I’ve written about 100 different introductions for this post. If I lived in the 1960s and I had to type this blog on an old school typewriter, a pile of crumpled-up sheets of paper would be touching my the ceiling.
So far, these are the worst two intros I came up with. No lie, I seriously considered using them:
• Friends, Romans, Loud Citians, we come to bury Harden, not to praise him.
• Midget farts.
Yes, the James Harden trade — coupled with Bob Stoops slowly turning into Gary Gibbs — has affected me so much that I’m now mocking Shakespeare and using random midget fart references. Maybe I should give up on trying to write anything coherent today and just post those pictures I have of Joleen Chaney sunbathing. I need to do that sometime, but that’s just taking the easy way out. You know, kind of like paying a popular all-star $1-million more per season to stick around and try to help you win a championship.
Anyway, I think I struggled to come up with an appropriate intro for this post because I still don’t know how I really feel about everything. For about an hour, I’ll think the Thunder made the right move and I’ll get kind of happy. Then I’ll go over to Daily Thunder and read stories like this and get all sad. Then I’ll check out a pre-draft scouting report on Jeremy Lamb and get all happy again. Then I’ll look at Kevin Martin’s Top 10 plays as a Rocket and get depressed. Then ESPN will show a damn Notre Dame highlight and I’ll faint.
It’s kind of nuts, really. I can’t believe how torn up I am about the ordeal. I’m slightly embarrassed that a professional bearded athlete could have this type of impact on me. OU losing definitely didn’t help, but I’ve been a depressed zombie since late Saturday night. All I did on Sunday was check my fantasy football scores, look up slow cooker recipes and read article after article about James Harden.
Wait! That’s what I can do! Instead of writing about the trade, I’ll post links to some slow cooker recipes. That sounds fun. Or better yet, what if I posted three articles about the Harden trade that are must-reads. They’re not obscure or anything, but they’ll help you have a water cooler conversation about the topic and not sound like a fool:
Inside look at James Harden’s trade to Rockets – Adrian Wojnarowski, Yahoo Sports
Good synopsis of how the trade went down.
Dissecting the James Harden deal – John Hollinger, ESPN ($)
John Hollinger is my favorite NBA writer. I like his analytical take on things.
This is Berry Tramel at his finest. After re-reading is column, I found myself feeling less sorry for me and way more sorry for James Harden.
Once again, those articles – unlike the one you’re currently reading (or this one) — are must-reads.
Anyway, just like the introduction, I’ve had to write and re-write the conclusion to this post a few hundred times. Some have been long, some have been short, and they’ve all been depressing. I just don’t know how to end this thing without it being a buzzkill. No matter how you paint the picture — and as Clark Matthews will point out later, you can paint it kind of pretty — it seems like everyone involved (except for the Rockets) loses, including midget farts.