Happy Monday, everyone. I hope you had a fantastic weekend. I’m personally recovering from the Oklahoma Craft Beer Fest in Bricktown this past weekend. (I’m really more trying to recover from eating at Hooter’s to sober up on Saturday night. That was painful.) I checked over my intoxicated social media activity from this past weekend to discover that I didn’t do too bad, as far as drunk tweets go. I did, however, invite a former coworker to punch my boyfriend in the junk via Instagram. So, yeah. Anyway, there are plenty more references to genitals in this week’s tweets. Check them out after the jump.
Dammit! I missed it again. (That’s what he said.)
I can't believe I have to wait a whole year for the next Oklahoma Fashion Week. I guess I'll drown my sorrow in sweatpants.
— Joe Wertz (@joewertz) May 17, 2014
You and us both! We have no idea what to do when we can’t watch Vanity Perkins interview Mary Fallin…
3o clock Saturday gets too close to 4
— Paul Folger (@PaulFolger) May 17, 2014
Best form of birth control? These 5 year old kids at the @wedgepizza! !
— Travis Brauer (@TravisBrauer) May 17, 2014
Ha! But, like, you do know that women can still get pregnant after hearing loud children, right? Just making sure. Oklahoma isn’t big on sex ed.
— TravelOK.com (@TravelOK) May 17, 2014
I have never dreamt of that bone place. Can I get a replacement prize?
— Emily Sutton (@emilyrsutton) May 17, 2014
Mike Morgan may not be the best sartorial influence…
Hey Dunlap Codding friends! I am on your patio listening to Elvis!
— Steve's OKC Central (@stevelackmeyer) May 17, 2014
I always knew that Steve Lackmeyer was the type to stand outside your window with his radio playing, and now I have the proof.
"The Vag: nature's pocket" #OH@grandads
— Grandads Bar (@grandadsbar) May 17, 2014
David Payne is getting a little weird these days. He wears a weird hat and feeds geese.
— Matt Mahler (@themahler) May 17, 2014
— Natalie Combs (@NatalieKCombs) May 17, 2014
Keep an eye on him, guys.
Spent the afternoon with a reporter with Germany's largest newspaper. Showed him around Robinson for awhile. Time to relax at home…..
— Brian Bates – JohnTV (@JohnTVokc) May 18, 2014
You know when foreign businessmen come to town and you have to entertain them? Well, don’t you usually buy them hookers, not show them where the hookers hang out?
— Wendell Edwards (@MrWendell29) May 16, 2014
White Water Bay has a strange marketing plan. When they aren’t using news anchors, they use Christian radio DJs to entice folks to visit.
— Reed Timmer (@ReedTimmerAccu) May 16, 2014
That’s what my friend’s 4-year old kid says as he’s wetting his pants.
— Oklahoma City Zoo (@okczoo) May 16, 2014
Who wants to sign my petition to replace the Thunder Girls with seals?
A neat way to discover that it's raining is to straighten your hair and then go for a walk.
— Tracey Zeeck ? (@tzeeck) May 15, 2014
Also, a neat way to wash your hair on a walk of shame is with rain. Not that I would know…
Bad social media done on behalf of organizations or businesses gives me the willies.
— Marek ?-ett (@marekcornett) May 15, 2014
What about bad social media done on behalf of a blog feature? Asking for a friend…
Don't forget, May is National Masturbation Month. We have everything you need to take it to the next level!
— Patricia's Stores (@PatriciasStores) May 14, 2014
Fun fact: we celebrate all year long.
Yes. A million times yes.
IDEA: A coffee shop called "Natural Selection" so it sounds organic but actually it means that if you order decaf before 12p you get shivved
— Ryan Drake (@Rayke) May 14, 2014
Actually, I think they already do this at Coffee Slingers.
— Wendy Suares (@wsuares) May 14, 2014
— Wendy Suares (@wsuares) May 14, 2014
Maybe we need an investigative report on Nightline about hair products to find out…or you can ask Danielle Dozier.
— Danielle Dozier (@DanielleDozier) May 17, 2014
— Ashton Edwards (@AshtonEdwards4) May 13, 2014
Hey Lance-my boyfriend likes pralines. Can you fix up a batch for me to give to him, please?
Oh… God… Abigail Ogle Is Going To Run This Town Someday, Isn’t She?
Before you ask… No, I'm not Russell Westbrook. pic.twitter.com/CbeSBLDqdq
— Abigail Ogle (@KOCOAbigail) May 17, 2014
Oh, okay. We were confused for a second.
The Dean Blevins Memorial Weekly Tweet From Dean Blevins
All is quiet on the Deano front. But know that as soon as he starts making some noise again, we’ll have the scoop. Until then…
Clippers just showed Dean Blevins on the Kiss Cam. He had no idea he was on it.
— Darnell Mayberry (@DarnellMayberry) May 16, 2014
That’s it for this week. Hit me up on Twitter if you agree, disagree, think there is someone I should be following, or kind of want to stalk me.