What do people think about f*cking Oklahoma…

The weather-guessers are saying that we might have severe storms over the next couple days and you all should stay "weather aware," although to be honest in Oklahoma I think it's pretty much impossible not to be. Someone has been updating me on what the forecast looks like approximately every half-an-hour since I was born. So I'd add my voice to the chorus of people telling you to watch out, but I know you already are.

This week's tweets are below the fold.

Hey, thanks for the question, Patrick. I LOVE your website. While unfunny fake parody accounts are truly nails-on-the-chalkboard unfunny, they are not the most annoying things about Twitter. Here's five that are:

5. People who clog your feed

Do you tweet every three minutes about the first thing that pops into your head? Instead of @ replying to people directly, do you always reply by RT'ing and writing in the answer so that everyone in your feed sees it? Then you are really annoying! And that is why I don't follow you.

4. People who beg celebrities for re-tweets and followers

This is the worst. I'm sorry, but no one who doesn't know you is going to suddenly be excited that it's your birthday once Bon Jovi retweets it.

Also, 4a is the celebrities who actually indulge this nonsense. Follow Doug Gottlieb's example, please.

3. Emails from Twitter

Hey, Twitter. I don't need my inbox to look like this:

I know that those people "have tweets for me." I know it because I read them on Twitter every day! I also know when people follow me on Twitter, because there is a notification that comes on Twitter! You don't need to send me this stuff all the time.

2. The snake-oil salesmen and saleswomen that claim they can make you social media savvy

There is nothing more depressing than getting a new follower and looking to see who it is, only to realize it's one of those clowns with 20,000 tweets who has like 6500 followers but who followers 30000 people. I believe Patrick refers to them as tweetbags. Their bio usually talks about "social media strategies" and nonsense like that.

Here's a pro tip for how to be successful on Twitter: make the experience what you want it to be. Use it to follow reporters or comedians or as a de facto RSS feed or as a way to communicate with friends or to raise awareness of an issue you care about or however you want! Twitter's great strength is it's versatility. Use it however the hell you want! Anyone who tries to tell you to do anything else is full of shit, myself included.

1. Dean Blevins

This is pretty well established, I think.

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Don't even worry about it, Ben Allen. You should be proud. Most people can't make it more than about 45 minutes in Stillwater.

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First of all, I think it's supposed to be "man card" and not "man points." But either way, it is a really stupid concept. Everyone should just like what they like. No reason to be ashamed. Follow the example of the person known across the state as the manliest in all of Oklahoma, Michael Seiden of Channel 5 news:

A man who knows what he likes! Well done. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to listen to Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA."

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With the rise of satellite radio and podcasting, it's been over a year since I've listened to the Sports Animal. I can't believe what I've been missing! When did they hire my 12-year-old cousin to do the morning show?

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No awkward conversations with Linda this week, who lost her dog over the weekend. Dogs are the best and there is not much worse than having one die. All of our best to Linda and her family!

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This week I searched Twitter for the words "fucking" and "Oklahoma." Here we go:

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Oh... God.. Abigail Ogle Really Is Going To Run This Town Someday, Isn't She?

In case you ever doubt that Abigail Ogle will indeed run this town one day, don't forget that she is literally related to or knows every single person west of the Mississippi.

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The Dean Blevins Memorial Weekly Tweet From Dean Blevins

The first step is recognizing you have a problem...

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That's all for this week. Follow me on Twitter here. Good bye!