Great, now Channel 4 is bringing us news stories about lost dogs…

Other than the Cotton Bowl debacle and Johnny Football gambling at an Oklahoma tribal casino, this was a pretty slow news weekend. In fact, it was so slow that our own News Channel 4 decided to abandon all journalistic standards and bring us a story about an old lady who lost her yorkie:

This new year didn’t get off to a good start for an Oklahoma City woman who claims her dog was stolen when she let it outside on New Year’s morning.

Sandra Moon says she let the one year old yorkie-poodle mix outside but as she was running back to her apartment — Lucy runs toward a white car leaving the retirement home and hasn’t been seen since. The puppy goes everywhere with her owner.

Lucy’s parrot playmate Murphy misses her too, he perches over her basket of toys playing by himself. Lucy weighs about five pounds, has a black back but has tan face and paws and tummy. Moon made flyers offering a $300 reward with no questions asked.

“Bring her back to me please. Mood said. “She sick she’s hypoglycemic and she has to have certain shots she has to take. If you try to get her vaccinated she’s going to die so please just bring her back to home to me please.”

I blame the parrot. They are conniving assholes. I bet he wanted all the toys for himself.

Actually, this must suck for that lady. I love dogs, and I’m not sure what I’d do if Rowdy were to go missing. Then again, that’s why I keep Rowdy on a leash, have dog tags on his collar, and a damn microchip implanted into his shoulder. Maybe this lady should have done the same thing.

Also, I’m cool with the TV news reporting missing animal stories as long as the missing animal is a kangaroo, wolverine or tiger. On that note, did you notice the dog’s name was Lucy? Coincidence??? Probably not. I think we may have serial animal thief on our hands who is stealing pets named Lucy. And I bet the thief is a Channel 4 employee who gets off on seeing news coverage of his or her crimes. Or it’s that bastard parrot. Never trust a parrot.

Anyway, If you see this lady’s dog or know the person who “stole” it, contact Channel 4. I’m sure they’d love to make a big production out of the reunion. And when you return the dog, be a good Samaritan and buy the woman a leash.