release of The Phantom Menace is postponed so Paul can drive his grandma to the work.
9. The city of Bethany has delayed opening two hours, until 1959 A.D.
8. Depressed Southside Sears commits suicide.
7. The Ronald Reagan Mythology Club will meet as scheduled, because that’s What Reagan Would Do.
6. Postponed: Rick Mitchell’s Weather School of the Damned.
5. Not that it really matters, but DHS will be closed for the rest of the year.
4. OKC Public Works: We accidentally used sugar. Expects long, sticky delays throughout the metro.
3. Sally Kern Terrorist Conversion Center will close early at 3:00pm
2. KSBI will (for some reason) remain on the air.
1. Cancelled: Beaver / Hooker Class of ’69 Lunch Social
Once again, if you have any closings you’d like to share, leave a comment. If we like it, we’ll post it. If not, screw you.