The one where Spencer channels his inner Argus Hamilton and writes jokes about local news stories…

Hello friends, I’m going to try something new today. First, I’m going to show you a picture of Kate Upton with a virgin. Second, I’m going to take news stories from NewsOK.com and make quick jokes out of them. If it works, then it will be funny and you should watch me perform stand-up. If it doesn’t work, it will be what you come to expect from your friend Spencer and you should still watch me perform stand-ups. Regardless, it will still be better than anything you’d see on Leno.

The Oklahoma County Sheriffs office can’t afford anymore sobriety checkpoints this year. According to reports, they spent all their money investigating the lewd acts at Little Darlings Gentlemans Club.

Speaking of lewdness, I read in Playboy magazine that for every Hollywood film, nearly 28 porn films are produced. See, I DO read the articles!

Wes Welker recently underwent hair transplant surgery. His hair doctor has cleared him to play football, but he is 6-to-10 weeks away from being able to swim or drive a convertible.

An Oklahoma company made a piece of equipment used in the raid of the alleged Aurora Movie Theater gunman. Tactical Electronics manufactures a pole with a camera on the end. It is very high-tech, because the duct tape used to secure the camera to the broomstick looks like chrome!

During BigXII media day in Dallas, OU head coach Bob Stoops said he did not ask Landry Jones to improve during the offseason. Saying, “I would have told him to improve, but I was too busy buying cute outfits for Kenny Stills.”

An Oklahoma panhandler claims to have made $60,000 from begging last year. Upon hearing this story, GOP Presidential nominee Mitt Romney said, “I could hire a Chinese man to do that job for a tenth of that price.”

The hit show American Idol held audition in OKC last week. The shows host, Ryan Seacrest can be seen in an awesome interview on next week’s John TV.

Here are a couple of national ones:

• Penn State University has been fined, been deemed ineligible for bowls, and had wins vacated amid the Jerry Sandusky Scandal. Related: They have a statue for sale, asking price is $60 million.

• China’s largest foreign investor, Sheldon Andelson said he is willing to donate up to $100,000,000 to elect Mitt Romney. That’s one-hundred-million dollars. In exchange for that donation, Mr. Adelson gets the wives Romney doesn’t use anymore.

That’s gonna do it for me. Thank you for reading and not booing too loud. And if you wouldn’t mind, this week is the finals for the Klondike Comedy Showcase. If you have a Twitter account, would you take a second to go vote for me? I would greatly appreciate it. Just click here and vote for @SpencerLenox. Thank you.