With the news of Senator Coburn stepping down, and after a lot of prayer, some more prayer, and then a little bit more prayer, I have decided I’m going to run for the United States Senate. You see, I feel our freedom and liberty are being taken away by a government that is out of control. I grew up in a simpler time. A time when men were allowed to ride horseback… while being blind drunk… and with toddlers. But President #Obamacare has turned this once great nation into a nanny-state, and I won’t stand for it!
The first thing I’m going to do after being elected is allow men to ride a horse while drunk and not get arrested. Unless the horse is drunk, then the owner of the horse will be given a high-five and a ticket. Second thing I will do is cut all pay to elected officials and make sure veterans get the care the deserve.
But more about drunk people riding on horses.
Tulsa Police say an intoxicated man riding a horse with a toddler was arrested Monday evening.
Officers got a call about the rider at 56st Street North and Lewis at about 8 p.m. Officers arrived to find Dennis Byers, 38, with blood shot eyes, slurred speech and smelled of alcohol.
The 3-year-old was taken off the horse. When questioned, police said Byers could not tell officers where the child’s family lived or the child’s last name.
The child’s father reportedly told police he was thinking about buying the horse and let the child ride along.
The toddler was placed into protective custody with the Oklahoma Department of Human Services.
In the police report Byers stated he had an alcoholic beverage at 4 p.m. and 5 p.m. The arrest report says Byers is on probation out of Missouri for child endangerment.
Byers was arrested and booked into the Tulsa County jail on public intoxication and child neglect complaints. Jail records show Byers’ bond was $50,100 with a court appearance set for January 28.
Ok, I understand arresting him for child neglect. You should be sober if you have a toddler around a 1,100 lb. animal… but the public intox? C’mon! If you’re sitting on a giant, stinky animal that is sober, what’s the difference between that and using Uber? At least there won’t be any uncomfortable silences or awkward small talk with the horse.
Think of all the great men in our nation’s history that have rode a horse while completely blitzed. I’ll give you a list: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, and probably George W. Bush (before he found Jesus). If riding a horse while drunk was good enough for our founding fathers, it’s good enough for me! Hell, I’ll bet you cash for Clark Bars that at least two signatures on the Declaration of Independence were written while riding bareback on a bender.
This gentlemen’s bond was set at $50,100, which seems a bit excessive. For that kind of price he’s going to have to sell the horse for some magical beans, climb the beanstalk and steal a goose that lays golden eggs. Gold is very easy to sell for cash these days, so he should be fine, but he’ll still be out a horse.
If you are tired of hearing about hard working people being arrested for enjoying freedom, vote for Spencer Hicks. Besides, if we are going to have a ginger from Oklahoma, we should find one that doesn’t look like Skeletor.