The guy in the image above is named Horatio Coates. If Horatio looks a little dazed and confused, well, he has good reason to be. Earlier this week, he was repeatedly struck upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat while attempting to steal DVDs from a Dollar General. The blows to the head were delivered by the store’s manager, and fortunately for us, the whole ordeal was recorded during a 911 call.
You can listen to the audio in the News 9 clip below. It’s worth it:
Well, if you’ve ever wondered what sound an aluminum baseball bat makes when hitting a man’s head, I guess you know the answer!
I may be a tiny bit demented and everything , but that was hysterical. I loved the sound of the tiny little “ping” followed by the sudden “EEEEYAAAHHH!” The best part, though, was when the “alleged” burglar woke up and this exchange took place:
911 Dispatcher: “Is he still laying there?”
Badass Vigilante Store Manager: “He is still laying here.”
Stupid Druggie Burglar: “I don’t know what the hell is going on.”
Badass Vigilante Store Manager: “He is saying he doesn’t know what is going on.”
Stupid Druggie Burglar:“Holy Shit!!! What the fuck! Oh, goodness!”
Once again, that’s just funny. It’s like watching the burglars get hurt in Home Alone, only it’s real life. I also like how the robber’s response to being beaten unconscious with a baseball bat is the same one I make when listening to Jim Traber. The only difference is the burglar was a little more composed.
Anyway, the morals to this story are simple. Don’t use drugs, don’t steal, and if you do use drugs and do steal, stay away from the Dollar General stores on the southside. They are very protective of their DVDs.