Here at the Lost Ogle, we do everything possible to make sure the things we write about are correct and as up-to-date as possible (Editor’s Note: Not really), but sometimes, even part-time bloggers make mistakes.
About a month ago, I wrote about a group of Oklahomans that were praying for rain and made fun of them for it.
This first question we have to ask ourselves is why exactly are they praying for rain? Did one of the prayer organizers buy a wedding ring from B.C. Clark? I think it’s kind of rude to ask God for rain. He knows what we need. Who are we to get in the way of his plan? Also, while some people are praying for rain, aren’t there other selfish people praying for it not to rain. “I just washed my car!” “I’m going to the lake for Memorial Day!” Which one of these prayers will God answer? It’s the same question posed by sports fans everywhere. I’ll bet Joel Osteen is in Houston right now praying that the Rockets make a comeback, while Craig Groeschel is asking for the Thunder to win in five. I guess God’s compromise is the Thunder winning in five and Westbrook getting a knee injury.
Well, that was a mistake. Since I made fun of the Jesus Freaks efforts, Central Oklahoma has experienced the 7th wettest month since records have been kept. Oklahoma City even set a record for May rainfall.
From KFOR:
We thought the drought may have some help becoming dampened and that turned out to be correct. For the month of May 2013, the old rainfall amount record from 1982 was smashed by nearly 2 1/2 inches for the month of May just concluded Friday evening with tornadoes and floods in many parts of the metro OKC area.
For May 2013, the city of Oklahoma City received a new record of 14.52 inches of rain. On average, the month of May sees 4.65 inches of rain, so OKC nearly tripled that this year.
I take full responsibility for the rainfall and flooding. Apparently, God decided it would be in his best interest to make me look bad. It’s not the first time. Don’t ask me about Senior prom. Our God is a vengeful God. I’m thinking he caused this rain out of spite for me, or he doesn’t like Mike Morgan’s tie. One of the two.
Also, I apologize for making fun of all the people who prayed. It’s going to be tough getting this Jimmy’s Egg off my face. I think one reason I doubted and judged them is because they’ve been doubting and judging me for my entire life. I grew up in Southern Baptist family and attending Oklahoma Baptist University. My family, friends and peers never approved of my lifestyle. You see, I’m a stand-up comedian. I was born this way. God gave me a brain that looks at the world and thinks of jokes about genitals and farts… and sometimes airline food. I mean, what’s the deal with airline food, amiright!?!
Anyway, I was wrong about the power of prayer. I apologize to any groups I made fun of, and want to ask your forgiveness. I have made many mistakes in my life, and will probably continue to do so… because mistakes make the best stories. If you can pray for some of the things I asked about (Kate Upton, Gold Coins, Thunder Championship), I’d appreciate it.
You can follow and pray for Spencer on Twitter and tell him how wrong he is on a daily basis by clicking here: @SpencerLenox
Pretty sure Okies were encouraged to pray for rain last year, even Fallin got in on it, and we continued the drought. I say those praying people from last year deserve a retroactive Jimmy’s egg on their face as well.
Wow! The Okie rain dance really works. Now if we could just do the tornado twist correctly, and drive the tornado’s to no mans land.
You could never know how God works. You a dick.
“You a dick.” Really? That’s the best “you” got?
Well, tell them to stop, okay?
This explains why 9 prays for ratings.
That’s K-FOR. Always looking for Jesus in the peanut butter jar.
Ka rip, Ka rap, Kariplo Tiplo Tap…contrary to many Southern Baptists, God has one hell of a sense of humor…reading between the lines chances are you might make a damn fine Methodist….
Yeah, but then I’d have to worship casseroles.
It’s too late. Your Southern Baptist background should tell you that you are DOOMED!! You need to march around Raley Chapel three times while praying for forgiveness.
You’re a standup comedian? I hope you have someone writing jokes for you.