This Saturday, the Oklahoma City Thunder is holding preliminary auditions for its 2013-2014 Thunder Girl Dance Team. Here are some of the details from the official website:
Auditions for the 2013-14 Thunder Girls team are right around the corner! If you want to learn what it takes to be a Thunder Girl before auditions begin on August 3, we invite you to join us for any of our prep classes. Classes are scheduled throughout June and July; registration will be available on-site and will cost $15 for each class. More details are available below.
Saturday, August 3
Registration begins at 8:30AM
Auditions will begin at 10:00AM
Thunder Events Center
14701 N. Lincoln
Edmond, OK 73013
*Preliminary Auditions are CLOSED to the public.
$20 Pre-registration fee
$30 For walk-ins the day of audition
Thursday, August 8
1544 West State Highway 9
Norman, OK 73072
*Free Admission and Open to the Public
Couple of quick thoughts:
• The finals are open to the public and being held at tribal casino. That has all the elements for a great photo contest! There will be creepers, weirdo Thunder super fans, casino regulars and hot chicks all in one venue. The possibilities for that are endless.
• Does anyone think it’s strange that a top-notch, professional organization like the Thunder forces girls to pay $20 to audition for the dance team? If I was Nick Collison, I’d just offer to pick up all the entry fees. That would probably guarantee him and Wayne Coyne easy orgies for the rest of the season.
From the same page, this is what the Thunder is looking for in a dancer:
What do we look for in a Thunder Girl?
• Technical, talented dancer and performer
• Ambassador for the Thunder organization
• Positive, energetic and great personality
• Physically fit
• Professional and well spoken
• Team player
• Must be 18 years old by August 3, 2013. No exceptions.
Oddly enough, those are the same requirements I look for when hiring interns!
Anyway, with the try-outs quickly approaching, we thought it would be fun to put together a list of 15 useful tips for the audition process. If a professional and well spoken, physically fit, technical, talented dancer and performer with a positive, energetic and great personality that just happens to be a team player follows our advice, she will surely make the team.
1. Make sure you’re not a “little too chunky” to be an NBA cheerleader…
Okay, that one is a little too easy.
Disclaimer: The girl pictured above is not chunky at all. She’s a beautiful and proud woman that every man would make do a Costanza twirl if she was his date to a gala, banquet or ball.
2. Dye your hair or skin orange
I think having orange/tanned skin is a requirement to be a Thunder Girl. Also, each year’s squad always includes the token red-haired girl, so having red hair will increase your odds of making the team.
3. Practice finding secret notes from Kobe Bryant and responding accordingly.
You could probably include this bit of advice for any NBA dance team.
4. Tell your coach you really like the strange blue swimsuit she modeled in the “Look At OKC” swimsuit issue
That’s Paige. She’s the coach or whatever of the Thunder Girls. She enjoys dancing, working out and wearing strange swimsuits.
5. Be comfortable in your own skin…or extremely tight white shorts….or chaps
I still think it’s funny that the Lingerie Football League was too risqué for Oklahoma City, but parading girls around skimpy clothing and tiny white short tights is part of wholesome family entertainment.
6. When dancing, always try to be a move or two out of step.
Actually, according to my sources who pay attention to these types of things, the Thunder Girls have improved their dance routines in recent years. I don’t really pay attention to that, but it’s good to know.
7. Pretend you really like the Anthony David Hair Salon.
Look at that Doucheschnozzle. If you ever see him walking down the street, please let him know he has a strange fungus growing under his lip.
8. Do not have a bison allergy…
9. Constantly talk about how you’re looking towards the future, following a plan and all that other B.S.
While you’re at it, be sure to mention how wise it was for the Thunder to essentially trade James Harden and change for Jeremy Lamb.
10. Don’t feel any pressure. If it doesn’t work out, you can always be a Barons Ice Girl.
11. To boost your chances, date a C-list celebrity.
Friendly reminder, DJ Boom or Joey from WILD-whatever does not count as a C-list celebrity.
12. Express an irrational hatred for Patrick Beverley
Or me. I guess anyone named Patrick, really.
13. Claim you don’t mind taking pics with creepy dudes
The look on the left explains it all.
14. Eat at Mickey Mantle’s a lot, but don’t forget to throw up or defecate immediately after you do.
Hey, we’re getting low on the list. I’m sorry.
15. Look like Honeybee Talor
That’s a winner.