Oklahoma City is definitely the most. The most what? Well, it depends completely on which list you consult, but we have definitely been granted more than our fair share of superlatives. They’re pouring in so fast KFOR has to bundle them together:
OKLAHOMA CITY– Two surveys were released with Oklahoma City making it into the top ten.
However, the results have some people scratching their heads.
Sharecare’s RealAge Test ranked Oklahoma City as number 6 in the “Top 10 Cities for Red Meat Lovers.”
Sharecare says, “Home to one of the largest livestock markets in the world, it’s no surprise that Oklahoma City ranks high on our list. Residents here love their meat, but aren’t too keen on eating vegetables, fruits or whole grains, which contributes to high rates of hypertension and cholesterol.”
The same company says Oklahoma City ranks 4th in the “Top Cities for Aging.”
That wasn’t the only study to focus on Oklahoma’s weight issues.
According to a study by Facebook, Oklahoma City ranks number eight on “Facebook’s Fittest Cities” list.
Organizers of that survey say they studied fitness related mentions on social media, including check ins and use of fitness apps in cities with at least 200,000 Facebook users to determine their top picks.
In only a matter of months, we’ve gone from the least healthy city in the country to the fittest. Granted, to determine fitness, they counted FB mentions and fitness apps. So your office mate who has been on Weight Watchers since 1978 and posts the first workout from Couch to 5K when she restarts it every six weeks is probably skewing the average.
In all honesty, I hate these lists. It feels like that section of the yearbook where all the popular kids ranked each other and gave themselves titles like most likely to succeed, best smile, and best couple. And, as we all know, the years are not kind to these folks, because they typically wind up doing jail time, with a meth mouth, and divorced by 21, respectively. And just like those people, Oklahoma City is either on the list of fattest cities, or the list of most improved not so fatty fat cities. We never hold the title for long. When it comes to weight and health, we are the Oprah Winfrey of cities.
But what if there were lists that we actually belonged to? You know, ones that didn’t include buzz words or ones that weren’t created by a marketing team after conducting tons of research? That’s why I’ve created a list of ten lists that would totally make sense for us to be on.
Top Ten Most Improved Cities
This is a no brainer. Seriously. We’ve upped our game. You can’t even compare the scary battle dome that was Downtown in the nineties to the Downtown of today. Big league city, y’all!
Twenty Cities with the Most Out of Place Skyscrapers
Do you ever wonder if the Devon Tower gets lonely? I bet all the other buildings in Downtown aren’t very nice to it since it’s so tall and fancy. Maybe someday he’ll get some friends. Until then, he’s how OKC could dominate this list.
Five Best Places to Find Wayne Coyne Straight Up Acting the Fool
He accidentally brought a grenade to the Will Rogers Airport that he stole from someone’s home but forgot he had it in his bag. Who even does this? The same type of person who offers to drop acid with the people he inconvenienced.
Ten Cities Most Likely to Identify with The Lost Ogle Posts
Other cities include Edmond, Norman, Moore, and probably Burn’s Flat. They really get us.
Top Five Cities Most Likely to Fake a Real Housewives Casting Call
Top Twenty Most Red Dirt Ready Places to Visit
This is kind of by default. There aren’t that many red dirt places, let alone red dirt ready ones. But still, it’s obvious we belong on this list. The voice of the fake Morgan Freeman has endowed us with that right.
Top Five Most Vapin’ Cities
Y’all got fussy when Spencer told you that you kind of look silly while doing that. (I am not trying to diminish the fact that you were able to quit with an e-cig. I’m just saying get your damned oral fixation under control.) But judging by all the shops that have popped up lately, Oklahoma City and the greater metro area are totally vapin’. Too bad none of those places can hire a graphic designer to make them a sign. Those abstract mist swirls in psychedelic colors are a great background to the word “VAPES” though.
Top Twenty Cities with the Prettiest Women
Metta World Peace thinks so. And my mom thinks I’m the prettiest girls in school. So there.
Five of the Most Crumbling State Capitals
It’s true. The limestone is falling down.
Ten of the Most LifeChurch.tv-Friendly Cities
Granted, the majority of LifeChurch.tv franchises are in Oklahoma City, but they’re building another one. And with the few locations they have out-of-state, that makes us more friendly toward their laid back and casual Christian style. This is either because their message really jives with our residents, or because the citizens of OKC can’t be bothered to change out of their Crocs before they head to church.