A few days ago, the “35 Reasons We Have a List for Everything” website Buzzfeed compiled a roll of “15 People Who Hit Life’s Jackpot.” The post celebrated life’s “little victories,” like winning a bunch of tickets at Chuck E. Cheese, stumbling across a bunch of peanuts, or being trapped in the land of belly dancers.
One pic from OKC even made the list. It’s a classic:
Well, I think we’ve just determined the first 16-seed in this year’s Ogle Madness. Sparkle Titsworth. You got to love it. It would be a great fake name to use the next time you order a sub from City Bite’s. Seriously, I can hear it now, “Sparkle Titsworth, California Club, your order is ready. Sparkle Titsworth.”
Anyway, I did some internet detective work and it looks like this pic has been floating around the Internet for a year or two, but who cares. It’s new to me. Here are some random thoughts:
– If Brittany Novotany ever becomes a stripper, Sparkle Titsworth should totally be her stage name. Spencer would love that.
– What would happen if Sparkle Titworth married Romeo Cocksworth? Would the universe collapse upon itself eliminating all matter? Probably.
– The Dental Depot should hire Sparkle Titsworth as a spokesperson to compete with the Tulsa Dentist that hired Sweet Brown. Sparkle could ride around on a little train and say things “I got the gum disease gingivitis! Aint nobody got time for that!”
– If you win $1,000 worth of gas from 7-11, do they also give you an annuity to help pay for the car repairs down the road? Getting gas at 7-11 is like ordering the fish at San Marcos or some other hole-in-the-wall Tex-Mex place. I’m sure you’ll be fine, but I wouldn’t risk it.
– When I was uploading the pic of the flyer above, I noticed we had another Titsworth in our media archive. It was Randy Brogdon campaign consultant Tiffany Titsworth. We wrote about her when we made fun of The Oklahoma Truth Council’s “25 Young Oklahomans to Watch.” Titsworth is a fitting last name:
Anyway, if you know Sparkle and can send us a pic of the two of you drinking a Big Gulp in front of 7-11, I’ll give you a TLO ink pen. I’ll do the same if you can send us better pics of Tiffany Titsworth. Screw it, just send us pics of any Titsworth you know. We’ll have a Titsworth day at TLO or something.