On second thought, maybe marijuana should be illegal…

On July 12th, we listed 10 reasons why medical marijuana should be legal in Oklahoma. The list was solid and comprehensive, but it was also admittedly one-sided. We heaped lots of praise on the positive aspects of medical marijuana use — like how it can make the Omniplex fun again — but didn’t really focus on any of the negative side effects of recreational abuse.

For example, Clark Matthews claims that smoking marijuana can lead to an increased appetite and/or drowsiness. Those side effects may be a godsend for someone battling cancer, insomnia or horrific nightmares about the Braum’s drive-thru, but for the recreational user they can lead to obesity, laziness and 10pm visits to the Braum’s drive-thru. They can also lead to apartment fires.

From News 9:

A stovetop fire caused extensive damage to a Tulsa apartment complex and displaced 12 residents. Firefighters were called to the 10900 block of East 23rd Street at about 2 a.m. Sunday.

“The fire started in a downstairs unit when a man cooking French fries fell asleep,” said District Chief Bill French of the Tulsa Fire Department. The fire started on top of the man’s stove then extended up the wall into the second floor of the townhouse, he said.

From there, flames spread through the rest of the 10-unit building.

“It took us two hours to get it under control,” French said. French said seven Tulsa Fire Department units initially responded, and three more were called in to keep firefighters from succumbing to the heat.

Seven of the units were occupied. Twelve people were displaced.

“We had Red Cross on scene, and the apartment manager was there,” said the district chief. “She found places for them to stay.”

Damage is estimated at $280,000. French said the building is “close to a total loss because of heat, smoke and water damage.”

I’m not the new Sherlock Holmes or anything, but I’d be willing to bet there’s a 96% chance that the dude who started this fire was stoned on marijuana. That’s the only valid excuse one could give for wanting to eat frozen French fries from the grocery store, much less falling asleep while they are cooking. Seriously, those things are disgusting. They taste as much like fries as fish sticks taste like fish. They, along with those rectangular sheets of pizza served in middle school cafeterias, should be classified as schedule III narcotics.

Anyway, hopefully the action or inaction of one stoned jackass in Tulsa doesn’t halt any of the recent progress made on reforming our state’s marijuana laws. The State Senate is supposed to commission a study on the issue, and Mary Fallin recently granted an early release to Patricia Spottedcrow. Granted, that’s not a lot of progress, but it’s better than nothing. We live in Oklahoma. Progress here is about as common as unicorns or really good weed.* It can be hard to find.

* According to Clark Matthews