Watch out for escaped murderers!

There is absolutely nothing about this holiday season that is appropriate. The weather makes me want to go ride bikes and flirt with boys until they buy me snow cones (I’m told that this is the definition of an adult relationship) all while wearing shorts and a tube top. So you’ve got your Christmas tree out? Big deal. I still have my AC on. What’s that, you say? You’ve donated three coats to Warmth 4 Winter? Well, you probably should’ve donated flip flops, son. I know it’s lame when people talk about the weather and how weird it is in Oklahoma, but all of this is leading to a much bigger, much more important point: There is an escaped killer on the loose who may or may not be heading to the metro, and much like the weather, this is not Christmas-appropriate.

Do you have any idea how much of my time in October is spent trying to be scared? I spend literally tens of dollars on movies and haunted houses to get me in the spirit. And, while I will admit, I am technically what some would call “afraid of the dark”, I really enjoy scary things. But not in December. You see, in December, I don’t want to be scared. I want to be depressed about the cold and having to spend time with family and going broke to buy presents. But like everything else with this winter season, Oklahoma is getting the short end of the stick.


OKLAHOMA CITY – A murderer who escaped from prison Monday morning may be on his way to the metro, according to officials at the Department of Corrections.

Jason Bales, 29, was convicted in 2007 for murdering his girlfriend’s mother, Stepheny Glass, in Oklahoma City.

Monday morning he escaped from Mack Alford Correctional Facility in Stringtown, where he was serving a life sentence.

Jerry Massie with the Oklahoma Department of Corrections said prison officials still don’t know for sure how Bales escaped.

“We’re not sure exactly how he was able to get out of the facility,” Massie said. “The fence has not been cut. There’s no blood on the razor wire.”

Mack Alford is a medium-security correctional facility.

Massie said the Dept. of Corrections has alerted Oklahoma County law enforcement because Bales may have contacts there.

The Dept. of Corrections said they consider Bales armed and dangerous.

As a woman living alone, I thought the creepiest thing I would encounter would be my neighbor’s 12-year old son who steals Victoria Secret catalogs from my mailbox for his alone time in the backyard. But now, apparently, there are creepier things. While shows like Prison Break and movies like The Shawshank Redemption make breaking out of prison look really hard, apparently it’s not if a dude can totally just do it without leaving any signs.

And the worst part of all this is not that there is a murderer who is serving life without parole on the loose. It’s that this should’ve happened back in October with all the other Halloween festivities. It’s just another of the many ways that this winter is ruined and completely awful. Escaped killers. Warm weather. What’s next? Christina Fallin throws a pool party at the Governor’s Mansion to celebrate being single? The flowers on the South Oval bloom? Who even knows anymore?!