Meet the scariest white rapper in Oklahoma City (or the world)

Move over Josh Sallee! Watch your heart, Chelsea. There’s a new rapper in The OKC. His name is Zero and he recently released what may be the greatest music video to ever be filmed in Oklahoma City:

Wow. Did you notice the Oklahoma face tattoo? The Panhandle was erect and about twice the size of the Red River. Also, he has two teardrops under his right eye, which according to a National Geographic show I watched about gangs, means he’s either killed a man or touched himself while thinking about Lil Wayne…twice.

Anyway, I found some pictures of Zero on MySpace. It was on a page for something called “Okie Boy Goons.” I think that’s the name of his posse, music label or underground criminal organization:

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Dear Mr. Zero. I don’t want to make fun of you. I like your music and wish you a long and successful career rapping and killing Crips, so please don’t shoot me with your great great grandfather’s Civil War era revolver. Seriously, that’s a sweet musket. When you commit a drive-by with that thing, do you have to drive around the block six times? Did you steal Senator Cockroft’s Civil War themed sidearm? Considering how attune you are to clothing and style, I would imagine that you wouldn’t go with mismatched revolvers. You seem more like a Glock man to me. Also, why did you get 405 tattooed on your stomach? That’s like the easiest part of a telephone number to remember. Before your next tattoo, make sure the artist checks to ensure that all the numbers or letters are the same size font.

OK, I know I said I didn’t want to make fun of you, but dude, you are trying way too hard to be… well… hard. Of course, I take that back if you are an O.G. and down with OPP and all that stuff. If that’s the case, I would like to join the “Okie Boy Goons.” I have red hair and rooted for the Bloods in Colors, so I’ll blend in nicely. My rap name will be “Young Nice.” That way our initials, when placed next to each other, will read OBGYN. What a cool joint that will be. Anycrap, follow me on Twitter if I can be a part of your club! @SpencerLenox