OU may have a sugar daddy problem

In the novel, Great Expectations, Pip helps an escaped convict get away from the fuzz and in turn, that dude becomes his benefactor and pays for his schooling while Pip is tortured by Miss Havisham and Estella. Or something like that. Honestly, I haven’t read the book since freshman year of high school and I prefer Hard Times to any other work by Dickens. The point of all this is to say that students throughout history have needed help paying for their education, a need that is undoubtedly felt now that tuition rates have hiked after recent budget cuts.

By now, I’m sure you’ve seen the story by KFOR about college students looking for sugar daddies and sugar mamas. After all, we can’t all help out convicts to get our schooling paid for, though one would think that paying off student loans to Sallie Mae is roughly the same thing as helping criminals. But some people aren’t down with rich folks paying the tuition of students. According to the report:

According to SeekingArrangement.com, OU had the biggest yearly spike in enrollment in company history, up 266 percent from last year.

SeekingArrangement.com went online in 2007.

“A lot of students are having to choose between dropping out of school and having to find a part-time or full-time job to help pay for these fees,” company spokesperson Angela Jacob Bermudo said.

Sugar Mommas are available as well, for the male student willing to exchange companionship for financial assistance.

According to SeekingArrangement.com, the average amount a sugar baby gets from their sugar daddy or sugar momma is about $3,000 per month.

Oklahoma University ranks 64th in the country for the number of students enrolled with SeekingArrangement.com, which claims to have more than two million members worldwide.

Firstly, stop saying “Oklahoma University.” When I see this, my teeth grind and my dental insurance isn’t good enough to cover the ensuing damage. It’s the University of Oklahoma.

Secondly, this shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone. According to an issue of This Land Press from back in October, SeekingArrangement.com named Oklahoma City the fourth most promiscuous city in the U.S. for sugar daddies. So really, this is all the fault of the rich dudes who want to spend money on young girls who can reimburse them with fuzzy tingle times. And honestly, it’s a cash for service transaction, kind of like when Stanley Steemer comes to clean your carpets or like when the people at Fast Lane Car Wash and Oil Change on Main Street in Norman half-heartedly put an oil filter on your car, and it leaks for the next 3,000 miles.

Some may look at this as prostitution, but if you’re clever enough, you can draw analogous parallels between prostitution and whatever you’d like. I think this site really just encourages entrepreneurism in our college students. And we here at The Lost Ogle endorse this 100%.

That’s why we are looking for a sugar daddy. If you can make up $3,000 per month giving up your goodies, we want in. Plus, we have things to appeal to many tastes. Patrick is the silver fox, Spencer is our spicy ginger, Tony is the dignified bearded man, and I’m the non-specific ethnic girl to fulfill all your exotic desires.

What we’re looking for: A rich benefactor who wants to pay all of us to blog full-time. You won’t hamper what we write in any way or ever tell us we’re being inappropriate.

What we offer: We’ll totally do mouth stuff to you.

And I have no proof of this, but I’m inclined to believe that KFOR is working on commission for SeekingArrangement.com. Why? Well, because in an approximately 250-word news story, they linked to the website five times. I always knew that Linda Cavanaugh was a sugar mama.