Okay, that headline is kind of a lie. There have been 107 Oklahoma State Fairs. I’m sure somewhere you could find 15 photos better than the ones on this list. However, would those photos involve mullets, corn dogs and / or mother’s smoking? Actually, they probably would. Disregard that thought.
Since our 2013 state fair photo contest begins today, I decided to publish an updated list of my 15 favorite pics along with their original captions. This will give you an idea of what it takes to win our contest, and kill some time at work.
15. One of Everything (2011 Contest)
If this gentleman were to roll up in a Western Sizzlin’ parking lot, Mackie McNear and Craig Humphreys would sound alarms, lock the doors and hide in the walk-in freezer.
14. 8 Mile (2012 Contest)
I’ll bet you $20 that this guy, his baby’s mama, or the person he’s about to fight all live in an apartment complex in Midwest City. I’ll also bet you he has a lips tattoo on the other side of his neck and has either bought or stolen jewelry from Wal-Mart.
13. Harry McCracker (2011 Contest)
Maybe instead of trying to own every key in the world, this guy should invest in a belt, wax treatment or two additional shirt sizes.
12. Nice Legs (2009 Contest)
This picture was scary on many levels, but the scariest part is that the photographer only sent us pictures of the legs. It makes you wonder what the rest of this lady looked like. Did she have five fingers? Did she have teeth? Or was she incredibly hot with some f*cked up legs? I guess we’ll never know. That’s probably best.
11. Crack and a Funnel Cake (2008 Contest)
I wonder if he made the basket? And if he did, did he win a shiny new white belt to match his shiny new white shoes?
10. Mr. Snaky McMuttonchop (2012 Contest)
“Siri, what kind of dipshit tucks in a button-up shirt at a State Fair, crams a stuffed snake in his pants and then pays $6 for a bottle of Dasani? Oh, right. Me. I forgot.”
9. Terry (2009 Contest)
This, uhm, person who we’ll call “Terry” doesn’t appear to be the typical Oklahoma State Fair attendee, but the fact that Terry is leaving the women’s bathroom is kind of funny.
8. “Boomer Sooner” on my back (2011 Contest)
Notice how the dude standing next to her is wearing a burnt orange shirt? I don’t know if they were together, but if they were, I kind of like that girl. In other news, the University of Oklahoma just sued her for copyright infringement and brand defamation.
7. Sleeping Beauty (2012 Contest)
According to a recent study, 12% of all people dream in black white. This lady, however, dreams in corn dogs and Indian tacos.
Actually, this photo was snapped during a hypnotist show inside a livestock building. Yes, we have hypnotist shows inside livestock buildings at the Oklahoma State Fair. I don’t know why we are just now hearing about this either. That’s something we should all get to experience at some point in life.
6. Cash for Gold
I would bet the key to that woman’s heart is gold plated and located on the end of a long chain. Seriously, that’s the blingiest outfit I’ve ever seen. She makes Mr. T look humble and reserved. Her farts probably smell like a Lil Wayne song.
5. Eat Pussy, Kids (2010 Contest)
Yep, that’s just a guy wearing an “Eat Pussy” shirt while walking around the fair with two kids. Someone should tell the kids that’s he not talking about cats or the rat from Sopranos.
4. Beauty and the Corn Dog (2012 Contest)
Here’s the email that accompanied this photo:
Wanted to share with you a lady we encountered at the fair this weekend. She may have been the drunkest person in the state of Oklahoma and was laying on this stage yelling:
“Jeff!!!!! Corn dog!!!!!!”
Then Jeff came with a corn dog and then quickly left. She then kept yelling:
Between each bite.
Know what would be funny? What if Jeff roofied her corn dog? I know he didn’t have to or anything, but it would be funny. That’s all I’m saying.
3. Lets Make Jorts (2010 Contest)
If the name of this website was The Lost Bob Segar, this guy would be our mascot. Anyway, some questions:
• What is the guy holding in his hands? Is that denim? Did he make those cut off jorts while walking around fair? And if he did, why is he keeping the material?
• Why is he wearing a medallion around his neck?
• Where did he buy his new shoes?
2. The Rascal Racers (2009 Contest)
Instead of getting all sad when I look at this picture, I ask myself these questions: Are these people racing, and where are they racing to? Something tells me the answers are “Yes” and “Indian Taco Stand.”
1. The Guardian (2010 Contest)
I’m pretty sure that they need to put a statue of this lady on top of the dome at the City Arts Center building at the fairgrounds and call her The Fair Guardian. That’s because she represents almost everything the fair is about. She has a rascal scooter, Budweiser, and a tattoo of an apparent penis sticking out of a star on her leg. The only thing she is missing is a corn dog and visible sores.