On today’s episode of “Disturbed People Who Make You Feel Somewhat Normal” we have Derek Bennett. He was recently caught masturbating in the middle of a Tulsa Walmart. Yep, he skipped the bathroom and dressing room like most Walmart shoppers and did it in the middle of the store. Apparently, he’s turned on by the smell of gasoline, sadness and meth.
According to KTUL, Tulsa police arrested a 26-year-old for allegedly masturbating in the middle of a popular grocery store.
Witnesses say the Tulsa man was performing sexual acts on himself in the middle of a Walmart located on the 2000 block of East 81st street.
KTUL reports that the incident occurred at approximately 12:45 p.m. Saturday.
Footage captured by Walmart’s security cameras show Derek Bennett pleasing himself in the store.
Pleasing himself? That’s exactly what it is, because let’s be honest, there’s nothing more pleasing than masturbating in the middle of a Walmart on a Saturday afternoon. Obviously, the KFOR report was written by a shy woman who’s still probably blushing, because women are the only ones who call masturbation “pleasing yourself.” Dude’s use more accurate terms like Anger the Cobra, Drain the Dragon and Wrestle the Champ.